UNREQUITED
by Graculus

"Ah me!  For aught that I could ever read,
Could ever hear by tale or history,
The course of true love never did run smooth..."
A Midsummer Night's Dream - Act 1, Scene 1


PART 1 :

"What do you mean, 'I love you'?" Jack snapped, his eyes suddenly
cold and dark, unreadable.

Daniel wavered slightly, seeming to visibly move back in the face of
this unexpected reaction.

It had been weeks, maybe months, that he had been steeling himself
for this day - hoping against all hope that he would find the nerve,
the opportunity, to express how he felt for this man, his friend. 
And now it had all gone horribly wrong.

Daniel was left feeling like a grenade had gone off in his face,
leaving him broken and bleeding on the floor.

'How could I have misjudged things so badly?' he wondered, as Jack
stormed out of his apartment.  The colonel slammed the door behind
him, so hard that it bounced back out again, finally standing ajar,
still vibrating slightly with the way Jack had rushed through it. 
'I've really blown it now.'

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

'What the hell did he think he was doing, telling me that?' Jack
thought furiously to himself as he stalked down the apartment
complex' stairs, his boots echoing hollowly in the stairwell.

He was not proud of his reaction.  He had seen the hurt in Daniel's
eyes, written large for all the world to see, like every emotion the
anthropologist experienced.  And the vehemence of his actions, the
overwhelming nature of his need to run away, to get as far from
Daniel as possible in as short a period of time, that had scared Jack
a little.  

A small voice in the back of Jack's mind taunted him.

'He's a better man than you are, O'Neill,' it said, 'at least he's
not scared to say how he feels about you.'

"Shut up... shut up," Jack muttered angrily to himself, oblivious to
the looks he received from a woman who passed him on the stairs as he
was speaking.  "It's better this way, it has to be."

'Better for who?' the voice enquired, sneering now.  'Daniel sure
looked like he was much happier that you treated him this way.  Just
imagine if you'd told him how you *really* feel!'

Jack was silent now, fumbling with his car keys as he got into his
jeep.  He chanced a look up at the windows of Daniel's apartment, his
eyes seeming to go there automatically, then looked down, his face
burning with shame, when he saw a shape there against the light. 
Daniel.

'You could go back...'  the voice whispered, solemn now.

Instead, Jack shifted the jeep into gear and drove away, not looking
back again at the man who stood silhouetted there.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Monday morning came around, as it always does.  This Monday dawned
wet and cold, the winter starting to draw in with a vengeance, dark
clouds threatening to offload their contents on the mountains below.

SG1 were due to go on a mission later that day, and had gathered in
the briefing room, Carter chattering about her recent visit to her
brother and his family in San Diego, Teal'c expressing a solemn
statement that he was glad she had returned.

Jack watched the proceedings with a benevolent feeling inside him,
glad that his major's trip had gone so well.  If he kept on thinking
about Carter, concentrating on her enjoyment of her time away, then
he was free to ignore the fact that Daniel had yet to arrive.

As the minutes ticked by, the hour of their meeting approaching,
Jack noticed Carter frown slightly, breaking off an anecdote about
the precociousness of her brother's children and glance towards the
door.

"Should I phone Daniel's office?" she asked, looking back at Jack. 
He shrugged.  "He may just be running late, or he might have
forgotten we were meeting...."

"Be my guest," Jack replied, settling back in the chair, his hands
busy with a pen.

Carter crossed quickly to the phone, all the while keeping an eye
out for the arrival of General Hammond.  She phoned one number, then
waited, but there was clearly no answer - her frown deepened as she
dialled another.

"Is that security?  This is Major Carter.  Has Dr. Jackson signed
in this morning?" she said, her voice calm and professional in the
extreme.  "I see.  Thank you."

Carter cradled the handset, then stood for a moment in silence
before she turned back to the table, her eyes going straight to the
colonel.

"Daniel hasn't signed in this morning, sir," she said quietly, her
voice shaded with worry.  "Did you see anything of him this weekend?
Maybe he's ill...."  Carter's voice trailed off, knowing that this
was unlikely, that Daniel would have called first to let them know.

'Tell her!'  the voice in Jack's head screamed.

"I saw him on Saturday," Jack said, his voice far more calm than he
was feeling inside - his heart was beginning to pound, his mind
starting to race.  "He was fine then."

'But that was before you tore his heart out and stomped on it,
O'Neill,' the voice reminded him.

Daniel's face came unbidden to his mind - blue eyes wide open as
Jack snapped at him, his lower lip trembling slightly as the colonel
stormed out of his apartment.  Then came more images, terrible ones -
Daniel slumped in a chair, his eyes red and swollen from crying, his
friend in the depths of despair because he hadn't had the courage to
tell him the truth.

'Coward,' the small voice said.  'Call yourself an officer?  All
your years of serving your country, all those medals, they mean
nothing now - balance them up against what you did to Daniel, compare
them with the courage *he* showed...'

"Colonel?" 

It was Carter's voice, cutting through the mocking tones of his
internal dialogue.  Jack realised suddenly that it had been a couple
of minutes since he had spoken, and Carter's sharp blue eyes were
focussed intently on him, as if mapping his face for future study.

"Is something wrong, sir?" she persisted, coming over to lean on
the table near where Jack was seated, her voice barely this side of
respectful.  

"You had an argument with Daniel about something..." she continued,
still looking at Jack, waiting for his rebuttal, words which never
came.  

"You *did*, didn't you?  And now..."  One of Carter's hands went to
her mouth, as if she needed to hold her heart inside, her eyes
flashing with a sudden anger on her friend's behalf.  "Where is he?"

"I have no idea, Carter," Jack said with a sigh.  He looked up at
her then, his eyes locking with his subordinate in a silent plea for
her not to press the issue.

Just then, the door to the briefing room swung open, and Hammond
entered.

His eyes flicked across the tableau before him - Jack seated in his
customary chair, holding a pen tightly between his hands, as if he
were about to snap it, his eyes locked with Carter's.  She in turn
was standing in front of the general's usual chair, her hands flat on
the table as she leaned towards the colonel.  Even Teal'c was
involved - leaning forward intently, he had clearly been watching
this debate with interest.

Even as three pairs of eyes, brown and blue, turned to him, Hammond
noticed the empty chairs, the missing team member and frowned
slightly.  That at least explained the looks of concern that had been
so swiftly replaced when he walked into the room.

Circling round the table, Hammond watched Carter move to take the
seat next to Jack - the general settled himself in his chair before
he spoke, but by then all three pairs of eyes were firmly focussed on
him.

"And where is Dr. Jackson?" Hammond asked, looking first at Jack,
then round at the other team members as silence continued.

"We don't know, sir," Carter said finally.  Hammond sighed.

He knew that there was no way, despite two of the team being
military personnel, that he could send SG1 off-planet understrength
like this.  It would be foolish - he had already detected an
undercurrent of hostility between Jack and Carter, as the major was
practically bristling with a barely suppressed anger.  Not only that,
but he knew better than to expect them to concentrate on mission
objectives with one of their number missing.  There was no alternative.

"Then find him, SG-1," he snapped.  "Dr. Jackson may be a civilian,
but I would appreciate it if you could instill in him some respect
for the way we do things round here.  Colonel, that is your
responsibility.  Until you find him, and your team can prepare
properly for this mission, which, may I remind you, is why we are
here in the first place, then SG-1 is going nowhere.  Dismissed."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The three team members trooped out of the briefing room, with Carter
watching Jack intently all the time.  Her eyes seemed to bore into
the back of Jack's head, and he felt the skin between his shoulder-
blades itch, as if someone was about to plunge a knife in there.

In the corridor outside, once the door had closed behind them, Jack
headed in the direction of his office, and found that Carter was hot
on his heels.

"Colonel!" Carter said sharply.  

Jack sighed, knowing that his major was furious with him - she had
discerned that the reason why Daniel wasn't here at the moment had
something to do with him, but he didn't have time for this.  Not now.
He had to get over to Daniel's apartment.  He had to.

"Yes, Carter?" he replied, not slowing his pace as he headed for
the elevator.

"What's going on?  Where are you going?"

Jack paused at the elevator doors, his foot tapping impatiently as
he waited for the car to descend.

"Where am I going?" he repeated, his eyes fixed on the display of
numbers, watching each light as it flicked on, then off again.  "I'm
going to find Daniel."

"Are you sure that's a good idea, sir?" Carter said, stepping round
in front of him as the elevator doors opened.  Jack stepped round
her, making a small impatient noise as she turned, still standing so
that the doors to the car couldn't close.  "If he's not here because
you argued the other day..."  Her voice trailed off.

Jack could almost hear the tumblers ticking over inside her mind,
the myriad calculations, all covering the subject 'what could Jack
and Daniel argue about that was so bad that....' - suddenly her eyes
widened and she stepped forward.  The elevator doors closed, and Jack
leaned over, his arm pushing past Carter, and he pressed the button
for the surface.

"Sir?"  Carter's voice was strained, her eyes still wide and fixed
on Jack's face, as if the woman were seeking confirmation of her
theory.

"I'm going, Major," Jack said quietly, not looking at her.  "Alone."

There was silence between them, the only sound the hum of the
elevator as it rose smoothly towards the surface.

When it stopped, the doors slid open and Jack walked out, pushing
past Carter.  He expected to hear her argue, her footsteps following
his, but there was no sound at all from behind him.  After a couple
of paces, Jack turned, looking back towards the elevator car.  Carter
was still there, watching him walk away, her arms crossed.  Then the
doors slid closed and Jack was alone.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The drive to Daniel's apartment building was an uneventful one - a
trip Jack had made so many times before, he could almost do it on
auto-pilot.

He ran up the stairs, his mind going back despite his protests, to
the last time he had been here, the anger he had felt at Daniel.  Not
because, he knew, he felt any differently towards Daniel than the
anthropologist said he did towards Jack, but because he had been
afraid.  Even thinking about what had happened between them brought
Jack out in a cold sweat.

Jack reached Daniel's apartment door and hammered on it with his fist.

What he wanted to happen was for the last 48 hours to have never
happened.  For a sleepy-eyed Daniel to open the door, to say he had
overslept, to look embarrassed about his oversight.  Anything but
what Jack suspected, what he feared was the truth.

There was no answer.

A man passed the apartment, looking back at Jack over his shoulder
as he turned the corner.

'Never seen an Air Force colonel before?' Jack thought caustically
as he raised his fist and hammered on the door again.

"Open the door, Daniel," he said loudly.

After a few moments of silence, Jack heard movement inside the
apartment, a shuffling sound as someone approached the other side of
the door.

"Go away," a voice said.

"You know I can't do that," Jack said.

"Why not?" the voice said, cracking slightly on the words.  "You
ran out of here quick enough the other day..."

'Shit.'

"Open the *door*, Daniel," Jack repeated, trying to keep the anger
that was rising inside him from taking over again.

"Just leave me alone, Jack," the voice pleaded.  "My resignation
from the project is in the mail, Hammond will get it later today.  I
can't do this any more.  It's over."

Jack heard the shuffling sound again - footsteps moved away from the
door.  Then a sigh, and a slight creaking noise told him that Daniel
had thrown himself on the ancient sofa that dominated his living room.

"Come on, Daniel," Jack said, his voice lower now.  "If you think
I'm leaving here without talking to you, you've got another think
coming."

Just for effect, Jack hammered on the door again with his fist - a
movement caught his eye, as a door opened up the corridor and a
woman's face peered out.  He scowled at her, and the face disappeared
again, the door closing hastily.

"One of your neighbours is on the phone to the police right now,"
Jack continued.  "So, if you don't want them to come and arrest me,
you'd better let me in, 'cause I have no intention of going anywhere."

From inside the apartment, Jack heard Daniel sigh, then sounds of
the anthropologist coming to the door.  After some clunking sounds as
the locks were opened, the door opened slowly, revealing Daniel's face.

"Jeez," Jack exclaimed, unable to stop himself.  "You look like shit
!"

'Nice line, O'Neill,' the voice inside his head mocked. 'Every one a
winner!'

"What do you want, Jack?" Daniel asked, his voice weary.

His eyes were bloodshot, red-rimmed - his chin covered with stubble,
his hair in disarray.  With a sinking heart, Jack realised that
Daniel was also still wearing the same clothes he had been dressed in
nearly 48 hours beforehand.

"I want to come in," he said quietly, "and then I want to know what
the hell is going on with you."

Daniel snorted, a bitter laugh pushed down with effort.  With an
ironic smile, he stepped back, allowing the door to the apartment to
swing open and allow Jack in.  Jack entered quickly, his eyes
adjusting to the artificial light - even though it was daylight
outside, in Daniel's apartment all the curtains were drawn, and the
only light came from a couple of reading lamps.

As Jack walked over to the window, to throw the curtains open and
let some natural light in, he stumbled over something lying on the
floor in his path.  Stooping to pick it up, Jack found that it was
one of Daniel's journals.  He had been so used to seeing these
volumes, lined up neatly on a shelf, one for each mission, that Jack
was surprised to see one so casually laid aside.

When he went to replace the journal with it's companions, he saw
that the collection was incomplete - looking round where he was
standing, he could see a number of volumes scattered about the living
room.  Some were piled on the coffee table, others littered the sofa,
still more were strewn across the floor.

Daniel had followed him as he crossed the room, returning to his
place on the sofa - as he passed Jack, Daniel's hand came out and
snagged the journal from Jack's fingers, and he held the volume
against his chest, as if he gained some comfort from it.

"What happened?" Jack blurted out, crossing to the window and
throwing open the curtains.

As light swept into the room, Jack saw Daniel flinch, his free hand
coming up to shade his eyes.

'Shit,' he thought, 'he looks even worse in daylight.'

'Feeling proud of yourself now?' a small voice mocked.

"What *happened*?" Daniel echoed, his tone close to that of the
voice in Jack's head.  He sighed, resting his head back against the
sofa as he looked up sadly at Jack.  "I told you.  I can't do this
any more."

Jack's heart melted - seeing his friend like this, he knew in a
heartbeat that he had indeed done what the voice in his head had been
accusing him of doing.  He had destroyed his friend as surely as if
he had put a gun to his head and blown his brains out.  If Daniel had
not been the man he was, he would be raging by now, screaming at Jack
to get out, not sitting there so passively, waiting for the colonel
to speak again.

Jack sank into a nearby chair, his eyes still on his stricken friend.

"I... I'm sorry," he whispered.

"You're *sorry*?" Daniel echoed, his voice uncertain.  "You acted
like I slapped you in the face and you're sorry?"  Silence.  "What
did you think I'd do, Jack?" Daniel continued, his eyes hard and
cold.  "Did you think I'd come back to the SGC this morning as if
nothing had happened, that we could *pretend* that I never told you
how I feel about you?  I told you.... I... can't... do... this."

"What do you want me to do?" Jack said quietly, his words falling
into the silence between them after Daniel had ground out his last
few words.

"Why is it always about you?" Daniel replied, his free hand coming
to join the other one, his fingers stroking the material of the
journal's bindings absently as he spoke.  "Some things can't be
fixed, you just have to live with the fact that they're broken."

"Daniel...  I... " Jack began, not sure what he meant to say next.

"Just go, Jack," Daniel said, closing his eyes. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

'Well, you got what you wanted,' the voice inside Jack's head
mocked, as Jack walked out of Daniel's apartment building once more. 

"I can't do this any more..."  Daniel's voice echoed in Jack's head,
the words repeating over and over.

More than that, the sight of Daniel's eyes, the emotions that the
younger man had tried so hard to hide, haunted Jack, driving a needle
of ice into his heart.  No matter how he tried to reconcile himself
to it, Jack knew that he was responsible for Daniel, responsible for
driving his friend to despair and anguish.

Jack had always had protective instincts towards the anthropologist -
even on their first mission together, when Daniel had saved his life,
shielding him from a staff-weapon blast with his own body, Jack had
felt the wrongness of that action.  It was his place, his role in
life, to protect Daniel, not the other way around.

And he had failed.

Not only had he failed to protect his friend, Jack had been the one
to injure him.  His instinctive reaction to Daniel's confession had
been flight, and he had struck out at his closest friend in the
process, wounding him to the core.

'I have to go back,' he thought, a little frantically.  'I have to
help him, tell him the truth!'

'And what if he laughs in your face?' a small voice mocked.

'Then at least I know I tried...' Jack thought, as he turned and
headed back towards Daniel's apartment, racing back into the building
and up the stairs before his courage failed him again.

When he reached Daniel's apartment door, Jack tried the handle and
was relieved to discover that the anthropologist hadn't locked it
behind him when he left.  The handle turned easily, the door swinging
open silently.

The apartment was just as he had left it a few minutes earlier - the
curtains were still open, letting a cold grey light into the room. 
Daniel was still on the sofa, his head still laid back, eyes closed,
his hands clutching the journal to his chest as if it were a magic
charm, some talisman to protect him from harm.

The only difference was the sound.

As Jack closed the door quietly behind him, he realised that he knew
what the sound was, that he instinctively knew it's source as well as
he knew his own name, and his eyes went towards Daniel.  The younger
man was crying, tears streaming down his face unchecked.  Every so
often he would sob convulsively, a strangled choking sound, a sound
that drove the needle of ice even deeper into Jack's heart.

Without thinking, Jack went over to the sofa and gathered the
sobbing man into his arms, one hand cupping the back of Daniel's head
gently, the other rubbing his back softly.  He could feel the tears
beginning to prick at the back of his own eyes, tears of remorse for
the pain he had caused.

After the embrace had lasted a few seconds, with Jack feeling the
convulsive shudder as Daniel sobbed, a wet patch forming on his
shoulder where Daniel's face lay, he felt the anthropologist stiffen
and start to push him away.  Although everything inside him screamed
to hang on, Jack reluctantly let go, shuffling along the sofa to
allow Daniel some space.

"Why, Jack?  Why did you come back?" Daniel asked, his voice
ragged from the emotions he was holding back.

Jack looked down, studying the pattern on the rug.

'Tell him the truth this time,' the small voice urged, solemn this
time, not mocking.

"I had to, Daniel," Jack breathed, his eyes still intent on the rug,
tracing the whorls and lines laid out there.  "This... you.. it's all
my fault."

"Yes," Daniel said coldly, his voice now more clearly under control.
"Yes, it is."

Daniel's words, the coldness of his tone, cut through Jack - the
needle of ice that had entered his heart earlier had become a knife,
tearing at him savagely.  He had no idea what to do next, what to say
next.  Steeling himself, Jack looked up, hoping that he would see
some forgiveness, some understanding, in Daniel's eyes.  

When their eyes met, all Jack saw was coldness - the way the light
hit Daniel's eyes reminded him of his time in the Antarctic, the cold
blue light there that the ice reflects.  Nothing could live there, it
was sterile, empty.

At that moment, Jack knew that nothing he could say would make a
difference.  His friend was gone, their relationship, the warmth that
had existed between them had been dealt a fatal blow, and it had been
by his hand.

"I should go," Jack said suddenly, getting up from the sofa jerkily.
"I'm sorry."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

On the drive back to the SGC, Jack pondered the effect that his
actions had wrought on his friend.  With each mile he travelled, his
sense of guilt grew.  By his thoughtless actions, Jack knew that he
was responsible for Daniel's current state of mind.  The
anthropologist was suffering in a way Jack had never seen before, not
even when Sha're had given birth to Apophis' child.  Even then,
despite all Jack's fears, Daniel had thrown himself into his work,
and a few weeks later it had seemed that he was his old self again.

'Not this time, O'Neill,' the mocking voice said.  'This time you've
really knocked him off his feet...'

Jack reflected on this.  He had not been surprised by the vehemence
of Daniel's response to his own behaviour the other day - that was to
be expected.  But the other matter, that Daniel would resign from the
SGC, that troubled him more than he could express.  The idea that
Daniel should throw away all his hard work, willingly lay aside his
quest to rescue Sha're and Skaara - this action seemed so out of
character for the anthropologist.

'I need to get hold of that letter,' Jack thought suddenly.  'If it
gets to Hammond, it'll all be over.  Daniel will leave and I'll never
get the chance to set everything right...'

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Carter," Jack said, walking into her office without knocking.  "I
need your help."

Carter spun round on her chair when she heard Jack speak, looking up
at the colonel quizzically.

"This isn't easy for me, you know how much I hate to ask anyone for
anything," Jack continued.  "It's Daniel.  You know we argued the
other day, well he's put in his resignation, and we need to intercept
the letter before it gets to Hammond."

Carter looked at him in silence, her eyes cold - in them, Jack saw a
memory of the coldness he had seen when he last saw Daniel.

"Is everything okay between you two now?" she asked, her eyes fixed
on Jack's face.

"We don't have time to debate this, Major," Jack retorted.  "If
Hammond sees that letter..."  His voice trailed off, letting the
scientist fill in the rest of the sentence.

"...you won't have a chance to make things right between you,"
Carter supplied.  "What do you want me to do?"

"I just need you to distract the general," Jack said, sighing with
relief that the major had agreed to help him.  "Tell him all about
some latest discovery of yours - I know you can talk for hours about
those blessed artifacts of Daniel's.  Just do it for long enough for
me to get hold of Daniel's letter, okay?"

"One thing, sir," Carter said, as Jack turned to leave.  

"What?"

"I'm doing this for Daniel, not you," Carter said tersely.  "You'd
better sort out whatever is wrong between the two of you..."  The
major let her voice trail off, the unspoken threat clearly stated in
the silence that fell between them.

"Understood, Major," Jack said quietly, as he closed the office door
behind him.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The plan worked perfectly.

Carter waylaid General Hammond, apparently eager to tell him all
about her latest scientific discovery - even the taciturn general was
helpless in the face of the overwhelming enthusiasm the major was
displaying.  Jack watched with a small smile as he saw Carter leading
the general away from his office in the direction of the laboratories.

Jack slipped into the general's office, all the time aware that,
were he caught in here, it would be very difficult to explain his
presence away.

As he hoped, Hammond's mail still waited in his in-tray, unopened. 
Jack flicked through the envelopes and reports, his hands stopping on
an envelope addressed to the general in Daniel's distinctive hand-
writing.

'Gotcha!' Jack thought triumphantly, shoving the envelope into his
fatigues pocket.

As he left Hammond's office, closing the door behind him, Jack heard
movement, and quickly turned the nearest corner, heading away from
the sounds of people approaching.  He was not quick enough, however,
as the voice that followed him indicated.

"Colonel O'Neill!" 

It was Hammond's voice.  Jack froze, then turned slowly to face the
oncoming general, who did not look happy.

"Where is Dr. Jackson, colonel?" Hammond asked, his pale blue eyes
snapping with fire.  "I told you to find him and bring him to see me."

"He... he's ill, sir," Jack lied, hoping that his uncertain response
wouldn't give him away.

Hammond's face softened slightly at this answer.

"Well," he said, turning back to his office.  "Make sure he comes to
see me as soon as he's able.  I have something I need to discuss with
him."

With that, Hammond left, heading into his office without another
word to Jack.

It wasn't until Jack had turned a couple of corners, and had found a
quiet spot in the corridor, that he shoved his hand into his pocket
and pulled out the envelope with Daniel's handwriting on it.  As he
turned it over, Jack saw he was too late - the envelope had already
been opened.  A cold feeling hit Jack then, as he unsealed the
envelope itself, and discovered that it was empty.  Whatever it had
contained had already been removed.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Well?"  Carter's voice startled Jack back into reality, and he
turned to her with the envelope in his hands, it's emptiness
apparent.  "Oh no..."

"We were too late," Jack said.  "General Hammond has already seen
the letter, and now he wants to see Daniel."

"I should go and see Daniel," Carter said, her voice showing her
uncertainty.  "Maybe I'll be able to talk some sense into him? 
After all, it's you he's angry with, so maybe he'd react differently
to me, I could get him to change his mind..."

"You know what Daniel's like once he makes his mind up about
something," Jack said.  "And anyway, I did this, so I should be the
one who fixes it."

Even as he said the words, Jack remembered what Daniel had said only
a few hours before :

"Some things can't be fixed, you just have to live with the fact
that they're broken."

'I can't believe that,' Jack thought, 'and I won't.  I *have* to
try...'

"Sir?" Carter said.  "What are you going to do?"

"I have no idea, Major," Jack replied.  "But whatever it is I do, I
need to do it quickly.  If I can't get Daniel to change his mind
before Hammond sees him, then his time in the SGC is over."

"I'll call Daniel anyway," Carter said, her tone now more resolute.  

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Carter went back to her office after her conversation with the
colonel.  She couldn't stay angry at him for very long, even though
she knew that this current situation with Daniel was all his fault -
she hadn't quite worked out the details of the argument between the
two men, but she had been able to gather enough information from Jack
to figure out what had happened between them.

What worried her most was the way that the colonel had described
Daniel's current state of mind, and the anthropologist's apparent
willingness to throw away all he had worked on.  That decision alone
was enough to make Carter worried for Daniel, what he must be going
through, and that worry prompted her to try a desperate tactic with
him.  It would, she knew, be either make or break - if she was wrong
about this, she risked losing not only a colleague but also a friend.

Picking up the phone, Carter dialled Daniel's number - as she had
expected, it rang and rang before a message cut in, Daniel's voice
expressing sadness that he couldn't speak to the caller right now.

"It's me, Daniel," Carter said when the bleep came.  "I know you're
there, and I need to talk to you.  Please."

Silence.

"Come on, Daniel," Carter pleaded.  

After another few moments, she heard a hesitant voice.

"Sam?"

Carter sighed with relief.  A small part of her had feared that the
argument with Jack meant that Daniel had decided to cut himself off
from everyone at the SGC, herself included.

"How are you, Daniel?" Carter asked, a mental picture forming from
Jack's descriptions of Daniel.

"I'm fine, Sam," Daniel said quietly, his voice croaking like it had
been a while since it had last been used.

"I hear you're leaving us," Carter said.  "Were you going to say
goodbye or just run away?"

"It's not like that, Sam," Daniel said.

"Isn't it?" Carter persisted, hating every moment of this
conversation, but knowing that this might be the only way.  "I never
thought of you as a coward, Daniel.  But all it took was one argument
with the colonel and you throw aside everything, and head for the
hills."

"Sam..." Daniel pleaded.

"Don't do this, Daniel," Carter said, putting a firm edge to her
voice.  "No matter what was said between the two of you, it's not
worth giving everything up for, breaking your promise to Sha're that
you'd keep looking for her, is it?"

Inside, Carter flinched, knowing that she was treading on thin ice
with Daniel.  All she could do was hope that she could get him angry
enough to change his mind about resigning, and that he wouldn't hate
her for the things she said.

"You don't understand, Sam," Daniel said.  "I can't carry on with
things as they are with me and Jack."

"Why not?"

"It wouldn't be the same."

"It doesn't have to be," Carter replied.  "But we need you, Daniel -
the SGC and SG1."

There was a long silence, so long that Carter wondered if Daniel had
put down the phone and walked away.  

"I need to think about this..." Daniel said, and then a buzzing
noise came.  He had put down the phone.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A few hours later, Jack was back at Daniel's apartment, but this
time there was no answer.  Try as he might, despite hammering on the
door and calling Daniel's name, there were no sounds of movement
coming from inside.  It was only as Jack was leaving the building
that he thought to ask the doorman whether Daniel was in or not.

"Dr. Jackson?" the man echoed.  "No, he went out about an hour ago.
Said he was going to work."

"He did?" Jack asked, incredulous.  The doorman nodded.

Something inside Jack gave a lurch, and he realised that what he was
feeling was a mixture of fear and hope.  Either Daniel had gone to
explain to Hammond his reasons for resigning, or the anthropologist
had changed his mind.  Jack could only hope that the phone call
Carter had said she had made had worked - the thought of SG1 carrying
on without Daniel chilled him to the bone.

'There wouldn't even be an SGC without him,' Jack thought, as he got
back into his jeep and headed back towards the Cheyenne Mountain
complex.  'Daniel doesn't realise how important he is to the project.'

'And what does he mean to *you*?' the small voice in his head
taunted.  

"It's too late for that," Jack replied.

'Is it?  How can you be sure?'

"Because he hates me," Jack said, "that's why.  What the hell am I
doing talking to myself anyway?"

'Maybe you're losing your grip, O'Neill...' the voice replied.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

By the time Jack returned to the complex, Daniel had already seen
General Hammond.  This became clear when he saw the two of them
coming out of the general's office.  When Daniel saw Jack looking at
him, his face was so expressionless that it was impossible for the
colonel to tell what had just happened, but all he could do was hope
for the best, hope that Carter *had* been able to persuade Daniel to
change his mind.  If she hadn't, Jack wasn't totally sure what he
would do....

"Colonel O'Neill," Hammond said, catching sight of Jack coming
towards them.

"Sir?"

"It seems that SG1's mission will be going ahead after all - the
briefing will start in one hour," Hammond said, before going back
into his office.

Jack felt as though a great weight had been lifted from his
shoulders - whatever it was that Carter had said, it had obviously
persuaded Daniel to change his mind about resigning from the SGC.

"Daniel," Jack began, turning towards where Daniel was still
standing.  "I..."

"Save it, colonel," Daniel interrupted, his eyes still cold. 
"There's nothing you could say that I want to hear."

With that, he turned and headed down the corridor, in the direction
of the elevators, without looking back.  All Jack could do was stand
and stare at Daniel as he walked away, the cold feeling returning to
his heart.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Sam?" Daniel called out, pushing at the open door to Carter's
office.

"Come in!" she called out, turning to look at her friend as he came
into the room.  Carter tried to smile, but the bleakness of Daniel's
expression, the way he still looked tired and worn meant that this
took an effort on her part.

"That bad?" Daniel asked, trying to smile at her.

"You haven't looked in a mirror lately, have you..." Carter replied,
her tone making the words into a statement rather than a question. 
Daniel shook his head.  "Sit down."

Daniel sank into a nearby chair, though he didn't seem to know what
to do with his hands.  They appeared to have a life of their own, as
his fingers fiddled with the buttons on his jacket, or tapped
aimlessly on his trouser leg.

"Have you seen the colonel yet?" Carter asked, her eyes intent on
Daniel's face.  She did not miss the coldness that came into the
anthropologist's eyes when Jack's name was mentioned, and this
worried her.

"Just now," Daniel replied.  "He seems to think we can just forget
what happened and carry on as if everything is still okay."

