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If he had a slightly idiotic smile on his face as he closed the
apartment door behind Jack, Daniel could have cared less.
He'd wanted to ask Jack to stay, but somehow he knew that it wasn't a good idea. Though the words had been on the tip of his tongue, despite all the practicalities of an early mission the next morning, it had been the realisation that this would be too much too soon that had stopped him. They needed time - time to put the events of the previous night behind them and time to reduce the level of anxiety that Daniel, at least, had over the possibility of sex with Jack. Sex with Jack. Even thinking about it made Daniel shudder slightly, not with fear but with anticipation, an anticipation he hadn't felt since being with Martin the first time round. Martin had destroyed that, every cruel action wearing at his self-confidence, putting him firmly under the thumb of the other man, until it had all erupted in violence. Daniel had been the one to protest that Jack and Martin weren't alike, throwing those words back in Martin's face with a defiance that had surprised him at the time. And then he'd gone out of his way to try and make those words a lie. He'd forgotten the kindness that was at Jack's heart, the compassion that the gruff exterior and the sarcasm covered so effectively. Most of the time, at least. Knowing what Jack wanted from him, Daniel had somehow classed Jack alongside Martin, as someone who wanted to use him. Nothing could be further from the truth. The fact that Jack had tried to stop him once he realised what was happening, let alone the existence of the long- standing friendship between them, should have been enough to give him his first clue. We can do this, Daniel thought, fiercely. We can make this work. There had to be things they could do together, things that would drive away the spectre of Martin looming over them. Even if the thought of Daniel sucking him off did seem to be something that drove straight for Jack's libido, with no diversions along the way. Daniel sighed, crossing back to his half-empty mug. He grimaced slightly as he swallowed the mouthful or two of slightly-too-cold coffee. Between the two of them, he was sure, they could think of something.
The next morning, as the team waited at the bottom of the ramp for the 'Gate to be activated, Daniel could feel Hammond's eyes on him. He turned slightly, glancing over his shoulder up at the control room - true to form, there was the general, in his usual position by the window, gazing down on SG-1 as they were about to depart. As he looked back, Daniel met Jack's eyes, the smile he saw there finding its counterpart on his own face; he knew that his own smile widened as Jack slapped him on the shoulder. Daniel could almost sense the approving glow from the control room. Looks like Hammond's happy, he thought. As the final chevrons locked into place, he watched the wormhole form, the blue rush that charged towards him, before settling back into the embrace of the 'Gate, a shimmering pool of promise.
Now this feels like old times, Jack thought, watching his team at work while keeping an eye on the surrounding countryside. A mirror image of himself, Teal'c was standing watch at the other end of the clearing, while Daniel and Carter argued quietly over what to do next. The utter normality of it all, after the craziness of their last mission, was refreshing. Suppressing a smile, Jack decided to interfere. "Do we have a problem here, Major?" he asked, strolling casually into earshot of the two scientists. As he had expected, both of them had been too engrossed in their conversation to hear him approach, even when a career officer like Carter should know better. "No, sir," Carter replied, with a last exasperated glance at Daniel. "No problem." Jack could see Daniel trying not to smile, knowing that he had probably tied Carter up in verbal knots - she might be one of the most intelligent people Jack had ever met, frighteningly so at times, but Carter had a lot to learn about winning an argument. Daniel was resilient and resourceful when it came to debate - he treated a conversation of this kind like a chess game, trying his best to make sure he was three steps ahead. "Daniel?" Jack asked, seeing Carter turn back as well. Daniel's small smile was extinguished suddenly as he realised that he was the subject of scrutiny now. "Hmmm? No, no problem." Jack stared at Daniel for a moment, seeing that this was making the other man squirm but choosing to prolong the torment a little. "We have an hour," he said, finally, having seen Daniel's face turn a little redder. "And then we go home." Daniel smiled at this, his eyes sparkling with an unspoken communication between the two of them. Jack felt an answering grin beginning to form, so he nodded tersely and turned away - no sense giving Carter any cause to be suspicious. Before Jack had taken more than a few steps away from where they stood, he could hear the argument beginning again, the frustration clear in Carter's voice and the certainty and confidence equally so in Daniel's.
After the mission and the subsequent debriefing session, they had picked up Chinese on the way back to Jack's house. Daniel balanced a number of containers as he tried to get out of Jack's jeep, making him come to the rescue. Jack had watched Daniel's face become more and more solemn as the two of them had neared the surface - at least by the time they got back to Jack's place, Daniel was looking more relaxed, smiling every so often at one of Jack's lame jokes. As well as attempting to feed him up during the evening, Jack had kept Daniel's wine glass full, watching the way that Daniel was getting more vocal, his gestures more extreme, as the evening went on. My cunning plan is working, Jack thought, as the two men headed for the couch. Once there, Daniel had leaned forward, taking extreme care in placing his half-empty glass on the coffee table, then turned back to face him. "Anyone would think you were trying to seduce me, Jack." "Is it working?" Jack asked, leaning towards him and pulling Daniel within kissing distance. Daniel had sobered up fast, frighteningly fast - what little biology Jack remembered blamed endorphins for that. Those little suckers must be racing round Daniel's bloodstream like Indy 500 cars right now. And the way that Daniel was starting to respond, particular parts of his body at least, showed they were breaking every track record going. "I... er, yes." Daniel smiled, a slow sultry smile, full of promise of little sleep to come that night. "Looks that way." "Glad to hear my effort's not been wasted." Jack grinned, watching the slow tide of pink that was rising across Daniel's face as he tried to keep his cool. "Now why don't you slide over, Daniel, and let me drive." Daniel felt his face flame as Jack's hand slid across to cup his crotch, before insinuating their way through the button fly of his jeans - long fingers caressed him through the thin material of his boxers. He seemed to be losing the power of coherent speech; the more those fingers rubbed, the more brain cells seemed to be shutting down, making his responses minimal, monosyllabic.
