Jack could kid himself it was the exertion. Carrying Daniel up the ramp and through the 'Gate wasn't beyond him, despite the knees and the fact that Daniel himself was no lightweight. Better to convince himself that the reason he shook as he searched for Daniel's pulse was the adrenaline running through his system, not the fear of a future alone, a future without Daniel. That way Jack could think about keeping Daniel alive to see if there was a future for the two of them. Come on, he thought furiously as he worked on Daniel. Don't do this to me. Don't leave me, that was what he meant, really. If he hadn't been concentrating on breathing for Daniel, Jack might have even said it out loud. Where the hell was the kid? "Where are my friends?" Were they still in there? Had they been there all the time, still looking at that damn light while Daniel was fighting for his life? "Get them for me, will you?" "They won't come." The kid just stood there, his voice thick with misery. No time to look, no time to yell, just concentrate on breathing. Come on, Daniel! There. One choked breath from Daniel as he started breathing on his own at last. Jack rocked back on his heels, his eyes still fixed on Daniel's face, his hand resting lightly on Daniel's chest so he could feel each breath as well as hear it. It was a sign, it had to be. He'd been in the right place at the right time to pull Daniel off that god damned balcony and now Jack had been right about bringing him back to the planet. His gamble had paid off. Even now the colour was starting to come back into Daniel's face, his breathing was already less rasping than before, his eyelids fluttering as if he was trying to wake. "Take it easy," Jack said, more to himself than Daniel. Daniel looked as though he was asleep. He had a peaceful expression on his face, as if Jack was watching over him on a mission like any other, not like minutes before when he'd been hooked up to half the gadgets in the infirmary. When Jack himself had started to lose it, a bad combination of addiction and anger pushing him over the edge. It was get back here or five-point restraints, he could see that look in Janet's eye. No choice, really. ~~<<->>~~ Jack was hovering over him when he opened his eyes, the worried look on his face evaporating like the morning mist. "Hey." Daniel tried to form the words but just coughed instead, accepting Jack's help to sit up a little and take some water before trying again. "Where..?" "Back on the planet." Jack made an expansive gesture, taking in the ornate pillars covered in inscriptions that had fascinated Daniel so on his first trip there. "You were.. you almost died." "I don't remember," Daniel said, letting Jack help him sit up completely. He rested his forearms on his knees and took a few shaky breaths as the room spun around him. "Not surprised. You were pretty out of it." Jack paused. "What do you remember?" Daniel thought for a moment. "My apartment. I was on the balcony and you were there." He looked at Jack, considering. "That happened?" Jack nodded. "Took five years off my life, seeing you out there. Ten, maybe." "Sorry." Jack shrugged. "Really. I don't know what happened." "That damn light. Loran says that Carter and Teal'c are in there still. If you're feeling okay, I need to go get them." "Sure." Daniel was suddenly conscious of needing to be alone. Jack had a phrase for it - getting all his ducks in a row. That was what he needed now, not Jack hovering over him as if he'd fly apart if he so much as sneezed too strongly. "Go see what's happening with them." "If you're sure?" Jack looked worried still, but he'd tucked the extreme concern away now, the 'you almost died, Daniel' look no longer present. "Go." ~~<<->>~~ By the time he'd dragged Carter and Teal'c out of the light room, Daniel was sitting on the steps by the 'Gate, his head resting on his crossed arms again. He looked miserable, like he'd been wrung out and hung up to dry. It was instinct alone that made Jack sit next to him, keeping his distance in case Daniel felt uncomfortable about it, but close enough that he had to know he wasn't alone. Carter was asking what had happened and Jack tried to explain the best he could, even though he could see from her expression that she didn't believe him. It took Loran piping up in agreement before her face darkened a little with the realization that he was right - the two of them had been stuck in the light room for hours. At least she looked concerned for Daniel now, Jack reminded himself. It wasn't their fault they got addicted, any more than it had ultimately been Daniel's fault with the sarcophagus way back when the team still seemed new. He couldn't help glancing across at Daniel where he still sat, silent. What was going through his head? Were the suicidal thoughts still something he needed to be worried about or had that begun to subside once they'd returned to the planet itself? Jack wasn't sure he liked the idea of leaving Daniel again, now Carter and Teal'c were out of there, but they needed to turn the damn device *off*. This feelings thing had a lot to answer for. It messed with his head, making Jack second-guess his own decisions, doubt himself in a way he hadn't done for so long it was barely a distant memory. He didn't want to leave Daniel alone, but could hardly drag him from where he sat to help them try and figure where the 'off' switch was - the guy looked like a strong wind would blow him away. ~~<<->>~~ He'd managed to pull himself together, get in touch with the SGC and apologize to Hammond - the last thing Daniel remembered with any degree of clarity was shouting at the general. After that, it was hard to determine between reality and dream, and Daniel wasn't really sure he wanted to think about that too much. Hammond had been understanding, anyway, and had promised them supplies while they tried to figure out what was