"He's worried about you, Daniel," Carter said.  Daniel shook his
head, as if to get rid of this concept.  "Okay, *I'm* worried about
you."

"I'm fine, Sam," Daniel replied.  "And you needn't be worried about
the mission.  I'll pull my weight."

"It's not that I'm worried about," Carter said.  "What happened? 
What did he say to you?"

"I can't," Daniel said quietly, suddenly fascinated by his boots.  

"I shouldn't have asked you...."

"No, it's okay," Daniel said, looking up.  "It's just that I can't
talk about it - not with you, not with anyone."

"I hope you know that I'm here for you, Daniel," Carter spoke, her
voice steady and calm.  "Whenever you need to talk about this..." 
She let her words trail off, hoping for a response from her friend,
that he would at least agree to *consider* her offer, but only
silence followed for a few moments.

"Thank you," Daniel replied finally, as he got up from his chair and
headed for the door.  "I'm not sure I'll ever be able to."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The mission briefing was so different from the countless others that
SG1 had sat through that it was hard for Jack to start to outline the
ways it felt wrong.  For starters, there was Daniel - the normally
talkative anthropologist was a mere shadow of his former self. 
Whereas before he was all wild theories and lightning speed ideas,
now he just sat there.  It wasn't even clear whether Daniel was even
listening to the discussion going on around him, though he managed to
nod in roughly the right places.  From where he was sitting, Jack
could see the general frowning slightly.

And then there was Carter - she was frowning too, her eyes focussed
across the table to where Daniel was seated, tiny lines appearing on
her forehead.  Every so often she would glance round at Jack, and the
colonel could have sworn that he felt the coldness in her glance, the
accusations that went unsaid.  Though she would have sooner died than
admit it, Jack was certain that Carter had chosen sides, and this
time she was not siding with *him*!

Even Teal'c was not his usual self - from where the Jaffa sat beside
Daniel, Jack could see the concern in his eyes as he kept a
surreptitious watch on his friend.  For the normally-impassive Teal'c
to be so worried looking was a first, and not one that Jack was glad
to see.

As he listened to Carter's descriptions of the results that the MALP
probe had transmitted back from the planet they were soon to be
visiting, Jack too was watching Daniel.  That the anthropologist was
clearly unaware that he was the subject of such scrutiny was itself a
revelation - normally Daniel was so self-conscious that he squirmed
if he knew he was being watched.  Now his face was pale and
expressionless.  He was no longer as unkempt as he had been when Jack
had visited his apartment, and Daniel would never be on any Best
Dressed list, but there was something uncared for about the
anthropologist now that touched Jack deeply.

When the briefing was over, Jack loitered behind, hoping once more
for a chance to talk to Daniel, but the anthropologist hurried away. 
With a sigh, Jack watched him as he scurried down the corridor, his
head down, various SGC staff getting out of his way as he headed in
their direction.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Even as the team were waiting in the 'Gate room, watching the
chevrons lock and the wormhole form, Jack still hoped that he would
have a chance to set things right between himself and Daniel.  He
knew that there was no way he could tell Daniel that he had acted on
instinct, that his feelings for the colonel were reciprocated - if he
ever admitted that, then it would look like he was pitying Daniel,
playing along with the anthropologist to try and help him save face.

No, the best that Jack could hope for was that he could do some
repair work on their friendship.  This coldness was killing him, as
surely as if he were back in the Antarctic again - it wasn't until he
had acted to put that friendship in such jeopardy that Jack realised
how much he had come to rely on Daniel as a friend, unlikely as that
might have seemed when they first met.

Slowly and surely, the friendship they had built between them, a
friendship based on shared hurts, emotions they had experienced
together, and a shared desire to retrieve those they considered
family - these things had bound the two men closer than Jack had ever
expected to feel a kinship with anyone again.  He had only had a few
friendships that close over the troubled years of his past - Jack was
almost certain that Daniel had not had any.  And now, through an
impulsive act, Jack had thrown that friendship into turmoil.

He hoped he would have the chance to set things right between them. 
In his heart, Jack knew that it was possible that Daniel might never
forgive him, and he was unable to forgive himself.

"Let's go," Jack said, leading his team into the event horizon.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The silence that greeted Jack when the team arrived on the planet
was unexpected - even though the MALP probe was fitted with the most
up-to-date technology the US military could procure, there was always
a difference between what you expected to find when you stepped onto
a new planet.  Even the most sophisticated telemetry could not relay
the nuances of sight, sound and smell that made each new mission
unique, no matter what happened when SG1 arrived.

The silence in itself was almost threatening, it was the silence of
something about to happen - it felt as if the planet was holding it's
breath, waiting for something to take place.  In many ways, the
silence here echoed the way that Daniel seemed to be was feeling. 
There was a clinical feeling to it, a feeling of life having been
sucked away, a hopelessness that sent shivers up the spine of every
team member.

"Spread out," Jack said, as he walked down the steps onto the level
ground that stretched around where the Stargate was situated.  He
took a deep breath, to steady his voice, before speaking again. 
"Daniel, you're with me."

"Sir?"  Carter's voice was raised in enquiry, her single word full
of the questions she wanted to ask, the things she wanted to say, but
protocol held her back.

"It's okay," Daniel said quietly, walking over to where Jack was
standing.  "As long as I'm a part of SG1, I'll do my job."

Jack let out a breath he had been holding, the air hissing out of
him along with the tension he had been experiencing.  For a long
moment, before Daniel had spoken, he had been afraid that the
anthropologist would refuse this small act of contrition on his part -
he wanted to apologise, to grovel as much as it would take, but Jack
knew that this could never be enough.  All he would receive for his
pains would be a look of disdain, a cold glance from the eyes whose
life he had ruthlessly choked to death.

"Let's go then," Jack said.  "Check in every 10 minutes as usual."  

With those words, the colonel turned and began to walk, heading away
from the 'Gate, crossing the open plain that the alien artifact
dominated.  He was conscious of Daniel trailing along silently behind
him, and slowed his steps to allow the anthropologist to catch up
with him.  Even when they were walking side by side, Daniel was
silent - thinking back, Jack couldn't recall another mission, not
even the one when they had first travelled to Abydos, where his
friend had been so withdrawn.  It felt wrong for him not to be
shushing Daniel as they travelled, not to be interrupting yet another
lengthy story.

"Daniel," Jack began uncertainly.  "I'm glad you changed your mind
about resigning..."

"Are you?" Daniel asked, his voice positively glacial.

"Uh huh."  Jack thought frantically, wanting to say something
profound, then remembered what he had thought before, about the
importance of Daniel to the SGC.  "After all," he continued, "if it
weren't for you, there wouldn't even be an SGC.  Sometimes I think we
forget that..."

Silence.

'Shit,' Jack thought.  'Now I can't even remind him about his
importance to the SGC without it all coming back to how we first met.'

"I meant what I said," Daniel said finally, his voice barely above a
whisper.  If it were not for the silence that reigned on this planet,
so that the only sound was their footsteps, Jack doubted that he
would have been able to decipher the words.

"You meant what?" Jack asked, his heart sinking.

"What I said about not being able to do this any more," Daniel
answered.  "Everything has changed, and I was a fool to think it
wouldn't.  We can't be friends, Jack, it's too painful - I need to be
here, to be part of SG1, but that's as far as it can go.  I hope you
can let it be."

Jack glanced across at Daniel, not liking the paleness of the
anthropologist's face as he was speaking.  Part of him wanted to grab
Daniel by the arms, to try and shake some sense into him - another
part wanted to either beg his friend's forgiveness or kiss Daniel
till he couldn't breath any more.  Try as he might, none of those
ideas seemed to be more attractive to Jack than the others at the
moment, as he was faced with a terrible mental clarity concerning the
likely failure of all of them.

"Jack?"  Daniel's voice, shaky and quiet as it was, broke through
to Jack like he had been struck.

"I thought we were friends, Daniel," he said.

"We were.  But I can't be that way any more - it hurts too much,"
Daniel admitted.  

From where he was walking beside the anthropologist, Jack could see
the way that Daniel was biting his lower lip, to try and stop the
tears that were brimming in his eyes from falling.  That action
struck Jack straight in the heart, bringing home to him the realities
of what he had done, the friendship he had destroyed.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

When it came, there was no warning.

One moment, the two men were walking across the featureless plain,
having just checked in with Carter and Teal'c, the next the ground
was heaving beneath them, throwing both of them full-length.  Jack's
head hit the ground with a thump, his temple connecting with a rock,
and for a few moments he faded out - when he came to, the ground had
stopped moving, and the silence had returned.

As Jack scrambled to his feet, the fingers of one hand came up
gingerly to touch the growing bump on his head, his other hand
retrieving his cap from where it had fallen when he hit the ground. 
As he stood, Jack looked around, his fingers still feeling the
stickiness of blood trickling down his forehead, and he realised he
was alone.  Daniel was nowhere to be seen!

"DANIEL!" Jack shouted, his eyes crossing the plain before him -
there was no sign of any other life there, nowhere that the
anthropologist could be hiding.

The only possibility, Jack realised with a sinking feeling in the
pit of his stomach, was that the ground had opened up and taken him. 
From where he was standing, the colonel could see a network of
fissures, spreading out across the plain, some narrow enough to step
across, some of the others twenty or thirty feet wide.

"DANIEL!" he shouted again, his voice echoing in the silence.

"J.. Jack..."

The voice was so quiet that for a moment Jack thought he was
imagining it, that it was a product of the despair he was feeling -
that Daniel should have been taken without things being set right
between them tore at the colonel's heart like no emotion he had felt
since Charlie died.

"Daniel?" Jack asked.  "Keep talking!"

"Can't... hurts..." the small voice said, the sound strangely
distorted and echoing in the fissures.  When the words stopped, there
was a hissing sound, the gasping of someone in pain, and then a
rattling sound, the sound of stones falling.

"You've got to, Daniel," Jack said, a pleading tone coming into his
voice, even though he tried to stop it.  "If you don't, then I can't
find you..."

Even as he was speaking, the colonel was methodically working his
way in the direction that the words had been coming from, examining
each fissure as he reached it, his frustration building steadily.

"DANIEL?" Jack shouted, when the voice did not speak again.

"St... still here..."

'Thank god,' Jack thought.

"Why do you never listen when I tell you not to go running off?"
Jack joked weakly.

As he finished speaking, Jack reached the edge of another fissure -
glancing down into it like so many before, once again the colonel
expected to see a chasm reaching down into the earth, down into the
darkness.  But this fissure was different.  This fissure was narrow,
maybe 3 feet wide, and lodged firmly in it, about 8 feet from the
surface, was his missing anthropologist, squinting feebly up at him.

"There you are," Jack said quietly, as he squatted down by the edge
of the fissure.  "You stuck?"

Daniel scowled up at him, drew in a breath to speak and then gasped
with pain.

"I...  I think I've got some broken ribs," he said, when the pain
had apparently subsided.

"You could be right," Jack agreed.  

"Get me out of here, Jack," Daniel pleaded, his eyes coming up to
meet the colonel's for the first time he could remember since they
had argued.

"Sure," Jack replied, shrugging off his automatic weapon and laying
it on the ground a few feet away from the edge of the fissure.  Once
he had removed that, Jack himself lay down, his head sticking over
the edge as he examined the position that Daniel was in.  He had to
admit to himself that he had no idea how to get his friend out of the
fissure - he was deep enough down that there was no way for Jack to
pull him up by himself.

Mentally, Jack slapped his forehead, then reached with one hand for
the radio.  Pressing the call button, Jack was disappointed when
there was no response, no crackling or signs of life.

"You... you're hurt," Daniel said, his pale face raised to look up,
towards where Jack was lying.

"Just a bump," Jack said, trying to grin reassuringly.  "Hurts like
hell, but not really serious."

"Wh.. what about Sam and Teal'c?" Daniel whispered.

"Radio's broke," Jack replied.  "Looks like it's just you and me,
Daniel."

"You are going to get me out of here, aren't you?" Daniel said, his
face becoming even paler, if that were possible.

"You have to ask...?" Jack said, his voice a little angry.  Inside,
he couldn't believe that Daniel no longer seemed to trust him - that
he would even feel that Jack might not try as hard as he could to
rescue his friend, that possibility had never occurred to him.

"S... sorry... " 

Jack sighed.  Getting riled up wasn't helping - what he needed was a
plan, not to lose himself in emotions he didn't have time to feel
right now.  Daniel was stuck there, with broken ribs, maybe even a
punctured lung, so there would be time enough for all those feelings
later.

"I'm going to *try* and pull you out, okay?" Jack said, trying to
push as much confidence in his plan as he could manage into his voice.

"Okay."

Cautiously, Jack edged his way forward over the edge of the fissure,
feeling it's friable edge begin to wear away slightly under his
weight.  His least movement sent a small shower of pebbles and dirt
down onto Daniel where he was wedged, making the anthropologist cover
his face with his hands, which had been outstretched towards Jack
previously.

"Sorry," Jack muttered, as he inched forward, his arms outstretched,
fingers straining to reach his friend.

He didn't dare move too far forward, in case he overbalanced and
plummeted down into the fissure himself, but there was nothing for
Jack to brace himself against.  All he could do was wedge the toes of
his boots into another crack that was nearby and hope that this would
be enough to keep him from falling in as well.

"That's as far as I can go, Daniel," Jack said, when he reached his
full length, his hands reaching down to where the anthropologist was
trapped.  Daniel was still covering his face with his hands, his hair
and the sleeves of his jacket covered in dirt.  "Daniel."

When Jack spoke again, Daniel looked up, his hands coming away from
his face.  Seeing the position Jack was in, his arms reaching down,
Daniel stretched out as far as he could from where he was wedged,
feeling Jack's fingers lock around his wrists.

Jack could feel every muscle in his arms start to complain as they
stretched and tightened to try and pull Daniel free - he could feel
the anthropologist begin to move slightly, but it was not enough. 
There was apparently nothing that Daniel could push against below
himself to try and help Jack pull him up, and the colonel was not
strong enough to accomplish it alone.

'Where the hell are Teal'c and Carter?' Jack thought furiously, as
he relaxed slightly, still keeping his hands wrapped round Daniel's
wrists, but allowing the anthropologist to return to his previous
position.

"This... this is hopeless," Daniel sighed, gasping slightly.

Jack wanted to say 'trust me' but the words stuck in his throat. 
What right had he got to ask such a thing of the man who had been his
friend?  If the roles were reversed, not that Daniel would have ever
been so cruel in the first place, Jack knew that his response would
have been to laugh bitterly at such a comment.

Before he could figure out what to say instead, to formulate words
that would encourage Daniel not to give up, the ground began to shake
again.

Beneath where Jack was lying, the earth pitched, and for a moment
Jack felt as though he was suspended, hanging inches above the ground
while everything about him moved.  He could still feel the warmth of
Daniel's fingers as they were wrapped around his wrists, a warmth
that anchored him despite everything that had happened between the
two men.

There was a frightened yell from below him, echoing up from within
the fissure and then all of Daniel's weight slammed onto Jack's arms,
which felt as though they were being pulled out of their sockets. 
The fissure had widened, so that whatever projection had stopped
Daniel's fall previously, at the cost of suspected broken ribs, fell
away, leaving him hanging.

The pain ripping through Jack's shoulders and upper back was
excruciating - Jack's eyes closed as he tried to push the agony away
using every pain control technique he had ever heard of.

When he opened his eyes again, looking down into the chasm that had
opened up, the ground had settled once more.  This time, Daniel was
dangling over a sheer drop - the only thing stopping him from
plummeting into the fissure was Jack's hands wrapped round his wrists.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

For a long moment the two men stared at each other, eyes connecting
in a way that had not happened since Daniel had told Jack how he felt
about him.  The suddenness of Daniel's support falling away from
beneath him left the younger man swaying slightly, and Jack could see
him trying to still that movement.  

Daniel closed his eyes as a wave of pain hit him, when breathing
normally proved too painful.  Above him, Jack's ragged breathing
could be heard as the uncomfortable position he was in began to take
it's toll on the colonel - he was stretched out across the edge of
the fissure, his arms supporting Daniel's weight.

Suddenly, as if someone had spoken it out loud, Daniel *knew*. 
There was a rightness to it, a certain cold logicality to what he
needed to do, though he knew that Jack wouldn't like it, not one bit.
Daniel opened his eyes, looking up at Jack once more.

"You need to let go," he said quietly, his voice shaking slightly.

"What?" Jack blurted out, his eyes widening as he stared down at
Daniel.

"I said..." Daniel began.

"I know what you said," Jack interrupted him, his voice harsh now. 
"What I want to know is what the hell is *wrong* with you!"

"You know as well as I do," Daniel said quietly, "there's no way you
can pull me out of here.  I'm right about that, aren't I?"  Jack
said nothing, unable to find words to refute the truth of Daniel's
statement.  "There's no need for us *both* to die here," Daniel
continued.  "So you need to let go..." 

"Damnit, Daniel," Jack said harshly, "you *know* I can't do that."

"You have to."

"No."

"Jack..."

"No!"

"*Jack*..."

"I SAID NO!" Jack shouted, his face angry now.  "What part of that
don't you understand?"

Daniel sighed, knowing, as he had suspected, that he would be unable
to persuade Jack to go along with his plan.  So, he would have to
take action, if Jack wouldn't help him.  Taking a deep breath,
despite the pain that tore through his chest when he did so, Daniel
began to open his hands, his fingers loosening their grip around
Jack's wrists.

"Daniel!"  Jack yelled, still with an angry look on his face.  "I'm
*not* going to let this happen!"

Daniel felt Jack's grip tighten even as his own fingers let go, so
that he was now only held from certain death by the vise-like hold
the colonel had on his wrists.  He saw Jack close his eyes as he
concentrated fiercely on maintaining that grip no matter what.

"Why?" Daniel gasped out, the very words painful.  "Why won't you
let me go?"

"I can't," Jack rasped, his eyes still closed.  "You know why, don't
you?"

"You're not my keeper," Daniel answered.  "You're not responsible
for me."

"Aren't I?" Jack asked, a cold laugh following the words.  "Tell me
you'd be doing this if I hadn't treated you so badly last weekend. 
Make me believe you, and then I'll let you go..."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Even as he spoke the words, Jack knew they were a lie.  He had no
intention of letting Daniel go, letting him fall to a certain and
bloody death, no matter what Daniel might say.  Daniel said nothing,
closing his eyes again as another wave of pain swept through him.

"Daniel?" Jack asked, worried.  "You still with me?"

"I'm here."

"And lost for words..." Jack said, chuckling slightly.  "I'm still
waiting for you to convince me I'm not to blame for this new-found
eagerness to throw your life away..."  Daniel said nothing.  "I never
had you figured for a quitter," Jack continued, hoping to goad the
anthropologist into some emotion.  This coldness scared him, coming
as it did from such a passionate person.  

"Then I guess you never knew me quite as well as you thought,"
Daniel said quietly.  "I surprised you on Saturday, after all..."

Though outwardly Jack was still the same, those words from Daniel
made his heart lurch, as if it were planning to escape out of his
mouth.  This was the first time that the anthropologist had referred
so directly to what had happened between them, and all Jack could do
was hope that this might be the start of a thawing of the coldness
between them.

"You did," Jack agreed, biting down hard on the words he so
desperately wanted to say, the declaration that he wanted to make.  

What right did he have to tell Daniel that the feelings the younger
man had expressed, that Jack himself had rejected, were in fact the
same feelings he had?

"I still want us to be friends, Daniel," Jack continued, fearing how
Daniel might respond to even these seemingly simple words.  The last
time he had said something similar, Daniel had spurned this offer to
set things back to some semblance of how they were, and Jack waited
with bated breath to see what the reaction might be *this* time.

Daniel said nothing, seeming to be considering the words, and Jack's
heart sank back down again.

"How can we?" Daniel blurted out.  "You... you'd never be
comfortable around me, knowing how I feel about you.  In the end,
we'd argue again, and once was enough..."  Daniel sighed, as if
remembering their previous encounter.

When he saw the expression that crossed Daniel's face at that
moment, Jack was perversely glad that he was literally at arm's
length - if they had been together, it would have been all that Jack
could do not to gather the younger man to himself.  That expression
was so sad, so heart-broken, that Jack's guilt surged within him and
he felt tears pricking at the back of his eyes.

"I don't know how to say how sorry I am about that..."

"No."

"Daniel, I..."

"I don't want to hear it."

'Where the hell are Teal'c and Carter?' Jack thought again.  'They
should have realised by now that something's wrong and come looking
for us.  Where *are* they?'

Jack could feel the muscles in his arms beginning to burn, and the
pain crossing his shoulders was almost unbearable now.

For the briefest of moments, he wondered if he had done the right
thing by hanging onto Daniel like this, but when his mind helpfully
supplied a mental image of Daniel lying broken on the floor of the
fissure, Jack found himself convinced.  How could he have even
*considered* not doing whatever he could to save his friend's life? 
Even if he didn't have those feelings for Daniel, he had a
responsibility for the safety of his team....

"Daniel?"

"What?" Daniel whispered, his head hanging.  The sound echoed
strangely in the fissure. 

"I meant what I said before about you being an important part of the
SGC," Jack replied.  "Even if we can't be friends, you're still part
of the team.  I wanted you to know that."

"Does it matter?" Daniel asked, looking up now, his eyes brimming
with tears.

"I don't understand..."

"It's not enough," Daniel muttered.  "I thought I could do this, be
professional, carry on like I wasn't torn up inside, but I was such
an idiot..."

Jack could feel his feet, which had been jammed into a fissure
nearby, beginning to move.  The extra weight of Daniel was pulling
him forward inch by inch - the younger man hadn't realised yet that
he was slowly going further down into the chasm, but when he did.... 
Jack could feel the edge of the fissure digging into his chest, as
the hold that had been anchoring him began to slip.  Soon he would
have to make a choice - one or both of them would fall, he knew that.

"No," Jack said, trying to keep his voice level.  "No, Daniel, you
weren't an idiot.  I should never have treated you that way.  I had
no right to act all self-righteous.  I had no right to try and
intercept your letter, stop you from resigning.  I never could keep
my nose out of other people's business..."

"Try and intercept my letter?" Daniel echoed, a puzzled expression
on his face.  Jack blushed slightly, realising his slip.  

"I... I was sure you'd change your mind," Jack said.  "Well, I
*hoped* you would.  So I tried to get your letter of resignation
before Hammond saw it."

"What?" Daniel said, looking stunned.  "If he'd caught you..."  His
voice trailed off as he considered the possible consequences of
Jack's actions.

"He nearly did, Daniel," Jack admitted, a strained smile crossing
his face.

"I can't believe you... why would you do that, risk everything?"
Daniel asked.

"Like I told you," Jack said, "I caused this mess, I wanted to try
and clean it up."

As Jack spoke, he could feel his feet beginning to move, and the way
that Daniel's eyes widened, he knew then that the anthropologist
could feel it too.   This time, Daniel had dropped a good three
inches, stopping with a jolt that must have been equally painful to
both men.

"Jack..."

"If you're going to ask me to let go," Jack said dryly, "I think you
know what answer you'll get."

"I wasn't," Daniel whispered.  "I don't want to die, Jack..."

Daniel looked up at Jack as he spoke these words, and their eyes
locked again.  Jack could see the moisture brimming there, watching
with an appalled fascination as the first tears escaped, creating
trails in their wake through the dust that caked Daniel's face.

"I won't leave you," Jack vowed, making his decision.  No matter
what happened next, and Jack's mind was unhelpfully cataloguing the
possibilities, they would go together.

"If I hadn't told you how I felt," Daniel gasped, choking out the
words.  "Would you still be doing this?"

"I can't believe you have to ask that, Daniel," Jack replied. 
"After all we've been through together...."

"I'm sorry," Daniel said, closing his eyes as the tears continued to
trickle slowly down his face.  "I don't want our last words to each
other to be angry ones."

"I'm not angry with you," Jack said, somehow forcing the words past
the lump that was forming in his throat.  "I wish..."  He stopped,
guilt washing over him - he didn't have the right to say the words,
he knew that with a cold certainty that defied all logic.

"What?" Daniel asked, his eyes opening again.  

As he did so, Jack began to shift once more, as he felt the edge of
the fissure in which his boots were wedged beginning to crumble away.
As he started to slip forward, Jack was perversely glad that the last
thing he would see before he went plummeting over the edge of the
fissure would be Daniel's face.  Even dust-caked as it was, Jack
could think of nothing better.

Taking one last look at Daniel, and trying to force a smile onto his
face for the obviously terrified anthropologist's benefit, Jack then
closed his eyes as he felt himself lurch forward.  He felt the edge
of the fissure scrape against his chest, then his diaphragm, then his
hips, before he was suddenly stopped again by a weight settling
across his legs.

"Looks like we got here just in time," said Carter's voice.

"Get Daniel!" Jack rasped, his voice full of all the command he
could muster, as well as the fear he had been trying to hide for
Daniel's benefit.

Within moments, Jack felt himself being pulled back from his
precarious position leaning out over the edge of the chasm, Teal'c's
strong hands coming down past him to wrap around Daniel's wrists and
help pull him to safety.

Even as the two men lay gasping and shaking on the surface, it took
a little while before Jack realised that his hands were still wrapped
firmly round the anthropologist's wrists.  As he tried to free them,
Jack saw the bruises that were beginning to form there on the pale
skin, bruises for which he was responsible.  His fingers took a
moment before they released Daniel completely, so hard had been their
grip.

Daniel was pale still, his face covered with dust and a few small
cuts where falling stones must have struck him when the edge of the
fissure had begun to crumble.  He was lying on his back, struggling
to breathe, his face contorting slightly with each gasp of air - to
Jack's experienced eye, it was confirmation of the broken ribs he had
suspected.  They needed to get Daniel back to the SGC as soon as they
possibly could. 

Jack rolled onto his hands and knees, ignoring the way that the
muscles in his shoulders and back were protesting.  As he struggled
to rise, Jack was grateful for the hand that Teal'c offered him, and
he used it to lever himself upright, though his head spun slightly
when he reached his goal.  He must also have wobbled slightly, as he
saw the concerned glance the Jaffa gave him, stepping in his
direction.  He waved Teal'c away with one hand, bending slowly to
retrieve his automatic weapon.  Somehow, despite the way that the
ground had pitched, it had remained on the surface.

"We need to get back to the 'Gate," Jack said, casting an anxious
look in Daniel's direction.  He hoped that broken ribs was the extent
of the younger man's injuries - he didn't dare begin to think what he
would do if Daniel had a punctured lung.

"Come on, Daniel," Carter said, squatting beside her friend and
wrapping an arm carefully under his.  It was a struggle, but the two
of them managed to get Daniel upright, though he gasped with pain a
couple of times on the way.

Once he knew that the others were following, Jack led the way slowly
back to where the 'Gate was still standing, an island of calm in the
midst of the planet's upheavals.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

He had come so close to blurting out the truth that it frightened
him slightly.  Despite all his good intentions, the certainty that
Daniel would think him a hypocrite, Jack had almost said the words
that he yearned to be able to speak.

He had thought about what it would be like - fantasised about the
expressions of delight, of astonishment that would appear on Daniel's
face when he spoke the words, freed his feelings to the wind, but it
could never happen now.  Even when they were both so close to death,
Jack had been unable to speak his mind.

As he trudged back towards the Stargate, Jack dared not turn round. 
He could feel the presence of Teal'c, matching his pace as he walked,
the Jaffa's silent glances burning across him.  When his eyes flicked
in Teal'c's direction, he could read nothing on the warrior's
implacable face - no emotion was there for him to theorise what the
man felt about what was going on between Jack and Daniel.

And there was no way that he could *not* have an opinion on the
subject.

Carter had made her position clear a while back, stating her
intention to protect Daniel should the colonel try and hurt him again.

'As if that were possible,' the voice in Jack's head chided him. 
'As if there were anything left of Daniel to *be* hurt...'

"O'Neill," Teal'c said suddenly, his voice startling Jack.  

'Here it comes,' Jack thought.

"Are you injured also?"

The normality of the question stunned Jack for a moment, and he cast
about for an answer that would not appear too flippant.

"A few scrapes, Teal'c," he replied finally.  "Nothing to worry
about."

"Then it is DanielJackson with whom you are concerned," the Jaffa
stated, his voice as steady as ever.

"Wh.. what makes you say that?" Jack asked, casting a slightly
anxious glance back in the direction of Daniel and Carter, who were
making painfully slow progress behind them.

Teal'c's only response was to raise one eyebrow, as if he could not
believe that the colonel was really questioning his statement.  Jack
sighed in resignation.

"Okay," he admitted finally.  "I *am* worried about Daniel - I think
he broke a few ribs when he took his swan-dive during the earthquake."

"I was not referring to DanielJackson's physical injuries, O'Neill,"
the Jaffa said, his voice rumbling with meaning.

'No getting out of this one,' Jack thought.

"If you've got something to say, Teal'c," Jack said, without looking
round at his companion, "just say it, okay?"

"I have been... concerned," the Jaffa began.  "I had always thought
that you and DanielJackson were friends, yet recently you have not
spoken to each other.  Has something transpired between you?"

Jack thought for a moment, wondering how he could respond to the
straightforward statements of his friend.  Something *had*
transpired, he had to admit, something elemental between them.

"We argued," Jack conceded finally, hoping that the half-truth would
be enough.  "Friends argue all the time."

Teal'c's eyebrow rose, with a silent eloquence that Jack had long
ago become used to.

"Okay," Jack said, after a moment's thought.  "Maybe it's not that
simple.  Daniel... he told me something... something about himself
that... well, it surprised me, okay?"

"DanielJackson told you of his feelings for you," Teal'c stated, his
voice as calm as ever.

"What?" Jack blurted, stopping in his tracks as what Teal'c had
said sunk in.  

He turned to face the Jaffa, glancing over Teal'c's shoulder towards
where Carter and Daniel were making their painfully slow progress
across the plain towards where the two men stood.   

"Did... did Daniel say something to you?" Jack choked out, dreading
the answer.  It was bad enough that he had messed everything up with
his panic-driven reaction to Daniel's words, but if Daniel had
already confided in the Jaffa....  "Who... Does anyone else know
about this?"

Teal'c shook his head, still gazing silently at Jack.  After a
moment of contemplating the Jaffa's face, Jack sighed and turned back
in the direction of the 'Gate, and began to walk again.

