Glyn Hughes' SQUASHED WRITERS ALL THE BOOKS YOU THINK YOU OUGHT TO HAVE READ In their own words... but magically Squashed into half-hour short stories...

The Squashed version of
A Walk Across Africa
by
James Augustus Grant
1863

I: TO THE 'COUNTRY OF THE MOON'

On April 30, 1860, Captain Speke and I embarked at Plymouth and, after a protracted voyage, reached Zanzibar Bay on August 17, the 108th day since we departed from England.

Preparations for our three years' journey in the interior of Africa occupied us in the island town of Zanzibar till September 25, when we crossed in the sultan's corvette to the mainland at Bagomoya, and from thence on October 2 we started for Kazeh, 500 miles distant in latitude five degrees south.

The expedition consisted of Captain Speke, the commandant, Captain Grant, second in command, ten Cape Mounted Rifles, four interpreters, two personal servants, sixty-four Seedee boys, 115 porters, eleven mules and five donkeys. Twenty-five Bclooclh soldiers escorted us for the first thirteen stages from the coast, and during the journey thirty Seedees and 113 porters deserted.

We travelled all October, November, December, and twenty-five days of January at from one to twenty-five miles a day, according to the caprices of our followers, the difficulties of the country and the final desertion of our porters. We passed through three distinct countries, Uzaramo, Usagura, and Ugogo, before reaching Kazeh, the principal town of Unyanyembe, which, being translated, is the 'Country of the Moon.' Each district had its despot ruler, the terror of travellers, who were forced to pay whatever tax was demanded by his cupidity. In Unyanyembe, we all suffered from the acclimatisation fever, which rapidly undermined our strength.

The four native races we encountered were: (i) the Wazaramo, a smart, nearly naked people with a most self-possessed air, fond of beads and other ornaments. They are polygamists; their only faith is belief in the 'black art'; and though residing on the borders of civilization they have no curiosity or ambition. (2) The Wassagara population live such an outcast life on the tops of their conical hills that we saw little of their manners or customs. (3) The Waggogo are a smart, wiry, active race. They were avaricious; the settlement of the tax for passing through their country was a most harassing affair. (4) The Wanyamuezi are average sized, slim-limbed negroes, many of them with handsome countenances. They were invaluable as guides, first-rate spoorers, had extraordinary knowledge of edible roots and herbs, and under almost any circumstances would not starve. They sang the jolliest of songs with deep-toned choruses, but had no idea of discipline and were insubordinate to a degree.

II: FROM KAZEH TO KARAGUE

On arrival at Kazeh on January 25, 1861, we were received with great delight by Moossah, an Indian trader and old friend of Speke. Here we were delayed for fifty-one days on account of falling rains, the flooded state of the rivers and the impossibility of getting porters.

All the cereals known in Zanzibar are cultivated; but grain was so scarce that slaves could be bought for two fathoms of cloth. The chief wealth is in cattle, and the cowherds are Watusi- men and women of a large stamp, with fine oval faces and erect figures, clad in well-dressed cow skins. The aboriginal natives practise the 'black art,' chipping the teeth, and their divination is by dissecting fowls.

We left Kazeh on March 16 for Ukuni by detachments on account of the difficulty of obtaining porters, although Speke had walked eighty miles in order to secure some. It took seventy-five days to accomplish ninety miles. Most of the villages were fortified by high palisades, strengthened by quick-set hedges of euphorbia. A few scrubby cotton bushes were grown on the mounds made by white ants, and looms of the rudest description converted the produce of these into a very hard, very stout cloth.

We were compelled to remain at Mineenga, the capital of Ukuni, from May 27 till September 12, and during all that time there were only one or two slight showers of rain. But the sun rose and set in a haze, and a veil of mist hung about all day. The south-east wind was very unhealthy. Both Speke and I suffered-the former dangerously -from fevers; our Seedee bodyguard were also attacked by fevers with ulcers.

The people are naturally musical and have many fine national airs. Their funeral ceremonies are simple. The chiefs are buried under the floors of their dwellings; witches and slaves are thrown into the jungle without interment. Taking them all round the natives are a sottish, un-ambitious race. Of religion, they have none; but of superstitious fears and beliefs they have an ample store.