going on. And, more importantly, how to fix it so they weren't stuck on the planet for the rest of their lives. Loran had appeared from wherever he'd been, saying very little, and when the supplies had arrived a short time afterwards, Daniel had concentrated on trying to decipher the inscriptions that seemed to cover every spare inch of wall space. He hadn't given much thought to the fact that the others had headed off to try and shut the device down, at least not until his stomach began to complain. He'd become so used to regular meals again, to Jack or one of the others dragging him off to the messhall, that it was second nature to wonder where they were. When he realized, Daniel dropped the pad he'd been scribbling on, snatched up the alien device and headed for the light room. They were there, of course. If he'd thought about it, before he'd become engrossed in what he was doing, Daniel would have known that was where they would be. Where the three of them had to be, trying to turn off the device before it could do any further damage. He was as surprised as they were that the device worked. It had been worth a try, but when it actually switched the light off, as neatly as if the power had been cut, Daniel was equally amazed. The others moved suddenly, as if released from a magic spell, then turned to where he stood in the doorway. ~~<<->>~~ How long had the three of them been in there? Jack frowned, wondering just what Daniel had been up to in order to forget the rest of them were there - engrossed in something or other, no doubt. All in all, Daniel seemed to be taking this all very calmly. Considering how close he had come to not being around to react to anything at all. That wasn't a conversation Jack was looking forward to having. And he knew it was unavoidable, the moment Daniel started to wonder just what he didn't remember, he'd be asking for information to fill those gaps, whether he liked what he discovered or not. That was a part of who Daniel was, that relentless curiosity, and Jack couldn't find it in himself to think it was a bad thing. ~~<<->>~~ He found himself spending more and more time with Loran, drawing on some element of his own experience of being an orphan, perhaps? Certainly Loran was well-adjusted, considering he'd been on his own for a number of years before they had arrived. Loran was currently showing him a picture of his parents, talking about them as if they'd still just walked out of the palace a little while ago and could return imminently. Daniel knew that feeling, knew that for the comfort it had been, that denial of reality when reality gets too hard to bear. Except now Loran wasn't alone. And it was starting to look like he would never be alone again. If they couldn't figure out a way to counteract the effects of whatever Goa'uld device it was they were addicted to, Loran would have permanent guests. Loran had said he didn't want that, but Daniel wasn't convinced. What could be better for someone who'd been alone for years to suddenly not be? He'd felt fine, anyway, all the time since the others left on their reconnaissance mission, so that was positive. Maybe the effects were wearing off and they'd be free to go home? He had to think positive, focus on that rather than all the half-glimpsed memories that would otherwise drive him crazy. It had been bad enough for Daniel that he'd had to eat humble pie where Hammond was concerned, all he needed was to discover there were other people just waiting on an apology. A noise made him look up again, to discover Jack and the others had returned. There was an odd expression on Jack's face, like he was going to be sick or had smelled something bad. Then, just as soon as it had appeared, it was gone. What they said, the symptoms Jack reported made Daniel realize it was more serious than he'd feared. Trapped, not just on this planet, but tied to this palace. "So, not only are we stuck here. We're stuck here." Saying the words made it real, the thought of being trapped so far from home made Daniel wonder just what it was he would miss. After all, the SGC was quite capable of keeping them supplied, but it was less tangible things like that. Like the ability to get away from the people currently looking at him like he'd shouted in church, to create a degree of aloneness that would protect him from whatever it was that Jack wanted. He didn't need to be forced into a situation where there was nowhere to run. Nowhere Daniel could go where Jack couldn't find him, because his need for the palace and whatever it held would draw him back every time. A strange expression crossed Jack's face and was gone so quickly that Daniel almost thought he'd imagined it - a mixture of fear and hope and concern, all disappearing in the flicker of an eye. So, he wasn't the only one. ~~<<->>~~ They'd found Loran's parents, or what was left of them, and still Loran wouldn't accept that they were gone. Jack knew that feeling, knew the comfort of denial, but he also knew it wouldn't last. Knew it was a feeling that ebbed away eventually, replaced by acceptance if you didn't want to go crazy. And there was no room for that here. They were trapped, tied to this place with an invisible cord, one that they couldn't seem to cut no matter how much any of them wanted it. He'd never felt so helpless, not even when he was being held prisoner - at least then there was the hope of escape, the chance of rescue. Here, instead, the future stretched out endlessly before him, days and nights all the same. Daniel and Carter could study, still work on stuff the SGC sent them, but what was there for him to do? Jack knew that his usefulness to the SGC lay in the things he'd done, the missions he'd survived, and that kind of experience couldn't be transmitted as easily as equations and translations. At least Teal'c was going to go home. He didn't seem to be affected and Jack