"Unbelievable..."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Even as his feet hit the ramp on the other side of the Stargate,
Jack was calling for a medic, confident that they would be able to
help Daniel when he stepped through the event horizon a few moments
later.  It was only a matter of minutes before the usual chaotic-
seeming arrival of the medical team, its' members clustering round
the injured anthropologist with intent expressions, bundling him onto
a gurney and wheeling him swiftly away.

Daniel's eyes were screwed closed with pain as the medics wheeled
him away, his face caked with the dust of the planet, and, no matter
how hard he tried, Jack could not tear his eyes away from his friend
until the door closed behind the hurrying team.

"Well, colonel?" Hammond asked, looking up at Jack from where he
was standing near the base of the ramp.

Jack pulled off his cap as he walked down to where the general was
standing.  He twisted it in his hands as he tried not to think of how
close he had come to losing everything he cared about, to watching
Daniel plummet to his death, powerless to save him.

"Earthquake, sir.  We came a little too close to losing Daniel,"
Jack said, his eyes inadvertently returning to the door through which
Daniel had just left.

"We'll debrief in the morning, Colonel," Hammond said, his
expression softening slightly at the stricken look on Jack's face. 
"Oh-nine hundred hours."

"Thank you, sir," Jack said, looking round and discovering that the
two of them were alone in the embarkation room.  

"Dismissed," Hammond said, watching Jack as he left, his eyes
thoughtful.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"I'm fine," Daniel said.

Even the way Janet's eyebrow rose at those words was enough to quell
whatever might come next.  Daniel sighed and lay back on the
examination table, closing his eyes in resignation.

"I'm the doctor, Doctor," Janet quipped, noting that this did not
even make Daniel open his eyes.  "We'll get you x-rayed, and then
*I'll* decide whether you're fine or not.  For now, my professional
opinion is that you have a number of cracked, if not broken, ribs. 
This, in my book, makes you anything *but* fine..."

Daniel did not answer, his face as pale and calm as if Janet had not
spoken.

"Did you hit your head as well, Daniel?" Janet asked, not liking
the pallor of the archaeologist's face.

Daniel opened his eyes slowly, seeming as though he was reluctant to
return.  He shook his head in response to her question.

"Jack..." he began.  "Jack hit his head when the first quake struck.
I just got squeezed a little, that's all."

"Where is the colonel?" Janet asked, her eyes sweeping the
infirmary.  "Normally I have to drive the rest of the team out of
here with a big stick if one of you is injured."  As she spoke, Janet
did not notice Daniel swallow nervously.  "I expect they'll all be
along shortly."

'She doesn't know,' Daniel thought, with some relief.  Somehow he
had thought that his behaviour towards Jack had been so extraordinary
that everyone would have noticed it, and the sense of relief that it
was not common knowledge was almost overwhelming.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Even as he left the SGC, after a cursory examination by Dr. Warner,
Jack knew that what he was currently experiencing was the calm before
the storm.  There was no way that Daniel would let this go, he knew
that with a certainty that both worried and relieved him.  Daniel's
mind was like a steel trap, merciless, never letting go of a fact
once he had hold of it, at least not until he had worried it into
submission.  So Jack knew that, once Daniel was able to do so, he
would pursue the truth, demanding answers that Jack might not be
willing to give.

'Did I want this all along?' he wondered, as he drove home.  'Did I
set myself up for this, knowing that once I mentioned trying to
intercept Daniel's resignation, he'd pursue the matter till he found
out what was going on?'

Even as he turned his jeep into the driveway, all Jack could think
about was the way that Daniel had looked up at him, his eyes welling
with tears as he tried to persuade Jack to let go, to let him fall to
his death.

'I need a drink,' he thought.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Well, Daniel," Janet said, reappearing at his bed-side after what
seemed like an eternity of waiting, "you'll be glad to know that your
ribs are only cracked.  The shortness of breath you were experiencing
seems to have been a reaction to the dust that was thrown up when the
quakes struck.  I just need to get you taped up and then you can get
off home and get some rest."

With that, Janet turned away slightly, making a couple of notations
on the chart she held, before putting it back in it's usual place. 
As a result, she did not see the look of relief that crossed Daniel's
face when he realised that she was not going to keep him in for
observation like so many times before.

'Just a little longer,' he thought, 'and then I'm out of here.'

He was so deep in thought, his eyes following Janet's movements as
she assembled the things she needed to strap his ribs, that the voice
startled him.

"What's the verdict, Daniel?" Carter asked, trying unsuccessfully
to mask her concern behind a smile.

"Hi Sam," Daniel said, attempting to muster up some enthusiasm to
greet her.  All he could think about was Jack and his patience with
the things that were stopping him from going and confronting the
colonel was wearing thin.  "Not too bad, just cracked my ribs."

"Really?" Carter queried, glancing across to catch Janet's eye as
Daniel was speaking.  Janet nodded her agreement.

"Just need to tape him up and he's on his way," she confirmed.

"No need to use your bed tonight then?" Carter quipped.

"I think I'll pass this time," Daniel replied.  He knew it was a
standing joke in the SGC that there was a bed permanently reserved
for him whenever SG1 went off-world, but today he had no tolerance
for it.

"But you could barely breathe when we got back to the 'Gate," Carter
continued, tenaciously.

"I took in a lot of dust, Sam," Daniel said.  "It felt like I was
bringing back half the planet, one way or another."

"I'm just glad you're okay, Daniel," Carter said.  "When we got to
the fissure and saw you just hanging there..."

"I know," Daniel said.  

"When you're finished here, d'you want to get something to eat?"
Carter asked.

Daniel sighed inwardly.  As much as he wanted to rush out to Jack's
place, to confront him about the things he had let slip when they had
been alone together, all his body wanted was food and sleep.

"Sure Sam," he agreed, stifling a yawn as he thought of the bed in
his quarters longingly.  "I'll see you in the mess-hall.  Or you can
wait for me?"

With a smile, Carter settled down onto a nearby chair and watched
Janet go to work.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Jack nursed the cold bottle of beer, sitting in his living room in
the quiet darkness.  From where he was sitting he could see the
lights of passing cars as they raked across the wall, crossing at an
angle before disappearing into the ceiling as the cars made the turn
down the hillside.

On a night like this, still and clear, he would usually be found up
on the roof, scanning the night sky intently for whatever could be
found there.  But not tonight.  Tonight, all he wanted to do was sit,
drink, and try to forget.

'Why do I do this?' he wondered.  'Why am I afraid to admit to
Daniel how I feel about him?'

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Boy, the food here just doesn't get any better, does it?" Carter
said, pushing her chair slightly away from the table as she leant
back in her seat.  "Daniel?"

"Huh?"

Carter grinned.  Daniel was struggling to keep awake, his head
nodding every so often as he picked at the remnants of his meal.

"I was complaining about the food..."

"Oh.  Right.  The food."

Carter glanced round the mess-hall as Daniel was speaking.  They
were the only two people there - it was really the middle of the
night, and the base always seemed half-deserted at this hour.

"I wanted to talk with you," Carter began, stifling another grin as
Daniel yawned again.  "It must have been awkward for you, being with
the colonel for so long on that planet..."

"At first," Daniel conceded.  "You know how hard it was for me to
come back to the SGC."  Carter nodded, her eyes giving silent
encouragement.  After a moment's thought, Daniel spoke again. 
"Something changed between me and Jack, Sam.  Something important. 
And I think it started a long time ago."

"What are you talking about?" Sam asked.

Daniel shook his head.

"I'm not completely sure myself," he replied.  "I thought I knew how
things were between us, and then I found that I was wrong, but maybe
not quite as wrong as I thought."  Daniel yawned again, a real jaw-
cracker this time.  "I think I'd better get to bed, or I'll never
make it to the debriefing at 0900.  'Night Sam."

"Goodnight, Daniel," Carter replied, automatically.  She watched
Daniel get up from his seat, pushing back the chair, before he left
the mess-hall without a backward glance.  There was a frown on her
forehead as she tried to make sense of her friend's enigmatic words -
after a few moments, she shook her head as if dismissing them,
turning back to her cup of coffee.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

When he woke, Daniel found himself surprised that he had been able
to sleep at all.  He had been convinced, despite the tiredness of his
body, that sleep would elude him, his brain churning as it was with
thoughts and ideas.  But he could not deny what had happened - he
*had* slept.

Glancing over at his watch where it rested on the small cupboard
beside the bed, he saw that it was 0730.  Sighing slightly, Daniel
laid back on the bed, his eyes coming to rest on the ceiling as he
thought about what today might be like.

'First,' he thought, 'I have to get through the mission debriefing. 
Maybe then I'll get a chance to talk with Jack?'

The hope he felt at that thought surprised him.  Surely he should
feel only anger towards Jack?  After all, he had been the one to
start this chain of events, which had almost ended with Daniel
resigning from the SGC.  

Daniel closed his eyes for a moment, recalling the way he had felt
that night.  Why had he thought it was such a good idea to tell Jack
how he felt about him?

'Well, it seemed like a good idea at the time...'

He sighed at the bitterness of his internal voice, the self-mockery
behind those seemingly-casual words.  It was simple words like that
which had shattered his world, wrecking the one friendship he valued
above all others.

He had come so close to walking away from everything he had worked
so hard to achieve.  It had been an effort to carve himself a niche
in the SGC, to gain the acceptance of the people with whom he worked.
And at the time it had seemed like energy well-expended.  For the
first time since he could recall, even before he went to Abydos,
Daniel felt as though he was a part of something.

When he had been with Sha're, he had been loved, respected, but he
had always felt himself a man apart.  He had seen the glances the
Abydians tried to hide, the comments on his strangeness - they were
something he had been used to all his life, in a way, but he had
never been able to free himself from them, no matter how hard he tried.

But the SGC had been different.

Not at first, he had to admit.  At first, he had faced the same age-
old struggle that he knew so well, the struggle to be taken
seriously.  And Jack had helped him, stood up for his craziest ideas
at times when he did not expect support, at times when all he
expected to receive for his enthusiasm was derisive laughter.

In time, he had come to feel as though the SGC, the men and women
who worked there, were different from those he had worked with
before.  Once he had managed to prove himself to them once, they did
not ask him to do so time and time again.  There was a level of
trust, of mutual understanding, that he had long searched for in the
academic world.  If this was what military training had wrought, then
Daniel had to admit himself a convert.

And then he had tried to tear it all apart, destroy the thing that
he had treasured the most in the dark times.  He had only thought
about the way he felt, as if the words were too powerful for him to
hold back any longer.  If he had envisaged an outcome, Daniel had to
admit to himself that it was hazy at best.  

What had he expected Jack to do?

Looking back at the moment, could Daniel really be surprised at
Jack's reaction?  Surely the only thing he could comment on was it's
vehemence, not the fact that it happened.  And, like an idiot, Daniel
had let things escalate, wallowing in his own misery and forgetting
what he stood to lose....

If he had not changed his mind, having thought about what Sam had to
say, his guilty conscience kicking in to make him reconsider....

'And if I hadn't changed my mind...?' Daniel wondered.  'If I wasn't
here, what the hell *would* I be doing?  If I could find a reputable
university to take me, still the thought of all those unexplored
planets out there alone should be enough, let alone Sha're...'


Daniel let that thought trail off, uncomfortable with the feelings
of guilt that rose within him when he thought of his wife.  Even now,
months after her death, the thought of what she had gone through made
him shudder slightly - how could he step away from what he was doing,
even if his primary motivation was no longer there?

'I never had the kind of relationship with Sha're that I have with
Jack,' he thought.  'And I almost blew it with him.  What was I
thinking?  I'll be lucky if I *can* salvage something of our former
friendship, especially as I was the one telling him that *I* couldn't
cope with just being friends...'

"Time to get up, Daniel," he said to himself.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

'I have to do this,' Jack thought, as his jeep pulled into the car
park at the SGC. 'There is no other way... Sure, Daniel's not going
to like it, but what choice do I have? Yesterday was *way* too
close. I can't do this, not now, not any more.'

It had been a restless night.  Despite the couple of beers Jack had
put away before bed time, his thoughts had remained horribly clear
and acute, the experiences of the past few days seeming to be burned
into his consciousness.  Even in his sleep, Jack had seen the tear-
streaked face of his friend, the tracks those tears had created
through his dusty face, as he hung suspended in the chasm.  

But in the version that haunted his dreams, Daniel fell.

Twice he had woken from that dream, his throat sore with the
hoarseness that only screaming can produce.  After the second time,
Jack had realised that he was wasting his time trying to get any
rest.  

He could only remember fragments of his nightmare, not enough to be
sure whether he had let Daniel go through choice or by accident....

'What does it matter?' he thought.  'Dead is dead.  I can't do
this...'

Finding Hammond in his office before the briefing began had been a
godsend.  Although he knew that there was no way he could tell the
truth about his motives behind wanting this change of affairs for the
team, Jack knew that his perceptive superior would see through any
pretense he put forward.  He would have to sail as close to the truth
as possible, without actually stating the facts.

"Sir?" he asked, seeking permission to enter.  The general looked
up and beckoned Jack into his office.  

"Colonel.  The briefing isn't till 0900." 

"I know, sir," Jack replied.  He hesitated for a moment, considering
his words under the watchful eyes of the general.  "I have a favour
to ask."

Hammond's eyebrows rose, in recognition of the unusual event.  Too
often, Colonel O'Neill was in this office making wisecracks, at times
practically telling him how to do his job, and now he was asking for
a favour?

"Go ahead."

"I'd like to request that Daniel be temporarily assigned to duty
within the SGC," Jack began.  "This request is no reflection on his
performance as part of SG1, you know how hard I pressed for him to be
included in the team.  And at times, more times than I care to think
about, he has proved himself an invaluable member."


"But...?" Hammond prompted, when Jack hesitated for a moment.

"But I think he needs a break, and I know that the archaeologists
would appreciate some of his time.  He's always saying he never gets
a chance to really study anything," Jack said. "I've seen the
missions that SG1 has lined up for the next few weeks.  They're
standard reconn, so we could just go in and out, see what's there and
call for extra input if necessary."

"I have to admit," Hammond said, looking across at where Jack was
standing at ease in front of his desk, "the archaeologists have been
complaining they have too much to catalog.  How do you think Dr.
Jackson would feel about this?"  Hammond stopped, an assessing look
crossing his face.  "Does he know you're asking me about this?"

"I'd appreciate it, sir," Jack said, "if you didn't mention that
this idea came from me.  Daniel... well, he'd only get the wrong idea
about why I wanted this, you understand, don't you?"  

'He'd know *exactly* why I wanted him somewhere else, even though
it'd give me time to figure out what the hell I'm doing...'

"Very well, colonel," Hammond said, fixing him with an implacable
look.  "As a temporary measure only, I'll put Dr. Jackson on standby
at your request."  As he was looking at the colonel when he spoke,
Hammond could not miss the expression that flitted across Jack's face
- it was clear that the colonel wanted to add something.  "But it was
*my* idea," the general added, and watched Jack visibly relax at
those words.  "Dismissed."

"Thank you, sir."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

When Jack walked into the conference room, ten minutes before the
briefing was due to start, he was surprised to see Daniel there.  The
anthropologist was pale, that was certain, but the very fact that the
events of the previous days were clearly not a figment of the
colonel's imagination were clear.

Daniel looked up at the sound of someone coming in, a tentative
smile appearing when he saw who it was.

"Jack."  Daniel greeted him hesitantly.

"Daniel."

After that simple exchange, an awkward silence fell between the two
men for a moment.

"Listen, I..."

"Do you..."

Both men spoke as one, each looking embarrassed when the other spoke.

"You first, Jack."

"If you're sure?" Jack asked.  Daniel nodded, his eyes intent on
the other man as he crossed to the opposite side of the long table
and took a seat.  "I wanted to be sure you were okay...  after
yesterday, I mean."  Daniel said nothing.  "Your ribs?" Jack prompted.

"Cracked," Daniel said, simply.  "Your head?"

Jack fingered the bandage on his forehead, feeling the skin starting
to itch slightly where the adhesive met the skin.

"Just a bump."

"Good."  Daniel took a long pull at his mug of coffee.  "I'm early."

"I noticed," Jack said.  "Couldn't sleep?"

"Just the opposite," Daniel answered.  "I didn't think I would, not
with all that's been going on."  'Between us,' he thought, not daring
to add the words.  Surely Jack could tell despite his silence? 
Could his friend hear the words he could not bring himself to speak?
"I slept well, though.  What about you?"

"Not so good," Jack admitted with a grimace.  "Adrenaline, you
know..."

"Not surprising.  That was a bit *too* close."  Daniel closed his
eyes for a moment, as if trying to drive away the memories.  "And you
know how I hate heights," he added, after a moment.

"I'd forgotten," Jack admitted.  "I mean, not really forgotten, it
just hadn't crossed my mind when... when we were on the planet."

"Well, you were busy..." Daniel said, trying to smile again.  He
felt awkward, talking with Jack like this, skating around the things
he longed to say in a desperate attempt to rescue their friendship
from the storm his words had created.

"Ya think?" Jack quipped, with a grin.  "It all worked out okay
anyway."  

'If only that were true,' he thought.  'If only everything were
alright between us again. I'd give anything to turn back the clock to
how things were...'

Silence again.  Daniel drank another mouthful of coffee, wondering
what to say next.  He wanted to ask Jack about what he had said when
they were on the planet together, about the reasons behind the things
that had happened between them, the things he now suspected.  

'I don't know where to start, Jack,' Daniel thought sadly.  'It took
so few words to put us where we are - how many would it take to fix
this mess?'

"Daniel, I..." Jack began, just as the door to the conference room
opened, admitting the other two members of SG1.  

"What?" Daniel prompted, when Jack did not say any more.

"Later, Daniel."  Jack's tone was firm, his eyes flicking from
Daniel's face to take in the newcomers.

"Okay, Jack."

"Daniel, Colonel," Carter said, greeting the two men.  

With a glance the major took in the appearance of her friends.  She
was glad to see that Daniel was looking better than when she had last
seen him - there was something of his former sparkle there, a life
that had been missing from his eyes for the past few days had
returned.  

Jack, on the other hand, looked awful.  The bruise on his forehead
was creeping out from behind the bandage there and he looked tired,
more tired than Carter could recall seeing him.  

There was an atmosphere in the briefing room, an almost tangible
feeling that the two newcomers had interrupted something important. 
For a moment Carter was silent, unsure of whether anything she might
say would be welcome.  Her decision was taken from her, however, when
Hammond entered the conference room a few moments later, and she and
Teal'c hastened to their seats.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The briefing itself passed without incident.  Jack could not help
but compare it to the one before the mission, with this time Daniel
being more his usual self, more animated than the colonel could
recall for a long time.  It seemed as if he were over-compensating
for his silence in the previous meeting, as if the anthropologist
were using all the words that he had not last time around.

'I never thought I'd be so glad to hear Daniel rattle on,' Jack
thought.  

He shuddered slightly as he thought of the alternative, of the
minutes he had spent contemplating the apparent certain death that
lay before the two of them, so awkwardly suspended in the chasm. 
Suddenly he was happy for Daniel to speak at length, letting his
words flow over him like warm water, until he was almost hypnotised
by them.

He had spoken of the period of time the two of them had been so
precariously balanced between life and death, choosing his words
carefully to eliminate any chance of them betraying him.  Jack knew
that he had revealed more to Daniel  than he ever intended in those
long minutes, and, if he could not take those words back, then what
tactic was possible for him other than denial?

It was over soon after that - as the meeting drew to a close,
Hammond asked Daniel to accompany him to his office, and Jack watched
the two men leave, knowing what they were to discuss.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Puzzled, Daniel followed the general into his office.  This was not
a place he came often, and most of the times he had been here before
had been as the result of some tragedy, some catastrophic event.  
What could it be this time?  Daniel's stomach churned slightly as he
waited for a moment, unsure whether he wanted to be seated or remain
standing to receive the bombshell that was doubtless headed his way.

'He couldn't know about me and Jack, could he?' Daniel thought,
beginning to panic slightly before reason took over and calmed him
down.  'What is there to know?  Jack doesn't feel the same way about
me as I do about him, so surely 'don't ask, don't tell' is hardly an
issue here...'

"Have a seat, Dr. Jackson," Hammond said, when he realised that the
anthropologist was still standing.

"Have I done something?" Daniel blurted out, reddening slightly at
the unintended double meaning of his words.

"It's nothing like that, son," the general said.  "Please, sit
down."  When Daniel had finally taken a seat, Hammond leaned forward
slightly, resting his hands together on the desk, his pudgy fingers
interlocking there.  "I've asked you here in order to make a
request," he began.

"What is it, general?"

"Have you spoken with Dr. Johannsen recently?" Hammond asked.

"The other day," Daniel said.  "We were comparing notes on
translations from various Goa'uld dialects."

"Then it probably won't come as any great surprise to you, Dr.
Jackson, when I say that the archaeology unit is struggling at the
moment."  Daniel nodded.  "I'd like to ask you to accept a temporary
transfer from SG1 for a couple of weeks, to help them try and catch
up."

"I knew Carrie... uh, Dr. Johannsen was under pressure," Daniel
said, "but I hadn't realised things were so bad.  She never said she
was finding it more difficult to get everything done than usual..."

'I need to speak with her,' Hammond thought.  'Right after I deal
with this...'

"I'll do whatever I can to help," Daniel said.  "But what about Jack
?  I mean, you haven't told Colonel O'Neill about this yet, have you
?  He didn't mention anything just now..."

"Not yet," Hammond lied.  "I wanted to speak with you, get your
agreement to it before I told the colonel what was happening."

"Okay," Daniel said, getting up from the chair.  He froze for a
moment, as a thought had obviously struck him.  "Temporary, right?"

"Two weeks would be helpful, Dr. Jackson," Hammond said.  "We
couldn't ask for you to be separated from your team for much more
than that."

"Two weeks.  I can do that," Daniel said.  "I've missed the labs, so
it'll be nice to have a chance to concentrate on the academic side of
things, rather than dodging people trying to kill me."

"Send Colonel O'Neill in when you leave, Dr. Jackson."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The next few days passed in something of a blur for Daniel.  Dr.
Johannsen had been overjoyed to learn that Daniel was joining her
team, even if only for a couple of weeks, and soon he had more
interesting inscriptions to puzzle over than he could have desired. 

SG1 had left for a routine mission - the MALP probe's results had
indicated that there was little likelihood of any civilization
existing on the planet in question, which seemed to have been valued
only as a source of naquadah, long since used up.  

Even so, General Hammond seemed to have taken perverse pleasure in
assigning one Dr. Stacey Wilson to the team on a temporary secondment
- Jack had been forced to grudgingly accept this, knowing that he had
somewhat brought this state of affairs on his own head as a result of
his request concerning Daniel.

Daniel was working hard, but the regular visits of a number of SGC
staff, Major Ferretti and Janet Fraiser included, were ensuring that
he ate regular meals and even got a good night's sleep.  

'All in all,' Daniel thought, 'this secondment has been a good thing.'

Even though he had enough to think about in relation to the work he
was doing for Dr. Johannsen, the time away from SG1 had given Daniel
ample opportunity to consider his relationship with Jack, and to test
the reality of his feelings for the colonel.

'I'm just going to have to live with the fact that Jack doesn't feel
about me the same way I feel about him.'  The thought did not please
the anthropologist, but he could not find it in himself to argue
against it's logic.  'If I can rebuild something of our friendship,
persuade Jack that it was just a moment of madness on my part, even
though I know that's a lie...'

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

If Jack had ever thought Daniel was annoying, he was now prepared to
declare the anthropologist a prince among men.

Dr. Stacey Wilson had taken all his concerns about scientists,
female or otherwise, and proved them all at once.  The long and the
short of it was that the woman did not know when to shut up.

Jack found himself sighing with frustration for the tenth time this
morning.  Even when Daniel was at his most talkative, at least he had
learned to interpret the colonel's non verbal communication and had
known when to stop talking.  Dr. Wilson, it seemed, did not have a
clue about body language and Jack was hesitant to tell her to be
quiet, feeling a little guilty for having unintentionally inflicted
her on the other two members of SG1.

Not only was the woman a chatterbox, she was also brash and
abrasive.  From the very moment she opened her mouth, it was clear
that she believed that everything she said was correct, even if the
evidence pointed clearly to a completely contradictory explanation -
in short, no-one could tell her anything!

'I wish Daniel was here,' Jack thought, before becoming annoyed with
himself for even thinking of the anthropologist.  'Dammit.  If he'd
just kept his feelings to himself, none of this would have happened,
and I wouldn't be stuck here with this Guinness Book of Records
champion prattler.'

Jack stifled a grin at the expression on Teal'c's face.  Anyone who
had only recently met the Jaffa would not be able to realise that the
usually stoic man was becoming more and more annoyed with the antics
of their temporary team member.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It was only as the team were settling down for the night that Carter
had the opportunity to speak with Jack.

Dr. Wilson had fallen asleep the moment her head hit the pillow, and
was now sleeping the sleep of the just, gentle snores rattling across
to where the colonel and major were sitting by the campfire.  Teal'c
was on watch, sitting cross-legged nearby, a solid lump of shadow in
the moonlight.

"Sir?"

"Major.  Join me?"

Carter settled down beside where Jack was sitting, after which there
was silence between the two of them for a moment.

"Colonel," Carter began, "I wanted to apologise to you..."

Jack turned his head towards Carter as she spoke - those were some
of the last words he had expected to hear coming out of her mouth
right about now.  

He had expected some sort of complaint about being saddled with Dr.
Wilson, although he knew better than to expect the major to come out
with a direct comparison with Daniel.  He could understand her
reluctance to criticise another woman working in what was, he knew, a
very male environment, even if that woman was driving them all to
distraction.  

"Apologise?" he echoed.  "I was expecting some sort of delegation."
He looked pointedly over at where Dr. Wilson was snoring away,
oblivious to all that was going on around her.  "I could understand
that..."

"It's not about Dr. Wilson," Carter continued, "not that I don't
wish Daniel was here, regardless of who he might have been replaced
by.  It's about how things have been between you and Daniel.  I took
sides, and I shouldn't have."

"I don't hold any of that against you, Carter," Jack said.  "In
fact, I'd have been more surprised if you *hadn't* had an opinion on
the subject after the things that SG1 has been through together."

"But I didn't help matters between you, did I?"

"On the contrary, Major," Jack said.  "I think you did.  Daniel was
ready to resign, remember?  I'd had no luck in persuading him to
stay with us - I don't know what it was you said, but it worked."

Suddenly Carter was glad that they were sitting by a fire - the lack
of light would disguise her embarrassment as she recalled the
emotional blackmail she had used on Daniel when her friend was at his
most vulnerable.  She decided to change the subject slightly, hoping
that the colonel would not realise why she had done so.

"And Dr. Wilson.  Why is she here, rather than Daniel?" Carter
asked.  "I don't really believe that you'd accept Daniel being
temporarily re-assigned without a fight if there wasn't something
else going on..."

"Not everything is a government conspiracy, Mulder," Jack said, with
a grin.

"With all due respect, sir," Carter said.  "Don't try and snow me
here.  I have a theory, but I'm not sure if you're going to like it."

"Shoot."

"The reason that you accepted Daniel not being here," Carter said,
"was that you asked for him to be re-assigned."

'Hammond was right, back when we first met, Carter,' Jack thought. 
'You *are* way smarter than me...'

Jack sighed to himself, closing his eyes as he was contemplating
what he should do - Carter was obviously concerned about the way
things stood between himself and Daniel, and was trying to be even-
handed with the two of them.  

But how far could he trust her?  

It wasn't that he thought she would run and tell Daniel anything he
had confided to her, but how could he expect her to deal with being
driven, by her friendship with both of them, to choose between
himself and Daniel?

"I'm right, aren't I?" Carter asked, an intent expression on her
face visible even in the flickering firelight.  When Jack did not
answer, she smiled.  "I knew it."  It was clear that she had spoken
to herself.  "This is a temporary situation, isn't it colonel?" 

"Of course it is, Major," Jack snapped, his own dislike of
misleading Daniel coming out in his words.  "Do you really think I'd
jeopardise the future of SG1 this way?"

"But what about Daniel?  What will happen when *he* realises what
you've done?" Carter asked, frowning slightly at the thought of it. 
"I don't think he'll understand why you've done this."  She paused. 
"Why *have* you done this, colonel?" she asked, after a moment's
silence.

Jack sighed again, considering for a moment before he spoke.  

'Do I have a choice?' he wondered.  

"I'm sure you have an idea what started this situation between me
and Daniel," Jack began, glancing across at Carter as he spoke.  She
nodded.  "I'm not saying I handled things well.  I think, hell I
*know* I could have handled things better.  But I didn't."  

He glanced across at Carter again.  Her face was inscrutable now and
she did not speak.  

"You know what happened on our last mission.  We were so close to
going over that edge together.  I needed time to think about how we
can move on from this, and I can't do that with Daniel around."

"But you couldn't tell him that?" Carter pressed, her face still
unreadable.

"Don't you think I've done enough?" Jack snapped.  He halted,
horrified at the words even as they left his mouth.  "I mean... 
hell, I don't know what I mean any more..." 

Jack was stumbling over the words, trying desperately to rescue
himself from the wreckage of this conversation, to save some crumb of
his self-respect under the unflinching gaze of the Major.

"Get some sleep, sir."  Carter's voice was kind but firm.  "Things
will look different in the morning."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It had been good advice, Jack knew that, if only it had worked.  At
least pretending to sleep gave him the opportunity to think over what
was going on with him, even if his mind was racing too much to allow
him to really get some rest.

'What do I want to do?' he wondered.  'I got Hammond to keep Daniel
busy so I could get my thoughts together on where we go from here,
but I'm nowhere nearer having any idea how to do that than I was
before we left on this mission.'

From where he was lying, Jack could hear the way that Dr. Wilson was
snoring.  The scientist had rolled onto her back now, making her
snoring more nasal, and he could even feel the way those snores
echoed through the earth the short distance to his current position.

'I know I shouldn't be making comparisons,' Jack thought.  'But what
the hell was I thinking?  I know when I first met him, I thought
Daniel was a geek, but even then he was nowhere near as annoying as
Dr. 'call me Stacey' Wilson.'