Driving out evil spirits is accomplished by a long ceremonial in which the sprinkling of the blood of cows takes a leading part. Adultery is punished in the most horrible manner, and those convicted of witchcraft or poisoning are taken to the dry bed of a stream and have their throats cut from ear to ear.

Speke had gone on to try and engage porters, and I heard nothing of him for twenty-seven days, but on September 12, after obstinate resistance from, and a final outbreak with the Sultan of Ukuni, I made a move. Passing through the country of the Sultan of Myonga every load in my caravan was partially plundered, and in the Wanyambo country we were more troubled by thieves than anywhere else. They attempted to get inside our ring fence of thorns, and the thefts became so numerous that we had to shoot two or three of the plunderers, a proceeding generally approved by the ordinary inhabitants, who were industrious, with comfortable 'crofts' around their houses.

On November 25 we arrived at the capital of Karague, the residence of King Rumanika, and were charmed to get there. Its fine hills, lake scenery, climate and, above all, the gentleness of the royal family were all in such contrast to what we had experienced elsewhere of Africa and Africans. Rumanika, the M'Kama, or king, was the handsomest and most intelligent sovereign we had met with in Africa. He stood six feet two inches in height, and his countenance had a fine, mild expression. The king's five wives were of enormous proportions, unable to enter the door of an ordinary hut, and requiring a person on each side to support them when moving from one place to another. Their diet consisted of boiled plantains and milk.

The sultan lived on milk, the juice of boiled beef, drank very little plantain wine, and was never known to be intoxicated. He combined the offices of prophet, priest and king; he was very fond of curiosities, but his chief delight was in medicines and pictures. We could not trace any distinct form of religion amongst this interesting race, but there were certain indications of Jewish worship, and a tree was considered the greatest object in creation, not even excepting man.

The health of the men did not suffer from the continuous wet, but for myself, (having had fevers twice a month for some time), in December my usual complaint assumed a new form. The right leg above the knee became deformed from inflammation, which gave intense pain, only temporarily relieved by deep incisions.

M'annagee, the sultan's brother, provided me with all sorts of native remedies, but I was confined to my grass couch for five months, and when at last I was able to be out of the hut, inhaling the sweet air, and once more permitted to behold the works of God's creation in the beautiful lakes and hills, never did I experience a happier moment.

M'tessa, King of Uganda, sent a message early in January 1862, saying that he was impatient to see the white men, and Speke departed for Uganda with a company of native porters on the tenth of that month. At first sight this appeared to some persons at home as an unkindly proceeding, but my companion was not a man to be daunted. He was offered an escort to the north, and all tender feelings must yield to the necessities of the case.

The population of Karague consists of two races, the dominant Wahmua, and the Wanyambo, who originally owned and now cultivate the soil, and are black and lanky.

All are fond of carousing over their plantain wine, singing and chanting wild airs; even the children drink it, carrying gourdfuls of it wherever they go; but no one ever gets drunk. The dead are simply thrown into the lakes, except the bodies of the princes, which are buried in one of the islands. The only approach to religion is an appeal to idols of horns filled with charms. Speke having written urging me to come on, I started from Karague on April 14, 1862, and, being still unable to walk, I was borne on a wicker stretcher.

III: UGANDA AND UNYORO

It had been arranged that I should be carried to the Kitangule river and then conveyed by boat to Uganda; but Mariboo, the Waganda officer sent by King M'tessa, ordered the march as he liked, halted when it suited him, got tipsy whenever he could. When the Victoria Nyanza was reached, there were no boats. The lake, seen for the first time, excited our wonder and admiration.

On May 20 we crossed Katonga Bay in canoes and continued our journey overland, my Waganda bearers living by plundering the villages, although the officers in charge of the districts, by order of King M'lessa, brought me presents of fowl, butter-milk and sugar cane. Some of the tribes, like the Wazeewa, offered fried locusts and freshly-fledged white ants as food, but these I rejected.

The travel from Katonga Bay to Kibuga, the capital of llpinrlii, was without exception the most disagreeable I ever made. My Waganda bearers threw away the stretcher, and I was compelled to limp along with my stiff knee-joint. Within a radius of thirty mill's from M'tcssa's palace nothing was allowed to he plundered.