Jack smiled to himself as he slid out from Daniel's embrace, managing to not wake him as he did so. Daniel just muttered to himself, turning over on the couch and tugging the blanket that Jack had pulled from its back over him as he moved. Jack had to resist the urge to tuck him in, all his protective instincts kicking in where Daniel was concerned. While he was awake, Daniel was usually annoying enough that he was able to keep those under control, but seeing Daniel like this, asleep and vulnerable- looking, brought those instincts to the fore. Stepping back, Jack shook his head at the injustice of it all. Daniel had been vulnerable, had allowed himself to be vulnerable with someone who abused that trust. Someone who had then radically misjudged him later on. The thought that anyone could intentionally be cruel to the man now fast asleep on his couch puzzled Jack completely. What possible motivation could Martin have had? Daniel was annoying at times, petulant and stubborn as well, if he thought back to some of the experiences they had shared together, but none of that had ever driven Jack to the depths of anger that Martin seemed to have plumbed. The man was a bully, pure and simple. Leaning over the sleeping man, Jack pullled up the blanket slightly, letting his hand rest on Daniel's shoulder for a moment as he did so. There were muscles there now, more than there had been when they had first met, even though Daniel's subject of study had meant he was no stranger to physical labor. I guess years of running from the Goa'uld helped too, eh, Danny? But inside, Daniel was no different, despite all they'd shared together, despite all the things he'd been through before he and Jack had even met. He had a darker side to him, Jack knew that, but essentially he wanted to believe that people were good, that talking worked, that reason could win out. And it wasn't his fault if some of the people they met up with along the way just didn't hold to those same tenets.
For a moment, as he woke, Daniel was more than a little disoriented. All he realised was that he was not in his own bed, and after a moment's thought he realised that he was not in his own apartment either. Then the memories came flooding back, Jack's hand making him feel things he hadn't felt for a while, things that made his face flame with embarrassment as he recalled them. Pushing back the blanket that covered him, Daniel swung himself round, feeling his head throb slightly as he sat up. Little bit too much wine last night? he thought, with a rueful smile. This was Jack's place, that much was certain, though Jack himself was nowhere to be seen. Daniel frowned slightly at this, wondering whether this absence meant something. Surely he couldn't be regretting what had happened between the two of them? After all, a good part of it had been his fault - every time Daniel had looked away, Jack had surreptitiously refilled his wine glass, smiling smugly at Daniel the first couple of times he had protested. After a while, he hadn't bothered to say anything. Not that he had protested when Jack had done, well, just about whatever he thought Daniel wanted him to. And he had been right every time. It hadn't been exactly reciprocal between them - after Jack had brought him off, all he had done was hold Daniel until he had fallen asleep. When he had protested, tired half-murmurs against Jack's chest, Jack had just promised he'd have his chance, and then he had dropped into darkness anyway, the promise of undisturbed rest too tempting to turn down. That was one reason why waking up alone was so strange. Not that this hadn't been the way things had been for a while. Apart from that strange head-trip that Amonet had subjected him to, days and nights that were only his over-active imagination at work, Daniel realised it had been a while since he had woken up alongside someone else. And that it was something he missed. Something he missed a lot. Moving gingerly, Daniel got up, pulling the blanket up with him and trying to fold it - he couldn't bring himself to trust leaning over to drape it across the back of the couch, his unsteadiness a warning before he over-committed himself. Instead, he piled the blanket on the couch, straightening it before turning to the fireplace. There, as he had both hoped and dreaded, was a piece of paper with his name on it, scrawled in Jack's oh-so-familiar handwriting. As he reached for it, something else caught his attention, some subtle difference in the arrangement of the pictures there, something out of place since the last time he had stood in this very spot. The realisation was like a blow, making Daniel suck in a breath in surprise. Jack had pulled one of the pictures of Charlie forward, bringing it to a prominence he could not always bear to deal with, and in the frame, alongside the smiling face of his son, Jack had wedged another photo. Or rather half a photo, the other half cut off at a strange angle. Although much time had passed, so that it was almost like looking at the face of another person entirely, Daniel also remembered the last time he had seen this photo. And the last time he had seen that face - in the mirror the previous morning. Jack, it seemed, had taken more from Martin's apartment than Daniel had realised. In the end, the note that Jack had left had only been a simple one - he had discovered that they had run out of coffee and had slipped out to get some. After all, how could Daniel be expected to face the day without an adequate caffeine level? No matter where he went in the room, Daniel found himself returning to the fireplace, staring at the picture of his younger self, seeing the innocence as well as the fear that he remembered from the time when that photo had been taken. Why had Jack wanted it? Daniel wanted to think that he could explain it easily, that it was about control, something he had learned more than enough of from James Martin in their time together. Although he had professed on more than one occasion to love him, Daniel had soon discovered exactly what that meant in this case - the desire to hurt and embarrass him at any given turn, to use his own compassion and kind nature against him. And he'd vowed that he would never let it happen again. But, of course, that vow had lasted only until he began to work in the SGC. There he had let his better judgement be overwhelmed by someone he had thought cared for him, putting his friends in danger as his arrogance took over. That he had finally seen sense, seen what he was doing, was more credit to their perseverance than his own virtues. He had allowed himself to become hooked on the power of the sarcophagus, letting it warp him even as he relished its healing properties. Once again, he had stared at the darkness inside him and discovered that it frightened him. So it had been easy to categorise Jack as someone who just wanted to use him, who would use the fact that he knew Daniel was gay as a way to get sex. After all, what man didn't enjoy getting a blow job, no matter who it was from? And if it was from someone you trusted not to blow the whistle on you, didn't that make it doubly atttractive? But the photograph. The photograph proved he was wrong. He had to be. Why would Jack have it if that was all he wanted? If it had been Martin, someone like him where Daniel never knew what he was truly thinking, he would have been suspicious, but not Jack. If Jack had the picture of him, if he had so carefully cut all trace of James Martin from it, that meant... That meant Jack cared for him more than Daniel might be able to handle.