Thinking of Daniel was a bad idea, he realised, as thoughts of the
anthropologist started to run through his brain like some sadistic
home movie.  

Daniel when they first met, all eager smiles and bright eyes....

His face reddening like the sunset when Sha're kissed him....

Shock turning to horror when she was discovered to be Apophis'
queen....

The look of wonder and discovery on Ernest's planet....

Lying slumped against a wall with half his chest blown away....

Shaking as he came out of his sarcophagus addiction....

With an effort, Jack managed to call a mental halt to the procession
of images, taking a deep breath to try and quell the emotions that
had risen within him at those memories.

'And what did I do?' Jack thought bitterly.  'He tried to tell me
how he felt about me and I lied to him.  My best friend, and I
couldn't even give him an honest response.  What kind of heel does
that make me?'

'It makes you a human being,' his inner voice said, quietly.

"Sometimes I wonder..." Jack muttered to himself, as he rolled over
and made another attempt to sleep.
 
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Daniel reached out to his ever-present coffee mug as he considered
the inscriptions that he had been studying for the past hour.  There
was something about them that fascinated him and it wasn't until the
coffee was actually in the anthropologist's mouth that he realised
that it was stone cold.  Grimacing slightly, he spat the coffee back
into the mug before glaring at it as if this would make a difference
to what he found there.

The past few days had been punctuated by visits from Ferretti and
Janet, among others, and he had tolerated them, knowing that to go
along with their good intentions meant that they would leave him
alone all the sooner.  That was something he had learned over the
time he had known Jack - that there was a time for a strategic
withdrawal, a time when you just had to retreat in order to move
forward in the future.

Jack.  

Daniel glanced up at the calendar on the bookcase.

'Did I remember to cross yesterday off?' he wondered.  'Does that
make today Thursday or Friday?'

He knew that SG1 were due back some time on Friday afternoon and the
way that his heart started to pound when he considered this fact made
Daniel frown.

'So much for 'let's be friends, Jack',' he thought, bitterly.  'I
start thinking about seeing you for the first time in days and my
stomach starts to flop about like a frog with a broken leg. 
Wonderful.'

"Coffee," Daniel said to himself, picking up the half-empty mug as
he got up from his chair.  "That's what I need..."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The morning had come way too quickly for SG1.

Dr. Wilson had added insult to injury by apparently being a
consummate 'morning person' - she had almost begun to talk again even
before she was fully awake, but Jack was happier now.

He had managed, through great mental effort, to get to the stage
where he could tune out what the annoying scientist was saying.  A
quick glance at the faces of the other two team members clearly
showed that this was a mental discipline they had yet to master.

Jack stifled a grin.

As the team headed back towards the area where the Stargate for this
planet was situated, Jack thought over what he had been contemplating
the previous night.  He had fallen asleep in the end, but it seemed
as though, once he had, that same home movie had started in his
dreams.  This time, however, it seemed intent to focus on two
particular scenes, each more recent than those he had recalled
earlier.  Once again, all he could see was Daniel's face, full of
emotions he was unable to hide.

Horror as Jack reacted coldly to his declaration of love....

Terror as Jack held his life literally in his hands, at the
precipice....

'Would it really have been so hard to tell him how I feel about him
?' Jack thought.  'I had nothing to lose, not really.  But I
panicked, both times, made a decision to keep in control of the
situation, as if Daniel was someone I couldn't trust not to hurt me...'

Jack stopped in his tracks as the thought hit him.

"Colonel?" Carter asked, as she came up to where he was standing.
"Is something wrong?"

"No, Major," Jack replied.  "Just thinking about something, that's
all.  Let's press on..."

He began to walk again, this time conscious of Carter's eyes on his
back.  It was as though he could feel their heat, burning through the
layers of clothing he was wearing, piercing him straight to the heart.

'Was that what this is all about?' Jack wondered.  'How could I
*be* so stupid?  Daniel's the last person who would ever be likely
to hurt me, no matter how he feels about me.  And now I've blown my
chances with him, haven't I?'

'Tell him,'  his internal voice encouraged.

'Why do you always pop up at the most awkward moment?' he thought. 
'How can I tell him *now*?  He'll laugh in my face - that's all I'd
deserve.'

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

'Finally,' Daniel thought.  'Friday at last!'

As much as he had enjoyed the work he had been doing for Dr.
Johannssen, over the past few hours Daniel had noticed that his
thoughts kept wandering.  Whereas normally he could quite easily work
for long periods of time, concentration at the maximum, now his eyes
seemed to keep straying to the clock, while his mind calculated the
amount of time left before SG1 returned.

'It's just habit,' Daniel told himself.  'It's been so long since
they've been on a mission without me that I don't know what to do
with myself, that's all it is.'  Even as he thought that, the
anthropologist was not convinced that this theory held water as an
explanation.  'They're my friends,' he thought, 'Sam, Teal'c and
Jack.  That's what it is.'

Sighing, he returned his gaze to the inscription he had been working
on, but it was no good.  His usual level of concentration, the one
which enabled him to work steadily at something for hours on end, was
missing.

'I miss them,' he thought.  'That's all it is.  It's been such a
long time since SG1 went on a mission without me, that I don't know
what to do with myself.  I bet they're feeling the same way.'

"This is crazy," Daniel said out loud, his words echoing in the
empty office.  "I'm not achieving anything."

As Daniel spoke, he stretched in his seat, feeling the bandages on
his side stretch and shift.  There was a sudden twinge of pain, one
which razored it's way up his spine, making his head swim slightly as
it hit. 

"That's not good."

With one last glance at the inscription, which still stubbornly
refused to give up it's secrets, Daniel threw the pencil he had been
toying with down onto the desk and got up, heading for the infirmary.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

SG1 were resting in the shade of a large rock outcropping.  Carter
was on watch and Jack was watching Teal'c being interrogated by Dr.
Wilson.  The scientist was struggling valiantly to get answers to her
questions out of the Jaffa, who was being even more taciturn than
usual.  Never one to waste words, Teal'c was managing to answer even
her most cleverly-phrased questions with a single word.  

At one point in the interrogation, Teal'c caught Jack's eye with a
glance that was full of equal amounts of amusement and annoyance.  It
was at this point, although he had been enjoying the show so far,
that Jack decided to intervene.

"Isn't it time for you to meditate, Teal'c?" he asked, crossing to
where the Jaffa and Dr. Wilson were seated.

"It is," Teal'c replied gravely.

"Enough, Dr. Wilson."  Jack's voice was firm.  "Teal'c needs to do
this, and he needs peace and quiet."

"But I have more questions..." the scientist began, pouting slightly
at the colonel's words.

"Later," Jack said.  "If Teal'c wants to."

Dr. Wilson looked unconvinced, but nodded grudgingly.

"I'm going to relieve Major Carter.  You just stay here and keep
quiet, okay?"

She nodded again, her eyes going to where Teal'c was sitting, now
clearly having begun kel-no-reem.

Shaking his head at the infinite resources of curiosity that God
seemed to give to scientists, Jack headed for where he had last seen
Carter, climbing easily up onto one of the ledges that threaded their
way around the rock.

"Carter."

"Nothing going on, sir," she reported.  "Dr. Wilson's very quiet. 
What did you do?"

"I could see Teal'c getting ready to disembowel her, so I thought
I'd better give him an out," Jack said, with a smile.

Carter smiled back, knowing full well that the Jaffa had more
patience than herself and the colonel put together.

"He misses Daniel," she said, quietly.  "And so do I."

"I know," Jack said.  "For all his faults, at least he never
interrogated someone like that."

"What are you going to do, colonel?"  

Jack looked at Carter, his eyes asking her to continue.  

"I mean, about Daniel.  I don't want to interfere, really, but we
can't go on like this.  SG1 needs Daniel.  And so do you, if only
you'd realise it."

"What are you, Jiminy Cricket?" Jack asked, trying to smile to
soften the harshness of his words.

Carter shook her head, getting up from where she had been crouched
on watch.

"Just a friend, colonel," she answered.  "That's all."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

'I spend *way* too much time here,' thought Daniel as he headed
through the doors into the infirmary.

As he looked around the strangely empty room, he remembered the last
time he had been in here, with Sam joking about him needing to use
'his' bed again. It hadn't been funny at the time and the joke had
not improved with age.

'Where is everyone?' he wondered, crossing the first room and
heading into the next.  'I know there haven't been many missions
recently, but this is ridiculous. There must be *someone* here...'

From where he was standing, in the empty ward, Daniel could see the
door to Dr. Fraiser's office standing ajar.  Taking one last look
around, but still not seeing any other medical staff, Daniel began to
cross the room towards Janet's office, just to check whether the
doctor was there.

"How is Dr. Jackson?"

Daniel stopped in his tracks, hearing General Hammond's voice
echoing through the empty room.  For a moment he was torn - wanting
to know what the conversation was about, particularly as he seemed to
be it's subject, but also fearing discovery.  He sidled closer to the
doorway, leaning in what he hoped was a casual manner on a nearby
cabinet.

"I think this rest has done him good, General," Dr. Fraiser's voice
said.  "It's been a while since he has had such regular meals and
reasonable amounts of sleep.  As his doctor, I should be thanking you."

"I can hardly take the credit for the idea," Hammond said.  "It was
Colonel O'Neill who suggested that he be temporarily re-assigned
after all..."

The words, so casually spoken by the general, struck Daniel with the
force of a blow.

'How *could* he?' the anthropologist thought, suddenly furious.

Without another thought of why he had come to the infirmary in the
first place, Daniel headed out of the infirmary, not noticing that he
brushed hurriedly past one of the nurses in the doorway, so eager was
he to escape.

'Damn him,' Daniel thought.  'And to think I considered him my
friend...'

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

At last, SG1 had reached the 'Gate, which dominated the plain where
it was situated, rising up as it did from unbroken pasture land. Jack
had never been so glad to finish a mission, even one where he had
been given so much to think about, one way or another.

Taking one last look at the grasslands that lay undisturbed from the
plinth where the 'Gate stood, Jack took in the thoughtful look on
Carter's face as the major glanced up at him from where she was
standing, still by the DHD.

'Okay, Major,' Jack thought. 'I get the message. Time to talk with
Daniel, sort this mess out if I can...'

With that thought, he turned and stepped into the event horizon.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Daniel had gone from the infirmary back to his office in something
of a daze - he had gone from being surprised to discover that Jack
had engineered his removal from SG1, through anger at the inherent
betrayal
of this action, and straight on into cold fury.

Whereas before he had been anticipating SG1's return, now he was
ambivalent towards it. He wanted to see Sam and Teal'c, but the idea
of coming face to face with Jack O'Neill made Daniel's blood boil in
a way that surprised him.

He had always considered himself a peacable person. Even in some of
the most extreme circumstances that SG1 had found itself in, he had
always tried to talk his way out of situations rather than rely on
force, and that fact had been a source of pride to him during some of
the darker times.

But now, now he was full of a cold darkness, one that he had seen
before
in himself and had never liked. He knew, as much as anyone knows
themself, that he was not perfect - there was a darker side to him,
as there is to everyone, that he had managed to keep hidden from the
rest of the world.

Occasionally, however, that darker side would gain control, and then
Daniel would find himself doing things that might be considered out
of character.

He could still recall the look on Sam's face when he had coldly
killed those Goa'uld larvae on Abydos, thinking only of revenge for
the loss of
Sha're. He could dress his motives up, try to tell himself that he
was thinking of the Hosts they would possess, the many people who
would not have to endure that terrible slavery, but that would be a
lie.  Vengeance had been the driving force behind his actions, Daniel
knew that.

So, the last thing that he really wanted now was a confrontation
with Jack. It could only end badly, with words being said that both
of them would regret, words that would cut like knives, inflicting
wounds in their friendship that could never be healed.

For their sake, for the sake of the other members of SG1, he could
not allow that. He would have to leave.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

As he stepped through into the relative warmth of the SGC, Jack was
once
again amazed that it had all worked.

Secretly, every time he stepped into the wormhole from another
planet, there was always the nagging doubt in the back of his mind
that this time the iris would not open and they would all be
splattered across it's surface like bugs on a windshield.

Once again, he was glad he had been proved wrong and shook his head
at ever having come up with that description all those months ago -
once he had said it, the idea had stayed with him, whether he wanted
it to or not.

Looking round as he headed down the ramp, Jack checked that the rest
of his team had also emerged, noting with a small smile to himself
that Dr. Wilson now seemed to have attached herself to Carter and was
plying the Major with questions.

Unlike the frosty response the scientist had received from Teal'c,
Carter seemed to have decided to tolerate the inquisition she was
receiving, but was starting to realise that answering one question
only led to three more.

Jack took a quick look round the 'Gate room as he headed down to the
bottom of the ramp where General Hammond was waiting as usual. He
hoped that the disappointment did not show on his face - he had hoped
that Daniel would be there to greet them on their return, but there
was no sign of him.

A sudden movement in the control room caught Jack's eye and he
glanced upwards, his heart beginning to pound a little as he looked
for Daniel up there. No. There was no errant anthropologist up there
either....

"Colonel."

Hammond's voice was as calm and controlled as ever - the single word
a question and a greeting all rolled into one.

"Nothing to report, General," Jack replied. "The planet was
uninhabited, as the MALP showed, and looks like it's been that way
for a while."

"Go get yourselves checked out," Hammond said. "We'll debrief in one
hour."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Jack hurried down the corridor towards the infirmary, a cold feeling
creeping over him. Was something wrong and Hammond hadn't wanted to
tell him?

He had spent too many hours there, visiting one or other of his
team, but mainly it had been Daniel who he had been forced to sit
vigil for, more times than he cared to consider.

'You're getting paranoid in your old age, O'Neill,' he thought. 'If
something was wrong, Hammond would have said.'

He could hear footsteps rushing along behind him and slowed his
pace, knowing immediately who it was trailing him.

"Where is DanielJackson?" Teal'c asked, barely out of breath
although he had clearly run a good part of the way between the 'Gate
room and their current position.

"No idea, Teal'c," Jack replied, without turning to look at the
Jaffa as the two men travelled on through the grey concrete corridors
in silence.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

'This is the last place they'll look for me,' Daniel thought with a
minor feeling of triumph.

He huddled further into the corner of the booth he occupied, the
fingers of one hand toying idly with the label on the luke-warm beer
he had bought in an attempt to blend in.

He had decided as he left the SGC that he did not want to be found,
or at least not until the anger he was currently feeling had been
given a chance to die down naturally.

Daniel knew that this could take some time - he was royally pissed
off with a certain colonel, so much so that he was a little afraid of
what he might say to Jack if they met, let alone the reaction his
angry words might provoke.

'Best we keep apart for a while,' he thought, taking another swig of
the
tepid beer.

Sighing slightly to himself, Daniel rested his head back on the wood
panelling, letting his eyes travel round the dimly-lit bar. It was
almost empty, only the odd person here and there, but all of them
clearly people who were hiding from something or other. He could tell
that by their slumped posture, the defensive walls that each one was
projecting, their chosen solitude.

He remembered something then that he had first heard when he was at
school. The words had stuck with him, despite all that he had gone
through, and he recalled the time when he had thought that they were
wise:

<< No man is an Island, entire of itself;
Every man is a piece of the Continent, a part of the main; >>

The words nagged at him, mocking him. He could not remember a time
when he had ever felt so alone.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It had taken at least three beers before Daniel felt better about
his current situation.

Maybe 'better' was an unfortunate choice of words to describe the
way he felt - there were too many shades of Harlan's world when he
considered that word and for a moment he envied the clone of himself
that was probably still there.

'You don't have to cope with all this,' he thought.  'Lucky
bastard...'

If he didn't feel any happier, at least the alcohol in Daniel's
system had ensured that things were softer around the edges, the pain
in his heart suddenly seemed less intense and it was as though he
could breathe again.  The fact that the small part of his brain that
was still rational was screaming for his attention was something he
was currently able to ignore.

'Alone again,' he thought bitterly, as he swilled back the last of
the beer.  'What the hell is *wrong* with me?'

As swiftly as it had come, the numbness began to evaporate, to be
replaced by a desperation that Daniel had not felt for the longest
time.

When he was a child, he had cultivated solitude, creating for
himself a kingdom that he peopled with the characters from the myths
and legends of a multitude of races.

After the agony of losing his parents, Daniel had withdrawn into
himself, creating a persona of independence to safeguard his
shattered heart.  And the fact that the world around him, the people
with whom he interacted, had not only believed in that persona but
rewarded it with academic prizes had only strengthened his creation.

At college he had been the misfit, growing from a child into a man
with no-one to guide him but the same legends - in some ways they
were closer to him than family, he could rely on them, trust in their
eternal truths in a way he had never been able to bring himself to do
with the fallible people with whom he mixed day by day.

He had heard the things they said about him, the epithets attached
to his name, but he had scorned them all, choosing to prize
knowledge, and the getting of it, above all else.

Until the day he stepped out of line.  In his quest for the truth,
Daniel Jackson had forgotten that there are some truths that no-one
wants to hear, some theories that no-one will believe, some occasions
when the world would rather cling to myth.

And suddenly he was an outcast, shipwrecked from the one world he
knew, choosing to make a hazardous journey to another because there
was nothing left for him.

On that alien world, he had found a purpose, a place for once and he
had revelled in it, believing that his luck had changed.

But the loneliness he had known before was only lying in wait for
him, biding it's time until Daniel lowered his guard, till he became
accustomed to being a part of something, only for it all to be
snatched away by the whim of an alien parasite.

Daniel had come back to the planet he had left just over a year
earlier, the place to which he had never expected to return, seeking
only to recapture the elusive quality of 'home' that had been stolen
from him.  Even as he stepped through the 'Gate into the SGC, to face
the derisory gaze of General Hammond, a small part of Daniel's heart
had feared that his quest would fail and he would be alone again,
this time forever.

Gaining friends, or more a makeshift family, in SG1 had been
something that the anthropologist had never looked for, never really
expected.  The best that he had experienced in the past with
colleagues was support, but now he found a camaraderie created by
dangers faced together.  The fact that Daniel discovered the strength
of forgiveness was an unexpected bonus too - he had stumbled so many
times, often with terrible consequences, but his 'family' just kept
on coming back for him, literally at times.

Even when things had seemed at their worst for him, Daniel had
always been able to rely on his friends, in a way that had begun as a
novel experience but had mutated along the way into becoming second
nature.  They had seen him through the horrors of the sarcophagus
addiction, the death of Sha're, even the thought of his own death
more than once.

But all of that was in the past now.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

'Where the hell is he?' Jack thought, his concern for Daniel rising
by the minute.

When the anthropologist had not been present in the 'Gate room on
SG1's return to Earth, Jack had expected to find him in his office,
having lost track of time through his fascination with some artifact
or other.  But the discovery that Daniel's office was empty had
chilled the colonel to the core, making him remember how Daniel had
been only days before.

He had called Daniel's apartment, only to be greeted by his voice on
the answerphone, asking him to leave a message.

For once, Jack was lost for words, afraid that any message he *did*
leave would be so transparent to his friend, the concern he was
feeling so evident, that Daniel would guess the truth he had been
hiding from him in a heartbeat. 

Now, for lack of anything better to do, the colonel was listlessly
pushing what had once been chicken casserole around his plate in the
messhall.

His thoughts were in turmoil, as he considered what to do next - he
needed to find Daniel, some instinct telling him that his friend was
in trouble, but he had no idea where to begin looking!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Somehow, Daniel had found himself in another bar.  Wracking his
brains as hard as he could in his semi-drunk state, he could not
remember leaving the previous one or coming in here - this one was
far smokier than the one he had spent time in earlier, and there was
something about it that tugged at his memory.

Hadn't he been here before?  Back when he had first come back to
Earth, just after he had got his own apartment?

Now he remembered. This had been a bar he used to come to when he
had moved out of Jack's spare room - he had never told anyone that he
came here, but there was something about this place that seemed more
friendly than most of the others he had frequented.  It had been part
of his well-kept secret.  After all, he was in the military now, so
'don't ask, don't tell' was something he had to bear in mind.

"Mind if I join you?" a voice asked. 

Daniel turned towards the voice, eyes meeting with the person who
had spoken, blue eyes meeting brown.  For a moment, time seemed to
stand still.  In that moment, Daniel thought that the man standing
there was Jack.

"Sure."  Daniel's voice was a little unsteady as he contemplated the
man who wasn't Jack after all.  "Take a seat."

"Thanks," the man said, with a smile.  After he had settled into a
nearby chair, he smiled at Daniel again.  "I'm David."

"Daniel."

"I've seen you here before," David said.  "But that was a while
ago..."

"I've been busy," Daniel said, taking another mouthful of beer to
hide his growing nervousness.  He could feel emotions rising within
himself, emotions that he had thought under control.

"Doing what, Daniel?" David asked.

'Saving the planet?' Daniel thought, smiling to himself at the
thought.  "This and that," he said, after a moment's thought.

"And what do you want to do tonight?" David asked, looking Daniel
straight in the eye.

'Those eyes,' Daniel thought.  'They're the same colour as Jack's. 
I'm so alone.  Would it be *so* bad?'

"I'm wasting my time here, aren't I?" David asked, after there was
silence between for a moment, starting to get up from his seat. 
"I'll see you around, Daniel."

"No."  Daniel blurted out the word.  "Stay.  Please."

It was only as he spoke those words that Daniel took a proper look
at the man sitting there with him, as David sat down again.  He was
not as tall as Daniel was, but was more compactly built, with dark
hair that curled slightly where it was cut short on the top of his
head.  His eyes were brown, as Daniel had noticed, the same shade of
brown as Jack's, and there was a light in them that the colonel's
seldom had.

Something inside Daniel lurched.

Would it be so bad, when he was feeling so alone, to take some
comfort when it was being offered freely?

He smiled tentatively at David, basking in the warmth of the other
man's smile when his was returned.  After a few minutes more talk,
none of which Daniel could remember later, he followed David out of
the bar.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

He had followed David home, back to the other man's apartment as if
he were a puppy that had latched onto him.  The thought amused
Daniel, still slightly drunk as he was, and he smiled.

The door had hardly closed behind the two men before David had
turned to Daniel, one hand closing around the anthropologist's arm
and pulling him in the direction of the couch.  The two men hit the
couch, which creaked loudly with the weight.  Daniel's head spun
slightly as he tried to figure out how he had come to be here, in the
apartment of someone he had never seen before....

He closed his eyes, resting his head on the back of the couch,
comfortable for a moment with the warmth that he could feel coming
from the body beside him.  Daniel could feel tentative fingers on his
forehead, stroking at his hair as it swept across, another hand
resting warm on his stomach.

It was only as lips touched his that Daniel jerked awake again - he
had been so comfortable, with the warmth and the beer he had consumed
earlier, that he had begun to doze lightly.

"Jack?" he murmured, before he was fully awake.

"Who the hell's Jack?" a voice snapped.

Daniel's eyes opened sluggishly and he focussed on the face before
him, a face it took a long moment's thought to put a name to.

"David?"

David smiled, his eyes bright with need.  The hand which had been
resting on Daniel's stomach, where warmth from the fingers was
leaching through the anthropologist's shirt, came up to cup the back
of Daniel's head, pulling him forwards slightly.  As he opened his
mouth to protest, Daniel felt lips press against his, a tongue
roughly demanding entry to his mouth.  As the tongue forced it's way
in, Daniel began to panic slightly.

What had seemed like a good idea in the semi-darkness of the bar
suddenly seemed like a major mistake in this stranger's apartment.

Pulling back from the kiss, his face a little flushed, David spoke,
his eyes taking in the look of annoyance that was sweeping Daniel's
face. 

"What?" he snapped.  "You wanted this - no-one forced you to come
here..."

"I've changed my mind," Daniel said firmly, his hands coming up to
push David away.

He felt David's hands loosen their grip on him and shook them off,
getting to his feet.  He was almost to the door of the apartment
before David caught up with him.

"What the hell do you think you're playing at?" David yelled.

He grabbed at the front of Daniel's jacket, slamming him against the
wall nearest the door.  Daniel felt his head snap back, impacting
with the plaster.  David pressed forward, his mouth grinding onto
Daniel's until the anthropologist tasted blood - he was unsure
whether it was his own.

For the first time since he had joined the SGC, Daniel was glad of
the hours of training that Jack had pushed him into completing,
making him unafraid to do whatever was necessary to get out of the
situation he had stupidly placed himself in.  Two well-placed blows
found him free of David's grasp and a moment later he was running
somewhat blindly down the stairs and out of the other man's apartment
building.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

'Stupid, stupid, stupid,' Daniel thought as he left the apartment
building.  'What was I thinking?'

He stopped at the corner of the street to get his bearings, trying
to figure out how far he might be from his own apartment, but without
very much success.  Try as he might, Daniel couldn't figure out how
he had got from the bar to David's apartment, so he now had no clue
which way was home.

'Home,' he thought bitterly.  'That's a joke...'

It was late, the streets were deserted, cars passing where he was
standing only occasionally.

His head was swimming slightly from the hangover that was starting
to take hold, his lip felt as though David had bitten a chunk out of
it and Daniel touched it gingerly with a fingertip.  He moved closer
to the streetlight and examined his finger - there was definitely
blood there, but not a great deal, he was glad to realise.

'Where the hell am I?' he wondered, looking round to try and spot a
street sign.  'Guess I'd better try and get a cab home.'

To the right of where he was standing, Daniel could see an
intersection, one where there seemed to be more traffic, so he began
to walk in that direction.  It was only when he reached the
intersection and began to look for a cab that Daniel realised he
didn't have his wallet.  He remembered having it in the bar, having
shoved it back into his pocket after settling his tab, before
stumbling after David.  Now his jacket pocket was empty.

'Now what?' he thought.

Digging through his trouser pockets, he came up with a couple of
coins, shoved there hastily some time during the day.  Not enough for
cab fare, that was certain, but....

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It had taken a while, but Jack had given up looking for Daniel
within the labyrinth of the SGC complex and had headed home
reluctantly, having instructed various members of the SGC staff to
contact him if Daniel made an appearance.
 
On his way, he had gone over to Daniel's apartment, his over-active
imagination fighting back the memories of his previous visits there -
after all, there was no reason to suspect something bad had happened,
was there? 

Before leaving the SGC, Jack had spoken with Janet Fraiser, who
confirmed that Daniel had seemed in good spirits, engrossed in his
work as usual but not objecting *too* vociferously to regular meals
and reasonable amounts of sleep. 

'Why is it, Daniel,' Jack wondered, 'that now *I* want to talk with
*you*, you manage to pull this disappearing act?'

Jack had made a decision, during the time he had been looking for
Daniel.  The rising concern he was feeling made him certain that it
was the right one. 

Whatever the consequences, he was going to try and be honest with
Daniel from now on, no longer lying about his feelings for the
anthropologist.  It was the least he owed him as a friend, let alone
whatever further relationship might develop between them in the future.

Not that Jack had any idea how this might be received.  After all,
his own reaction to Daniel's words had been so traumatic for his
friend that Jack had been shocked at it.  If he had been given a
moment to consider what impact his reacting that way might have, the
colonel knew now that he would not have been so quick to turn and run. 

He had considered how he might approach the subject with Daniel,
toying with the idea that the two of them should get drunk, but if he
gave that idea any sensible thought, Jack knew that intoxication was
no basis for the kind of relationship he was considering embarking
upon. 

'Shouldn't I be more freaked by this?' he wondered, as he hammered
fruitlessly on Daniel's apartment door for the second time.  'Here I
am, considering getting horizontal with my best friend and I'm still
calm...'

"He's out," a voice said, coming from down the hallway.  Jack turned
in the direction of those words, spotting the woman he had seen some
days before, on his last but one visit to the building.  "Dr.
Jackson.  He's out.  Left about 4 hours ago." 

"Oh."  Jack thought for a moment.  "Thanks." 

'Where are you, Daniel?' he thought, as he headed down the stairs.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The phone rang and rang.

It was starting to rain - Daniel was feeling even colder and more
miserable than before.  He tried to hunch into the meagre shelter
that the phone booth provided as he listened to the phone ringing.

'What if something went wrong on the mission?' he thought, a chill
running down his spine that had nothing to do with the weather.  'Why
don't you answer?'

Finally, just as he was about to give up, even though he had no
other way of getting home bar walking, a sleepy voice answered.

"Hello?"

Daniel had almost convinced himself that something had happened,
that somehow tragedy had struck his team when he was not with them,
leaving him an orphan again, another family lost to him.  So, when
the voice he had been waiting for finally came, he was lost for words
for a moment.

"Who is this?"

"I...  It's Daniel."

"Daniel?  What is it, what's wrong?"  There was a pause.  "D'you
know what time it is?"

Daniel checked his watch, peering uncertainly at it.

"It's 3am," he said.

"Why are you phoning me at 3am, Daniel?"

"I can't get home," Daniel replied, feeling the emotions he had
earlier been trying to drown in bad beer coming back to ambush him. 
He had to swallow a couple of times before he could speak again. 
"Can you come and get me?"

"Where are you?"

"I'm..."  Daniel looked around for a moment before spotting a street
sign.  "...at the corner of Belmont and Third."

"How did you get all the way over there?  Never mind.  I'll be 20
minutes."

"Thanks, Sam," he replied, suddenly feeling a whole lot better.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

She was there in 15 minutes.  From where Daniel was sheltering, he
could see the car heading in his direction, coming to a crawl as it
reached the intersection, the driver looking intently into the
darkness.  He hurried over.

"Are you okay, Daniel?" Sam asked, as he opened the passenger door.
She gasped slightly when the interior light came on.  "What happened
to your lip?"

Daniel settled into the passenger seat, one hand reaching up for the
seatbelt as the other came up to touch his mouth.  He tried to smile
at Sam, wanting to thank her for coming to his rescue like this, but
he could see from her face that this change of expression made her
frown even more. 

"Were you mugged?" Sam asked, as she pulled away from the kerb.

"I'm fine," Daniel said, closing his eyes.

He could almost feel Sam's eyes glancing over to him, and he could
imagine the concern that he would see in them if he looked towards
her now.

"I can take you to the hospital, Daniel," Sam said, sounding more
and more worried as she spoke.

Daniel reluctantly opened his eyes again.  All he wanted to do was
sleep, but he wanted his own bed.

"I'm sorry to have dragged you out like this, Sam," he said, trying
to sound as normal as possible, "but I had no-one else to call. 
Could you take me home?"