was absurdly glad about this. He hadn't helped free the Jaffa from service to a false god in order to trap him here light years from the people he had vowed to liberate. That helplessness, that feeling of uselessness had to find some outlet though, and Jack had found himself lashing out at Loran, though he hated himself for it even as the words left his mouth. Even if a small part of him liked the idea of being stuck there with Daniel, the rest of him rebelled at not getting any kind of choice over this. And Daniel didn't look impressed with the idea either. He'd watched Loran run off, then the guilt over the things he'd said had really hit home. Jack left the others to tinker with the alien device while he went to try and make peace. By the time he returned, Jack discovered that the others had made progress, that the device could be turned down gradually. That their life sentence was suddenly reduced to three weeks, which didn't seem so long in the great scheme of things. He could count the days, even choose to keep away from Daniel as much as possible if he wanted to, that would work. Except that Jack found himself watching Daniel, trying to see what his reaction was to the idea of enforced vacation. Still unimpressed, a little panicked maybe. All Jack's resolutions were forgotten when he saw that look. He didn't want to avoid Daniel, didn't want to make things easier for either of them. Instead, Jack began to wonder if this wasn't just the perfect opportunity to find out a few home truths, to discover whether there could be something more between them than friendship. Whether he had missed the boat where Daniel was concerned, or whether there was still time to jump aboard after all. ~~<<->>~~ "So..." Daniel sipped at his coffee and tried to think of an innocuous subject for conversation. He hadn't been alone with Jack since, though he didn't remember any of it himself, Jack had carried him back here through the 'Gate. "Yeah?" "Three weeks in a palace by the beach. That's a good excuse..." Daniel heard his words trail to a halt as he took in way Jack winced slightly. "What?" "That's just what Carter said." "Oh." Daniel paused. "Well, it is. I don't mean that in a bad way, but you must be exhausted too, Jack. We all are." Jack eyed him for a moment and Daniel felt himself shift uncertainly under that scrutiny. Conversations between the two of them were such a minefield in so many ways now. All the things they'd shared in the past, combined with the things Jack knew about him that no-one else did, made Daniel feel more vulnerable than he liked. Open to the possibility of Jack catching him unawares, off guard, on the back foot. He didn't like that at all. "I guess." The words were reluctant but hung heavy between them. Daniel shrugged, took another mouthful of coffee and savoured it. There were things he wanted to know from Jack, things that didn't fit easily into a casual conversation, but if he didn't ask them how would he ever find the chance again? "I..." Did he really want to know? "Tell me what happened." There, it was out now, the words spoken, he couldn't take them back. Jack said nothing, looked at the floor as if searching for clues there. "Please." Jack didn't look up. Daniel was absurdly glad. He wasn't sure he could just sit there, just listen to the stupid things he knew he had to have done if Jack's reluctance to talk was anything to go by, and look him in the eye as he did so. "What do you remember?" "Coming back from the planet. You telling me Barber was dead, the briefing with Hammond." The thoughts ran through his mind, the memories gathering pace like a runaway train. "Studying the Goa'uld device while Teal'c worked on the computer. You.." Jack was looking at him now, eyes unreadable. Daniel felt his face heat, embarrassment sweeping over him with the memory. "You made some comment about the device and I snapped at you. And then I went to Hammond, made a fool of myself and insulted him." "You always were an over-achiever, Daniel," Jack said, with a small smile. Daniel was struggling with the idea that there was anything left to smile about. He'd always respected Hammond a great deal, admired him for his commitment to the SGC and the men and women that worked there. So it had been inconceivable that he should act that way towards the general, of all people. As for Jack, he was slightly more used to getting the sharp edge of Daniel's tongue. Not that this excused the way Daniel had behaved, but at least he didn't feel quite so mortified at the concept of behaving badly towards him. "And that's really all I remember clearly. Something about my apartment, the balcony. You were there.." Again, Daniel almost added, then squashed that thought as soon as he could. "Yep. Again." Jack's eyes were still unreadable, dark and mysterious. "We keep making a habit of that, don't we, Daniel? Me turning up at your place and walking in on things." This time it was Daniel who looked away. He got up and walked over to the coffee pot, refilled his mug with more care than he needed, anything to delay the inevitable. When he turned back, Jack was still watching him and made no pretense of doing anything else. "I guess we've got lots of time to talk, don't we?" Daniel asked, blowing across the surface of his cup. He could focus on the steam that rose from the liquid, not look at Jack and chance the possibility of seeing things that could change everything forever. One way or another. Jack said nothing. Daniel could almost feel the weight of his gaze. The three weeks stretched out in front of Daniel like an eternity. ~~<<->>~~ Jack told himself that he'd made a mistake. Pushed Daniel too hard, too fast. Well out of his comfort zone before he'd fully recovered from his time in the infirmary. That was the explanation he was sticking to, rather than the alternative - the alternative being that Daniel just didn't