Letting himself back into the house, Jack was surprised to find he was alone there. He had expected Daniel to sleep for a while yet, despite how uncomfortable the couch was, helped by the amount of wine he had consumed and the fact that he rarely got a chance to sleep in. But it was clear from the neatly folded blanket on the couch that Daniel was not only awake but also moving about. "Daniel?" Jack called out, hearing his voice echo through the house. When there was no answer, he cursed the fact that it had taken him so long to find the particular coffee that Daniel drank at home, puzzling over the different packets until he found one that he was almost sure he had seen Daniel using. If he had just bought the first one that had come to hand, like his first instincts had told him. The note he'd left for Daniel, explaining his whereabouts, was on the coffee table now, a few words added to the bottom. Had to go, talk to you later. Whatever he did, Jack couldn't seem to get it right. He had wanted so desperately for everything to be perfect, concentrating on giving Daniel what he needed, rather than letting Daniel meet his needs, and it had still been wrong. Taking one last look at the simple words Daniel had added, the seeming casualness of them biting at him, Jack screwed the note up, crushing the paper far longer than he needed.
The phone rang and rang. As tempted as he was not to answer it, to leave it to ring until whoever was calling lost patience and gave up, there was no way Daniel could do it. The sound worried at him, making him think the worst, somehow, even though there was no way of telling what message he was about to receive. It could be Jack, Daniel thought, wondering if he wanted this to be the case or not. He just watched the telephone until it stopped ringing, then looked away once more.
"I have some things I need to do, in Chicago," Jack said, as they ate lunch together in the messhall the next day. Daniel nodded. Though he wanted to ask Jack why he was going, there was no way he could justify it to himself. If Jack had been the one who phoned him the previous night, he hadn't mentioned it, but things still seemed tense between them. "How long will you be gone?" Daniel asked, choosing a relatively innocuous question. "3 or 4 days, tops." Jack paused, as if eyeing Daniel's expression. "I'm leaving in the morning. Figured the sooner I go, the sooner I get back." "I guess this is goodbye, then," Daniel said, turning his attention to his lunch once more. "You know I have to finish that report tonight, it should have been done days ago." Daniel didn't trust himself to look up, that Jack might mistake his expression of relief as gladness that he was leaving, rather than a chance to put his plan into action. He had thought of little else the previous night, in the silence of his apartment. He could hear the disappointment in Jack's voice when he spoke. "I guess it is. Look after yourself, Daniel," Jack said, pushing his chair back from the table.
Daniel waited uncertainly outside Hammond's office for the general to arrive. He hadn't slept much the previous night, though the uncomfortable cot he had set up in his office for those nights when he couldn't be bothered to make it down to the guest quarters had gone some way towards ensuring that. More than that, he had wanted the conversation he was about to have to be over, having run a thousand different versions of it in his head, pondered a hundred different ways of saying what had to be said. "Dr. Jackson? Is there something I can do for you?" Despite the early hour, Hammond looked awake, his perceptive eyes sharp and sparkling with life. "I need a moment of your time, general," Daniel said.
Jack went through the things he needed to do in some kind of a daze. It was all he could do not to turn straight round and get on a plane back to Colorado - the more he thought about Daniel's attitude when he had told him that he was going to have to go to Chicago, the more Daniel's response worried him. How strong was the tie that kept Daniel with the SGC? He had always known, when Sha're was alive, that the search for her was a Major driving force behind Daniel, something that could always be guaranteed to make Daniel push himself a little further than he could actually manage. Jack thought back to the conversations they'd had just after Sha're had been killed, when Daniel had tried to explain the strange dream- nessages that he was so sure Sha're had sent him through the ribbon device. One of the scenarios that stuck in Jack's mind, even now, had been of Daniel leaving the SGC, packing everything up and moving on. Was that what Daniel was planning while he was away? Was the search for Sha're's child not enough for Daniel after all? The more he thought about it, the more real that possibility became. Daniel had said little about him leaving for Chicago, Jack realised, and had never said anything that indicated he would still be there, at the SGC, when Jack returned.
Daniel had never seen Hammond look surprised before. In all the time they had worked together in the SGC, he had seen a variety of expressions cross the general's face, but never like this. It took a moment after Daniel had fallen silent before Hammond said anything, just looking at him intently, until Daniel felt every twitch and shuffle. "I wish you'd come to me before now, Dr. Jackson," Hammond began. "Matters between you and Colonel Martin should not have been allowed to go this far. If nothing else, you should have pressed charges." He shook his head. "That a man like that should be able to achieve such high rank." "I'm sorry, general," Daniel said, quietly. "I had no idea he would go to such extremes." "Of course, you realise, I have only your word that it was self- defence." Daniel nodded. "And Colonel O'Neill knows nothing of this conversation?" Daniel smiled. "Do you think he'd let me take responsibility for what happened?" Hammond nodded, his face showing that he was considering the situation carefully, as always. "Dr. Jackson," he began, finally. Daniel straightened slightly at the tone of Hammond's voice - here was the moment of truth, the one he had thought of for so long. "You have come extremely close to being put up on charges yourself," Hammond continued, "as has Colonel O'Neill. I want to speak with the colonel on his return from Chicago, so I would ask that you not communicate with him between now and that time. Is that understood?" Daniel nodded. "After I have spoken with Colonel O'Neill, asking him to corroborate your account of the events which led to the death of Colonel Martin, I shall then make my final decision on this matter. Dismissed." With a curt nod, Hammond looked down at the pile of paperwork, not looking up again while Daniel was still in his office.