"No.  I think you should stay at my place," she replied, firmly. 
"If you were mugged..."

"I wasn't mugged..."

"Then what?  You look like you've been in a fight.  The colonel has
been looking everywhere for you - no-one knew where you were..."  Sam
paused, seeming to consider something for a moment.  "Daniel, if you
were in some kind of trouble," she said, tentatively, "you'd tell me,
wouldn't you?"

"I don't have very many other people to tell," Daniel replied,
hating the slightly self-pitying tone that came into his voice when
he spoke those words.  "I'm not in any kind of trouble." 

'At least not anything you can fix,' he thought bitterly.  'Jack
wants me off the team, that's all...'

Sam seemed satisfied by his answer, or at least resigned to not
pushing for anything more.  Whichever it was, Daniel was glad, not
wanting to answer any more questions.  He could feel his head
starting to pound and he was shivering slightly in his damp clothes. 
All he could think of now was a hot shower and a soft bed.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Carter waited until Daniel was in the shower before she picked up
the phone.

Daniel had protested nearly all the way to her place but Sam had
ignored him resolutely, insisting that he was in no fit state to be
left alone - she was concerned that he had caught a chill when he had
been waiting for her in the drizzle and the thought of him returning
to his apartment alone worried her.

The phone rang only twice before it was answered.

"Colonel?"

"Major?"  Jack's voice was not that of a man who had been woken
from sleep.  "It's nearly 4am.  What are you doing up?"

"It's Daniel," Sam replied, glancing over her shoulder a little
nervously, as if mentioning his name might cause the anthropologist
to appear.  "He's here."

"He's okay?" Jack asked.

Even over the phone Sam could hear the concern in the colonel's
voice, try as he might to hide it.

"Just a little chilled, that's all."

"I'm coming over," Jack said, the tone of his voice brooking no
argument.

"What for?"

"I need to speak with him," Jack answered.

"At 4am?" Sam asked, incredulous.  "Can't it wait?"

There was a pause.

"I suppose so," Jack conceded, finally.

"Come over at lunchtime, colonel," Sam suggested, "after both of you
have got some sleep.  We don't have to report in till tomorrow so
there's time for you both to sort this mess out that's between you."

"Yes, Ma'am," Jack replied, before hanging up.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"You need to speak with Jack," Sam insisted, for the second time.

"I want my clothes, Sam."  Daniel's voice was as cold and hard as
she had ever heard it.  "And I *don't* want to talk to Jack."

It was all Sam could do to stop herself from grinning at Daniel.  He
was sitting on her couch at the moment, wrapped in a blanket, looking
for all the world like some over-sized urchin, rescued from the snow.
He was struggling to stay awake, the occasional yawn splitting his
face when he least expected it.

"You need to get some sleep," Sam repeated, trying to stay patient. 
"You know where the spare room is. Your clothes are in the wash - by
the time you wake up they'll be dry and Jack will be here.  You can
talk with him and sort out whatever it is that's going on between the
two of you."

"I'm not tired, Sam," Daniel said, frowning slightly as a massive
yawn erupted halfway through his sentence and contradicted him. 
"Okay," he conceded, "maybe I am tired, but I still don't want to
talk to Jack.  Why did you call him?"

"Because he was worried about you, Daniel.  We got back from our
mission and no-one knew where you were."

"I'm fine."

"You don't *look* fine."

Sam leaned back against the nearby wall, crossing her arms and
fixing Daniel with the look she had practised on Cassandra when she
was at her most stubborn.

"You look like someone who just got me out of bed to come and rescue
him from the wrong part of town," Sam said.  "Someone who's got a
split lip but *insists* he wasn't mugged, someone who needs to stop
running away from whatever is going on between him and his best
friend."

Daniel said nothing.  With as much dignity as he could muster, he
gathered the blanket tighter around himself as he got up from the
couch and headed towards the spare room.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

When Daniel woke, he found his clothes (now clean and dry) piled on
the chair next to the bed.  From the living room, he could hear
voices, so he assumed Jack had arrived.

'Why did you interfere, Sam?' he thought, trying to summon up a
little anger towards her for getting Jack over.  'The last thing I
need to do is talk with Jack.  How can I, when I know what he's
planning for me and why?'

The smell of coffee drifted through into the bedroom.  As Daniel got
out of bed, his stomach began to complain, reminding him just how
long it had been since he had last eaten anything.  He had put away a
fair number of beers last night as well, but the hangover he had been
experiencing earlier seemed to have died down slightly.

He dressed quickly, wanting to get this encounter with the colonel
over and done with.  As he sat on the edge of the bed to tie his
laces, Daniel pondered how Jack might respond to being confronted
with what the anthropologist knew was being planned.  He would deny
everything, that in itself was a certain response.

How could he admit that he wanted Daniel off the team simply because
of the things he had revealed about his feelings?

The awful thing was that Daniel could almost understand how Jack was
feeling.  The awkwardness that had sprung up between the two men
since that fateful day had been clear - even when they had been close
to death together, Jack had said very little about Daniel's
revelations.

But, if he could understand the feelings that had motivated Jack's
decision, Daniel could not forgive the way that they had been
executed.  The underhandedness, the fact that he had used General
Hammond to do his dirty work, persuading him that it would be a
positive move for Daniel to assist the archaeologists.

If only Jack had been honest, said he could no longer work together
with Daniel, knowing what he did about the other man's feelings,
maybe they could have stayed friends.  But he had chosen this path
instead.

Squaring his shoulders and feeling more like a man going to face a
firing squad than anything else, Daniel left the spare room in search
of coffee and Jack.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"What the hell happened to you?" Jack blurted out, the moment he
laid eyes on Daniel.

"Hello to you, too," Daniel replied, heading straight for the
kitchen, in search of the coffee he could smell.

As he went over to the coffee machine, Daniel heard Jack get up from
where he had been sitting, chatting with Sam, and follow him into the
kitchen.  He made a conscious decision to try and ignore the colonel,
concentrating on boosting his depleted caffeine levels as quickly as
possible.

"Where have you been, Daniel?" Jack asked.  "Did Carter tell you
we've been looking everywhere for you?"

"Bite me," Daniel muttered to himself, his back still to Jack.

He took another mouthful of coffee as he tried to decide how he
wanted to handle this situation.  It was clear that there was no way
he was likely to get out of Sam's house without some sort of
conversation with Jack, no matter if this was the last thing on earth
Daniel wanted to do just now.

'Or ever...' he thought.

Daniel cursed Sam's need to get involved in what had, up till now,
been a personal matter between him and Jack.  Sure, she had been the
one to persuade him not to quit the SGC, but he had been on the way
towards changing his mind before that - it was just Jack that he
could not have stood to be persuaded by, he knew that now.

"What do you want, Jack?" Daniel asked, turning towards him in the
confined space of Sam's kitchen.

He cradled the mug of coffee in his hands, as if trying to draw
warmth from it, or as if it could shield him somehow from the
confrontation he could see heading this way fast.

"What do I... that's rich, Daniel."  Jack's voice was incredulous,
his eyes wide.

'If I didn't know better,' Daniel thought, bitterly, 'I'd think he
had no idea what he'd done.'

"What happened?  We got back from the mission, you were nowhere to
be found, and then you ring up Carter in the middle of the night..." 

"I don't want to talk about it," Daniel said, putting the mug down
on the kitchen counter.  "I'm going home."

As he passed where Jack was standing, Daniel stiffened slightly, not
knowing whether the colonel would try and stop him.  Jack did not
move, merely watching him with a worried expression on his face.

"Daniel?"

Jack's voice was concerned and it was that tone that cut through to
the anthropologist, shattering whatever control of his emotions he
had managed before.

"What?" he snapped, turning back to where Jack was still standing. 
"I told you - I'm going home."

Turning back to where Sam was still seated on the couch, her eyes
wide at the exchange between her friends, Daniel hesitated for a
moment. 

"Can you lend me $20, Sam?" he asked, a little uncertain of her
response.  "I lost my wallet last night."

"Sure."

Sam got up from the couch, crossing over to where her bag was
hanging by the door.  After a moment's rummaging in it's contents,
she offered him two tens.

"Look after yourself, Daniel," she said, as he took the money. 
"Please."

"I will, Sam," Daniel replied, trying to smile, to reassure her he
was really okay.  "I promise."

Though he could feel Jack's eyes on him still, Daniel headed for the
door without turning around.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

As he waited impatiently for a cab, Daniel kept expecting to feel
Jack's hand on his shoulder at any moment.  But when it never came,
and a cab finally drew up to take him home, the anthropologist let
out a sigh of relief at having avoided the confrontation that he was
dreading more and more.

It was not the fact that he and Jack were heading for some kind of
showdown as inexorably as the Titanic had headed for an iceberg, that
was not what alarmed Daniel the most.  What worried him was the fact
that he was almost looking forward to it.

He had gone from feeling guilty at having put Jack in an untenable
position by disclosing his feelings for the colonel, right through to
the other end of the spectrum.  Now all he felt was a righteous
anger, one that burned inside him stronger by the minute.

But he had never wanted that inevitable head-to-head with Jack to
take place in front of an audience.  That would have been unfair on
Sam, forcing her to choose sides - she had put her position within
the SGC at risk already, in theory, by opting to take Daniel's side
earlier.  Maybe now she was regretting that?

Whatever her feelings about the subject, Daniel did not want to
embarrass himself in front of Sam.  It was bad enough that he knew
that, when the storm hit, he would get to see a side of himself that
came out very rarely, a side that he was not proud of.

He still remembered with chagrin the last time he had lost his
temper, that time when he had been affected by the sound frequencies
on that planet with the strange plants.  Daniel had tried for fury,
angered by Jack's attitude, but had achieved only petulance.

The cab drew up in front of Daniel's apartment building, and for a
moment he just sat there, looking up at it, before the driver spoke
for the second time, jolting the anthropologist back into reality
once more.

Inside his apartment, Daniel was suddenly struck with indecision. 
There was so much he could be doing at work, but he could not bring
himself to go there, feeling as he did.  But if he stayed at home,
there was a chance that Jack might turn up on his doorstep again,
this time for the true ending of their relationship.

Standing in front of the fish tank, Daniel watched the few survivors
drift effortlessly to and fro within the water.  He had come to find
watching the fish a relaxing pastime, one that allowed his mind to
wander freely, while his eyes studied the almost hypnotic movements
of colour.

'Why should I run?' he thought.  'If I had any reason to feel
guilty, then maybe I should, but Jack is the one who should be
feeling guilty...'

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"I shouldn't have let him go," Jack said, for the third time,
sitting forward on the chair and resting his head in his hands.

When he looked up again, glancing towards where Carter was sitting
on the couch, he found her eyes on him and looked away hastily. 

"You need to speak with him, colonel."

"Jack," he said, reminding her they were off-duty.

"You need to speak with him, *Jack*," Carter repeated, with a small
smile.

"I don't know what's got Daniel so bent out of shape!" Jack said,
with a frustrated sigh.  "Everything should have been fine - he due
for a couple of weeks playing with rocks, you know how he complains
he doesn't get enough time to really *study* anything anymore..."

"So," Sam said, leaning forward slightly, "you're trying to tell me
that you were thinking of *Daniel's* welfare when you arranged this
little holiday for him?"

Jack felt his face redden slightly at Carter's words.  The fact that
she had figured out that Daniel's transfer to the archaeology section
of the SGC was all his idea had been bad enough, but now she was
starting to annoy him.  Jack could not bring himself to lie openly to
Carter about his motivations, but he could hardly admit them either.

"I think I should get going," he said, trying to change the subject.

The look that the major gave him told him exactly how unsuccessful
this tactic had been, but Jack ignored it.

"I'll see you at work, tomorrow," he said, as he let himself out.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

There was a knock on Daniel's door, making the anthropologist jump.

He had lost track of time, staring into the fish tank in a haze of
thoughts and memories, as he contemplated his options for the future.
Could he carry on working in the SGC?  He certainly had nowhere else
to go....  Shaking his head in impatience at the impending sense of
doom that was creeping up on him, Daniel opened the door and froze.

"Daniel?"

"David."

"Can I come in?"

"How...  I mean, I guess so," Daniel said, not quite knowing what to
say to David, who had been the last person he expected to see on his
doorstep.

"I found your wallet at my place this morning," David said.  "That's
how I knew where to find you."  As he spoke, he pulled the wallet
from his jacket pocket and handed it over to a reluctant Daniel.

"I don't know what to say," Daniel said, shoving the wallet into his
pocket without examining it further.  "I'm sorry about last night, I
should never have let things go that far between us."

"And I should have learnt when to take 'no' for an answer by now,"
David said, with a smile.  "You reminded me."

Daniel blushed at the memories those words conjured up for him - the
last he had seen of David the previous night had been a glance back
at him writhing on the floor of his apartment as the anthropologist
had fled the scene.

"Thanks for bringing my wallet over, anyway."

"I wanted to see you again, Daniel," David said.  "I know things got
out of hand between us last night, but I'd hate to think that you'd
hold that against me.  Can I buy you lunch as an apology?"

Daniel hesitated, uncertain how he should respond.

'Why not,' he thought.  'Why shouldn't I get on with my life?'

"Just lunch," he said.  "I'm not promising anything.  Not after last
night."

"I understand," David said.  "I was out of line, but you have to
admit that you led me on, so I guess we were both acting stupid."

"I...  I was reacting to something that had happened."

"I kind of worked that one out myself," David said.  "And I'm sorry
about biting you like that.  Does it hurt?"

"A little," Daniel admitted, his hand coming up to touch his face as
he spoke.  "But not enough to stop me eating..."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

'Well, that was a royal waste of time,' Jack thought as he headed
home.  'So much for Plan A - talking to Daniel!'

He had slept fitfully the night before - until he had known where
Daniel was, and that he was safe, Jack had not slept at all.  It was
the suddenness of Daniel's disappearance that worried him the most.

'Could he have figured out that I was behind his transfer?' Jack
wondered.  'After all, Carter worked it out herself, so why not
Daniel as well?'

"No way to know without asking him, O'Neill," Jack said, turning
left at the next intersection and heading for where Daniel lived.

As he approached the apartment building, Jack slowed his jeep,
looking for a parking space.  He was level with the building's
entrance as the doors opened and two men emerged.

Jack recognised one of them straight away, sure that he would know
Daniel anywhere.  The other man was someone he had never seen before
and the two men were talking and smiling like they had known each
other for a while.

'Is that what Daniel and I look like when we talk?' Jack wondered,
half his mind still searching for a vacant spot at the kerb.  After a
moment, Jack's foot pressed down on the gas pedal.  'It didn't take
you long, did it?' he thought, bitterly.  'A couple of days ago you
were telling me you loved me, and now you're already with someone.'

Thinking back to his first glimpse of Daniel that morning, Jack's
lips tightened into a thin line.  Someone had clearly hurt his
friend, and he had been left alone and penniless in a bad part of
town.  If this man was the one who was responsible, then Jack, as a
*friend*, would make sure he discovered he was messing with the wrong
man if he tried anything similar in the future with Daniel.

'I'm too late to be anything but a friend,' Jack thought, 'but I'll
be the best friend you ever had, Daniel, I promise...'

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

He had tried to stay calm, he really had.  But all his efforts had
been to no avail.  No matter how hard Jack tried, he could not stop
thinking about Daniel.  It had seemed such a positive thing to say to
himself, so selfless to think that he could live with just being
Daniel's friend, and even as he had thought it a small voice in the
back of his mind had taunted him, calling him a liar.

Jack *wanted* to be strong enough to live with the fact that Daniel
seemed to have moved on, but every time he told himself he could do
that, he knew that he was wrong.

Wanting something badly enough was not sufficient to make it happen.

He had been given the chance to consider how *he* felt about Daniel,
following the revelations the anthropologist had made, and what he
discovered frightened him more than a little.

If it had been anyone but Daniel that he was starting to feel this
way about, Jack was not sure he would have been able to cope with it.
But the fact that he trusted Daniel, more than he had ever trusted
anyone for the longest time, meant that he did not fear the same
rejection that he had dished out only days before.

Not that he thought that the anthropologist was perfect.

Anyone who knew Daniel knew that this was not the case.  At times,
he could be the most annoying person on the planet, his single-minded
nature driving his colleagues to distraction, his passionate nature
leading him into countless dangerous situations.

The other side of that, however, told a different story.  The other
side of his single-mindedness was that of a loyal friend, one who
would do whatever he could for someone he cared for.  The passion
that burned inside Daniel frightened Jack a little at times - he had
seen his friend come far too close to the edge, even in the short
time they had known each other.

But to be the subject of such passion.... how could anyone resist
the wholehearted way that Daniel threw himself into a relationship? 
There would be no doubt, if Daniel said he was in love with you, that
you would not know.

Mentally, Jack was slapping himself in the head.

He had been given a chance for the kind of relationship he thought
himself lucky to have seen once in his life, and he had turned it
down.  Jack had been fortunate to find Sara, even if things between
them had been destroyed by Charlie's death, and once that marriage
had floundered, he had resigned himself to being alone.

And then Daniel had come along.

How could Jack have ever realised that Daniel would come to mean so
much to him?

The start of their friendship had been innocuous enough, forged in
the fight against Ra, and had gone on from there, from strength to
strength.  Even when problems had arisen along the way, somehow the
bond between them had survived it all, been reinforced by the things
each man had suffered. 

The fact that it had even seemed to survive Daniel's declaration of
love for Jack, surely that was a testimony to it's strength?

'I hope so,' Jack thought.  'I really hope so...'

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

'Well, this was a mistake,' Daniel thought.

He was sitting in a small cafe, one he visited occasionally,
listening to David talk about himself.  It had turned out that the
man he had met the night before, who he had found attractive enough
to consider going home with, was a high-priced lawyer with an ego to
match.

'I have nothing in common with him,' Daniel thought, with a sigh. 
'Nothing at all...'

It was all he could do to continue smiling and nodding in the
appropriate place in the conversation as David talked on.  Not that
the other man seemed to notice that Daniel's interest in the subject
was feigned - for that to happen, he would have had to pay attention
to something other than himself.

Suddenly, for some reason Daniel could not fathom, all he could
think of was what the rest of SG1's reaction would be to this
situation.  The way that Teal'c's eyebrows would raise, before he
fixed David with an implacable gaze.  The twinkle in Sam's eye as she
figured out a way to stop the lawyer in mid-flow.  He could imagine
easily the look of boredom which would cross Jack's face, the same
look he saw every time he launched into one of his own tirades on
some artifact or other.

Jack.

"I'm sorry, David," Daniel said abruptly, when the other man paused
for a moment.  "I can't do this."

"What is it?" David asked.  "Was it something I said?"  He looked
slightly puzzled as he spoke, a frown marring his forehead.

"It's not you, it's me."  Even as he spoke, Daniel could see that
the other man did not understand.  "I told you I was still dealing
with something that happened.  It looks as though I'm not far enough
past that to do this..." 

"There's someone else, isn't there?"  Daniel nodded.  "Someone I
can't compete with..."

"No, it's not as simple as that."  Daniel's voice was calm as he
spoke.  "Someone I've been close to for a while - I thought... well,
it doesn't matter what I thought.  He did something that surprised
me, something that hurt more than I expected it to."

"I can't say I'm not disappointed," David said, his hand going into
his jacket pocket.  He produced a card, handing it to Daniel as he
spoke.  "If you change your mind, give me a call, okay?"

With those words, and leaving some bills on the table, David got up
and left.  If he had looked back, he would have seen Daniel
methodically shredding the card he had given him.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

He was halfway to Jack's house before he realised where he was going.

As much as Daniel was dreading the confrontation that he knew he
needed to have with Jack, he also knew that there was no way forward
for either of them without it. Even if it wrecked the friendship they
had, they had reached a point where tough decisions needed to be
made, hard words spoken.

He almost changed his mind as his hand reached up to knock on Jack's
front door.

"Daniel?" Jack looked surprised to see him there, nearly as
surprised as he was to have made it.

"You wanted to talk, didn't you?" Daniel asked, pushing past him
into the house.

"Ah. Sure," Jack said, as he closed the door behind them. "Come on
in." He followed Daniel into the living room. "D'you want something
to drink?" He was watching Daniel pace as though studying some kind
of dangerous animal. "Coffee? Beer?"

"Coffee," Daniel said. "Thanks," he added, belatedly, as Jack headed
for the kitchen.

"Take a seat, Daniel," Jack called through.

Daniel ignored his words, crossing over to the mantelpiece. He
seemed to do this every time he came to Jack's house - there was
something about the small collection of photos that drew him like a
magnet, no matter how many times he visited.

Was it that they reminded him of the kind of family life he had
never had himself?

Whatever it was, he always ended up here, gazing at the pictures of
a smiling child, knowing that it was this child's death that had
provided the catalyst for the change that had taken place in Jack.

If Charlie had not died, would the two of them ever have met?

It seemed unlikely. After all, it had been the near-suicidal state
that Jack had been in when they had first met, the thought of giving
what little was left to him for his planet, that had driven the
colonel to take up the first Abydos mission.

Lost in his thoughts, Daniel did not hear Jack come back into the
living room.

"I'm glad you came over, Daniel," Jack said. From where he had sat
down, he could see Daniel stiffen as he spoke. "You okay?"

Daniel considered the pictures arrayed in front of him for a moment,
before turning to face Jack.

"Why shouldn't I be okay, Jack?" he asked, coldly. "After all, I
got what I wanted, didn't I? I always said I wanted more time to
study the things the SG teams bring back - now it seems as though I
have all the time in the world..."

"It's not like that, Daniel," Jack said, suddenly worried at the
venom he heard in Daniel's voice.

"Then tell me, Jack, what *is* it like? You got me transferred off
SG1, didn't you?"

"Yes, but..."

"I never thought you'd sink so low," Daniel interrupted. "I thought,
despite all the despicable things you've done in your past, you'd at
least have told me if you couldn't work with me any more. But instead
you run to Hammond, get me transferred. I never had you pegged as a
homophobe, but I guess I never was that good a judge of character."

"What?" Jack asked. He shook his head, trying to process the things
that Daniel had said. "You thought I got you transferred because you
told me how you felt about me?"

"Didn't you?"

The lure of the coffee was too much for Daniel - even as angry as it
was, the caffeine called to him and he crossed over to where a mug of
it was waiting for him. Having collected it, he retreated to where he
had been standing by the fireplace.

"I admit," Jack said, "I asked Hammond to transfer you. But it's a
*temporary* thing, Daniel, I swear it. If it wasn't, then Carter and
Teal'c would be queueing up behind you to kick my butt from here to
Chulak."

Daniel did not smile at that image, just took another mouthful of
coffee, a pensive expression on his face.

"Then, why Jack?" Daniel asked. "If you're not trying to kick me
off the team, why get me transferred at all? And why make it look as
though it was *Hammond's* idea?"

"Would you have gone along with it if you knew it was my idea?"
Jack asked, then carried on speaking, not waiting for an answer.

"You know you wouldn't. You would have wanted to know why - you
would have thought... Hell, you would have come to the same
conclusion that you did anyway. That I wanted you off the team, that
I couldn't cope with..."

"You can't even say it, can you?" Daniel snapped, his eyes blazing.
"How can I believe you, Jack if you can't even say the words?"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Is that what this is about?" Jack asked, frowning. "What do you
want me to say, Daniel? That you told me you loved me and I couldn't
deal with that? If that's what you want to hear, fine... I've said
it now."

"I want to know what you thought you were doing," Daniel said.
"Because at the moment I don't know how I could have ever convinced
myself that I was in love with you. Not if you could do this sort of
thing without even feeling guilty about it!"

"What was I supposed to do, Daniel?" Jack pleaded, his eyes intent
on Daniel. "I couldn't tell Hammond the truth..."

"What truth, Jack? You need to make up your mind what you want!
One minute you're trying to persuade me not to quit the SGC, going to
ridiculous lengths and risking your career to intercept my letter of
resignation, and the next you're fixing for me to be transferred.
What was I *supposed* to think?"

'This is it, O'Neill,' Jack thought. 'Time to put up or shut up."

"Alright," Jack said, leaning forward and placing his mug of coffee
on the table. "You want to know the truth? I'll give you the truth..."

He paused for a moment, watching Daniel's face for some clue how to

proceed, but the other man was inscrutable. Jack knew he had to do
this, even though he knew that Daniel had moved on, had found someone
else, he owed it to him to be honest about his feelings.

"I couldn't tell Hammond why I wanted... no, why I *needed* you to
be safe, that I needed time to figure out how the hell I was
feeling," Jack said. "How could I? I had no idea what I was going to
do, I still don't, not that any of this matters any more..." 

"What *you* were feeling?" Daniel echoed. "I don't understand, Jack."

"You threw me for a loop, Daniel," Jack said. "You told me you loved
me and I flipped out, I ran out of your apartment like my butt was on
fire."

"And...?" Daniel prompted, when Jack fell silent.

"And it took me a while but I realised that... Hell, what does it
matter what I figured out?" Jack asked, settling back into the
couch.  He rested his head on the back, closing his eyes.

"It matters to me," Daniel insisted. "I need to know, Jack."

"I realised that I think I might feel the same way," Jack said,
without opening his eyes.

Inside, he was not sure what reaction he was expecting - at times he
was a betting man but this was one situation he would not give odds
for. There was silence.

"Oh."

"Oh?" Jack echoed, opening his eyes. "What do you mean, 'oh'?"

"That was why you were trying so hard to get me not to resign,"
Daniel asked, "wasn't it?"

"I blew it, Daniel," Jack said. "How could I let you throw your
career away because of how I treated you? You've worked too hard to
do that."

"So you wanted to fix things, is that it?"

"At first," Jack conceded. "You know me, can't leave well enough
alone.  I know what you said 'some things can't be fixed, you just
have to live with the fact that they're broken', but I couldn't
believe that. I got to thinking about what you'd said you were
feeling, I couldn't stop thinking about it, in fact. And being on
that planet together didn't help matters much."

Daniel shuddered at the memories those words conjured up - he had
tried to forget the long minutes he had spent in that chasm, the
creeping feeling of a certain death that had come upon him.

So many things had happened in his life to date that he wondered
that there was ever a night when he slept peacefully, but this
experience had provided plentiful material for the most recent series
of nightmares.

"I think that was when I knew," Jack said in a quiet voice, one that
Daniel had to strain to hear.

"Knew what?" Daniel asked, needing to hear the words. He looked
intently at Jack, silently urging him to speak, to say the things he
needed to hear. 

'Just say it, Jack,' he thought.

"Did he do that to you?" Jack asked, suddenly. Daniel blinked at
the change of subject. "Your lip," Jack continued.

"Oh. I..."

Daniel tried to figure out what response would save him the most
embarrassment. He was not proud of his behaviour the night before -
David had been right. As much as the other man had not stopped when
Daniel had wanted him to, he had led David on, thinking that he was
willing to go through with intimacies that he clearly was not.

Jack evidently took his confusion as a positive answer, a frown
crossing his face when he spoke again.

"I know it's none of my business, Daniel," he said, "but as a
friend, I wanted to say you shouldn't let anyone treat you that way..."

"What?" Daniel asked, his head spinning slightly as he tried to
keep up with the conversation.

"You deserve better," Jack said, getting up from where he was
sitting and heading back into the kitchen.

This time Daniel followed him, still cradling his half-empty mug to
his chest as he did so.

"It was a mistake," he said, speaking to Jack's back as the colonel
poured himself another mug of coffee. "Things... things got out of
hand."

"I'm not trying to tell you how to live your life," Jack said,
turning back to where Daniel was standing.

He glanced at Daniel's mug, gesturing with the pot of coffee - the
anthropologist stretched out his arm, allowing Jack to top up the
contents.

"I know I don't have any right to do that. I just don't want to see
you get hurt, Daniel," he continued, reddening slightly. "I think
I've done enough of that for a while."

"I think I should go now," Daniel said, taking a hasty swallow of
coffee and hissing slightly to himself at it's warmth.

He was a little ashamed of himself - he knew that Jack was concerned
about him and a part of himself was warmed by that knowledge. But how
could he admit what had happened between him and David? How could he
ever expect Jack to understand and not condemn him for his actions last
night?

It had taken a long time, it seemed, for the colonel to start to
come to terms with another man, even a close friend like Daniel,
having those kind of feelings for him, so how could he expect any
sympathy for a casual liaison gone so wrong?

"I'll see you tomorrow, Daniel," Jack said.

After he had spoken, he watched his friend take another mouthful of
coffee before he left, placing the half-empty mug on the kitchen
counter as he muttered apologies and goodbyes.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

'You just couldn't go through with it, could you?'

Jack's thoughts were mocking, as he looked back on his most recent
encounter with Daniel. He had come so close, teetering on the edge of
admitting everything, but a sense of being far too late had
overwhelmed him at the last moment, his eyes falling onto Daniel's
face. He had taken one look at the anthropologist's lip and knew that
he had to say something about that - he had to be a friend to Daniel,
now more than ever.

'He doesn't need me,' Jack thought. 'Why should he? What have I got
to offer him? There's no way I could compete with that guy I saw
Daniel with, even if I wanted to...'

Thinking back, Jack considered the way that Daniel looked at the
moment - the evidence of the anthropologist's lip contrasted
strangely with the way he had been so relaxed with the man who was
surely responsible.

'How could he let anyone treat him like that?' Jack thought,
savagely.

He could feel the anger rising within himself as he considered what
might have happened last night. Did Daniel have any other injuries
that were not so obvious?

'You don't have the right, O'Neill,' he thought. 'How can you judge
someone else when you hurt him as badly? Just because you chose to
hurt him with words, rather than with your fists...'

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

As the night drew on, all Jack could think about was Daniel.  Where
he might be, who he might be with, whether his friend was safe or
not....

A multitude of scenarios, most of them refugees from a variety of TV
shows, skittered through Jack's brain, taunting him with images of
Daniel on the receiving end of violence of one sort or another.  Jack
came close, more times than he wanted to think about, to picking up
the phone and calling his friend, just to make sure he was okay.

'And what would you say?' he thought.  'You don't even know if he's
home and if he is he might not be on his own...'

The irony of the situation was not lost on Jack, as he tried to
relax, tried not to let his heart fill with the emotions he had been
trying so hard to suppress.  Wasn't he the one who had rejected
Daniel, when his friend had opened his heart to him?