want to talk to him any more. He couldn't believe that, didn't want to live with that. Over the next couple of days, Jack found himself making excuses to be with Daniel, as if he didn't want to let him out of his sight. Usually he'd bring Loran along too, use the excuse of Daniel's extensive cultural knowledge to justify the time they were spending together. He wasn't sure that Carter was convinced - Jack had seen the way she looked at him sometimes and wondered just what she was thinking. He was too far gone to care about that. And he could use Loran in other ways too - the boy was obviously infatuated with Carter and Jack used that at every opportunity he was given. The slightest suggestion that Loran might accompany Carter to the beach, or help her organize the supplies, and Loran jumped to it. Carter was too soft-hearted to turn him away, Jack knew that. In fact, he was counting on it. ~~<<->>~~ "Daniel?" He looked up from the book he was reading, squinting slightly at the figure silhouetted against the doorway even though he knew from the voice that it was Jack. "Time we finished that conversation." "Oh." Daniel looked round where he sat. He knew he had a bookmark somewhere and he hated turning over the corners of books if he could avoid it. Besides, it delayed the inevitable, if only for a matter of moments. "Is it that bad?" Jack was sitting on one of the other boxes now, across from the nest of spare sleeping bags that Daniel had made for himself. He hadn't thought of anything than the shipment of books Hammond had just sent for the last few hours, losing himself in the intricacies of a well- turned phrase. Escaping from this almost-imprisonment any way he could. "Bad?" "You never seemed to have a problem with talking before, Daniel. You might not say much when you do, but you've never been short of words." Daniel considered that statement, mentally holding it up against himself. "Some things are more difficult to talk about than others," he conceded. "Where's Loran?" The last thing they needed, if the conversation he'd been thinking about the most was on its way, was an interruption from their enthusiastic new friend. "Helping Carter," Jack said, with a smile. Daniel found himself smiling despite himself. Jack's expression was infectious. He wasn't sure when he'd last smiled - last time he'd been here? Before he knew Barber was dead, well before he'd almost joined him. He couldn't remember. "So?" He wasn't going to start, wasn't going to be the one to lay it all out for inspection. Jack could do that, if he wanted - Daniel would see how the land lay and then decide. "The other day," Jack began. "I said something about walking in on you..." Daniel nodded, trying for encouraging. He wasn't sure he managed anything other than hesitant and embarrassed. "About making a habit out of it." Jack was swinging his feet now, his boots striking lightly every so often against the side of the box he was sitting on. Daniel found himself almost mesmerised by the movement, but also annoyed by the echoing sound that accompanied it, even though he knew Jack fidgetting that way was likely to be a result of him feeling uncomfortable. And for that reason, aggravating as it was, Daniel could ignore it. For now. "What do you want me to say?" he asked, thought it felt a little like a delaying tactic. "I'm not ashamed of of what Nat and I had together." There, cards on the table. Deal with it or walk, Jack, those are the only two options. "I wasn't asking you to be," Jack said. "It's about possibilities." "Possibilities?" Daniel echoed, wondering just where this conversation was going. Clearly it wasn't going to be quite what he'd thought. "You. Me." Jack paused, looking at him for a moment. "You and me." "I didn't think you..." Daniel was the one hesitating now, as he searched for the right phrase. Direct seemed to be the way to go. "That's not how you are. Is it?" "I started thinking.." "You were jealous," Daniel said, interrupting. If he sounded accusatory, Daniel wasn't sure he cared. "Can't deny that," Jack said, his eyes moving from Daniel for the first time. As if they were moving out of a comfortable depth and into deeper water, so he needed to concentrate. "I was. At first." "Okay..." Daniel thought back on what Jack had just said. "So what happened? You said you were thinking?" "I checked up on Nat." The words were hurried, running together and Daniel had to run them through his mind a couple of times before he was sure he'd heard correctly. Even when he'd figured out what Jack had said, he could almost think he'd misheard, except it was just the kind of thing he would expect Jack to do for any of his team, given half a chance. And that thought warmed him, sending tendrils of comfort down into himself, even as he got angry at the idea itself. "You did what?" "I know." "Jack, what the hell were you thinking?" Daniel asked. "No, scratch that. I'm not sure I really want to know." "I needed to be sure things were okay." Jack was looking at him again, his face set and cold as if discussing whose turn it was to clean up after dinner. "That he was okay. Not NID." Daniel paused for a moment. He hadn't given much thought to that possibility, he realized, though he probably should have. After all, he knew NID had access to his files, more access it seemed than Jack had, so it wouldn't be totally out of character for them to try something like that. And he could have fallen for it, could so easily have taken that kind of bait if someone had managed to meet him at the right time. The thought horrified him. The thought that Jack had discovered something about Nat horrified him even more. "I don't want to know what you did, Jack," he said. "Just tell me this. Nat was who he said he was." Statement, not question. He wasn't sure he could ask. "Yep." "Good." So, he hadn't made a complete idiot out of himself after all. At