Daniel frowned, listening to the messages on his answering machine. He had promised General Hammond that he wouldn't speak with Jack until Hammond had the chance to speak with him first, but the increasing annoyance and anxiety he heard in Jack's voice as each bleep passed made that one of the most difficult promises of his life. Finally, the long beep came and then silence. Had he done the right thing? What if Hammond decided that he should still be charged in relation to the death of Colonel Martin? What if Jack wouldn't forgive him for going behind his back? Daniel sat down on the couch, letting his head sink back. He closed his eyes. There was no other choice, he knew that now. Even if Jack never spoke to him again, even if he ended up being put on charges to do with what had happened between him and Martin, or just ended up being kicked out of the SGC, he had done what had to be done. Remorse pricked at Daniel as he considered the possibility of having to leave the SGC. He had made a promise to Sha're, even if no-one else believed that she had been able to communicate with him, to search for her child. Could he break that promise? What if he had no choice? He'd survived in academia before, even though now his reputation was a tarnished one, if the SGC was no longer a possibility, surely he could find something to do, somewhere to go? Or could he bear it at all? Being sent away, in disgrace. But worse than all that, Daniel decided, would be his life if Jack turned against him.
When his hotel room phone rang, early in the morning, Jack snatched it up, moving from sleep to wakefulness in less than a heartbeat. "Daniel?" "Colonel O'Neill?" "Who is this?" "Lieutenant Simmons, sir," the chirpy voice continued. "General Hammond's compliments, sir, and he'd like to see you in his office at your earliest convenience." "I'll be catching a plane in three hours, Lieutenant," Jack replied, feeling his broken sleep pulling at him now the rush of hope that it might be Daniel calling him had worn off. "Is Dr. Jackson there?" "I haven't seen him, sir," Simmons replied. "Would you like me to ask him to contact you?" "No need," Jack said, thinking that request would equally go as unanswered as his own had been. "Thank you, Lieutenant." "You're welcome, sir," Simmons replied, before the whirring of a disconnected line was all Jack was left with. Where are you, Daniel? Jack thought. And why won't you return my calls?
Getting to the SGC a little earlier than he expected, Jack allowed himself a few minutes to look for a certain missing archaeologist, finding himself becoming more and more disappointed as each new place showed no sign of Daniel. On top of that, it looked from the state of Daniel's office, coffee mugs comfortably growing a new civilization on his desk, as if Daniel hadn't been around for a while either. Carter caught up with him in the hallway on the way to see Hammond. "Morning, sir." "Morning, Major. Have you seen Daniel about?" Sam paused before answering, frowning slightly. "Now you come to mention it, sir, I haven't seen Daniel in a couple of days. Not since he saw General Hammond." Jack glanced across at Carter, seeing nothing but concern on her face. Surely, if Daniel had decided to make a break with the SGC, he would have said goodbye to Carter and Teal'c? "He saw Hammond?" Jack echoed. "What was that all about?" No sense wasting an opportunity to pry for information. "No idea, sir. Welcome back, anyway." "Thank you, Major," Jack said, pausing outside Hammond's office. He could feel the weight of the general's gaze through the glass star map that made up one wall of his sanctum. "Sir? Can I talk with you about something?" Carter looked a little anxious, her voice slightly strained. "Carter?" He couldn't talk with her now, no matter what it was she wanted. "Can this wait? Hammond's expecting me." She looked worried and Jack felt a pang of concern lodge itself in his chest. "I'll come find you later, okay?" Carter nodded, then walked off, the usual intent expression taking residence on her face once more as Jack took a deep breath and entered Hammond's office.
The phone rang. Daniel looked at it for a moment, waiting for the answering machine to kick in. He had no idea, after all, when exactly Jack was due back, so there was no way of telling when his exile might end. How long would it take for Jack to get back from Chicago to the SGC anyway, and then how long would Hammond want him? After the beep, Jack's voice came. "Daniel." He sounded angry and relieved all at the same time, which seemed a strange combination. "Daniel, I know you're there, and I know Hammond told you not to talk to me, but pick up the god damn phone!" Daniel hesitated. If Jack was angry with him, he wasn't altogether sure he wanted to have any kind of conversation with him now. "I'm coming over," Jack continued. "So stay put." There was a moment's silence. "I mean it, Daniel, don't even think about leaving there." A click coincided with Daniel exhaling, tension flooding from him like the outgoing tide. The fact that Jack was still able to be calling anyone surely meant that Hammond had decided to believe his story?
Damn. He'd promised Carter he'd hear her out after brushing her off earlier, but all Jack wanted to do was go and confront Daniel. What the hell had he been thinking? For a long moment, as he stood by the elevators, Jack seriously considered 'forgetting' his promise to Carter, but then he remembered how worried she'd seemed. If his team was falling apart around him, Daniel doing stuff behind his back, Carter worrying herself over something or other, then he had to do some repair work, and soon. Daniel could wait. Tracking Carter down was just as easy as finding Daniel, her familiar haunts well-known to Jack by now. It didn't take long before Jack was perched on a stool in Carter's lab, watching her as she worried a pencil half to death, turning it over and over in her fingers as she spoke. "I don't really know where to start, sir," she said. "Start with what?" Jack asked, his interest piqued now. She was still anxious, that was clear, and if he was right, that anxiety was centred on someone else. Sympathetic wasn't working, so why not try brusque? "Spit it out, Carter." That startled her, made her drop the pencil, but also made her start to talk. "It seems wrong somehow, sir," she began. "They say you shouldn't speak ill of the dead, but I had to tell someone." That made Jack sit up; he felt himself straighten, knew that Carter had seen it by the way she looked at him. "Go on," he said. "It all started when I went down to the infirmary," Carter began, hands now resting in her lap. "There was something about her, Lieutenant Forrest I mean, something not quite right..."