Now the boot was firmly on the other foot - now Jack had realised
that he felt the same way about Daniel, his jealousy burned within him.

Try as he might to be mature about this, all his intentions to just
be Daniel's friend were just smoke. As much as he might want to be
that able to deal with it, the concept that he had been so easily
replaced in Daniel's affections grated with him.  Did that mean that
what the anthropologist had told him was a lie?

He didn't want to believe it, but if Daniel really loved him, could
he have been so quick to get into a relationship with someone else?

'Hell,' he thought.  'It hasn't even been a week, Danny...'

Another, more rational part of him saw Jack feeling a little guilty,
so the two emotions were warring for control....  Had he brought
about this situation?  Had his rejection of Daniel's feelings driven
him into a relationship with someone who treated him badly?

As much as he might be jealous of the other man, whoever he was, or
feel responsible, another part of Jack just wanted to rip the man
limb from limb.  The thought of anyone daring to treat a friend of
his like that, let alone someone for whom he was developing deeper
feelings....

'What *am* I feeling anyway?' Jack wondered.  'I used to be
married, I had a kid, and now I can't stop thinking about the SGC's
prime candidate for Geeky Scientist of the Month...'

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Not knowing what else to do, and having nowhere else he wanted to
be, Daniel had gone back to the SGC.

This had been something of a pattern for him, in all the turmoil of
his life - traumatic things happened and he threw himself into his
work.  Even when he had lost Sha're, his work had always been there.

By immersing himself in the things that had survived the past,
studying things that had existed for centuries, witnessing the rise
and fall of civilisations, Daniel had found a sort of peace.  Even
though his own life was full of pain and loss, the fact that these
fragile links with the past endured gave him comfort.

That the turmoil inside himself was something of his own creation
made Daniel laugh to himself, a hollow mocking laughter.  So many
tragedies in his life had been inflicted upon him, the cruel vagaries
of the universe seeming to scorn his attempts at happiness, that
Daniel sometimes wondered why he tried.

'What's wrong with me?' he thought, cradling his head in his hands.
'Why can't I just get what I want, for once? First Sha're, now
Jack...'

It had taken him months to summon up enough courage to tell Jack how
he felt about him - he had struggled with the feelings for even
longer, suspecting that the seeds of those emotions lay as far back
as the first time they went to Abydos.  He had pushed those feelings
to the back of his mind, telling himself that he was happy with
Sha're, that he longed to be with her more than anything else.

But now, of course, that was never going to happen.  Those longings
had been buried along with Sha're, and were now lying deep below the
sands of Abydos.

It had been hard for him to deal with that, the destruction of all
his hopes of returning to his peaceful life on Abydos, even though
the rational part of his brain had told him long ago that this was a
pipe-dream.

He had moved on, tried to deal with the way he was grieving for
Sha're, and had come to rely on Jack even more than before.  They had
always been close, closer than anyone might expect two such different
people to be, defying all the expectations of those around them in
the SGC.

And Daniel had come to recognise the feelings he had for Jack for
what they truly were.

But now, he had no idea what to do next.  In fact, he had never
really considered what might happen *after* the moment of revelation,
the moment when he bared his soul to Jack.

If he had, would he have been able to go through with it after all?

A more rational person might have pondered the possibility of two
main alternatives - either Jack would be delighted or shocked by
Daniel's honesty.  There was no middle ground, no way that he could
see Jack failing to react at all.  But Daniel had not been rational,
never had been where his heart was concerned....

And now what?  Jack seemed to be considering the possibility of a
relationship, but how could Daniel expect him to make such a
fundamental shift in who he was?

Could they really *do* this?  Could it really work?

Neither of them exactly had the best track record in relationships,
after all.

'I seem to be the number one choice of every psycho out there,'
Daniel thought, 'and Jack...  Has he ever got over Sara?'

Pulling his glasses off and laying them carefully aside on the desk,
Daniel ran a hand down his face as he considered this.  His fingers
brushed over the painful abrasion on his lip and he blushed slightly
as he remembered how it had been inflicted.

'How could I ever tell Jack what happened?' he thought.  'He'd say
I got what I was asking for, no matter what he was saying earlier
about not wanting to see me get hurt, about my deserving better...'

All he could see in his mind's eye was Jack's face if he told him
what had nearly happened between him and David, now close he had come
or how few more beers he would have needed to have gone through with
it.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Daniel was so lost in thought, contemplating Jack, that he jumped
when Teal'c spoke.

"DanielJackson,' the Jaffa's voice said, from just behind Daniel's
shoulder.  "Should you not be resting?"

"You... you startled me," Daniel said, gulping in air as he spoke. 
"I know I should be used to how quietly you can move by now, Teal'c,
but I really wish you wouldn't creep up on me like that..."

Teal'c frowned.

"I knocked on the door," he said. "But there was no response. 
However, I observed that your office light was on, so I entered."

"I couldn't sleep, Teal'c," Daniel said, looking up at the Jaffa
from where he was sitting.  "Thought I'd catch up on some work
instead."

As Daniel spoke, he saw Teal'c's eyes move across the surface of his
desk, examining it's contents and proving his words a lie.  Though he
did not challenge the anthropologist, Daniel saw Teal'c's eyebrow
rise in enquiry and he sighed, knowing he had been caught.

"Okay," Daniel said, with a slightly guilty smile.  "So I wasn't
working..."

"You appeared deep in thought when I entered, DanielJackson," Teal'c
said, clearly giving him an opportunity to unburden himself, should
he wish to take it.

Even after all the time they had known one another, the experiences
they had shared, the Jaffa still seemed conscious of the fragility of
his place in the SGC.  After all, he was an outsider, like Daniel,
and so the two had formed something of an unlikely bond, but the
Jaffa never forgot that he was a visitor to this planet, no matter
how much the other members of SG1 tried to make him feel at home.

"I was thinking about what we've been through over the past couple
of years, Teal'c," Daniel began, gesturing the Jaffa towards a seat. 
"About the bonds that have been formed as a result..."

"And of Colonel O'Neill," Teal'c said, fixing Daniel with an
implacable stare.

It was useless to deny it, Daniel knew.  There was a look of
understanding in those eyes, a look that told him that what he had
thought he had kept secret was in fact already known.  The Jaffa had
observed everything, his usual silence giving him the opportunity to
witness things that might otherwise have been overlooked.

He *knew*.

"It's not that simple," Daniel said.

"Colonel O'Neill is your friend," Teal'c said, looking at Daniel
with interest and understanding in equal measures clear in his dark
eyes. 

"Yes."

The word was spoken even before Daniel thought it.  He considered
Jack his friend - even if he had been asked this on the first mission
to Abydos, he would have given the same answer.

"You care for him," Teal'c pressed, still in the same calm voice.

"Of course," Daniel agreed.

Another natural response, again said without a second thought.

"You are closer to him than to myself or Major Carter."

Daniel hesitated, feeling for a moment almost as if he did not want
to admit the truth to himself in this way, let alone to Teal'c.  When
the words were spoken so plainly, the idea that he was prevaricating
like this seemed more ridiculous by the minute.

"You and Sam are my friends too," Daniel protested.

"But you do not feel the same things for us that you do for Colonel
O'Neill," Teal'c replied.  "I know that this is not so."

"No," Daniel admitted, after another moment's hesitation.  "I don't." 

"But you fear that Colonel O'Neill does not feel the same way for
you."

"He says *now* that he thinks he might," Daniel began, suddenly
unsure of his ability to express exactly what it was that had
happened between the two of them, both the previous night and before.
"But he reacted so strongly when I first told him how I felt about
him..."

"He was not angry with you," Teal'c stated.

"No.  Not angry," Daniel conceded.  "He ran out of my apartment -
I've never seen Jack move so fast without Serpent Guards around."

"This reaction surprised you?"

"I don't know, Teal'c," Daniel admitted.  "I hadn't given that much
thought to how Jack might react when I told him how I felt." 

"Then it *is* that simple, DanielJackson," Teal'c stated, repeating
the anthropologist's earlier words.  "You care for each other, you
are both without a partner, you both wish to pursue a relationship."

Sitting back, Teal'c crossed his arms, his dark eyes intent on
Daniel's face.

"Okay," Daniel conceded after a moment's thought, smiling at the way
that the Jaffa had made everything sound so straightforward.  "Put
like that, maybe it is that simple..."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

He had finally talked himself into it.  It had taken hours, long
monotonous hours filled with worry and regret, but in the end Jack
had succumbed and had phoned Daniel at home.

The phone rang and rang, before the answer-machine kicked in, the
hesitant message echoing strangely down the line and asking whoever
was calling to leave a message after the tone.

'Does that mean you're not there, Daniel?' Jack wondered, as he
cradled the phone without speaking.  'Or just that you don't want to
talk to anyone?  I can understand that...'

Jack sat staring at the phone, willing it to ring, trying by sheer
force of concentration for the next person to call him to be Daniel. 
In particular, a Daniel who wanted to talk, not one who would run out
of Jack's house with that uncertain expression on his face.

'That's great, O'Neill,' Jack thought bitterly.  'Now you *want* to
talk, Daniel doesn't want to listen...'

The phone did not ring, though, and a few minutes later the colonel
finally and reluctantly decided to try and get some sleep.... 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Jack was dreaming.

Somewhere, in his dream, someone was building something.  He was
looking around, but he still could not see where the rhythmic banging
noise was coming from.  It sounded just like someone hammering nails
into wood or maybe pounding on a door....

He woke with a start.

There was silence in his bedroom, a complete contrast to the noise
inside his head - Jack was just relaxing back onto the bed and
closing his eyes when the noise began again.

"What the...?" he exclaimed.

He glanced over at the alarm clock in the half-light.  Did it really
say 5.15am?

Jack shook his head as he stumbled out of bed, rubbing his eyes with
one hand as he made his way to the door.  Whoever was out there was
persistent, he had to give them that....

Finally he reached the door, throwing it open with a sudden motion,
without checking to see who was there despite all his years of covert
ops experience.

It was Daniel, of course.

'Who else?' Jack thought, smiling to himself at the slightly
stunned expression on his friend's face.

"Do you know what time it is?" he grated out. Daniel shook his
head, looking bemused.  "Get in here." Daniel just gaped slightly at
him as he spoke, his eyes travelling up and down Jack's body.  It was
then that Jack realised he was only wearing boxer shorts, not having
bothered to throw on his robe on the way to the door.  "Some time
*today*, Daniel!" Jack added, turning away as he felt his face start
to redden.

He padded back towards his room, snagging his worn fleece robe when
he got there and shrugging into it.  After he had taken a couple of
deep breaths, Jack felt more able to face his visitor again.

"I'm sorry I woke you, Jack," Daniel said, as soon as the colonel
returned to the living room.

He was standing by the fireplace again, like he had done only hours
before.  Jack shook his head, trying to clear it of the overwhelming
sense of deja vu he was feeling.

'What is this, Groundhog Day?' he thought.

"I know you don't mean that, Daniel," Jack said, "or you wouldn't
have kept knocking till I answered, would you?"

"We need to talk," Daniel said, ignoring Jack's words.

"Coffee first, talk later," Jack said, heading for the kitchen.

As he gathered mugs out of the kitchen cupboard, then switched the
coffee machine on, Jack pondered the presence of Daniel in his house
once more.

Hadn't this been what he had been asking for only hours earlier -
Daniel here, in his house and ready to talk?

'Yeah,' he thought, 'but a couple more hours sleep would have been
nice too...'

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

'What the hell was I *thinking*?' Daniel wondered, studying the
photos on the mantelpiece once more.

It had seemed like such a good idea on the drive over to Jack's house.

Teal'c, in his quietly-spoken way, had made everything look so
uncomplicated, as if this relationship that Daniel longed for so much
could just be plucked from the air like fruit from a branch.

That thought had evaporated the moment the front door to Jack's
house had opened, revealing the colonel in a pair of faded boxers,
and most of the blood in Daniel's body had headed as far away from
his brain as it could at that sight.

'I'm here to *talk* with Jack,' Daniel told himself sternly, knowing
even as he did so that his words were having no effect on his libido
whatsoever.

Even with his back to the kitchen, Daniel could hear the noises Jack
was making as he puttered around in there, the occasional muttered
word coming through just a little too quiet to be understood.  Daniel
studied the photos again, trying by the sheer intensity of his gaze
upon them to persuade himself that he had done the right thing in
coming here.

"Coffee," Jack's voice said.

The words came from absurdly close behind his shoulder as a hand
appeared, placing a mug on the mantelpiece.  Daniel jerked slightly
in surprise at the movement, coming as it did into his peripheral
vision.

"Maybe you've had enough caffeine for one night, Daniel," Jack said,
with a chuckle.

"Enough caffeine?" Daniel echoed, an incredulous tone to his voice.
"Hardly." He turned back to the mantelpiece and picked up the mug
that Jack had placed there for him.

He could feel the warmth from Jack's body as the other man still
stood behind him, even as the heat of the coffee permeated it's way
through the mug to his hands.  Daniel didn't want to turn, to look at
Jack, knowing that if he did so, the colonel would step away from
him, suddenly aware and embarrassed at his proximity.

'Just drink the coffee and keep quiet,' Daniel thought.  'Make the
most of these moments, before you go and throw yourself over the edge
of that particular cliff...'

"You said you wanted to talk, Daniel?" Jack asked.  Daniel nodded,
taking a mouthful of coffee as a delaying tactic.  He could feel the
heat of the bitter liquid as he swallowed it, the warmth trickling
down his throat.  "So talk..." Jack prompted.

In the glass of the picture hanging over the fireplace, Daniel saw
the  reflection of Jack's face as he spoke, the unguarded look that
lingered there.  After a brief moment that look vanished and he saw
Jack start to turn away from where he was standing, crossing over to
the nearby couch.  He felt the loss of Jack's body heat immediately
and it made him shiver slightly.

Daniel turned from his contemplation of the reflection to look at
the real thing.  Jack was sitting on the couch, his face a mask, one
hand rubbing a little tiredly at his eyes as he appeared to half-
heartedly study the carpet.

"This isn't easy for me," Daniel began. "I know you think at times
that I have way too much to say, but this isn't going to be one of
those..."  Jack glanced up at him, saying nothing, and Daniel took
his silence as encouragement to continue.  "The last time we spoke,
you said that you thought..." Daniel hesitated, the lack of response
on Jack's face starting to worry him slightly. "...that you might be
feeling the same way about me as I do about you. But then you changed
the subject."

This was it.  This was the moment he had been psyching himself up
for over the past few hours, the thing that Teal'c had made sound so
simple.  Daniel wanted to ask Jack why he had hesitated, what it was
that had made him pause so close to the statement that was so
important to him, but could not bring himself to form the question.

"And you want to know why, is that it?" Jack asked, sounding tired.
Daniel nodded, grateful for the rescue.  "I thought when you told me
how you felt that you meant it, that's why," Jack said, hearing the
coldness in his voice as he spoke.

As much as he regretted it, both now and at the time, the idea that
Daniel had found someone else so quickly had cut at him and he could
not bury that hurt inside himself easily.

"I did.  I do."

Daniel was proud of the steadiness of his voice.  When he had
spoken, he had expected that his words would reveal how shaken he was
inside, how much he yearned to know how the other man was feeling.

"Then why, Daniel?" Jack asked, his eyes, dark and unreadable,
fixed intently on the anthropologist's face. "Why tell me that when
all along there was someone else?"

"What?"

"Don't try to deny it, Daniel.  You didn't get that cut lip by being
mugged and I saw you with him yesterday."

Daniel felt his face redden with embarrasment.  Try as he might, his
agile mind struggled with finding a way out of this situation which
would allow him to retain his dignity - if he admitted what had
happened between him and David, Jack would despise him, if not, then
Jack would think him a liar.

"It's not like that, Jack," he began, hesitantly.

"Really?" Jack drawled, his voice full of sarcasm.

Daniel felt his face becoming even hotter, the embarrassment he had
been feeling being joined by anger. 

All the time he had known Jack, he had tolerated the other man's
barbs, confident that it was just the way that the other man
expressed his friendship, but this was the last straw.  Jack seemed
determined not to believe him, or at least to believe the worst of
him.  

Was it possible, that after all the time they had known each other,
Jack did not trust him at all?

"Yes, *really*," Daniel said.  His voice was cold, controlled,
belying the turmoil of his heart.

"Then what *is* it like?" Jack pressed, the tone of his voice
cutting.  "Please explain it to me, Dr. Jackson, but just remember to
use words of less than three syllables, so I'm sure to understand..."

"This was a mistake," Daniel said, as much to himself as to Jack. 
"I should go."

"*Now* you think this?" Jack snapped.  "You turn up on my doorstep
at some ungodly hour of the morning demanding to talk and then want
to run away?"

"Well it's clear that you have no intention of listening to what I
have to say, isn't it?" Daniel snapped back.

He took a deep breath, one hand running absently through his hair as
he tried to regain control of his frayed temper.

"You know where the door is, Daniel," Jack said, his voice suddenly
resigned.

Daniel glanced across at Jack in amazement at the sudden shift in
the colonel's mood.  Jack was sitting back, cradling the half-empty
mug of coffee on his leg, his eyes closed as his head rested against
the back of the couch.  For such a self-reliant individual, someone
who seemed to pride himself on never needing anyone else, suddenly
Jack looked.... vulnerable.

That realisation twisted something inside Daniel, something that was
suddenly able to clamp down on his rising feelings of irritation like
a strong hand.  He could feel those emotions ebbing away, only to be
replaced with an overwhelming feeling of tiredness.

'When did I last get some sleep?' he wondered, still looking at
Jack's face.

After a moment, the colonel seemed to realise he was not alone, his
eyes snapping open and focussing immediately on Daniel. 

"I'm sorry, Jack," Daniel said, the words escaping his mouth before
he realised it.

"I think I'm the one who should be apologising," Jack said, after a
moment of silence, the callous tone gone from his voice now.  "D'you
want to tell me what's going on with you?"

"Not really," Daniel said.  He saw the frown that crossed Jack's
face as he said the words and hastened to clarify them.  "But you
know me, Jack - just because I don't want to talk about something..."

He left the sentence unfinished, seeing the understanding that he
had not seen before, there in his friend's eyes.

"I'm listening," Jack said, closing his eyes as if realising
instinctively that this would make it easier for Daniel to say what
he needed to.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

He had told Jack all about what had happened between him and David. 
He had related every embarrassing detail, all of which were still
burnt into his memory.  It was as if he saw it all taking place on a
big screen inside his head.  Daniel fell silent, the flow of words
coming to a natural halt.

Jack had not interrupted him, not questioned anything he had said. 
The colonel's face had not betrayed any of his thoughts as he had
listened to Daniel tell of his embarrassment, his sudden fear, his
discovery that he and David had nothing in common.  For a moment,
Daniel wondered if his voice had lulled Jack to sleep, despite the
seriousness of the subject he had spoken of.

"That it?" Jack asked, his eyes opening again.

Daniel nodded, feeling the other man's gaze on him, basking a little
in the warmth of the emotions he saw in Jack's eyes.

"I meant what I said, Jack," Daniel said, his tone serious.  Jack
nodded.

"I know you did, Daniel," he said.  "And now we need to decide what
happens next."  Daniel swallowed nervously.  "Come and sit here, on
the couch," Jack said, getting up.

Daniel followed his instructions, watching as the other man left the
room, his mind racing as much as his heart.  He took another mouthful
of his neglected mug of coffee, grimacing when he discovered it was
luke-warm now.

"Here," Jack's voice said, coming from behind the couch.

Daniel half-turned, slightly reluctant.  Jack was standing behind
the couch, his arms full of bedding - he was holding out a pillow to
Daniel, a small smile on his face.

"I'd offer you the spare room," Jack said, "but I'd have to excavate
it first and that's *your* area of expertise, not mine."  When Daniel
did not speak, just reached up and took the pillow he was being
offered with a slightly stunned look on his face, Jack continued. 
"I've had a lot of time to think about all of this," he said. "You're
practically dead on your feet though, Daniel.  Get some sleep and
we'll talk more later. I promise."

The quick smile that flickered across Daniel's face was enough to
tell Jack that the anthropologist understood.  This was not a
delaying tactic, not an opportunity for either of them to squirm out
of talking - the time for either of those was long gone.  This was
just a case of one friend looking out for the welfare of another.

"It's morning already," Daniel pointed out, even as he stood and
took the blankets from Jack.

"I know," Jack said, "but a couple of hours sleep, that's all I'm
asking..."

For a moment, before Daniel had accepted his gesture for what it
truly was, Jack had been a little afraid of the possibility of
another misunderstanding between them.  From what Daniel had told
him, and what he had figured out that the other man had believed,
there had been far too many between the two of them already.

Just the opportunity to look after Daniel, to nurture him in a way
the stubborn anthropologist rarely tolerated from anyone, sent a
burst of warmth through Jack, the heat of it thawing parts that had
been cold for what seemed like most of his life.

"I can't change who I am, Daniel," Jack said, suddenly.  "It takes
me a while to get used to new ideas, new experiences..."

"I think I'd worked that out for myself, by now," Daniel replied.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

'This isn't quite what I expected,' Daniel thought, feeling his mind
begin to slow as his body relaxed on Jack's couch.  'Not that I knew
what I expected anyway...'

The fact that Jack had accepted what he had told him about the
circumstances surrounding his two meetings with David had been a
pleasant surprise to Daniel.  He had readied himself for scorn, but
Jack had heard him out, refraining from commenting on what Daniel had
seen as his obvious stupidity in allowing things to go so far between
himself and someone he had met in a bar.

And then he had surprised him again, making a caring gesture that
had snuck past whatever defenses Daniel might have been able to erect
against him - he had reminded Daniel that there was still some sort
of friendship there, at the root of whatever relationship might be
formed.

Daniel was reassured by this - he had never really been in any kind
of relationship that mattered to him quite as much as his friendship
with the taciturn colonel.  It had gone beyond simple friendship long
ago, maybe as far back as when the two of them had faced Ra together,
or later, after Jack had come back to Abydos.

Returning to Earth, Daniel had never felt so alone.  But Jack had
been there, like Jack was always there, as   if somehow he sensed the
other man's need and knew how to meet it.  That night, it had been
beer and conversation, the opportunity to remember Sha're with
someone who knew her, tonight it had been similar hospitality.  Both
offered with the careless hospitality of a kind heart, hidden
effectively behind Jack's gruff exterior.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

When he was sure Daniel was asleep, his breathing having evened out,
Jack came back into the lounge.

For a moment, he just stood there, gazing down on the man who had
come to be his closest friend, marvelling at the guilelessness of his
face, the innocence that came upon Daniel when he slept.  His fingers
itched to touch, he could feel the urging of his senses, crying out
to him for reprieve.  He could just reach out and satisfy this need,
brush that errant lock of hair from Daniel's forehead gently enough
that the anthropologist, exhausted as he was, would not wake....

'Uh huh,' Jack thought.  'This can't be good...'

Jack knew he had no frame of reference for what he was feeling, no
experiences to compare it to.  His marriage to Sara had been a source
of comfort to both of them, they had loved one another, but there was
nothing in their time together which could rival the kind of passion
he knew that Daniel was capable of.  In some ways, the thought of the
fire that the seemingly meek anthropologist concealed inside himself
scared Jack more than a little.

Daniel had never been someone to do things by halves, he knew that -
then again, in so many ways, neither had he.  So maybe the two of
them were more suited for one another than anyone might think?

'I've been on my own for so long,' Jack thought, 'but I need to be
sure.'

Kneeling by the side of the couch, Jack studied Daniel's face,
almost as if he was searching for the answers he needed there. 
Relaxed in sleep, he looked younger, vulnerable, those bright
intelligent eyes when closed taking some of the life from Daniel's
face.  His hand shaking slightly, Jack reached out, hesitant. His
fingers brushed gently across Daniel's hair, tracing their way down
one lock, before moving gently onto the other man's temple.

'So warm,' Jack thought.

It was as though, for Jack, until this moment the idea of being in
love with Daniel had been just that.  It was as though the
anthropologist was an illusion, not flesh and blood like the man who
had come to love him.

Daniel shifted slightly in his sleep, muttering something to himself
so quietly that Jack could not recognise, despite his nearness, what
language the words came from.  He froze, his fingers still resting
gently on Daniel's face, waiting for the other man to settle, his
heart pounding in case he woke instead.

'Too much,' Jack thought, pulling back reluctantly.  Getting up from
his awkward position beside the couch, Jack crossed to the nearby
chair, ready to sit vigil on his friend once more.

It had become something of a habit, Jack knew that by now.  Daniel
seemed to spend so much time in the infirmary that the colonel had
lost count long ago of the hours he had spent there - usually he was
anxiously waiting for the other man to come round after surgery, each
time swearing to himself that the future would be different, that he
would find some way to keep Daniel safe.

And each time the cycle repeated itself, Jack cursed his inability
to do so, blamed himself, no matter what the circumstances, for
Daniel's presence in the infirmary once more.

So, it was something of a relief this time to be watching over
Daniel somewhere else, free from the beeping of monitors, the humming
of machines to help him breathe, help keep his heart beating.

This time, Jack knew, when Daniel woke, his world was about to change.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

When it came, there was no warning.

One moment, the two men were walking across the featureless plain,
having just checked in with Carter and Teal'c, the next the ground
was heaving beneath them, throwing both of them full-length.

Daniel hit the ground awkwardly, rolling with the aftershock, his
body already aching with myriad bruises and scrapes.  From the corner
of his eye, he had seen Jack hit the ground hard, with an impact that
made Daniel wince despite the coolness he had been trying so hard to
project towards the colonel on this mission.

Then the ground just seemed to open up underneath him, as he tumbled
over into a crack in the ground. Daniel was unable, even though he
dug his fingers desperately into the crumbling earth of its edge, to
stop his downward motion, his heart rising towards his mouth as he
fell.

This time there was no-one there to save him. This time he would
plummet to his death, fall and shatter against the rocks below....

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

He had seen the signs before, of course.

Jack knew them from countless nights like this, watching the
nightmares creep up on his comrades in arms, dragging young men away
from their innocence.  So when Daniel, no stranger to nightmares
himself, began to twitch and mutter to himself, Jack knew immediately
what it was.

There was a moment's indecision, before he moved forward from his
seat to hover a little uncertainly over the couch.  Should he wake
him?

Daniel began to thrash about more, a strange whimpering noise coming
from his mouth and making Jack's decision for him.  All his
hesitation, all his uncertainty about what he might be getting into
by starting a relationship with Daniel was blown away.

Jack knelt quickly by the side of the couch, then took a deep breath
before reaching out and gathering his shuddering friend into his arms.

"It's okay, Daniel," he whispered, "I'm here..."

For a moment, Jack could still feel the tremors as they rippled
through Daniel's body and hear the words the anthropologist muttered,
though they were still unintelligible to him.  Then his friend
relaxed, his body heavy in Jack's embrace, his arms coming up to wrap
themselves around Jack's back, meshing the two men together.

"Jack?" Daniel whispered.

"You expecting someone else?" Jack asked quietly, smiling to himself.

Why had he struggled against this?  He could feel the strength of
Daniel's body, the warmth of his friend's breath on his neck, and it
felt so *right*, all of it.

He felt as much as heard Daniel chuckle.

It had been a long time since he had heard his friend laugh at
anything, Jack realised then, and the thought that he himself had
been the source of so much pain sobered him instantly.  He began to
pull away from Daniel, guilt overwhelming him as quickly as his
earlier resolution to comfort the anthropologist had.

In response, however, Daniel tightened his grip, keeping Jack in his
slightly cramped position.

"Don't go," he whispered, his voice shaking. "Please..."

Jack relaxed then, feeling the arms that snaked around his back
loosen slightly.

"D'you want to tell me about it?" Jack asked. "Sometimes it helps..."

There was silence between them for a moment.  Jack had just begun to
wonder what to say next, how to coax the necessary words from Daniel
when the other man began to speak.

"We were back on the planet," Daniel said. "The quake hit, just like
before.  I saw you hit the ground and then so did I, but this time
when I fell there was no-one there to save me..."

Daniel's voice, which had begun steadily, began to shake slightly
towards the end of his words.

"You've had this dream before," Jack said, knowing the answer before
he even spoke.

Daniel nodded, the movement shortened by the closeness of their
embrace.

"The past couple of nights," Daniel said.  "For a moment, this time,
I wasn't sure if I had woken up, or if I had just carried on dreaming."

"Feels real to me," Jack drawled. "Daniel?"

Leaning back slightly against the framework of Daniel's arms, Jack
brought one hand round to touch the other man's face.  Daniel's eyes
were wide and bright, with what must be unshed tears pricking at the
back of them. Jack was mesmerised by them, feeling as if he was
falling into those blue depths, never having had the chance to really
*study* them before.

After a long moment, Daniel moved forward slightly, brushing his
lips across Jack's cheek before making a movement towards his mouth. 
Jack did not move, afraid that this would somehow shatter the moment,
that this would indeed turn out to be a dream.

The way that blood was rushing towards other parts of his body
seemed to argue against this, but he wanted to be sure.

Then Daniel kissed him.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Frowning slightly at Jack's stillness, Daniel pulled back, opening
his mouth to speak, when the other man finally reacted.  With what
was almost a snarl of need, the colonel surged forward, the hand that
had been resting lightly on Daniel's shoulder coming up to grip the
back of the anthropologist's neck, pulling him forward into a searing
kiss.

All the hesitation, all the uncertainty that Jack had been
expressing up till now had been replaced with a desperate desire.  It
was as though Daniel's hesitant kiss had unlocked the floodgates,
allowing them to be swept away.  Jack was like a drowning man, his
fingers tightening into Daniel's skin, sucking the breath from the
anthropologist's lungs.

When they separated, there was still little space between them -
Jack's hand was still gripping the nape of Daniel's neck, the colonel
bowing his head to rest his forehead in the curve of the other man's
shoulder.

He could feel the slight roughness of Daniel's stubble against his
ear, the strength of his arms wrapping around his back. For a moment,
Jack wondered who was doing the comforting now.

"Jack?"

"Uh huh."

"You okay?"

'Sure,' Jack thought, 'I'm fine, Daniel.  Just discovered that I
*really* like trying to suck your tonsils out, but apart from that...'