least that was something. ~~<<->>~~ Well, that was a better response than Jack had expected to that particular revelation. In the times when he had run that particular scenario through his imagination, usually on the nights when he couldn't sleep and was looking for any alternative to counting sheep, Jack had never thought Daniel might possibly be so calm. Then again, maybe in comparison to the overall craziness that they'd been living through for a while, even the idea your jealous would-be lover had been checking out your current boyfriend because he might be a government double-agent was pretty easy to swallow. So, that was part of the story told, now for the punchline. "I was jealous," Jack agreed, watching Daniel's face intently for any sign that he was heading onto dangerous ground. "When I thought about it, I figured I had reason to be." Daniel didn't respond, just looked at him, and Jack wasn't sure whether to be worried or heartened by this. Normally he could read Daniel's expression, at least tell if he was annoyed, but this time he couldn't. No clues. "Daniel?" "What?" "Throw me a bone here?" "What do you want me to say, Jack?" Daniel looked at his hands, as if fascinated by the cover of the book he'd been reading when Jack had tracked him down. "Isn't it kind of late for us to be talking like this?" "You told me before I missed my chance," Jack said, Daniel nodded, without looking up. "Did I?" "And if I said yes?" "Then this conversation is over." Jack felt the weight of that possibility settle on him, bowing him down. "Permanently. No re-runs." "Okay." Daniel looked up. "I changed my mind." "About?" "About it being too late. It's not." ~~<<->>~~ Holy shit. He'd said it, he'd really said it. To Jack. He'd admitted that he still felt something for him, if not in so many words and now Daniel would have to deal with the consequences of that. Whatever those consequences were. But at least he wouldn't have to pretend to himself any more. And at least Jack wasn't looking insufferably smug, that cat-that- got-the-cream expression he could get at times when he got his own way. That would have made Daniel want to react, want to wipe that smirk off his face no matter what it took, even if it hurt him along the way. Petty as that was, it was just how he felt. Because that smug look would tell Daniel he'd made a major mistake and he didn't want to think that. "Daniel?" He hadn't said anything more, he realized, and that had spooked Jack a little. So much so that he'd stopped banging his heels against the box on which he sat and had leaned forward a little, his hands resting on the box edge as if about to cross the small distance between the two of them. "Yeah," he said. "Sorry." Daniel looked down again, focussing on the blurb on the back of the book. Using it to escape, to give himself time to think. About what he was doing, what might happen next, all the possibilities that spiralled round his brain till he hardly knew which way was up any more. He hardly heard Jack move, crossing the distance between them on silent feet, until Jack was there in front of him. Crouching down so close in front of him that Daniel thought he could feel Jack's breath. The heat from his body. All the things he'd missed since Nat, had wondered if he'd ever had again, the closeness that had eluded him. "It's okay." Jack's voice was quiet, steady, a rock in an ocean of uncertainty. "Is it?" "It will be." ~~<<->>~~ He'd backed off then, left Daniel to his thoughts rather than push too much. It felt like the right thing to do and Jack was able to walk away with no more than a couple of glances over his shoulder as he walked away. Daniel didn't look up, didn't seem to even recognise that Jack had left the room. "Colonel?" He'd hardly made it a couple of yards away from the room where Daniel was before Carter caught up with him, Loran trailing at her heels as Jack had expected. "Carter. Finished doing whatever you were doing?" "Yes, sir. Loran was very helpful." Since she had her back to Loran, Carter didn't see the lovesick expression that crossed his face when she said that. Jack just about managed to stifle a smile, knowing Carter wouldn't appreciate it one little bit. "Have you seen Daniel?" "He's busy," Jack said. "Got his nose in some book Hammond sent." "I was hoping he might explain a few things to Loran." So, was she trying to get rid of Loran already? Her tolerance level for the attentions she was receiving was clearly diminishing as time went on. Jack wanted to spare Daniel that for the moment, though; he really wanted to give him a chance to think about what they'd discussed too. "You know how Daniel is once he goes all bookworm, major. You can try..." He let the words hang, hoping Carter wouldn't push. If anyone would know how Daniel could be when he got into something, she should be the one. Once, back when he'd first met Carter, Jack had thought how much the two of them had in common. Maybe, he'd thought, if it wasn't for Sha're, there might have been something more than friendship between them. Of course, now he knew better. And her friendship with Daniel had been one of the things sacrificed to the Tok'ra's desire to use the SGC and its people any way they could. They had a lot to answer for, one way or another. ~~<<->>~~ Back when they'd arrived on the planet, it had almost been second nature to set things up the way they had. Carter in one room, Jack and Daniel together in another, Loran still living in the room he'd clearly inhabited since he was a child. Anything else and Carter might well have asked exactly why the two of them didn't want to be anywhere near each other and neither of them would have been comfortable with explanations. Which meant Daniel was now faced with the prospect of being a lot physically closer to Jack than he might otherwise have been. He'd dealt with this for the first few nights by