On May 27 I joined Speke in Kibuga, after being separated from him for four months-a day, not only of intense joy, but of deep thankfulness. I felt that my prayers for safety had been heard. Next day Speke and I paid our formal visit to King M'tessa. There was much ceremonial in his palace, and ridiculous formality.

He was a tall, well-built young fellow, sprightly in manner, very vain, his woolly hair dressed with the greatest care; small head, remarkably prominent, clever-looking, clear eyes, good teeth, and long nails to his hands and feet. His bark-cloth 'toga' had not a speck upon it, and was neatly knotted over the right shoulder. Each finger had upon it a ring of brass, except a gold one on the third of the left hand, given him by Speke. With these he played, while sitting at his levees, occasionally receiving a golden-coloured gourd-cup of wine from a maid of honour sitting by his side.

The following day the king returned my visit, dressed like a negro sailor. Afterwards I was introduced to the king's mother. She seemed to me like a Tartar woman, being fair skinned, stout and short. Her head was shaved, and had a cord tied round it. Conversation was kept up briskly, and she sipped at wine, looked at herself in a small mirror, smoked, and ate boiled beef. A day or two after, the king went out hunting with a gun I had presented to him, and on my asking a page what his majesty had killed, he said, "As his highness could not get any game to shoot at, he shot down many people." During our stay, on the slightest provocation, men, women and children were ordered to be killed, and the executioners were always kept busy. No flour or milk is used in the country-the natives living entirely upon plantains boiled or made into wine. The natives of Uganda are extremely musical, and their instruments were beautifully played, especially a miniature harp.

We were detained in the Uganda capital till July 7, when Speke and I, with our united camps, started for Karee. Bundja, an officer whom M'tessa had sent in charge of us, had been ordered to take us to the exit of the Nile from the Victoria Nyanza, but he did not adhere to the route, and Speke asked me whether I was able to make a flying march thither. I was at that time unable to walk twenty miles a day over rough ground and, therefore, yielded reluctantly to the necessity of our parting again.

Some people have hastily inferred that my companion did not wish me to share in the gratification of seeing the exit of the river, but nothing could be more contrary to the fact. He only wished to set at rest for geographers the latitude of the interesting locality.

The camp separated on July 19, and I halted at the boundary between Uganda and Unyoro to receive permission from King Kamarasi of Unyoro to enter his territory. On August 19, Speke rejoined me. He had accomplished his purpose, of seeing the first cataract at the point where the Nile flows out of the Victoria Nyanza, and had called it the Ripon Falls. Next day a messenger came from Kamarasi to say that we might proceed, and on August 22 we struck camp and marched till the 31st, when Bundja, with his Waganda escort and twenty-eight of our Seedees, deserted. We were glad to get rid of the disaffected in the camp, and on September 9 we came in sight of Kamarasi's capital at the junction of the Kuffoo and the White Nile.

Nothing could be more desolate than the spot allotted to our encampment. The king was such a morose autocrat that he would not allow us to go beyond our dwellings, and we were, in fact, during the whole of our stay, little better than prisoners. It was nine days before his suspicions would allow us to see him. He was, in appearance, fair for an African, of slender figure, nearly six feet high, with good features and soft, gentle eyes, but the forehead and nose were much disfigured by black patches.

He received our presents very coolly, and at every subsequent interview he showed the greatest avarice, asking for everything he saw in our camp. Kamarasi, however, was not unkindly, and there was no savage butchery of his subjects like that by M'tessa. The wives of the king lived upon milk, of which they consumed the yield of from five to fifteen cows daily, and they were of enormous proportions. The ordinary tropical crops were grown, and an intoxicating drink was made from millet. Superstitious practices were prevalent in which charms- dead frogs, fowls and goats- play an important part. The belief that Kamarasi, if he chose, could divide the waters of the lake near at hand, seemed to us a long-enduring and far-spread tradition from the time of Moses!