"Uh huh," was all he said out loud.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Daniel knew that he had a reputation for being impetuous - how could
he forget that, when Jack gave him regular lectures on the subject? 
It was even less likely to slip his mind since those lectures tended
to consist of variations on a theme of 'what the hell did you think
you were doing...'?

Even so, he had to admit that Jack had startled him this time.

It had been a thoughtless action, one born of that moment between
waking and sleeping, something he might not have done at another
time.  That he had kissed Jack, provoking such a fierce response from
the usually self-controlled colonel, was a source of amazement to him.

They were still locked together in an embrace, neither of the two
men looking like they planned to end it any time soon.  It was a
source of comfort to both of them, Daniel knew that - telling Jack
about his dream had brought all those buried fears to the surface
once more, each man trapped in his own private thoughts.

Daniel could feel the warmth of Jack's breath against the sensitive
skin of his neck, the pounding of the colonel's heart through the
fingers splayed across Jack's back.  What he wouldn't give to stay
like this, feeling this safe, this secure, this *loved*....

When had he last felt so safe?

Certainly not any time in the last two years, since he had been
thrown into the crazy rollercoaster that was his life in the SGC. 
SG1 seemed to lurch from crisis to crisis, hardly giving him time to
breathe, let alone consider the sense of insecurity that was
threatening to eat him up from the inside out.

Daniel had lost family before, gained a new one before, but there
was always the threat of loss hanging over his head, like Damocles'
sword, ready to plunge down and destroy him without a moment's notice.

What was it about being here, with Jack, that felt so different?

Somehow, Daniel knew with a certainty that awed him more than a
little, that there was nothing Jack would not do to keep him safe, no
danger he would not face - if there was peril ahead, they would face
it *together* and that was the difference.

"I was wrong, Jack," he whispered, hardly knowing if the other man
heard him or not.  "I should never have thought about leaving the
SGC.  I know I belong here, if I belong anywhere on this planet..."


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

'So this is what it feels like,' Jack thought.  'Falling in love. 
It's been a while, so how could I be expected to remember?'

Despite the awkwardness of his position, the occasional twinge from
his knee reminding him that he was uncomfortable, Jack felt in no
great hurry to move.  He could feel Daniel's fingers flexing gently
across his back and, if he concentrated, he was almost sure he could
feel the gentle throbbing of Daniel's pulse.

He had done it.  Finally, without a second thought, he had done it. 
He had kissed Daniel, his best friend. And the sky had not fallen. 
None of the usual signs of impending destruction, of the end of the
world taking place, had shown themselves. 

He was still Jack O'Neill, lover of beer, pizza and hockey, but it
was just that he had found himself a new pastime, one that he
intended to immerse himself in to the full extent possible.  And that
pastime was Daniel Jackson.

'How could everything have changed so much and still feel so much
the same?' he wondered.  'Shouldn't I feel different?'

Despite living for the most part of his life in the military, Jack
had never really been one for labels.  He had always prided himself
on his ability to judge people, so he had scorned the categories that
the world tried to stuff people, himself included, into.

But that had been far easier B.D. - Before Daniel.

Before Daniel, he had never been attracted to a man.  Before Daniel,
if someone had told him that one morning he would be happy to be
found kissing his male best friend, Jack was not sure if he would
have laughed or lashed out.

Before Daniel, a lot of things had been different.  Not better or
worse, but definitely *different*....


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Finally it was Jack who pulled away from the embrace, his knee
giving one too many twinges to ignore.

"Sorry," he muttered, as he untangled himself from Daniel, hardly
daring to look at his friend, suddenly unsure what he would see in
the other man's eyes.

He used one of his hands to lever himself up, wrapping his robe
around himself once more, to counteract the sudden chill he felt. 
The slight shudder of loss was harder to deal with, but Jack shoved
it down ruthlessly as he turned and headed for a nearby chair.

When he had settled himself in its depths, finally his eyes turned
in the direction of Daniel, who was still on the couch.  He looked
uncertainly at Jack across the space between them, seeming to be on
the edge of speaking and yet holding back.

"I... We need to talk, Daniel," Jack said, his eyes intent on Daniel.

He watched the emotions chase each other across the anthropologist's
face, seeing the brightness of Daniel's eyes once more, this time
from a safer distance.  Jack grinned slightly and saw the other man's
face relax into an answering smile.

'He looks more scared than I am,' Jack thought, 'if that's possible.
Give me a bunch of Serpent Guards to fight any day...'

"You *do* belong here," he said, suddenly remembering Daniel's
earlier words.  "But I was wrong to try and force you to stay."

Daniel shook his head, still smiling.  He was still seated on the
couch, his shirt rumpled from sleep, the odd tuft of hair sticking
up, blanket wrapped around himself from the waist down.  He looked so
innocent, so young, both of those qualities at war with the devilish
glint in his eyes.

Once again, Jack felt the pooling of warmth in his groin and blushed
slightly.

"That's not the way things work between us, Jack," Daniel said.  "I
let myself be persuaded I was in the wrong - Sam started that job and
you finished it."  He paused, as if remembering the time they spent
so close to death on the planet again.  Daniel shook his head briefly
then, dismissing the memories.  "Do you really think it's that easy
to get me to change my mind about something?" he continued.  "You
should know better by now, Jack..."

"So what happens next?" Jack asked, his voice calm even though his
heart was pounding.

'I'm out of my depth here,' he thought, suddenly.  'Sure hope one of
us knows how to swim...'

"Whatever you want to happen," Daniel replied.  "Whatever you're
happy with, whatever doesn't make you run screaming out of the room."

Jack smiled at the image that presented.  Then his face changed,
becoming more solemn as the words Daniel had spoken sunk in - all of
them.

"Not sure that's too long a list at the moment, Daniel," he said.

"That's okay, Jack," Daniel replied.  "We've got time, haven't we? 
But, first of all... I could really do with some coffee."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Jack was almost glad of the excuse to leave the living room, even
though he could feel Daniel's gaze on his back as he passed the
couch.  How could he have thought that this would be simple?

'I was straight,' he thought.  'I was married! And now this...'

The kiss that they had just shared had been the gateway between
fantasy and reality - the thought of entering into a relationship
like this with Daniel both terrified and fascinated Jack in equal
measure.

Jack had no idea what might be asked of him, no idea whether he
could give the anthropologist what he needed.  All his years of life
experience for once were relatively useless - nothing he had done in
the past had prepared him for this....

As he waited for the coffee machine to finish, Jack stared out of
the kitchen window, looking out over the nearby houses.  Everything
looked just as it had the previous day.  Nothing he could see gave
any clue to how greatly his life had just changed.

"Jack?"  It was Daniel's voice, coming from the doorway into the
kitchen.  Jack did not turn around, suddenly a little nervous of what
he might see in the other man's eyes.  "Are you okay?"

"How did you know?" Jack asked, his back still to Daniel as he
spoke the words.

"Know what?"

Even with his back to the anthropologist, Jack could imagine the
look he would see on Daniel's face if he turned.  He had seen that
look so many times, the concentration on Daniel's face as he unlocked
another mystery.

"That you felt this way."

"Are you having second thoughts, Jack?" Daniel asked, in a quiet
voice.

"No," Jack said, "it's just..."

His words ground to a halt.  How could he explain it to Daniel when
he could hardly put it into words for himself?

"...a surprise," Daniel said, concluding Jack's sentence.  Jack
nodded.  "It's a big step.  I understand."

"I thought you were straight," Jack said, turning to face Daniel
now.  "Hell, I thought *I* was straight!"

Daniel was leaning against the doorframe, his eyes intent on Jack,
squinting slightly against the light that framed the colonel.

"And what do you think now?" Daniel asked.

"I don't know what to think," Jack admitted, with a sigh.

Even as he spoke, Jack crossed to the cupboard and pulled out two
mugs.  He had to do something, to occupy himself somehow.  Maybe then
these thoughts would leave him alone?

"I don't have the best track record, Jack."

"What?"

"In relationships," Daniel explained.

"Who does?" Jack joked weakly.

Daniel smiled faintly before he spoke again.

"Apart from Sha're, I haven't had much success," he said.  "And who
knows, maybe things wouldn't have worked out with her either, given
enough time.  She wanted children, wanted me to be the one who took
over from Kasuf when he died - she was ambitious that way..."

Jack poured some coffee into the mugs, handing one silently to Daniel.

"I never knew," Jack began.

"How could you?" Daniel asked.  "I mean, I loved her, and for the
longest time I couldn't bring myself to say anything negative about
her.  I must have made it sound as though she was perfect, as though
we were perfect together.  But it wasn't always like that..."

"No relationship is like that, Daniel," Jack said.  "Take it from
one who knows."

"I always thought we'd have time to sort things out between us,"
Daniel said.  He paused, taking a mouthful of coffee.  "That in time
she'd come to see things my way, to understand I was happy enough
teaching the children of the tribe, that I didn't need to be in
charge to feel a part of things."

"Why are you telling me all this, Daniel?" Jack asked, his eyes
flicking over the man who stood in his kitchen doorway.

"I thought you'd be the one person who could understand," Daniel
replied.  "And I need to tell you how much I want things to work out
between us."

"Will wanting them to be enough?" Jack asked.

"I don't know."

"Well, that's honest," Jack conceded, with a smile.

"We need that, Jack.  There's going to be so much to deal with along
the way, if we can't be honest with each other..."

"I know," Jack said.  "It's just a lot to take in."

"Maybe you need some time to process all of this," Daniel said,
finishing his coffee with a couple of quick swallows.  "I should go."

"I don't want you to go, Daniel."

Their eyes met, all the words that Jack struggled to say clearly
written there for both men to read.

"It's going to be okay, Jack," Daniel said.  "I promise."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

By the time he had got home to his apartment, Daniel was beginning
to think he had made a mistake. Should he have left Jack alone to
face all of the things that were so clearly troubling him?

As he entered the living room, Daniel saw that the light was
blinking on his answer machine.  Smiling to himself, he crossed over
to it and hit the button, already suspecting that he knew who it
would be.

"Daniel?" the voice began.  "I was worried about you, call me when
you get this?"

Picking up the phone, Daniel dialled the number off by heart.

"Hello?"

"Hi, Sam."

"Daniel.  Where have you been?"  She paused.  "No, don't answer
that," she said, quickly.  "Just tell me things are okay..."

"Things are okay, Sam," Daniel said, feeling the smile return to his
face as he thought about being with Jack.

"I'm so glad, Daniel," she replied.  "I'll see you tomorrow, then? 
Remember we have a briefing at 0800."

"How could I forget?" Daniel asked.  "Thanks, Sam."

"For what?" Sam asked, sounding mystified.

"For not letting me run away."

"It was your decision, Daniel," Sam said.  "I just helped you
realise what you really wanted to do..."

"You and Teal'c both," Daniel said.

"What?" Sam asked, mystified again.

Daniel laughed quietly to himself, hearing the confusion in Sam's
voice again.

"I'll tell you all about it when I see you," he promised.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

'How do you forget everything you thought you knew about yourself
and start again?' Jack wondered.

He was beginning to think that Daniel going home, giving him time to
think, had not been such a good idea.

When the two of them were together, everything seemed so simple.  He
only had to look at Daniel to rekindle the feelings that he had been
experiencing, the pangs of emotion that cut through to his heart as
sharply as any knife.

But when he was alone, that was when there were going to be
problems, Jack knew that now.

When Daniel was there, it was easy to remember the pure strength of
those emotions.  When he was alone, the doubts and worries started to
gang up on him, driving his confidence before them, making him doubt
that this could ever work.

'We're so different,' Jack thought.  'What have the two of us got in
common anyway?'

He thought back to when he had first met Daniel, in what seemed like
another life-time.  Even then he had been drawn to the
anthropologist, something about him was irresistible to Jack, even
though Daniel's exuberant nature had grated on the taciturn colonel
as well.

'Surely the fact that we've been to hell and back together has to
count for something?' he thought, a little desperately. 

It had been Daniel, unknowing at the time, who had persuaded Jack
that there was something worth living for at a time when everything
had seemed bleak.  In the same way, it had been Jack who had got
Daniel through the horrors of his withdrawal from the sarcophagus,
barely able to tear himself away from his friend's bedside over the
long days of recovery.

Together, they had proved to be an unbeatable partnership, Jack's
determination finding a match in Daniel, while Daniel's incandescent
intellect found an anchor in Jack's steadfast common sense.

'Can we manage this without messing up?' he wondered.

The thought of hurting Daniel in any way shook Jack to the core. 
How could he forget the pain he had caused before, when he had
rejected Daniel's declaration of love for him?

'At least he knows now,' Jack thought, remembering how long it had
taken for him to find the words to tell Daniel that he felt the same.
'So I owe it to him to do this, and to make it work...'

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The phone rang and rang before Jack finally answered it.   He had
been tempted to ignore it, not really wanting to speak with anyone,
but then a frisson of uncertainty had gone through him - what if it
was Daniel?

Even in the few steps that it took to cross to where the telephone
was, Jack went through the entire gamut of emotions.

It was Daniel, he knew that instinctively without even picking up
the handset, and he was calling to say he had made a mistake, that he
had reconsidered, that maybe they should pretend as though none of
this had happened between them....

"Hello?"

"Colonel O'Neill?"

"Yes. Who is this?" Jack snapped, not knowing whether to be
relieved or alarmed that it was not Daniel on the other end of the
line.

"It's Lieutenant Simmons, sir," the voice said.

Jack recognised it then and smiled to himself, recalling the stories
he had heard Daniel tell of the lieutenant's crush on Carter.

"General Hammond has asked me to call you, to ask SG1 to come back
to the SGC."

"We already have a mission, tomorrow, Simmons," Jack said.

"It's been brought forward, sir."

"You've contacted the others?" Jack's voice made the question a
statement.

"Yes sir," Simmons replied.  "The general has arranged a briefing
session in 2 hours."

"I'll be there," Jack replied, putting down the phone.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

'Well,' Daniel thought as he drove back to the SGC, 'at least this
is better than sitting about moping...'

But as he got nearer to the base, Daniel could not help wondering
what things were going to be like now that he and Jack seemed to have
made a start on some kind of relationship between them.  He wanted
this to work out, wanted it more than he recalled ever wanting
anything, but the uncertainty of it scared him more than he could
admit to anyone.

He knew that Jack was nervous, that had been clear in his eyes when
Daniel left the colonel's house - what he hoped he had been able to
do was to disguise how scared he was as well.

After all, he felt as though he was being forced into the role of
the educator here, teaching Jack that it was okay for them to feel
like they did for each other, as well as teaching him how to express
those feelings in action.

'Not that I'm any kind of expert,' Daniel thought.  'A few short-
lived relationships when I was at college doesn't exactly make me
knowledgeable...'

At least they would have the unspoken support of Teal'c and Sam,
Daniel knew that.  Even though he had never really given the whole
'don't ask, don't tell' ethos of the military much consideration,
Daniel had instinctively recoiled from the idea of keeping his
relationship with Jack a secret from the other members of SG1.

If he could not trust them, who could he trust?

It had been Teal'c, after all, who had given him the final push,
encouraging him to try again with Jack. The Jaffa had made it all
seem so simple and Daniel couldn't wait to thank him for not allowing
him to waver.  He also had a sneaking suspicion that something had
taken place between Sam and Jack, something that Daniel knew he was
never likely to get the details of, but which had had a profound
effect on the colonel.

Daniel pulled his car to a halt at the entrance to the SGC, pulling
out his pass for the sentry to examine. After a few moments, it was
returned to him and he was waved on into the car park.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

As he waited for the elevator to take him down to the lower levels
of the SGC, he heard footsteps heading towards him and looked up from
his contemplation of the floor.  Daniel smiled when he saw Jack
heading towards him, an answering smile appearing on the colonel's
face.

Then, uncharacteristically, Daniel was lost for words for a moment,
before being saved by the elevator doors sliding open.

"Daniel Jackson, speechless," Jack said, as he watched the doors
close.  "Never thought I'd see the day..."

"I... uh..." Daniel began, not certain what it was he wanted to say
anyway.

"Articulate today, aren't we?" Jack joked, with a grin.  Leaning
closer, he began to whisper into Daniel's ear. "And I was hoping to
make you lost for words in quite another way soon..."

Daniel's eyes widened, his face reddening.

"Jack!" he yelped.

Jack laughed, leaning back against the elevator wall.  His deep
brown eyes flicked lazily over Daniel's body.

"Whatever happened to 'don't ask, don't tell'?" Daniel asked,
innocently.  Jack's face darkened slightly as the words sank in. 
"You started it, Jack," Daniel continued, "and you ought to know
better..."

Jack nodded, seemingly considering his words.  When he spoke again,
his voice was quiet, without the teasing tone it had earlier held.

"You're right, Daniel," he conceded.  "I was out of line."

"We just need to remember where we are," Daniel said, his tone
softening at the emotions he could see in Jack's eyes.  "There's a
time and a place, and this isn't either... we both have too much to
lose."

Jack nodded, straightening up from where he was leaning against the
elevator wall as the doors slid open. He followed Daniel out, into
the hallway.

"Still say it's a damn shame," he muttered.

Daniel glanced round at him, smiling until Jack's face began to
lighten too.

"You'll get no argument from me," Daniel said.

"Makes a change..."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Even as they headed down the corridor towards the locker room,
Daniel felt more and more guilty. Jack had only been trying to tease
him - had he over-reacted to the other man's words?  He had been the
one, after all, who had said that things would go however slowly Jack
wanted them to, and now when the colonel seemed comfortable with
things speeding up slightly, he had panicked....

Daniel glanced quickly at his watch, calculating how long they had
before the briefing session started.

Looking round, and seeing that the corridor was currently empty,
Daniel grabbed Jack by the front of his shirt, half-pulling him into
a nearby storage room and shutting the door behind them as quickly
and quietly as he could.

Before Jack could speak, before he could question what the hell they
were doing in there anyway, Daniel pulled the colonel towards him. 
He still had a handful of the other man's shirt, and that was enough
to jerk Jack slightly off-balance, the two men bumping up against the
door as their bodies met.

"Is this the place then?" Jack asked quietly, his voice coming out
of the darkness.

Daniel could only tell where the other man was by the warmth of his
breath on the anthropologist's cheek, as well as the fact that he was
gripping the front of Jack's shirt like a life-line.

"Could well be..." Daniel whispered in response, his mouth then
latching onto Jack's neck.

He felt, as well as heard, Jack moan slightly as he gently licked
and sucked his way up the colonel's neck.

"Daniel... " he heard Jack half-moan.  "If you mark me there, I
promise you they'll never find your body!"

Pulling back then, Daniel rested his head against the door, one hand
coming up in the darkness to trace the trail he had made down Jack's
neck.

"I'm sorry if I killed the mood earlier," he said.

"No.  You were right," Jack replied.  "We need to be more careful."

"So dragging you in here was a bad idea?"

There was silence for a moment.

"Well, you've had better," Jack said, the smile on his face clear
from the tone of his voice alone.  "But I'll give you an A+ for
improvisation..."

"That's good," Daniel said, "I think..."

"Can we *go* now?" Jack asked, suddenly.  "I don't know about you,
but I think we really ought to go get changed for the briefing."

"I just wanted to say that I was sorry," Daniel said, quietly.

"You already have..."

"And that I want this to work..."

"Haven't we already had this conversation, Daniel?" Jack asked, his
hand coming up to stroke the anthropologist's face in the darkness. 
"You promised me it would be, and that's good enough for me..."

"I never realised you were so trusting, Jack," Daniel joked, weakly.

Suddenly, he felt a little overwhelmed by the certainty he heard in
the other man's voice.

"Well," Jack said. "That just goes to show that there's a lot you
don't know about me.  Now would you mind checking if the corridor is
empty, so we can get the hell out of here?"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Somehow, Jack and Daniel had managed to leave the storeroom
undetected.

Even as they were getting changed, pulling on the fatigues that
seemed to have become like a second skin for Daniel despite the
strangeness he had felt the first time he had been dressed that way,
he considered what had just happened between them.

Was there some sort of cosmic irony at work?

It had been a storeroom just like that one in which events had
happened to seal the way Daniel felt about Jack, confused memories of
the colonel's strong arms wrapped around him as he shook from the
pains of withdrawal.

And now he had more memories to consider, with the matter of fact
way that Jack seemed to trust him to keep his word, that if Daniel
said it would be okay, then somehow that promise alone would make it
so.

That kind of trust overwhelmed him.

It was something that had been alien to him until very recently -
even up until he had joined SG1, he had always relied on his own
endeavours more than trusting in anyone else.  Learning to work as
part of a team had been a long and painful exercise at times, though
it had been one that Daniel had thrown himself into whole-heartedly,
once he had made the decision to do so.

And now what?  Could he do this?  Was he strong enough to deal
with all that a relationship with Jack might entail?

Daniel shook his head, sighing to himself at the way his thoughts
were running, which earned him an inquisitive glance from Jack, who
was currently lacing up his boots on the other side of the room.
Daniel managed to smile enough, he hoped, to make Jack think that
nothing was wrong.

What was he doing feeling like this, anyway?  Shouldn't he be
overjoyed by how things had been going?  After all, he had finally
got what he had wanted for so long....

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

'Does he really think I don't know what he's thinking?' Jack
wondered, engrossing himself in checking the contents of his pack
once more.  'Doesn't Daniel realise that I know him well enough to
see that he's quietly freaking out over there?'

Jack smiled to himself at that thought.  As much as he might like to
play the dumb soldier at times, a role which held boundless
opportunities for entertainment on the most boring of missions, he had
learned over the years to read people extremely well.

Especially the people he knew best of all, those he was closest to.

In so many ways Daniel was an open book to Jack by now.  Being, by
nature, someone who had little practice in learning to conceal his
emotions, Daniel was easier to read than most.  Not that, at times,
he wouldn't throw Jack for a loop, doing something completely
unexpected, but he was usually pretty reliable in terms of his
behaviour.

Jack tried to smile encouragingly at the anthropologist, feeling a
little awkward at the presence of Teal'c there with them.  Although
he knew that the Jaffa was aware of how the two men felt about one
another, he had never been one for public displays of affection and
was too old to start now....

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

They met Sam in the briefing room, only having the chance to smile
and exchange basic greetings before the door opened admitting General
Hammond.

The general took his customary seat at the head of the table, aware
that all heads had turned to face him as he sat.

"Thank you all for being so prompt, SG-1," he began, his eyes
travelling to each member of the team in turn.  "I realise that you
were due to go on a mission tomorrow, but recent developments have
meant that mission has had to be postponed for the time being."

"Recent developments?" Jack echoed.

"We have received data from the MALP, colonel," Hammond replied,
"that indicates that the rainy season is approaching P4X-838 more
swiftly than our projections had indicated."

Jack cocked his head to one side, as if to say 'so?'.  Getting no
further information from Hammond, he looked round at Carter, who
smiled at his confusion and began to speak.

"So if we don't go soon, sir," she explained, "we'll have to wait
months before the weather patterns are stable enough to allow us to
'Gate there again."

"Months?" Daniel echoed, looking up from the dossier he was studying.

"The probe indicated that the 'Gate itself is under water for a
significant amount of the rainy season," Carter said.

"Then we'd better hit the road," Jack said.

"My opinion precisely, colonel," Hammond said, his voice full of
humour.  "But before you go, SG-1 - I wanted to speak with Dr.
Jackson."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Daniel sat and watched the rest of his team leave the conference
room, a gnawing anxiety beginning to grow.  What could Hammond want
to speak with him about?  Had he and Jack been seen leaving the
storage room earlier after all?  They had been so circumspect, so it
had to be something innocent....

"Dr. Jackson," Hammond began, making Daniel turn his head sharply to
look the Texan straight in the eye.  "I wanted to speak with you in
private..."

"What about, general?" Daniel asked, proud of the steadiness of his
voice.

"I understand that you refused the option of counselling after your
last mission, Doctor," Hammond continued.  "Do you think that was
wise?  You were in a near-death situation, after all..."

"I hope you can understand my reluctance to see any kind of
counsellor, general, all things considered," Daniel said.

From the way Hammond nodded, he could tell that he recalled earlier
in the year when a false diagnosis of schizophrenia had been given to
Daniel, when in fact the anthropologist had been suffering from one
of Machello's inventions.

Even if his earlier life experiences had not given him a mistrust of
psychiatrists, the way that he had been treated at times during the
time he had been considered to be dangerous would have led Daniel to
be of that opinion.  He was trying to forget those experiences, the
looks he had seen on the faces of the people he trusted most on this
planet.

"I'm ready to go back to active duty," Daniel said, firmly.

"I hope that, if you're not able to take up the offer of
counselling," Hammond said, "then at least you can talk with your
fellow team-members..."

Daniel hesitated, thinking that he heard something more than
Hammond's usual concern in the general's voice.  Did he suspect
something?  Was he after a particular answer?

"My team," Daniel said, "are waiting for me at the moment, general. 
If there's nothing more?"

Hammond nodded his dismissal. Daniel quietly let out a breath as he
left the conference room, sure that he could feel Hammond's eyes on
his back all the way.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

'It's not being paranoid when they really *are* out to get you,'
Daniel thought, a little absent-mindedly, as he headed back towards
the locker rooms.

The conversation he had just had with Hammond had filled him with
concern - did the general suspect something was going on between him
and Jack?

All Daniel knew was that he wanted to talk with Jack about this, but
that he had to keep calm in the meantime.  If Hammond *knew* nothing,
but only suspected, then they had to make sure that things stayed
that way.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Jack had managed to leave the briefing room with the rest of the
team, somehow without more than one backward glance.

The expression he had seen on Daniel's face reminded him of nothing
more than his years at school, waiting outside the principal's office
after his latest escapade - there was that same look of worry mingled
with a desperate hope that the entire details of whatever misdeed he
was there for had not been passed on.

"Sir?"

Carter's voice cut into Jack's trip back in time.

"Major?"

"With all due respect, sir," she said, not noticing the way Jack's
eyes narrowed at those words, "do you know what the general wanted
with Daniel?"

Jack bit down on the immediate sarcastic response that almost flew
from his mouth, seeing the concern in Carter's eyes.

"No idea," he replied instead.

"You don't think..." she began, before glancing around where they
were standing in the corridor to see if they were observed.

"Think *what*?" Jack asked, trying to stifle a smile at Carter's
attempts to be subtle, which were anything but.

"That he knows," Carter concluded.  "You know, about..."  Her voice
trailed off, her eyes communicating the rest of the unspoken message.

"I'm going to pretend you didn't ask me that, Carter," Jack replied.
"Let's not hang about - we need to get kitted up and ready to go asap."

With that, he turned sharply towards the locker rooms again,
managing somehow not to glance back towards the briefing room.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Daniel met up with the rest of the team in the 'Gate room, coming in
just as the others were assembling at the base of the ramp.  As
usual, he was struggling a little to do up his helmet as well as
carry his equipment, and Jack stepped forward to snag the backpack
from him.

"Oh.  Thanks, Jack," Daniel said, smiling what he hoped was a
reassuring smile.

"No problem.  Can we *go* now?" Jack asked, seeing Daniel's eyes
widen slightly at the words, the twin to those he had said in the
storage room only hours before.

"After you," Daniel replied, taking back his pack now that his
helmet was secure.

Shaking his head slightly at the way some things never changed, Jack
headed up the ramp, hearing the footsteps of the rest of his team
echo through the room, before the quiet of the wormhole enveloped him.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Major?"

"The MALP indicated that the main settlement is to the west, sir,"
Carter replied, glancing at the colonel as he spoke.

From the corner of his eye, Jack could see Daniel by the DHD, his
hands swiftly over the glyphs as if touching them was a part of
remembering.  He could also see the way that Daniel kept glancing over
towards him when he thought he was not being observed.  Jack sighed
to himself.

'This is more complicated than I thought...'

"Lead the way, Carter," Jack said, turning to where Daniel was
standing.  "We ready to go, Daniel?"

"Sure, Jack," Daniel replied, crossing the short distance between
them hastily.  "I.. uh... I need to speak with you," he continued, in
a more hushed tone, glancing a little nervously at where the other
team members were.

"Fire away," Jack said, starting to follow where Carter was leading.

Daniel was forced to come along too, or risk being left behind, with
Teal'c taking up the rear.

"This have anything to do with your private chat with the general?"
Jack asked, as casually as he could manage.

"Uh huh.  I think he knows," Daniel said.  "Or he suspects."

"It has to be one or the other, Daniel."

"I guess," Daniel conceded.  "I'm just not sure which one."

"So what did he say?" Jack prompted, when Daniel did not say any
more.

"He implied that I needed to speak with the rest of the team, that
they could help me through what happened on our last mission."

When he had spoken, Daniel looked at Jack as if he expected a
particular response.

"And?"

"Jack?  Don't you see what he's getting at?"

"Uh... no?" Jack replied.

He could see that Daniel was worried, that much was clear, but he
could not see why.  Everything that the other man had told him about
his conversation with Hammond was merely consistent with an officer
taking care of those individuals in his charge.

"No?" Daniel echoed, his voice a little too loud.

Ahead, he could see Carter look back over her shoulder at the pitch
of that particular word, before shaking her head as if dismissing it
and heading onwards.

"You think I'm over-reacting, don't you, Jack?" Daniel asked, in a
more moderately pitched voice.

"If he knows, he would have said something to both of us," Jack
said.  "If he suspects, hell, we just have to make sure we don't give
him any evidence, don't we?"

"You make it sound so simple," Daniel said.

"Life doesn't *have* to be complicated all the time, Daniel," Jack
replied.

"In my experience," Daniel retorted, "it usually is, Jack..."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Jack's seemingly casual words had not managed to allay Daniel's fears.

As much as he wanted to believe that things were that simple, Daniel
knew that this was rarely the case - if Hammond even suspected there
was something going on between the two of them, then that in itself
could be enough for him to split the two men up.

Whatever else happened, Daniel could not imagine what it would be
like to still be a part of the SGC and *not* be working so closely
with Jack.  He thought about that for a moment and then decided that
he did not *want* to imagine what that would be like.

There would be something so frustrating and terrifying about the two
of them being separated like that, that even thinking about the
implications made Daniel want to shudder.

How could he stand in the control room and watch the man he loved
walk through the event horizon, into the kind of certain danger that
seemed to dog SGC missions, without at least being there to share
that danger with him?