waiting till he was pretty certain Jack would be asleep and sneaking in. They'd set proximity detectors round the palace itself, so they wouldn't get any unexpected visitors, which meant that they hadn't needed to take it in turns to keep watch. So they'd fallen into routine, after only a few days had passed, which made avoiding Jack when he wanted to a great deal easier for Daniel to manage. "Daniel? Get over here." Was he rooted to the floor? Daniel's limbs felt heavy and ungainly even as he crossed the small distance to where Jack was, an indistinct shape in the gloom. "You sure about this?" "No," Jack replied, and Daniel was sure he could hear the grin in Jack's voice. "But get over here anyway." ~~<<->>~~ Sometimes you just had to make a move, take the opportunities life gave you and then deal with the consequences. For a split second Jack wasn't sure whether he'd just made the biggest mistake of his life or merely taken a leap of faith he should have already made a while back - the time that passed between him speaking and Daniel crossing over to where he lay seemed like an eternity. Jack closed his eyes. He could hear every breath that Daniel took, the slide of material over skin as he undressed. Finally he heard Daniel move even closer and Jack slid over, making room for him. "Hey." "You sure about this?" Daniel asked, quietly. He lay with his back to Jack, what little light there was coming through the doorway defining his shape clearly. "No, but stay anyway." He inched closer. Daniel was lying stiffly, the tension clear in every line of his body. Jack took a deep breath and reached out, resting his hand carefully on Daniel's hip, feeling the warmth of skin and curve of bone and muscle even through the boxers that Daniel wore. Daniel didn't react, didn't say anything and Jack took that as tacit permission, moving closer until he was pressed against the other man's back. "Do I need to say this is okay?" Jack smiled to himself as he felt Daniel relax a little at his words, the tension leaving his body in a moment. He slipped his hand from Daniel's hip and down across his stomach, just resting it there as he closed his eyes and tried to make himself relax. Not easy when Jack had been thinking about just this for so long. Not easy at all. ~~<<->>~~ It felt somewhat surreal, only the steady sound of Jack's breathing and the warmth of his body pressed against Daniel's back reminding him that this wasn't some kind of crazy dream. Even the things he'd experienced in his subconscious hadn't affected him as much as this. Jack's arm rested almost casually across Daniel's side, Jack's fingers splayed across his stomach as if he feared escape, not that there was anywhere left to run. The effects of the Goa'uld device, combined with the conversations they'd had meant there was no escape, even if that was what Daniel wanted. And it wasn't. This was what he'd been wanting all along, the thing he'd been searching for with Nat that he hadn't been able to find there. Because, for all his faults, Jack knew Daniel intimately, in a way Nat never could even if he'd wanted to. The things they'd lived through ensured that, as did their current working relationship. There was nothing secret, nothing they couldn't experience together. That was as intimate as the physical embrace they shared currently, as comforting as the way Jack's body was pressed against his own. Daniel closed his eyes, concentrating on the slow and steady breaths that feathered the hair by his ear and tried to sleep. ~~<<->>~~ It took a moment for Jack to realize where he was, to recognize the person he was currently wrapped around, that realization making him tense for a moment. Daniel didn't move though, clearly still asleep, and Jack was relieved. Less chance of embarrassment for now, time to pull himself together and figure out what ought to happen next. He moved his hand surreptitiously, sliding it down Daniel's t-shirt clad stomach in search of warm skin and the chance to touch him more intimately without comment for once. Jack's questing fingers encountered something else, something that shouldn't have been unexpected if he'd given a moment's thought to what it really meant to be involved with another guy. Morning hard-ons were, after all, part of the territory. It was just the fact that it had been a while since Jack had touched one other than his own that threw him momentarily, making him jerk his hand back to safer ground on Daniel's hip. "Wha..?" Daniel was hardly awake, the muttered question evidence enough of that. He was awake enough to speak, but barely enough to make sense - without an answer, Daniel might well drift back to sleep, relaxed as he seemed to be. Time to choose. Slowly, deliberately, Jack moved his hand again, skimming it over Daniel's boxers where they tented out before resting his hand there lightly. Cupping Daniel's erection carefully, every sense alert for the slightest reaction from Daniel, the slightest sign his attentions were unwanted. "Okay?" he asked, the word whispered into Daniel's ear. Daniel said nothing but moved slightly, his back arching so that he moved into Jack's touch, his eyes still closed. What more did he need, Jack wondered. An engraved invitation? Smiling to himself at that idea, Jack rolled over onto his back, pulling Daniel along with him slightly. His free hand came up to rest over Daniel's mouth, the palm heated immediately by Daniel's hissed breath, even as his other hand began to move. "When we get back..." Jack muttered, hoping he had the right to plan ahead like this. Jack felt Daniel's hiss of pleasure against his covering hand as the heat of Daniel's erection seemed to sear him. "Your place... or mine.." Daniel chuckled this time, the sound running through Jack's body too. Jack increased the pace, as he felt Daniel responding, ragged jerking movements under Jack's direction. Daniel's