IV: BACK TO CIVILIZATION

On November 1, the firing of guns announced the return of Bombay, one of our interpreters, who had been sent forward to make inquiries, and who now reported that he had found an Egyptian camp on the banks of the Nile. Eight days after we obtained a grudging permission from Kamarasi to depart, and set out on a long canoe from a point a few miles below the king's residence where the Kuffoo joins the White Nile. For four days we paddled down the river and then marched overland to the falls of Karuma, which we reached on November 19, both Speke and myself suffering severely from fever and dysentery. The climate here was health-giving, and it was a joy to sit upon the rocks, to watch the foam of the broken river, and view the steep banks densely covered with tree foliage.

On November 22 we ferried across the Nile, marched through an uninhabited forest for some days, entered the Gani country, and came to an encampment of Toorkees, who were in fact the followers of an ivory-trader named de Bono. This was at sunset, December 3, one of those happy epochs never to be forgotten. The place was named Faloro, and we were received with a procession of men dressed as soldiers, and with the firing of guns and every mark of rejoicing.

The scene in the camp was strange to us. Everyone seemed to be well dressed; they all had shoes, regular bedsteads, crockery, etc., none of which we had seen for more than two years. We were provided with an excellent dinner, but the greatest treat was to come. Water was brought to us to wash our hands, and, luxury of all luxuries, soap! A large open shed was made over to us, but we could not retire to rest without a prayer of thankfulness to the Almighty for having preserved us through so many difficulties, and brought us in safety to the border of civilization after twenty-six months of unceasing toil and anxiety. The men whom we were so glad to see turned out to be ivory hunters and land pirates, who, for three successive seasons, had made 'razzias' upon the natives, collected an immense store of ivory purchased with plundered cattle and occasionally with a few beads, and captured many slaves, both men and women.

On January n, 1863, we left Faloro, and the main body of the Toorkees joined us on January 31, at a village named Apuddo, where we camped for several days. Three or four miles from the right bank of the Nile within sight of Apuddo, at 3° 34½" north latitude, and 32° east longitude, stands a tamarind tree. I visited it on February 1, and traced five letters, three of which were illegible, that had been cut in the tree by a European. On reaching Khartoum we found that they had been carved by a Venetian named Miani.

From Apuddo we marched through the Madi country on the right bank of the Nile until February 14, when we had to pass a track inhabited by the Bari tribe. Our camp was threatened by an attack of these wild people, but our sentinels were on the alert, and although the Bari had fired the grass along one-third of the horizon they were evidently frightened away by the click of the sentries' gun-locks. The whole camp moved off in a compact mass by daylight by February 15, and were unmolested. As we approached Gondokoro a white speck was pointed out as the church of the Austrian mission.

Afterwards we could see the masts of Nile boats, the appearance of which increased our excitement. A mile from these, when the Toorkees drew up in line and fired a feu-de-joie, I had great difficulty in submitting to the delay. However, Speke was tolerably cool, and we all marched in together, and soon had the happiness to see a sturdy English figure approaching. With a hearty cheer, we waved our hats and rushed into the arms of Baker, the elephant hunter of Ceylon, who had bravely come in search of us. He led us to his diabeah, where we found him surrounded with many of the comforts of civilized life long denied to us.

We halted at Gondokoro from February 15 to the morning of the 26th, so that Speke might find the moon in luna distance for the longitude, which heascertained to be 31° 46' 9" east, and latitude 4° 54' 5" north, and then embarked on Baker's boats and sailed down the Nile to Khartoum. The voyage, which need not be described, lasted till March 30, when we met with a magnificent reception from the governor, Musa Pasha, and were able to exchange our old ragged clothes for European attire.

At Khartoum we remained resting until April 15, when we started on our voyage to Berber, which was reached on the 22nd. From there we crossed the Bayuda desert, arrived at Korosko on May 12, and after a short stay at Aswan we sailed, on May 19, on a steamer which had been sent by the viceroy of Egypt, Ismail Pasha, to bring us down the river, and reached Boulac, the port of Cairo, after a pleasant voyage of six days.

Our faithful Seedees were lodged in the public gardens at Cairo, as the people were afraid to admit them into their houses. On June i we saw them, headed by Bombay, depart by train for Suez, en route to Aden and Zanzibar. They took leave of us with affectionate regret and many prayers, trusting they would again see us in their own country. On the same day we had a private audience of the viceroy, who showed great interest in our journey.

On June 4 we sailed in the Pera for England, where we arrived in safety after an absence of eleven hundred and fortysix days.