For a moment, after the doorbell rang, Daniel actually contemplated pretending he wasn't home, keeping a low profile until Jack left. "I know you're in there, Daniel," Jack said, his voice carrying clearly through the apartment door. Reluctantly, Daniel got up and crossed to the door, taking his time to undo the lock before pulling the door open. "Did you have a good trip?" he asked, stepping back so Jack could pass him. "Don't pretend, Daniel." Daniel closed the door, taking the same care with the lock as he had when he had undone it, wanting anything that would delay this conversation. Jack's tone had been sharp, the words snapped out like bullets, so it was clear that he was still angry. Daniel turned, his eyes searching for Jack and finding him, standing by one of the windows, looking out, his back rigid with tension. "What did you think you were doing?" he asked, without turning round. "Going to Hammond like that behind my back." "I was trying to make sure..." "What?" Jack turned, his face angry. "That we both got put up on charges?" He closed his eyes, taking a deep breath to calm himself. "Because that's what almost happened." "The operative word here being 'almost'," Daniel replied. Jack just stared at him for a moment, silent. "You chose to do this, you didn't even ask my opinion." "Because I knew you'd tell me not to!" Daniel replied. "That your response would be... well, it would be like this!" He gestured at Jack, his hand sweeping over the anger that Jack was exuding, the stiffness of his stance, the way his eyes were hard and unforgiving. "I thought I could trust you, Daniel." Daniel said nothing, instinct and a strong sense of survival telling him that there was no response he could give that would pacify Jack at this moment. Words would not help.
He had to leave. Jack knew that if he stayed in Daniel's company a moment longer he would lose his cool completely, say and do things that he would regret for the rest of his life. But the worst thing, he decided, was that Daniel didn't seem to understand the enormity of what he had done - he was calm, almost serene, in the face of Jack's anger. The little shit waited till I was on a plane to Chicago, Jack thought, as he headed out of the apartment building. He waited for me to leave and then he did this. Jack could feel that he was being watched as he got into his jeep, but didn't bother to look up. He wasn't sure he could have restrained himself from flipping Daniel the bird, and he had no intention of showing himself up in public that way. The drive home from Daniel's place was one Jack was familiar with, which he realised was probably a good thing. He was on auto-pilot, the angry words he had barely bitten back in Daniel's apartment running round and round in his head. Getting in, Jack found he was restless. Before he had left for Chicago, he had planned to make his return a time that neither he or Daniel would forget in a hurry, but Daniel's actions while he had been away had ruined that. How could he have done this? Discovering that Daniel probably hadn't been the only person Martin was victimising hadn't helped either. The familiar anger had re- surfaced, taken hold of Jack once more, as Carter recounted her suspicions about Martin and one of his team. Jack picked up the picture of his son, the one with the old picture of Daniel wedged into its frame, and stared at the face of the man he had so recently left. It was the fact that Daniel didn't seem to understand what he had done, hadn't trusted Jack enough to even mention what he was planning. Daniel's words came back to him: "Because I knew you'd tell me not to!" "Looks like you knew me better than I knew you," Jack said to the picture, as he removed it from its place. For a moment, he considered tearing it up. It was so fragile in his hands, printed on the cheapest of photographic paper. But that was a step he didn't want to take, Jack decided. Although he didn't know what would happen next, there was something important about this picture, something that made him put it back onto the mantel, undamaged.
When Daniel walked into the briefing room, Jack didn't even look up from the folder he was reading. It was that which stung the most, Daniel decided - compared to the pleasant greetings of his other team- mates, Jack's attitude stood out in sharp relief. Daniel stifled a smile at the look both Sam and Teal'c gave Jack, settling into a chair next to Teal'c where he could watch Jack relatively unobserved. He had never seen Jack pay so much attention to a mission briefing, as his studious interest continued, right from the written report through to the general's instructions. Daniel watched Hammond too, as the canny general eyed Jack speculatively, as if trying to decide whether this was some new way for Jack to get his own way in the end. He waited in the hallway for Jack to emerge from the briefing room, turning down an invitation from Sam to join her for coffee, only for Jack to walk straight past him as if he wasn't even there. This isn't funny any more, Daniel thought, glaring at Jack's departing back as he headed down the corridor away from where Daniel was standing.
"O'Neill." Damn it, was the universe out to get him? Jack stopped, turning to see Teal'c stalking down the corridor towards him, clearly oblivious to the effect that he had on the people around him. It never failed to amuse Jack that the Jaffa didn't realise how people just tended to get out of his way, as if he'd walk right through them if they didn't. Teal'c glared at him a little as he reached where Jack was standing and Jack felt his small smile disappear. "We must talk." Jack's sense of impending doom continued to grow. Teal'c clearly wasn't at all happy with him and somehow he knew it had to do with Daniel. As if Daniel wasn't capable of protecting himself, now he had yet another team member wanting to do so. "My office," Jack snapped, turning sharply on his heel. As people got out of their way, he wondered momentarily whether it was him or Teal'c they were trying to avoid. Or whether he looked like he was projecting the air of a condemned man, his would-be executioner trailing at his heels.