moans were almost audible, despite Jack's attempts to stifle them, and he felt himself begin to respond too. The way Daniel was rubbing against him, his ass and Jack's groin in intimate proximity, was having inevitable consequences. "Let's not.." Jack muttered, shifting uncomfortably as he felt Daniel gasp again. "Let's not wake Carter." Jack began to laugh quietly at that thought, picturing Carter's face if she walked in on the two of them together like this. Jack felt Daniel begin to shake, whether with laughter at his words or the closeness of completion he wasn't really certain. He removed his hand from Daniel's mouth once the shudders ceased, his arm wrapping round Daniel. Holding him in place before Daniel could even think to move away. "You bastard." Daniel muttered the words into the quiet that surrounded them before relaxing back against Jack's body. His hand came to rest over Jack's, trapping it where it lay. ~~<<->>~~ All Daniel could hear now was his own heartbeat, as it thundered in his ears. Almost loud enough to drown out his thoughts, for which he was immensely glad. That way he didn't have to think about what they'd just done, what Jack had just done to him, the implications of it all. About the fact that Jack had made him come but never kissed him, going from friendship right through to intimacy without a number of the accepted steps along the way. He wasn't sure how he felt about that. Was it just a sense of obligation on Jack's part? Something to tie the two of them together closer than ever but on Jack's terms? He couldn't believe that, didn't want to, but as his breathing returned to normal Daniel couldn't ignore the small voice that cried out at the back of his mind. It had all been one-sided. Jack had decided what would happen, forced the pace, taken control of the situation. And Daniel had let him do it, bereft of thought the moment he realized what Jack had planned, desire driving away all common sense and not for the first time. Daniel shifted a little, still sprawled across Jack's body as he was, Jack's steady breathing a counterpoint to the turmoil of Daniel's thoughts. "Daniel?" Jack's voice, quiet as it was, interrupted him. Startled him a little even. "Yeah?" "Stop it." "What?" Jack sighed. Daniel thought for a moment. "I can't help it," he said, finally. Was it comforting or disturbing to be lying in such an intimate position? Jack's hand still rested on Daniel's stomach, the same hand that had brought him to a climax, long fingers splayed across Daniel's now semen-stained shirt. Jack didn't seem in any hurry to move - it was still early, the palace was quiet enough to suggest neither Sam or Loran were awake yet. "It's okay. We're okay." Was Jack right? Daniel slipped from his embrace and turned to face him. Found himself looking down on Jack, the evidence of Jack's arousal pressed against his hip as he wanted to scowl, wanted to be angry with him for taking liberties and then discovered he wasn't really angry at all. "Yeah," Daniel said, closing the distance between them. "We are." The first kiss was exploratory, testing the water before he could dive right in. One of Jack's hands was trapped between them, the other made a fist, grasping a handful of the sleeping bag with white knuckles as Daniel's mouth stifled any objections Jack might have had. Daniel didn't expect any, Jack's restless movements beneath him weren't a struggle to escape. He knew them, recognized them as surely as he'd made those self-same movements himself a hundred times, danced that dance of desire and longing for release. Maybe he'd been wrong all along. Maybe Jack wasn't as much in charge of whatever this was between them as he'd feared. Maybe that control was still there for the taking, if he wanted it. All the evidence pointed that way. Daniel pulled back, looked down at Jack once more. Another expression he recognized, as surely as if he looked into a mirror. Jack's hand released the deathgrip on the sleeping bag, rose to take hold of Daniel's collar and pull him downwards once more. Maybe control was over-rated... ~~<<->>~~ He was going to die. Daniel was going to kill him, or maybe he'd already done so and Jack had unexpectedly received his reward? Because this certainly didn't feel like the place Jack's Catholic upbringing had warned him about if he didn't mend his ways. The place he'd always expected to end up in was a lot hotter than this, much less pleasant, and certainly didn't involve discovering a partly- naked Daniel draped across himself. Jack discovered that his arm was completely numb where their position trapped it beneath him. "We should get moving, Daniel..." Daniel grunted a little, shifting his weight so that blood began to rush back into Jack's arm. The pins and needles feeling confirmed that this was reality, as did the unpleasant damp feeling between them. Proof positive that they'd both enjoyed themselves. "Before we get a visit from Loran..." That made Daniel's eyes open, snapping wide as if he expected Loran's name to summon him, as if their compromising position would be discovered any moment. "I'd forgotten your mean streak," Daniel said, as he levered himself up. Jack just grinned, felt his grin widening as he saw Daniel smile back and him, and wondered just when he'd become a complete sap. "If we don't want to advertise what we've been doing," Jack said, as he watched Daniel stretch, "we need to get showered and change clothes." His grin widened even more as he watched Daniel look down at himself, then frown. Jack felt his heartrate start to rise again as Daniel wrinkled his nose in disgust at what he found on his shirt then simply dealt with it by stripping off. He closed his eyes, tried to get his arousal back under control. They didn't have time for this, impressed as he was with his own recovery time, all things considered. "Something wrong, Jack?" Daniel's voice