There it was again. The pounding headache he had been living with, just about every day, for the best part of a fortnight. Each morning, when he awoke, it was already there, as if waiting for him. Painkillers pushed it back, but little by little, as the days wore on, it crept back into his life. This morning was no different. Even after two cups of coffee and a couple of Tylenol, Daniel's head was still throbbing. He sat at his kitchen table, nursing the dregs of his second cup, and let his head sink onto his arms. How do I keep doing this? he thought, struggling to keep coherent. He waited, aware that time was pressing on. SG1 were due for a briefing session in less than two hours, and he had to get going. As Daniel headed for the door, leaving his cup behind him on the table, he grabbed his jacket from where it lay across the back of the couch. Shrugging his way into it as he opened the door, Daniel was relieved to feel the worst of the headache begin to ebb away, and his mood lightened slightly. Another Monday morning.... he thought absently, as he headed out of the apartment. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ "What's up, Daniel?" asked Carter, with a concerned expression on her face. She had entered the briefing room, and found Daniel there, waiting for their next mission briefing to start. This in itself was unusual and would have caused her to comment, but she had been waylaid by the way that her friend was rubbing the back of his neck, his face slightly screwed up in pain. "Oh, hi Sam. Just a headache, I'll be fine," Daniel said, trying to smile despite the way his head was throbbing. "You sure? Maybe you should let the doc check you out." "I'm fine," Daniel repeated, then smiled apologetically at the captain when she winced slightly at his tone, "it's probably just lack of caffeine - my coffee machine died last night, so my caffeine level's a little low." Before Sam could comment further, the other two members of SG1 walked in, closely followed by General Hammond. "You okay, Daniel?" asked Jack, as he sat. Daniel just nodded, both in answer to Jack's question, and also in greeting to Teal'c. Jack seemed to accept that response, turning his attention to the general, and forgetting his concerns as he concentrated on the briefing. Maybe it's not just lack of caffeine, Daniel considered, his mind only half on the discussion going on around him in the briefing room. Daniel thought back to what had happened the other day when he was at home. He remembered waking up on the floor, surrounded by a pile of the books he had been placing on a home-made set of shelves. Spend too much time in the infirmary anyway, not going there just because I've got a headache... Make that headaches, he thought, weakening slightly, ... and maybe I'll tell Janet about them, when we get back from this mission. Around him the usual discussions went on - ambient temperature, radiation, the probe's camera footage, all chewed over, like a hundred missions before. What am I doing here? Daniel thought, suddenly. What a monumental waste of time these briefings are... Half his mind on the discussion going on around him, Daniel's thoughts drifted, taking him back over time, back to when he had first heard of the Stargate, when things had been very different for him. A wave of tiredness seemed to sweep over Daniel then, destroying all the things he valued about the time he had spent in the SGC, his friends, the discoveries he had made. Suddenly, Daniel felt drained, and alone. All the times that he had been hurt, had seen people he cared about suffer, all the pain that he had squashed down over the past couple of years, was threatening now to overwhelm him. Sighing quietly, Daniel dragged his mind back to the present day, back to the briefing room where he was seated. He was aware of the glances in his direction from his team-mates, the concern that was clear in their eyes. None of it mattered. Daniel would do his job, use the skills he had, and no more. Not any more. There was no point to any of this any longer for him. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Away from the briefing room, Daniel seemed in a world of his own. Automatically, he assembled the things he would need for the mission, wondering slightly at the ease with which he was able to almost transform himself, knowing now what went where, what to pack. All supremely unimportant to him now, he was going through the motions. "Daniel?" Jack's voice could not cut through the numbness that Daniel was feeling, even sharpened as it was with concern. Daniel glanced up. His friend stood beside him, ready to go, looking at Daniel with a slight frown. For once, the anthropologist was lost for words. When Daniel did not speak, Jack turned away, leaving the locker room - it was only as he reached the door that Jack looked over his shoulder back at where Daniel was still standing. "We leave in ten, Daniel. Don't be late." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Even as he stepped out of the wormhole, onto yet another tree-shrouded planet, Daniel felt none of the usual emotions that 'Gate travel usually evoked. On another mission, Daniel would have been excited, his curiosity ensuring that he was ready to explore from the moment his feet touched the stone the other side of the wormhole. Today he felt nothing. "You with us, Daniel?" Jack asked, noticing the lack of enthusiasm with a glance in Daniel's direction. Daniel nodded, then turned his attention to his pack, rummaging inside it for the videocamera. Jack seemed satisfied with this action, and turned back to the rest of the team. Daniel sighed quietly. What's the point, anyway? he thought. Just another planet full of trees, one that the Goa'uld probably left alone centuries ago. Why am I wasting my life like this? "Let's go." Jack's voice broke through Daniel's contemplations, and he shouldered his pack again, juggling the videocamera from one hand to the other. Falling into line automatically between Carter and Teal'c, he began to walk. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ There was no sign of life on the planet. If there had ever been a human colony planted here, there was no sign of it now. The hills were covered with the paths worn by the passing of animals, which wound their way up the gentle slopes, but it seemed as though no human had ever walked this way. "Why is there a 'Gate here?" Carter pondered out loud, when they halted after a couple of hours. "Do you think anyone ever lived here, Daniel?" Silence. As one, three of the members of SG1 turned, looking curiously in Daniel's direction. He was standing slightly apart from where they were gathered, staring intently at.... nothing. He was staring into the middle distance - his body might be there with them on this planet, but it was clear to anyone who was watching that Daniel's mind was far away. "Daniel?" Carter repeated, frowning slightly. Even when he was deep in contemplation of some artifact, that psychological reponse that makes you always hear your name being spoken no matter what was generally enough to make Daniel react. Jack was standing the closest to where Daniel was lost in contemplation - taking a couple of quick steps forward, he reached the anthropologist's side and was startled by the expression in his friend's eyes. They were blank. Daniel just stood there, unblinking, until Jack shook him gently by the shoulder. Daniel jerked violently, reacting far more strongly than Jack had anticipated, and the colonel took an involuntary step backwards. "Wha...?" Daniel blurted. "What's up?" "What's up?" Jack snapped. "You were a million miles away, Daniel." "I was?" Daniel asked quietly, looking round at the rest of the team with a bemused expression on his face. "You seemed... distracted, Daniel Jackson," Teal'c replied. "Ya think?" Jack asked, interrupting. "Can we go now?" Jack gestured for the others to move out, taking one last look at Daniel before turning back down the path that led back to the 'Gate. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ They were close to the 'Gate when it happened, just crossing the small rise leading into the valley where the 'Gate itself stood. For the last mile or so, Jack had noticed the way Teal'c was casting surreptitious glances over his shoulder, back the way they had come. He had been feeling it too - a feeling of being watched that made the skin between his shoulders itch. Jack felt as though someone had crept up on him and painted a large target there on his back, and someone he coud feel but not see was taking aim.... The next time that Teal'c glanced round, Jack caught the Jaffa's eye and nodded slightly - an answering nod confirmed his suspicion. The Jaffa had heard something, seen something, sensed something somehow that made him uncomfortable. Those instincts had saved the lives of his team so many times, Jack had no hesitation in trusting them. "Captain, Teal'c," he said quietly, gesturing for them to spread out. As they began to move the shooting started. Staff-weapon blasts hit the earth where they had been just moments before, sending up a spray of dirt and debris. "TAKE COVER!" Jack yelled, diving behind a pile of rocks nearby. From where he was crouched, Jack could see the rest of his team running for whatever shelter they could find - fortunately this planet had dense undergrowth, and the terrain was rocky, so there was much shelter to choose from. Stretching round the rocky outcrop that was protecting him, Jack laid down covering fire, watching SG1 scramble to safety one by one. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ They were pinned down, that much was certain. From where Daniel was, crouching behind a small outcrop of rock that felt much too small for comfort, frequent staff-weapon bursts striking the dirt to either side, he could see the others similarly trapped. I don't want to die here, Daniel thought, in fact, I don't want to die at all. His mind working furiously, but somehow coldly, assessing his chances of a successful escape from this situation, all Daniel could think about was his own safety. The attacking Jaffa were advancing slowly, inexorably heading up the small rise where all four members of SG1 were trapped, and Daniel felt his panic building. As they advanced on his position, some instinct made him bolt from his hiding place, running, somewhere, anywhere, as long as it was away from here. As if it was happening in slow motion, a glance back over his shoulder showed one of the Jaffa whirling in his direction, staff-weapon raised to blow him away. Suddenly there was a flash of movement and Teal'c appeared from his hiding place, screaming with rage as he charged the Jaffa, taking a blast from the staff-weapon in Daniel's stead. This event seemed to turn the tables, with the attacking Jaffa finding themselves under attack. Jack erupted from where he had been sheltering, his automatic weapon raking shots across the Jaffa nearest to him, as he tried to work his way to where Teal'c was lying. In a matter of minutes, everything had changed. Daniel was not there to see it. He had thrown himself behind the nearest pile of rocks, when he had seen the Jaffa about to shoot him, and had cowered there ever since, hands wrapped across his head, rocking slightly with fear until the noise of the battle died down. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ When Daniel emerged from his sanctuary, it was all over. Jack was helping Teal'c to his feet, the Jaffa's usually impassive face twisting with the pain from the wound in his side. As Daniel neared the rest of the team, Jack spared him a contemptuous glance, but that was all - there would be time for recriminations later, the expression on Jack's face clearly said. What was I thinking? Daniel wondered, falling into line as the team continued their travels towards the 'Gate. Carter had taken point, heading down towards where the DHD was standing, she began to dial the address for home as soon as she reached it, glancing anxiously over her shoulder to see where Jack and Teal'c were. They were moving slowly, Teal'c's arm draped across Jack's shoulder, as he supported the Jaffa, and the wormhole began to form just as they reached the foot of the steps. Carter sent the signal, as the duo mounted the steps, heading towards the 'Gate. Without looking back, Jack and Teal'c passed through the event horizon, as Carter looked round for Daniel. "Daniel?" Carter's voice was uncertain, its tone implying a variety of emotions. Uncertainty and concern were the most evident there, and Daniel cringed slightly, his guilt beginning to grow. He felt the responsibility for Teal'c's injury start to creep upon him and he dare not speak. Without even looking at Carter, or responding to her unspoken questions, Daniel stepped into the event horizon, aware that Carter was only feet behind him. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ The medics were already leaving the 'Gate room, as Daniel and Carter stepped through the event horizon. Jack was heading out of the room, still supporting Teal'c, clearly heading for the infirmary. He looked back at the 'Gate as the wormhole shut off, and his expression was still as forbidding as before. Nice work, Jackson, Daniel thought, if he wasn't pissed with you before, he is now... "Daniel?" Carter's voice cut through, as Daniel watched Jack and Teal'c leave, still standing there as the door to the 'Gate room swished shut behind them. "What?" Daniel snapped, turning to her. "Are you okay?" "Just peachy, Sam," Daniel replied, with a bitter laugh. Daniel headed away from the 'Gate, aware of Carter walking slightly behind him, his footsteps and hers clanging on the metal ramp. At the door, Daniel headed off down the corridor alone, Carter's eyes on his back. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Down in the infirmary, Jack was pacing, measuring the length of the corridor outside where Teal'c was being examined. What the hell did he think he was playing at? Jack wondered, looking back in his mind to the events on the rise. And where is he now? If Daniel was acting true to form, he should be turning up any minute now, full of apology for his stupidity. He would come and practically grovel to Teal'c, knowing he was responsible for the Jaffa being wounded, that Teal'c had saved him from possibly being killed. So where was he? As the minutes passed, and no Daniel arrived in the infirmary, Jack's anger grew. Of all the reckless... irresponsible... downright stupid... "Colonel?" Jack whirled round as someone spoke, and found himself staring at Dr. Fraiser. She was smiling at him, and Jack felt a weight lift slightly from his shoulders. "Teal'c?" Jack asked, shoving the anger he was feeling back down inside himself. "He'll be fine, colonel. A couple of days bed-rest, with the help of his Goa'uld larva, and he'll be fine," Dr. Fraiser replied. "Are you ready for your medical now?" "There's something I need to deal with first, Doc," Jack said, heading for the door. "I'll be back in an hour, okay?" Dr. Fraiser watched Jack as he practically ran from the infirmary, with a smile still on her face. "Whatever you say, colonel," Dr. Fraiser said, knowing her words went unheard, "and the best of luck to whatever poor soul you're so angry with..." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ "What the hell is wrong with you, Daniel?" Daniel was standing by his locker when Jack burst into the room, almost incandescent with fury. The few others who were there took one look at the rage on Jack's face, gathered up their things and fled, glad that they were not the target of the colonel's anger. Daniel, however, did not even flinch at the suddenness of Jack's appearance, and carried on getting dressed, as if the colonel raging at him like this was an everyday occurrence. Somehow Daniel's lack of response enraged Jack even more. Grabbing Daniel with both hands by the front of his flannel shirt, Jack slammed the anthropologist up against the locker behind him. Daniel's head rebounded painfully against the metal of the locker door, and a small part of Jack's mind, the part that was not overwhelmed by anger, noted the way that Daniel bit his bottom lip slightly. "You..." Jack ground out, punctuating each word with a shake, "...Teal'c could have been killed." Daniel's head lolled from side to side helplessly as Jack shook him. He hung limply from the hands fisted in the front of his shirt, not responding to either the words or the movement. There was something in Daniel's eyes that Jack glimpsed momentarily, and that something sobered him quicker than if someone had thrown a bucket of water over him. That something was a terrible look of resignation, a lack of caring, so different from everything Jack had come to associate with his impulsive friend. It was a chilling thing, almost alien to Daniel's nature, and Jack hated it from the moment when he saw it there in his friend's eyes. As he went to let go of Daniel's shirt and lower him onto the bench there, it was as if a switch was thrown in Daniel's head. For the first time since Jack had grabbed him, Daniel began to struggle, arms flailing out at the colonel as he tried to wrench himself free from Jack's grip. "Calm down," Jack said, as he struggled to hold on to Daniel's thrashing body. "Let. Go. LET. GO!" Daniel's voice rose in volume in tandem with the vigour of his actions. Somehow, Jack managed to put Daniel back on his feet before letting go of the anthropologist's shirt. Daniel's face was red with fury, and he took a step towards Jack when his feet were firmly on the ground, arm lifted as if he intended to strike out. Suddenly, a cold smile crept across Daniel's face - as swiftly as he had raised his arm to strike out at Jack, he lowered it, crossing his arms then in front of his chest. "Don't touch me," Daniel said, his voice as cold as the smile that graced his normally friendly face. "We have unfinished business, Daniel," Jack said, his mind working furiously to try to fathom Daniel's strange behaviour. "Teal'c was almost killed because of that stunt you pulled." "I have nothing to say to you," Daniel said, turning back to close his locker door. For some reason, those cold words were enough to re-ignite the anger that Jack had been feeling, an anger that had been abated slightly by Daniel's reaction. Stepping towards Daniel again, Jack was determined that Daniel would talk about what he had done. "You can't walk away from this," Jack snarled. "Watch me," Daniel replied, attempting to push his way past Jack and leave. "No way," said Jack. Putting out both hands, Jack shoved Daniel till he slammed back against the lockers behind him. "We have nothing to talk about, colonel," Daniel said, "and unless you intend to attack me again, I suggest you let me leave." The steel in Daniel's tone was reinforced by the coldness of his tone when he spoke. Jack knew then with a terrible certainty that nothing he could say would make a difference to this man. Somewhere along the line, Daniel Jackson had ceased to give a damn about anyone except himself. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ "Where's Daniel?" Jack asked of no one in particular, glancing around the briefing room. "Dr. Jackson has left on a mission with SG4, Colonel," General Hammond said, coming into the briefing room just as Jack was speaking. He settled himself into the chair at the head of the long table and looked round at the other three people already seated there. "SG4?" Jack echoed, "When did that get the okay, sir?" "They left this morning, about 2 hours ago, Colonel," said Hammond, sorting the pile of reports that lay on the table in front of him. After a few moments, he appeared to have found the one he was looking for, and looked up, speaking again. "Dr. Jackson came to me last night, saying that he felt he could no longer work as part of SG1, and that he intended to resign. I managed to persuade him to think again, and he agreed to a temporary re-assignment to SG4." "HE DID WHAT?" Jack shouted, his face turning a decidedly unhealthy colour. Hammond's voice was cold and controlled, cutting through Jack's anger as surely as if he had slapped the colonel's face. "Whatever has gone on between you, Colonel, this project cannot afford to lose Dr. Jackson's expertise - hell, I don't intend to lose him, he's too important. And if the only way I can keep him here is to keep the two of you apart, then that's what I'll do. Stay away from Dr. Jackson, Colonel - that's an order. We'll be speaking more on this subject when you return from your mission, you can count on that." Hammond then picked up the folder he had selected earlier, and opened it. He looked directly at Carter then, who realised after a moment's recovery from the shock she was feeling over the news about Daniel, that the general intended to begin the briefing for their next mission. Pushing her feelings about the current situation to the back of her mind, with some difficulty, Carter began to speak about P857H3. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ "Aren't you done yet, Daniel? Did your mission with SG4 go okay?" Carter asked cheerfully, trying to hide her feelings about having gone through a mission without Daniel. She pushed her way past the other male SG staff leaving the soon-to-be female locker room. Dumping her pack on the bench, Carter missed the look that Daniel aimed her way, as he glanced briefly up at her from tying his shoe-laces. Ignoring the silence from her usually talkative friend, Carter opened her locker, rummaging through the contents in search of her shampoo. I hate sandy planets, she thought. The blow to the back of her head took Carter completely by surprise. Pitching forward as the blow struck, she was vaguely aware of her head hitting the edge of the locker door as she fell, then nothing. Seconds, maybe minutes later, the light began to come back, and Carter was aware that she was flat on her back. As she began to be able to focus again, the realisation that her head was throbbing was followed quickly by a feeling of being squashed. Cold eyes looked down at her from a well-known face, and there was no emotion in them that she could do anything but fear. Daniel was pressed on top of her, his weight mostly lying over her legs and abdomen, making it difficult for her to get up from where she was. Carter's face stung, and she realised that Daniel had slapped her, to wake her up. "Wouldn't want you to miss the party, Samantha," said a voice Carter barely recognised as belonging to Daniel, before he slapped her again. The taste of blood filled her mouth, as anger rose within her, combined with a cold awareness of what he intended. His hands were all over her, one pushing up under the t-shirt she was wearing, the other snaking down to the zipper of her combat fatigues, while the weight of his body made it difficult for her to move. Feeling a little dizzy still, her head pounding in time with her heart, Carter struggled to throw Daniel off. Then it was over, as soon as it had begun. With a heave, Carter was able to oust Daniel from his position pressed on top of her. Blood pouring down her face from a scalp wound, Carter dropped into a fighting stance, determined to exact revenge or at least defend herself from any further attack. The pounding of her heart, and the adrenaline surging through her body made it hard for Carter to decide which instinct was the strongest within her. In the end, it was only the look on Daniel's face that stopped Carter from slamming him into the lockers and pounding him until he felt something of the terror that she had been experiencing. The colour seemed to fall from Daniel's face. Where he had been flushed, his eyes cold and hard, suddenly Daniel was paler than anyone Carter had ever seen before. The only word she could apply to the expression that charged onto Daniel's face was 'horrified' - before she knew it, Daniel had spun out of the locker room, and she was alone. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ NO! Daniel's mind screamed at him in denial of what he had been about to do, as he ran from the locker room. The small part of his brain that was not transfixed by terror at the expression he had seen on Carter's face steered his feet towards the nearest elevator. He had to get as far away as possible from the locker room, somewhere quiet, somewhere he could think, somewhere he could figure out what the hell was going on with him, to make him act this way. Is this what being a Host is like? Daniel thought as he waited, panting at the elevator door, oblivious to the stares he was attracting from passing personnel. He was panting with the exertion of running full tilt from the locker room, shaking with the thought of what he had been at the brink of doing. I watched myself nearly... I knew what was happening and couldn't stop myself... thank God Sam was able to do something... Alone in the elevator car, Daniel ran shaking hands through his hair, while all the while his mind raced. How can I stay here? She'll never forgive me, never trust me again. I've ruined everything, destroyed the only friendships that mean a damn. And Jack... Jack's going to kill me, when he finds out... ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ "What the hell's going on, Daniel?" Jack barked, storming into Daniel's office. "I've just been to the infirmary with Carter - she looks like she's been five rounds with Mike Tyson. And she says you did it..." Jack's voice was full of fury, as was his face. Written clearly on it too, were his suspicions about what Carter hadn't said about what he was afraid had happened between her and Daniel. Something that the ever-loyal captain would never put a name to, knowing that it would tear apart a team, and a number of friendships, creating a chasm filled with rage that could never be bridged. Once he stopped shouting, Jack took in for the first time what Daniel was doing. Packing. Shredding. Boxing up books, piling up reports. A heavy weight settled in Jack's stomach - a feeling that he was witnessing the beginning of a spiral, that would leave him without his closest friend, which ever way this scenario developed. "Daniel?" Jack spoke, more calmly than he felt. "What the hell are you doing?" "What does it look like?" Daniel snapped, not even looking across at Jack from the pile of papers he was sorting and shredding. "Bit late for spring cleaning," Jack joked uncomfortably, his heart pounding as he tried to lighten the mood despite the anger he still felt. "Time to move on, colonel," Daniel said coldly, his hands still busy pushing papers through the shredder. "Move on?" Jack's voice began to fill with another emotion, this time it was worry that rose to the surface and threatened to drag him down. He could hardly watch as his friend turned to him from the shredder, with an unreadable emotion clear on his face. Daniel's eyes were cold blue, lifeless compared to their normal vitality. Something about them made Jack wince slightly. As he tried to interpret what was different about Daniel, the anthropologist reached a hand into his jacket pocket, and pulled something out. "What...?" was all Jack was able to say. The next thing Jack knew, he was lying on his back on Daniel's office floor, his body tingling with the charge from the zat gun that his friend had shot him with. As he tried to fight the slipping into unconsciousness that threatened to sweep over him, the last thing Jack saw was Daniel. He was standing over Jack, eyes narrowed, the zat gun raised for another, fatal, shot. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ NOT AGAIN! NO! The zat gun fell from Daniel's nerveless fingers. He stared down at Jack, who lay before him unconscious. All my fault... Daniel recalled the emotions that he had seen in Jack's eyes, as his friend fought to stay awake. Fear. Resignation. Anger. Sorrow. He had been so sure that Daniel was going to shoot him again. I can't stay here now, Daniel thought desperately. Even if Sam could have forgiven me for.... Daniel's mind choked on the thought of what he had been about to do. First Sam, now Jack... it's safer for everyone if I get as far away from here as possible. Looking round the office that had been a second home to him for a couple of years, it seemed to Daniel that every artifact there had a story, a memory attached. That piece of pottery, Daniel remembered pointing out the distinctive inscription on it to Sam, seated by a campfire. That mission had been like a vacation, travelling to a deserted planet, one the Goa'uld had probably ignored for a thousand years - Daniel remembered the look of interest that Sam had been able to summon up, even though he knew deep down that she regarded artifacts with something of the same attitude that Jack held. She was just better at disguising her lack of interest. That statue, he had brought that back from the planet where he had discovered the mirror device, the one that had taken him into another reality. Even when he recalled the pain of the staff weapon blast he had received before falling back through the 'Gate to try and find his way home, what was uppermost in Daniel's memories of that mission was the look of relief on Jack's face when Daniel came back through the device. There is nothing here I want to take with me, Daniel thought, I need to leave here and have nothing to remind me what I've destroyed for myself. Realising suddenly that, even though there was nothing he wanted to take, there was something he needed to leave, Daniel turned to his desk. Picking up a pen, he began to write. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Jack was surprised to wake up. The look he had seen in Daniel's eyes as he lay before him on the floor of Daniel's office had seemed to be the look of someone who would kill without a second thought. Yet Jack was still alive. And he was alone. Daniel was gone. Jack struggled to his feet, pulling himself up part of the way by the table he lay beside. On the surface of the table, Jack saw the zat gun. Glancing at the clock on the nearby wall, Jack estimated that he had been unconscious for nearly two hours. It had been sheer bad luck that no-one had walked in on him in that time, found him lying there, and raised the alarm. By now, Daniel must surely have left the base. A wave of nausea hit Jack then, and he sagged into the nearest chair. Even the act of thinking was too much. Mentally pushing back the nausea, Jack reached for the phone. Once he had called Security, Jack had his answer - Daniel had left the base an hour and a half earlier, carrying a rucksack. He's not coming back, Jack thought. Glancing round the office for clues as to where Daniel might go, Jack's gaze was caught by an envelope. Propped up against the PC, with Daniel's beeper lying in front of it, the front of the envelope had only one word on it: Jack. Suppressing his need to retch, Jack struggled up from the chair he was in, and slowly made his way over to the envelope, muscles screaming at his treatment. Settling again in the chair in front of the PC, Jack grabbed the envelope and ripped it open. Inside was a small piece of paper, covered in Daniel's distinctive scrawl. Squinting slightly at some of the handwriting, Jack read his friend's parting words. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ "Sir?" Carter's voice startled Jack back into the real world - Jack had been sat in the same chair for the past ten minutes, having read the note Daniel left a dozen times. Looking up at where Carter stood in the doorway, Jack was surprised at the sound of his own voice when he spoke. "He's gone, Captain," Jack grated. "He needed our help, and we let him down." "Daniel?" Carter asked, her face pale under the artificial lights. Jack nodded, holding the note he had been reading and re-reading over to the captain, so she could see for herself what they had done. The note was unsigned, but the handwriting alone told the story clearly. Always distinctive in its illegibility, the writing on this note shook with emotion. Jack, By now you know what I've done, what I've become. I'm responsible for what happened to Teal'c on our last mission. I watched myself attack Sam, and then shoot you. I can't stay here - I couldn't bear the way that you and Sam would look at me. I hate what I am now. I need to lose myself, forget everything I've done over the past four years, and maybe then I can find some peace. Don't look for me. Please. "I should have known. I should have realised when he started behaving so out of character, that something was wrong with Daniel. He needed my help, and all I did was shout at him." Though he was aching all over still from the zat gun blast, Jack's head sank into his hands, at the thought of how he had failed his friend. "You can't take this all on yourself, sir." Carter's voice, quiet though it was, cut through to Jack. "We're a team, remember. We should have helped Daniel when he started behaving oddly, but none of us did. We need to do something now..." Jack looked up at this, eager for any suggestion to move the situation forward from the hopelessness he was feeling. "...and that's get you to the infirmary, sir." Carter smiled slightly at the expression of annoyance that flicked across Jack's face. "Then we need to look for Daniel."

Continued & concluded in Part 2...

Disclaimer : Stargate SG-1 and its characters are the property of Showtime/Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Productions. This story is written for entertainment purposes only - no money whatsoever has exchanged hands. No copyright infringement is intended. The original characters, situations, and story-line are the property of the author - not to be archived elsewhere without permission.