Jack's house was dark, no sign of life at all, as Daniel drove up. Parking his car, he hesitated at the end of the driveway, wondering where the hell Jack could be at this time of night. He knew that Jack had left the SGC hours ago, having somehow lost track of time a little when he had intended to confront him before. Instead, here he was faced with a missing colonel, no opportunity to try and put things right between them. Pulling his jacket close around him, Daniel sat down on the steps leading up to Jack's front door, determined to wait this one out. One way or another he was going to sort things out between them tonight.
Jack frowned when he saw Daniel's car parked outside his house. Leaving the SGC had been a relief, removing him from the possibility of Daniel cornering him somewhere and demanding that they talk. Jack had driven aimlessly for a while, before finding a small diner where he had eaten a poor meatloaf, all the while trying not to think of the hole he had dug for himself. Teal'c's words had stayed with him, too, making him wonder just how transparent he had been all along. Any protestations of ignorance he had made had been ignored by Teal'c, who had just looked at him as if he was an idiot then continued to make it clear that he knew how Jack felt about Daniel and had done so for a while. He'd been on the verge of asking Teal'c if he'd suspected something, if there was anything Martin had done that had given him concern. But when Jack thought about that, he'd realised that, if that had been the case, Martin probably wouldn't have survived long enough to organise his ambush. Jack had then been forcefully reminded by Teal'c that he had a responsibility towards Daniel, that he would have to answer to Teal'c personally if he continued to make Daniel unhappy. As if Jack needed an incentive of any kind. What he did need was time, time to think about what Teal'c had said, time to decide on a course of action that would keep everyone happy. The last thing he needed now was Daniel. Sadly, it seemed he was unlikely to get the chance to avoid that conversation, frowning to himself as he watched Daniel uncurl himself from what must have been an uncomfortable position on his front steps. "Can't this wait, Daniel?" he asked, hoping for a reprieve, at least for tonight. One glance at Daniel's face, the stubborn set of his jaw was enough of an answer to that question. Jack sighed, then walked past Daniel, leaving the door open for him to follow. This was the last thing he wanted, really, but it had to happen sooner or later, so why not get it out of the way?
It was obvious Jack was still more than a little angry, and Daniel could understand that. He had deliberately chosen to wait till Jack had left the SGC before going to Hammond, hadn't talked about what he was planning to do because he knew Jack would oppose the idea. And now he had to deal with the repercussions of his action. Daniel closed the door behind him, watching Jack disappear down the steps into the living room. He followed Jack, hesitating at the top of the steps for a moment, until Jack glared at him a little, which hardened his resolve. "Things between me and James," he said, smiling to himself as he saw Jack look at him with a surprised expression. "They were always about control." Jack nodded, pointing at the couch to indicate Daniel should take a seat. "He got off as much on the power as the sex." "What does that have to do with you going to Hammond behind my back?" Jack asked, leaning forward. "I couldn't have something like that hanging over us, Jack. If something happened between us..." "You think I'd do that?" Jack interrupted, his voice sharper now. "Go to Hammond and tell him you killed Colonel Martin if things didn't work out between us? For crying out loud, Daniel..." "I know," Daniel said, looking down. "But I had to be sure. I can't apologise, because I don't feel sorry for telling Hammond." "And you expect me to trust you, now?" Jack asked. "How can I?" Daniel looked at him, seeing the tenseness behind the seemingly- relaxed posture, hearing the hardness in Jack's voice. "It's not just that, is it, Jack?" he asked. Jack was suddenly very still, his eyes intent. "Me going to Hammond isn't what's making you so angry, or at least isn't the entire reason." There was silence for a moment. "Trust goes both ways, Jack," Daniel pressed, feeling like a hypocrite. "I thought you were leaving." "What?" "When we had lunch, and you didn't seem to be interested in where I was going or why, and you said goodbye to me." Jack paused, suddenly finding his hands incredibly interesting where they were resting on his lap. "I thought I'd come back and find you gone." Daniel felt his heart lurch. If he had ever thought for a moment that Jack and James were alike, he knew now that they were cut from completely different cloth from one another. James would have been angry at the thought of Daniel leaving, at that loss of someone he considered his - Jack was torn apart by the idea, that much was clear. "You think I could just go?" Daniel asked. "Just leave like that? I don't have anywhere to go, Jack. And even if I did, I couldn't do it." "I can't help feeling angry, Daniel," Jack said, looking up again. Daniel smiled, shaking his head slightly. "I didn't think through what I was doing. I should have told you what I planned. Of course, you wouldn't have wanted me to do it, but we could have got past that. Couldn't we?" Jack nodded, starting to smile now. "Forgive and forget?" "We can try."
It was uncomfortable, but at least now they had cleared the air a little, and Jack was starting to understand more why Daniel had done what he had done. He'd shared Daniel's feelings about the death of James Martin hanging over them, he just hadn't been as sure as Daniel obviously was that things would work out if they told Hammond. He'd wanted to believe the general would do the right thing, but had been too worried that it might go wrong to trust in that belief. "I don't want there to be secrets between us, Daniel." Jack was amazed to hear himself, wondering for the briefest of moments what his ex-wife would think of this development. "Not any more." "Me neither," Daniel agreed. "I've told you what happened between me and James, there isn't anything more that could come out." Jack nodded, wondering whether James Martin would ever leave his place between the two of them, no matter how much time passed. He thought back to the conversation with Carter and wondered whether it would make a difference to Daniel that he wasn't the only one, that Martin had chosen to misuse his authority over someone under his command. But what difference did that make? One victim or a dozen, the knowledge that Daniel had not been the only one would doubtless only leave him angrier than he was right now. If not for himself, then for those who shared that humiliation. It wouldn't solve anything. Ultimately, it wouldn't help Daniel.