broke into his thoughts as he pondered glaciers and polar bears. Jack didn't need to open his eyes to know the expression that was on Daniel's face - it was there in his voice, teasing. "I don't have anything you haven't seen before..." He was right. Daniel was going to kill him, if he didn't kill Daniel first. ~~<<->>~~ All he could think about was getting home. Home to his books and his coffee machine and the opportunity to be alone. Daniel couldn't wait. He couldn't bring himself to regret the past few days. The furtiveness of it all annoyed him a little, but he'd always known that any kind of relationship with someone else working for the SGC would necessarily be covert. That as much as Hammond might well be aware of Daniel's sexuality, he couldn't see the general turning a blind eye to him being involved with Jack. That just wasn't going to happen. Walking into his apartment was such a relief. The silence was like a balm to Daniel's senses, after the busyness of the SGC. Going back there after the relative quiet of the palace had felt like walking into an ants nest, hundreds of people scurrying here and there as they headed down to the infirmary to submit themselves to Janet's usual post-mission poking and prodding. Then Jack had been called away by Hammond and Daniel had been able to make his escape. Of course, once he'd had the chance to get away from everyone else he began to wonder just what would happen next. He'd seen Sam watching the two of them, no doubt thinking she was being subtle, but he'd known her too long for that. Daniel wondered what she was thinking - when he thought back to the conversation he'd had with her just months before, he decided she'd probably be a little relieved that he and Jack weren't being downright nasty to each other any more. Except Daniel knew wouldn't ever be able to tell her what was really going on between him and Jack. He couldn't take the chance, couldn't expose Jack to that kind of attention or risk his own removal from the SGC. She'd never ask, not directly anyway, she had too much common sense for that. At least that way Daniel wouldn't have to confirm or deny, could rely on not being asked so he didn't have to tell. And then there was Jack. He'd probably turn up some time. If this meant anything to him at all, if he hadn't got the idea of getting it on with Daniel out of his system while they'd been stuck on P4X-347. Daniel didn't think that was the case, but only time would tell if this was real. Not the result of cabin fever, of Jack starting something he had no intention of continuing, some momentary aberration that wouldn't continue now they were safely back home. If he'd had the energy, Daniel would have picked up the phone. Called Jack and asked him to come over, set the stage for some kind of confrontation. Made Jack decide whether he wanted things to continue or not. He didn't want to shatter the moment. The idea that Jack could still want him, after everything they'd experienced, both together and separately. Daniel wanted to treasure that, even if it was fleeting, and if he took the initiative and it all went horribly wrong, what would happen then? It took an effort to be positive, but he had to try. Had to think that they could make this work, if they both wanted to. And Daniel certainly wanted to, had wanted that for longer than he could remember. All he had to consider was whether Jack wanted it too. All he could do was wait and see. Daniel kept telling himself that as he futzed around in the apartment, ditching most of his mail unopened into the trash, tentatively examining the contents of his refrigerator, generally doing anything he could to put off thinking about what might happen. If things went to plan, Jack could be here any time now. That thought alone was enough to make Daniel smile and the strength of his reaction surprised him a little. This could work, they could do this. ~~<<->>~~ Driving over to Daniel's apartment after Hammond's well-intentioned attempt at checking up on the team had separated them, Jack was certain only about one thing: he had to make Daniel realize that he meant it all. Jack couldn't deny that jealousy had played a large part at first in how he'd acted - he'd never thought about Daniel finding someone else. If he'd been pressed to say why, Jack probably would have talked about Sha're, about how Daniel losing her had defined his life for so long that he barely knew how to move on from there. That no- one could take her place for Daniel, no-one could follow in her footsteps and give Daniel the things he so clearly needed. And he'd been wrong about that in so many ways. He hadn't thought too much about what he needed, the things he'd been looking for when the Tok'ra had caught him off-balance. The things Jack knew now were there for the taking in Daniel, would always be there because that was the kind of person Daniel was. Committed to something, Daniel wouldn't let go without a fight - he wouldn't be the one to turn and walk away without a hefty shove first. And Jack knew he needed that kind of determination in anyone who dealt with him, that he could be an unthinking prick at times and tolerance or downright stubbornness would be a necessary virtue. One that he knew Daniel possessed in abundance. This could work. They could make it work. He found himself there again, standing at Daniel's apartment door. The first day of the rest of his life. Jack knocked and waited for Daniel to answer. ~ fin ~

Disclaimer : Stargate SG-1 and its characters are the property of Showtime/Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Productions. This story is written for entertainment purposes only - no money whatsoever has exchanged hands. No copyright infringement is intended. The original characters, situations, and story-line are the property of the authors - not to be archived elsewhere without their permission.