"Want some coffee?" Jack asked, getting up from where he had been sitting. Daniel nodded, getting up as well and following him into the kitchen. "What were you doing going to Chicago, anyway?" Daniel asked, leaning on the doorframe and watching Jack make the coffee. "I had things to deal with," Jack said, without looking round. Daniel could hear the defensive tone in Jack's voice, the one that normally made him back off a little, but what was that they had just agreed about there being no secrets between them? "What sort of things?" Daniel pressed. Jack's head snapped round, his eyes dark with emotion. "We said no secrets, remember?" "Last week," Jack said, clearly reluctant, "I got a letter. From my dad's lawyer. I had to go sort out his estate." "Your dad died?" Daniel asked, straightening up. "Why didn't you say something, Jack?" "We weren't close, Daniel. I hadn't seen him in years, didn't want anything to do with him, then or now." Jack turned his attention back to the coffee machine, seeming to focus on the steady drip of the dark liquid. "Still," Daniel continued. "You could have said something. I could have come with you." Jack looked at him again, his eyes unreadable. "Why?" "Because you needed me to? Or wanted me to?" Daniel said, sensing somehow that he was somewhere important in their relationship. "Or just because you asked me?" Jack was silent for a moment, as if assessing him, considering whether to say something more. "What was it that you thought I'd have the most problem with?" Jack said suddenly. "You being gay, or you being in an abusive relationship?" Though in some ways it seemed a non sequitur, Daniel could see where this line of questioning had come from. Hadn't he agreed to no secrets between them? "I wasn't sure what you'd think about me being gay," Daniel admitted, after taking a deep breath to steady his nerves. "The USAF isn't the most tolerant place to be if that's the case. And as for James, he wasn't always violent towards me. Maybe if he had been it would have been easier for me to realize what a mistake I'd made. At times he could be the most loving and generous person I've ever met." "And that was usually after he'd knocked you around, wasn't it?" Jack was silent again for a moment. "I was too young to remember much about what happened, Daniel," Jack said, suddenly. "All I know is that my parents lived in that kind of relationship for a long time. And one day it all got out of hand." "Is that why you and your dad...?" As soon as the words were out of his mouth, Daniel paled slightly. "I mean... You don't have to tell me, if you don't want to," he added hastily. "I've already told you that I think I'm in love with you, Daniel," Jack said, wryly. "How much more shocking could anything else be?" "I don't want you to feel that you have to tell me, Jack. This isn't some contest about who's had the most shit to deal with." "I want to tell you. I've never told anyone before, but I feel as though I need to tell you. Is that okay?" "Thanks, Jack." Jack looked up at that, a slightly puzzled expression on his face. "For trusting me with this," Daniel explained. "You trusted me enough to tell me you were gay," Jack said, in a tone that implied that this statement was an explanation for everything. "I don't think I even trusted Sara enough to tell her what my family was like. She had enough sense not to push me, to make me give answers to questions I didn't want to." "She loved you, Jack," Daniel said quietly. "Why would she want you to be unhappy?" "I think that was another reason," Jack replied. "Why I never told her, I mean. She needed me to be strong, so how could I tell her that I was afraid?" "Afraid?" Daniel echoed. It was as if he hadn't spoken. Jack's voice was quiet and as soon as he began speaking Daniel realized that he needed to get it all out. Jack needed to talk about the fights, the bruises, the silences between his parents, the warnings he was given never to speak of what happened. "It was our business and no-one else's what went on in our house, that was what my father always told me," Jack said. "And even when my mom died, it took me a long time to realize what had happened." "You were only a child, Jack," Daniel said. "How could you know?" "I saw her, Daniel." "What?" "The night she died. I was there, in the house, in that room, and I saw her. I'd never seen a dead body before." "And you never told anyone?" "What could I say?" Jack asked. "If I told anyone what I'd heard, what I knew, what I suspected even, how would that help? My mom would still be dead." "But what about you, Jack?" Daniel asked. "You had to live with what happened too." "I always worried about being a dad," Jack said. "After all, what did I know about it? I never even told Sara how scared I was I'd turn out to be just like my old man, that I'd make her life miserable and Charlie's too." "I think you were worried about nothing, Jack," Daniel said, quietly. "After all, you didn't turn out to be the same kind of father that you had, did you? I mean, it's clear that Sara still has feelings for you and anyone who knows anything about you knows that losing Charlie was the worst thing that ever happened to you." "That doesn't mean I was any better at being a dad." "You had insight, Jack," Daniel said, leaning forward with an intent expression on his face. "How do you think anyone learns to be a parent? They learn from their parents, and then they either follow the example they've been set or they reject it. You didn't follow in your father's footsteps, instead you chose to make your own path." "He left me some money. I can't bear to have anything to do with it. I never wanted anything from him when he was alive - why should I want it now?" "You need to do something with it, Jack," Daniel said. "That money itself isn't either good or bad, but it needs to be made to have some positive effect on the world, not just sit there in an account gathering interest." "What did I ever do without you, Daniel?" Jack asked, with a smile. "I have no idea," Daniel replied, an answering grin appearing on his face. "But I bet your life was way less complicated than it is now..." "You have to ask?"
Before he could think twice, Jack found himself crossing the small distance between them, one hand going out to wrap itself in the front of Daniel's sweater as if he feared Daniel would run from him. The smile on Daniel's face, the expectancy of it, told him that nothing could be further from the truth. "I do love you, you know, Daniel," Jack muttered quietly, when the two of them were face to face. "I hope so," Daniel replied. "Because I wouldn't do this with just anyone." The words made Jack pause and he bit back an automatic response, the one that reminded Daniel that he had given his consent before, to someone who Jack despised more than he could explain. But that would be cruel, those words would cut Daniel to the bone, and he knew that so much had changed since Daniel and Martin had been together - he knew that had never been anything like the kind of relationship he sought with Daniel, that in some ways that was another Daniel altogether. Jack silenced his thoughts by kissing Daniel, his mind focussing on the feel of Daniel's hands on his back, the tiny moans of pleasure Daniel made that were muffled by his questing mouth. He was here, now, with Daniel, and Martin was dead. Daniel had made his choice long ago, made it again on the planet, was making his choice once more. Jack knew that he had to believe Daniel knew the consequences - after all, he had known very well what he was doing when he went to Hammond. He'd been angry when he discovered what Daniel had done, but it hadn't been difficult for Jack to realise that his anger was magnified by his fear of losing Daniel. He had imagined coming back to the SGC, stalking its corridors in search of Daniel only to discover the other man gone, and the pain that had followed that imagining had shaken Jack to the core. He pulled back from Daniel reluctantly, smiling at the blissful expression on Daniel's face, in the split second before Daniel's eyes opened. There was still a slight wariness there, something that unsettled Jack, and he resolved to make that disappear, if he could.
He had half-pulled, half-coaxed Jack into the living room, and onto the couch. Once there, Daniel was suddenly struck with uncertainty. He knew what he wanted, and Jack's questing hands made him realise that he was in search of something as well, but he wasn't really sure whether those two things were the same. It had been such a long time since Daniel had done this - his experiences with Martin had soured the memories he'd formerly treasured, twisting the pain and ecstacy together until they were a tangled mess. But here, on this couch, Jack had begun to untwine some of those feelings, bringing new memories for Daniel to treasure. And now he wanted to share that pleasure, allow Jack to experience it as well. "Let me," he said, his hand reaching for Jack's fly. Jack's eyes were questioning, and Daniel knew what he was asking in an instant. He had seen what had happened the last time Daniel had tried to give Jack what he wanted, the horrible mess that experience had turned into, and Jack wanted to be sure that he was ready. Daniel nodded, smiling slightly - he was ready, more than ready. He pushed Jack back onto the couch, urging him back against the arm of it, one foot still flat on the floor and the other resting on the couch itself. Jack let his head fall back slightly, closing his eyes. Daniel took a deep breath, his fingers stroking the material over Jack's crotch, feeling the movement that gesture elicited. He could do this, he had to do this, for so many different reasons. "If you change your mind," Jack began, his eyes still closed. Daniel smiled to himself - so solicitous of his well-being, so different from Martin in all the ways that mattered. "No." He was sure Jack could hear him smile, seeing the answering curve of Jack's mouth when he spoke the single word. "Not this time." Daniel's fingers slipped under the fly of Jack's jeans, popping each button until he was able to pull the material back, and slip his hand inside to free Jack from his boxers. Daniel felt the heat against his fingers and heard Jack moan as he did so, arching his back slightly. "Look at me," he whispered, smiling as he saw Jack twitch at the air brushing across his length. "Jack." He looked up, meeting Jack's eyes, dark with desire. "This time," he continued, leaning over and ghosting another breath across the head of Jack's dick. Daniel smiled to himself as Jack moaned, twitching in Daniel's hand, his eyes darkening further.
Somewhere, somehow, he had died and gone to heaven. That was the only explanation for it. There was a god and he liked Jack O'Neill, for some reason Jack couldn't quite determine - why else would Daniel be kneeling between Jack's legs, offering to do the thing that even thinking about sent him almost into orbit? Jack closed his eyes before the sight of Daniel, the feel of warm air being breathed across the head of his dick made him come. Damn him, Daniel had to know how close he was here, and he was just tormenting him. He didn't dare open his eyes, feeling himself teetering on the brink and knowing that the sight of Daniel on his knees would be enough to send him screaming into the abyss. His eyes still closed, Jack reached out a slightly shaking hand in search of Daniel, his fingertips grazing the skin of Daniel's neck. Under his thumb, Jack could feel Daniel's pulse thrumming, yet another proof that this wasn't his vivid imagination at work. He could hear Daniel speaking, but his mind was too pre-occupied with his incipient orgasm, the familiar tightening feeling rushing upon him, to determine whether those were real words Daniel spoke. Then, suddenly, for a moment, there was silence before heat encompassed him and that was the last Jack remembered.
So, this was what freedom felt like. Daniel climbed up onto the couch next to Jack and curled himself around Jack's body. Jack opened his eyes and smiled at him, shifting slightly to make room and then closed his eyes once more. It felt at last as though he had overcome his past - he hadn't forgotten it, but it no longer had any power over him. The death of Martin, the discovery of how Jack felt about him, both had worked together to help him shed the last chains his past had weighted on him. He had seen Jack change too, their previous friendship deepened by what they had experienced together, Jack trusting him with things he had never told anyone else, it seemed. That had to be good, laying a solid foundation for the time that was to come. Somehow he sensed there was more, still something that Jack wasn't telling him, but they had to start somewhere. There would, Daniel hoped, be time enough for everything. Not that he expected things to be all plain sailing between them from now on - Daniel was nothing like naïve enough to believe that could be the case. But now, at least, there was hope, and they would weather the storms ahead of them together. The warm embrace was enough, Jack's arm a solid reminder of the unspoken support he offered. It had been a while since Daniel had welcomed the oblivion sleep brought, the nightmare of his experiences with Martin still holding too strong a sway over him for him to truly relax, but not now... Now he could sleep.
~ fin ~
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