The idea that one day Jack might go through the 'Gate and not return
shook him more than he had expected, driving a needle of ice into his
heart with a pain he had not considered possible.

It was a familiar pain, one Daniel had known on a number of
occasions in his life, one that he had not experienced so acutely
since the day he had knelt by Sha're's graveside and known that his
quest to free her from the clutches of the Goa'uld was truly over.

But he could only think that Jack was being a little *too* casual at
the moment.  He was sure that the colonel was only trying to mollify
him, to allay his fears, but it felt more like those fears were being
brushed aside.

'Can we do this?' Daniel wondered.  'Can we manage to be in a
relationship with the kind of constraints that we are going to need
to work within?'

The moment that thought went through his brain, Daniel knew he could
never share that concern with Jack.  The other man would see it as an
indication that he was not really prepared for the consequences of
such a relationship, even though he had never thought of it that way.

He knew instinctively that Jack would think he was over-reacting,
that Jack would tell him that plenty of other people lived and worked
in the same way, but that was a false hope for him.  Neither he or
Jack were 'other people' - the strength of their relationship lay in
the depth of the friendship that had nearly been torn apart between
them.

It was almost in Daniel's mind for a moment to regret that he had
ever said anything about his feelings for Jack.  If he had kept his
own counsel, not made that seemingly rash decision to lay his
emotions bare for Jack to see, what would things be like between them
now?

Daniel pondered this as he walked, his eyes intent on Carter's back
as she led the way towards the settlement that they could see in the
distance.

The anthropologist could feel Jack's reassuring presence beside him,
hear the faint crunching sounds as Jack's boots crushed the heather-
like plants that carpeted the ground on the planet - if he really
concentrated, he even could hear each breath that Jack took.

'Could I have been that strong?' Daniel wondered.  'Never told him
how I felt?  Just stayed as friends?'

The answer was there before he had even finished the thought.

Daniel knew what it had cost him to keep quiet all that time, the
frustration he had felt watching Jack flirt with other people and
wanting to see that charming smile headed in his direction for once.

Every time he had seen Jack with a woman, like the time that he had
watched Jack be led by the hand to share Kinthia's bed on Argos, that
same familiar pain had returned, making Daniel feel both guilty and
alarmed.

At the time, he had tried to argue that if he loved Jack as much as
he thought, then he would want Jack to be happy, even if that
happiness could not be found with the two of them being together. 
But even that thought had burned at him, as the fingers of jealousy
pulled at his heart.

No matter how hard he tried, Daniel knew that he was not someone who
could share - he had to have Jack to himself, or not at all.  And if
that meant that they had to play by someone else's rules for that to
happen, then that was precisely what Daniel would have to do.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

'He's got that look on his face again,' Jack thought, glancing
covertly at Daniel for the fourth time in the past five minutes.

Over the time that Jack had known Daniel he had been given ample
opportunity to study the younger man's face and it was now so
familiar to him that every look displayed there was like an open book.
That look, Jack decided, was Daniel deep in thought about something,
something that worried him.

It was always a little disconcerting when the anthropologist was so
quiet too.  Even though the way Daniel seemed to have an
inexhaustible supply of stories and explanations about everything
might be expected to grate on Jack, over their time together the
colonel had grown used to it.

So Daniel's running commentary on life should have been the last
thing that Jack could tolerate. In that respect, the colonel had
surprised himself.

There was something about Daniel's voice that comforted him,
something that he could pull to himself for security, knowing that
the flow of words meant that everything was probably okay with the
other man.  Jack had learned from painful observation that Daniel was
someone who closed in on himself when he was hurting, rather than
using words as a defense.

Never a man who wanted someone else to have the last word, Jack had
schooled himself in sarcastic comments, throwaway remarks to cover up
confusion or worry, to give himself a chance to think.

'Guess it's like living next to the railway track,' Jack thought,
grinning to himself.  'You only end up noticing the sound of the
trains when they stop...'

Jack glanced at Daniel again, noting that the younger man did not
seem to realise that he was being watched.

'And what's eating at you this time, Daniel?' he wondered.

The two men walked together in silence a little further, both
following Carter's lead as she headed towards the settlement,
watching the way that the major checked out their surroundings as she
led the way.

Jack smiled to himself in recollection of his last conversation with
Carter.  It was obvious that the major had thought herself subtle,
that she had picked up on the same concerns that he had about what
Hammond wished to discuss with Daniel.

Had he been too flippant?  Jack had tried to reassure Daniel, to
let him know that he understood the other man's concerns, even if he
did not share them at the moment.  After all, if Hammond truly
suspected anything, then Jack was certain that he would have been the
one having the private conversation with the general.

He had been wrong to try to lead Daniel on in the elevator.  Then
the two of them had danced around how they were going to work
together and keep their hands off each other in the long term.

Jack smiled at the images those words conjured up.  It had been a
while since he had really thought about more than the immediate
future.  It had seemed to stretch before him so grey and empty that
he had always preferred to focus on the present and leave the future
to work itself out as it arrived.

But Daniel, with a few nervous words, had changed all that.

There was nothing about either men's personalities that boded well
for anything but a permanent commitment to one another - both were
too stubborn, too possessive, to ever contemplate some kind of casual
liaison.

And that was despite a pretty lousy track record on both their parts
where relationships were concerned.

Surely the strength of Jack and Daniel's friendship, and the fact
that it had somehow managed to survive the uncovering of the true
nature of their feelings for one another, had to be a good omen for
their chances together?

"Jack?"

Daniel's voice was quiet, but it cut into Jack's considerations like
a knife.  The colonel turned his head sharply to look in the
anthropologist's direction.

"We *are* going to make this work, aren't we?"

As much as Jack might have wanted to be glib and casual, the emotion
that he saw in Daniel's face brought any such words to a shuddering
halt before they were even spoken.

He nodded, his mouth suddenly dry as he considered the look of trust
and belief in him that he saw so clearly there.

"I'm sorry if I was over-reacting earlier," Daniel continued.  "I
was just... the general caught me a little off guard, I wasn't
expecting that conversation, I guess..."

"That's okay," Jack replied.  "And I'm sorry if you thought that I
was just dismissing what you were saying earlier..."

The look of surprise that erupted across Daniel's face as Jack spoke
those words made Jack smile to himself.  He had clearly surprised the
other man, by choosing not to go with the throwaway line, even though
it had been something of an effort not to do so.

"You don't think I was over-reacting?" Daniel asked, after a
moment's silence fell between them.

"You, over-reacting?" Jack joked weakly, pleased to see the small
smile appear on Daniel's face at the words.

"Seriously, Jack..."

"Seriously, Daniel," Jack echoed, "I shouldn't have tried to get
things going between us in the elevator like that..."

"But *you* weren't the one who dragged someone into the nearest
storage room..." Daniel began.

"Did you hear me complaining?" Jack interrupted, suddenly a little
concerned at the guilt he thought he could detect in Daniel's voice.

"But it shouldn't have happened..."

"Daniel."

"What?"

"It's okay to be spontaneous, it's just something that might not be
such a good idea at work..."

"I know," Daniel said, "it's just difficult..."

"I understand," Jack replied.  "And it'll get easier, I promise."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A sense of warmth swept through Daniel as he considered Jack's
words, unexpected as they were. It was times like this that he
remembered so easily what it had been that had caused him to fall for
Jack in the first place - though the colonel hid his true nature
behind a carapace of sarcasm, inside he was all heart, unchangeable.

That had always been clear, even when Jack had been so stricken by
guilt and grief over the death of his son that he had hardly been
able to think straight.  He had accepted the suicide mission that was
the trip to Abydos, always meaning to be the person who stayed
behind, the one who made that last grand gesture and ensured their
world was safe from the Goa'uld.

But during that mission, Jack had changed.

His commitment to those he was sworn to protect had not altered, but
in a shared moment Daniel would recall and treasure forever, he had
seen the very life return to Jack's eyes.

That had been the beginning of it all for Daniel, the start of the
rollercoaster that would become their relationship.

Of course, Daniel hadn't realised it at the time - it was only the
long nights of Abydos that gave him a chance to consider what he had
given up by choosing to stay behind there and bury the 'Gate.  But it
had been something Daniel felt obliged to do, if only as a gesture to
free Jack from the things he had brought with him to the planet,
burying them in the endless sands of Abydos.

As time had passed, Daniel had begun to regret his decision, even
though he doubted that there could have been any chance of even
friendship with Jack O'Neill had they both somehow returned to Earth.

So, when that kleenex box had come flying through the 'Gate,
heralding the fact that his life was about to change forever again,
Daniel had felt absurdly guilty at the concept of seeing Jack again.

He had never made any secret to Sha're of how he felt, that there
were things about their relationship he regretted.  She, in turn, had
accepted this as merely a part of who he was, not even trying to
change him, for which Daniel would be eternally grateful.

It was bad enough that he blamed himself for opening the 'Gate - if
he had thought that he had been deceiving Sha're somehow, that would
have been intolerable for the anthropologist.  And, at the end of it
all, after he had taken part in her funeral, watching the sand tumble
over her body as it lay beneath the Abydos suns, Daniel had sworn to
himself that he would tell Jack everything.
 
It had taken a while for that oath to be kept, with results that he
regretted now, but when Daniel saw the look that was on Jack's face
as he spoke words of honesty and concern for them both, there was
nothing that he would have changed.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"The village looks deserted, sir," Carter said, returning to Jack's
side after a quick survey of the ramshackle buildings.

From where he stood, Jack could see Daniel out of the corner of his
eye - the other man was videoing the settlement, panning slowly over
the few buildings that were still standing, stepping backwards to get
a better angle on one of them and stumbling slightly on a piece of
uneven ground.

Jack smiled to himself at that, thinking then how little Daniel had
changed, even despite the terrible things he had experienced over
their short acquaintance.

"Let's see what Teal'c has to say, major," Jack replied.  "I don't
like the look of those clouds on the horizon."

Carter obediently turned to look in the direction Jack was
indicating, frowning as she saw the darkness that was approaching them.

"I'm sure our projections can't be that wrong, colonel," she said. 
"The computer simulation I ran said we had a few more days before the
rains would hit..."

"Computers..." Jack began.

"O'Neill!"

It was Teal'c's voice, echoing strangely around the deserted
village.  As he turned in the direction of the sound, Jack saw
Daniel's head snap up, the hand that had been holding the video
camera lowering and the anthropologist's other hand falling to his
side-arm.

'Good thinking, Daniel,' Jack thought, smiling at Daniel's
instinctive reaction, despite the uncertainty of the situation. 
'We'll make a soldier out of you yet...'

Teal'c emerged then from the shelter of one of the half-collapsed
buildings, pulling along with him what was clearly a reluctant local.
The man was somewhat emaciated, yet was obviously struggling with
what little strength he had remaining against the grip that the Jaffa
was maintaining effortlessly on his arm.

Daniel took a step forward at the sight, the hand which had been
resting on his side-arm coming up so that he could push his glasses
back onto his nose.

"Uh... Teal'c..." Daniel began.

"No, Daniel," Jack interrupted, suddenly aware of what Daniel's next
words were likely to be.
 
The interruption earned Jack a glare, the anthropologist's head
whipping round in his direction - the effect was spoiled slightly by
the fact that Daniel's eyes contradicted the annoyance in his face.

"Teal'c?"

"I discovered this man in the ruins, O'Neill," Teal'c said,
answering the unspoken question.

"D'you think you could let him go?" Daniel asked, glancing at Jack
once more.

Teal'c studied Daniel's face as if trying to decide what language he
was speaking, before his head turned slowly back to where Jack was
standing.  When Jack nodded in reluctant agreement to Daniel's
suggestion, Teal'c let go, watching with one eyebrow arched as the
man he had been holding
onto scuttled backwards as far as he could.

"We're not going to hurt you," Daniel said, crouching down and
making eye contact with the obviously terrified local.

As Daniel spoke the words, the man's eyes flicked over to where
Teal'c was still standing.

"That one," the man muttered, making Daniel lean forward slightly to
catch the words.  "He is Jaffa..."

"He was," Daniel agreed, "but you're safe here."

The man's eyes returned to Teal'c once more, then crossed to where
Jack was standing, one hand resting in a seemingly casual manner on
his weapon.

"I promise you that nothing will happen to you..." Daniel continued.
"Why are you here alone?"

The man's eyes snapped back to Daniel then - it was clear that he
was hesitating, choosing his words carefully before he spoke again.

"I am an outcast," he said.  "The rains are coming so I knew that
the village would once again be deserted and I came to see what I
could steal, what the others had left behind..."

Even as he spoke, the man's eyes were intent on Daniel, taking in
every detail of the anthropologist as he crouched there in the dirt,
his video camera forgotten in his hand.

"Can you take us to the rest of your people?" Daniel asked.

"It is forbidden."

"Can you tell us where they are, then?"

"It is..."

"Forbidden," Daniel concluded.  "Yeah, I get the idea."

Getting up from his slightly awkward crouch, Daniel reached round to
snag his pack and stow away the video camera.  The man remained
crouching, his eyes following Daniel's every move in a way that
unnnerved Jack slightly.  The colonel could feel his fingers
tightening instinctively on his weapon, even though his conscious
mind knew that the weakened man was no danger to the anthropologist.

Daniel came over to where Jack was standing, not looking back at
where the man was still watching him.

"He can't help us," Daniel said, one hand absently brushing dust
from his fatigues.

"Can't or won't?" Jack asked, without taking his eyes off the local. 

"It's the same thing for him, Jack," Daniel replied.  There was a
pause. "He's still watching me, isn't he?" Daniel continued, his
voice barely audible.

"Uh huh."

'I can understand the fascination,' Jack thought.  'Heaven knows I
feel that way often enough...'

"Right.  We'd better start looking for the other locals," Daniel
said, pausing as if to consider their next move.

"I'm not sure we're going to have enough time for that, Daniel,"
Jack replied.  "The rains seem to be moving in faster than expected."

"Well, if *I* was looking for shelter from rising waters," Daniel
said, sounding as though he was talking to himself more than the
others, "I'd head for those hills over there..."

"Did you hear what I said, Daniel?" Jack asked, a little impatiently.

"We need to make contact with the indigenous peoples, Jack," Daniel
replied, his tone eminently reasonable.  "You heard what Sam said -
if we don't meet with them before the rains start, it'll be months
before we get this chance again..."

Jack glanced towards the horizon - there were definitely clouds
gathering there, dark ones that hung heavy with rain.  When he looked
back at Daniel, the younger man's eyes were focussed on him in a way
that made him squirm a little, the mute entreaty and curiosity there
for anyone to see.

Jack sighed, knowing he had already lost the argument from the time
that the two men had made eye contact.

"Okay." Daniel smiled as Jack spoke the word.  "But we can't stay
long, Daniel," Jack warned.  "If we don't find them within a few
hours..."

"I understand."

"Let's go then," Jack said, turning to look around at where Teal'c
and Carter were watching their discussion.  "Looks like it's time to
head for the hills, kids..."

"Please..."

Both Jack and Daniel's heads snapped round to where the man was
still crouching, Jack eyeing him warily as he got up from the ground
and approached them.  He was glad to see Daniel take a step back,
positioning himself so that Jack was between him and the approaching
local, even though the man did not look capable of hurting anyone.

"What?" Jack snapped.

"If the Jaffa goes with you," the man continued, addressing Daniel
as if Jack had not spoken, "you will not see anyone."

"Daniel?"

"You saw how he reacted to Teal'c," Daniel said.  "And that wasn't
just because he caught him skulking around.  There was real fear
there..."

Jack sighed.  This was one of the things he hated about being in
command - it was time for him to make a decision, knowing that if
everything went horribly wrong, it was moments like this that they
would point to as being pivotal.  If, of course, anyone survived long
enough to tell Hammond what decisions had been made.

"Okay," he said, after a moment's consideration.  "Carter, Teal'c,
you head back to the 'Gate.  If we're not back in 12 hours, send in
the cavalry, okay?"

Carter nodded, her face showing clearly that she disagreed with this
decision, but not strongly enough to object to it.  Teal'c merely
inclined his head in agreement, the indication obvious enough to
anyone who knew him as well as they had come to do over the years.

"12 hours, sir," Carter echoed, before turning and heading back in
the direction of the 'Gate, Teal'c following close behind.

"See if you can get any more information out of him now Teal'c is
gone, Daniel," Jack said, turning back to where Daniel was standing,
watching the other two members of SG1 head off into the distance.

"Who, Jack?" Daniel asked, looking at him with a small smile on his
face.

Jack glanced around.  The two of them were alone, the local having
vanished some time during their earlier conversation.

"I hate it when that happens," Jack said, mostly to himself.

"Can we *go* now?" Daniel asked, gesturing with his head towards
the nearby range of hills.

"Very funny, Daniel..."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

As the two of them travelled, the ground began to rise, subtly at
first and then more pronounced. Jack could hardly tear his eyes from
the horizon long enough to see where they were going, almost
mesmerised by the darkness that was inching it's way towards them
with the threat of rain.

Daniel was leading the way, reduced now almost to clambering on his
hands and knees over the steepest parts of the rock-strewn hillside,
his head lifting occasionally to orientate himself with the crest
that he had set his heart on reaching.  He had seen it earlier,
finding himself somehow drawn to it in a way he could not explain.

At one stage, Daniel stopped, certain that he had seen movement on
the rocks above.

So intent was he on the horizon, Jack had walked straight into the
back of him, before taking an involuntary step backwards, flailing
slightly to maintain his balance.

"What?"

"I thought I saw something move up there," Daniel explained.

"Can't see anything," Jack replied.  After a moment's pause, he
spoke again.  "If we don't make contact soon, Daniel, we're going to
have to turn around.  I have no intention of getting stranded here."

"Just a little further," Daniel muttered.  "I'm sure of it..."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

By the time they realised that they were surrounded, it was too late
to do anything about it.

Jack's hand had fallen to his weapon, but he had seen the spears
that the local inhabitants carried with such ease and assurance,
knowing from painful experience of the deadliness of aim with which
they could be wielded.  He had no intention of repeating *that*
particular experience if he could possibly avoid it.

"Daniel?" he prompted.

"We... uh... mean you no harm..." Daniel said, stumbling slightly
over the cliched words.

"Very smooth," Jack muttered, earning a glance from the
anthropologist. 

"Why do you hunt us?" one of the locals asked, stepping forward
slightly as she did so.

She was a short woman, stocky and clearly well-used to hard labour. 
Her eyes were the most striking feature about her face, which was
almost square in shape - they were a deep and luminous green, made
even more striking by her dark skin.

"Hunt you?" Daniel replied.  "No, we weren't hunting you..."

"You came with a Jaffa, seeking to enslave us once more."  The
woman's voice was determined, the solemn assurance of command clear
within it.

"Teal'c?  No, he is a Jaffa, that's true, but he no longer serves
the Goa'uld."  The woman's face was blank at the unknown word, so
Daniel tried another tack, shaking his head at his inability to
explain. "The evil gods... the demons?"

"You do not serve the demons?" she asked, her eyes glinting in the
lessening light.

"No, we don't," Jack interrupted.  "Never have, never will..."

The woman turned to look at him then, her eyes raking over him in an
assessing glance.  There was something about the expression in her
eyes that made Jack shudder slightly, a coldness that he had not
experienced since he had last been face to face with one of the
Goa'uld.

"We should go, Daniel," he said quietly.  "We've bothered these
folks enough..."

"What?"

"*Now*, Daniel," Jack said, starting to back away from where the
woman was standing.

Somehow, his tone had managed to convince Daniel in a way that the
words had failed to do. Muttering his apologies, Daniel had also
begun to inch back towards where the colonel was standing, neither
man wanting to turn their back on the inhabitants of this planet.

From above, in the ever darkening sky, suddenly there was a loud
boom of thunder, rolling across the plain.  A flash of lightning
slammed down onto the nearby hillside, lighting up the tableau of
locals, the eyes of all of them fixed on the two men who were backing
away from them.

His scalp prickling at the thought of how close the lightning strike
had been, Jack continued to back away, his feet feeling for the rocks
at the edge of the small plateau on which they stood.

'At least this time,' he thought, 'for once, Daniel is following my
lead...'

He could see Daniel, who had almost reached his side now.  It was
clear from the other man's posture that he was backing away
reluctantly, but maybe he too had sensed the unspoken danger there?

Somehow, for no reason that he could have ever explained, all that
happened was that the loose circle of locals stood and watched as
their visitors clambered back over the edge of the hill and began to
descend, even more carefully than they had climbed.

'Any moment now,' Jack kept thinking, as the two of them picked
their way carefully down the hill-side.  'Any moment now, we're going
to see those spears...'

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

They had reached the base of the hill now, Daniel glancing up at the
incline that they had scaled, a look of regret in his eyes.  

Jack sighed to himself. He knew that look, having seen it just about
every time that he dragged the anthropologist away from some artefact
or other when Daniel still believed that there were things to discover.

"Jack?"

"No, Daniel," Jack said, smiling to himself as Daniel's head snapped
around at the instant rebuttal of his as-yet unspoken question.

"You don't know what I was going to ask!"

"You were going to say that you wished you had the chance to try and
speak with them further," Jack said, "and then you were going to
complain about me dragging you away."

"No. I wasn't."  Daniel's voice was definite, unshakeable.  "I was
going to say I'd never seen anyone with eyes like that who wasn't a
Goa'uld host."

"You were?" Jack asked.  He shook his head at the idea.  "You may
live longer than I ever expected, then, Daniel - you seem to be
learning!"

Another crack of lightning slammed into the hillside, sending small
boulders racing downwards from the strike, gathering momentum as they
plummeted down the slope.

"That's our cue to get the hell out of Dodge, Daniel," Jack said,
"let's
go."

The two men began to cross the empty plain, heading for the deserted
settlement that was their first landmark on the way back to the
'Gate.  Even as they crossed the desolate ground, they could feel the
wind picking up, whipping swiftly across the open spaces and tugging
at their clothing as they walked.

"Are we being followed?" Daniel asked, not even daring to look
around as he spoke.

"Not as far as I can tell," Jack replied.  "I think it's the weather
we need to be more concerned about..."

He left the sentence unfinished, knowing that Daniel understood the
implications of his words as well as he did.  If they were to be
trapped here by the weather, with the rainy season leading to the
flooding of the area in which the 'Gate stood, it would be a long and
difficult time for both of them.

The SGC might be able to give them supplies, forming an incoming
wormhole and providing them with suitably packaged materials, but
they would be unable to 'Gate out.  Unless they were sent scuba
equipment, there would be no way that they could both dial and make
it to the 'Gate in time. Even then, forming an outgoing wormhole
would send thousands of tons of water crashing into the embarkation
room, with no way of escape.

Both men quickened their pace slightly, as if in unspoken agreement
with one another, the same worries crossing both minds.

The storm was worsening, the wind increasing to such an extent that,
as it whirled around the two of them, Daniel was temporarily
disorientated for a moment, losing sight of Jack as he stumbled.  The
damp heather-like plants cushioned his fall, saving him from any
broken bones, but it was a long few moments before he felt Jack's
hand catch his arm, pulling him back to his feet.

"You okay?" Jack shouted, straining his voice to make himself heard
over the whistling wind.

Daniel nodded, then looked around, uncertain which way they should
be going.  A further flash of lightning illuminated everything,
turning the two of them into the centrepieces of a well-lit tableau
as well as clearly marking the way to the settlement.

He headed in that direction then, tugging Jack along with him by the
colonel's still-present grip on his arm.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The two men collapsed into the shelter of the nearest building,
sighing with relief as they escaped from the buffeting winds.

"We're going to have to wait this out, Jack," Daniel said.  "We
can't make it to the 'Gate in this wind."

"We may not have that choice," Jack replied. "You know we don't have
that much time to play with."

"Well, at least we can catch our breath..."

"Sure," Jack agreed, following Daniel into the shelter of one of the
smaller buildings.

As the two men crouched there together, in the semi-darkness that
the storm had created, they could hear the wind rising, whipping
stones from the tops of the walls and slamming them into the ground.
A roll of thunder sounded as though it was directly on top of them,
deafening them for a moment.  In the flash of light that followed
soon after, Jack could see how wide Daniel's eyes were, even though
he was silent.

Taking a deep breath, Jack inched closer to where Daniel was
crouched.  It had taken him a while to remember that they were alone
here together, with no-one to report their behaviour, not to mention
that he now had permission to reach out and comfort Daniel.

When his hand reached Daniel's shoulder, the other man jumped
slightly, his head turning towards Jack - even in the little light
that penetrated the room they were in, Jack could see the embarrassed
smile that crossed Daniel's face.

"It's going to be okay," Jack said, wondering for a moment which of
them he was trying to reassure. "We're going to get out of here."

"I know," Daniel said, with an assurance that surprised the colonel.
"Sorry.  You startled me."

Putting down the pack within which he had been rummaging, Daniel
moved closer to Jack, so close that the colonel could feel the
anthropologist's warm breath on his face.

He slipped his hand from Daniel's shoulder, pushing it round behind
the other man's back as he felt Daniel's arm hand under his jacket. 
The load-bearing harnesses they wore meant that there was little room
for manoeuvre, but Jack was just glad for the contact.

"This should feel strange, shouldn't it?" Daniel asked, somehow
knowing that this was on the colonel's mind.

"We've been in dangerous situations before, Daniel," Jack reminded
him.  "Maybe not quite this close to one another, but even so..."

"I know this is neither the time or the place," Daniel began, "but I
really want to go home.  Do you know what I'm saying?"

"I... er..."

"It'll work out, Jack," Daniel said, far more confidently than he
felt.  "This is new, I know."

Jack could feel the pool of warmth that was creeping into his side
where Daniel's hand was positioned - there was something comfortable
about it being there, something so reassuring and *normal* that
surprised him.

Silence fell between the two men for a moment, as each man listened
to the wind and the destruction that it was wreaking on the buildings
that surrounded them.  Then they realised, faces turning to one
another at almost the same moment, that there was another sound
there, one that they had not noticed before.

"Is that..." Daniel began.  Jack nodded, hardly knowing how to say
what he was thinking when he recognised that sound for what it was. 
Daniel swallowed.  "It's raining, isn't it?"

"We should go.  *Now*."

The two men separated themselves reluctantly, Daniel picking up his
pack in preparation for the trek back to the 'Gate.

"Leave it."

"What?"

"Leave the pack, Daniel."

"You're kidding.  You *are* kidding, aren't you?"  Daniel stared at
Jack for a moment.  "What about the video camera, my notes, the
MRE's..."

"Stash it all some place safe.  We need to travel light."  Jack was
systematically emptying his pockets as he spoke, shoving the contents
of his fatigues into the pack that Daniel was holding.  "If we get
stuck here, we're going to need it all, but if we don't, it'll just
slow us down..."

"Okay," Daniel said, his tone clearly indicating his reluctance even
as he followed Jack's lead.

There was an empty space below the rafters in the building they
currently occupied. Jack removed the magazine from his MP5, before
reaching up as far as he could stretch and shoving the weapon into
the gap.  Stepping back, he watched as Daniel shoved the pack in
there too.

"Let's go," Jack said, leading the way out of the building without
even looking to see whether Daniel would follow his lead.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Daniel would remember this journey for a long time to come.  There
had been times when he was on Abydos, his skin burningunder the heat
of two suns, half-blinded by the glare from the sand dunes, that he
would long for water.  It was times like that he tended to think
about cold drinks, long leisurely swims, snow falling.

After this mission, he vowed, as he plugged along beside Jack in the
rain, he would never think so fondly of water.

The wind was still whipping around them, tearing at their clothes
even as the rain stung and slammed into their bodies.  The occasional
flash of lightning would reveal that the rain was falling almost
horizontally, blinding them in their headlong dash for the 'Gate.

Each minute that passed, the level of water that lay on the ground
they were crossing was rising. Their feet squelched and splashed
through the sodden vegetation, sending more water flying as they half-
ran towards their destination.  Their footing was becoming more
treacherous, forcing them to slow their pace as they skidded their
way across the plain.

When they finally reached the area where the 'Gate was situated, it
took a moment for them to recognise it.  Though the DHD was situated
on slightly higher ground, there was water already lapping at the
base of the 'Gate, with the plinth on which it stood already covered.

"Dial it up, Daniel," Jack said, wading down into the water that
surrounded the 'Gate itself.

He had been mentally rehearsing the series of glyphs over the last
mile or so, which meant that Daniel's hands practically flew over the
surface of the DHD, even though it was slippery with rain. One hand
slapped onto the crystal in the middle, before he headed down from
the DHD into the water, fumbling slightly with the GDO as he did so.

He could see Jack wading closer and closer to the plinth on which
the 'Gate was standing and he realised that Jack was close.  *Too*
close.

"JACK!" he shouted as the wormhole blossomed out, sending strange
shadows across the surface of the water that was now a few feet about
the surface of the plinth.

Even as Jack turned to look at him, in response to his cry, he
seemed to realise the danger he was in, throwing himself to one side
with an almighty splash.  Daniel had screwed his eyes shut even as he
saw the wormhole form, remembering the time they had spent on the
prison planet Hadante, when he had seen someone incinerated in just
such a situation.

When he opened his eyes, the surface of the water was still, the
light of the event horizon casting eerie shadows, as it sucked in the
water that was lapping against it.

"JACK!" he yelled again, an edge of panic starting to emerge.

Just as he was about to lose it completely, Daniel saw movement by
the 'Gate, watching incredulously as Jack emerged from the water.  He
was obviously pulling himself up by the stone that comprised the
'Gate's plinth, gasping for breath even as he did so.

Daniel threw himself in the direction of the 'Gate again, half-
swimming and half-wading through the chest-high water.  It was cold,
icy cold, and he could feel the circulation starting to ebb from his
legs.

"That... that was *too* close," Jack said, with a grin, as he
reached down and helped haul Daniel up to join him by the base of the
'Gate.  "Let's get out of here, Daniel," he said, pulling the
anthropologist by the arm into the event horizon.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

They arrived through the other side of the wormhole as they had
entered it - headfirst and accompanied by a great gush of water.  As
a result, neither of them really slowed down much before they hit the
wall at the base of the control room, shoved along as they were by
the force of water that had both followed and surrounded them.

"Shut it down!" yelled a voice over the loudspeaker system, a voice
both Jack and Daniel recognised as belonging to Hammond.

With those words, the wormhole disengaged, so that the gout of water
that had been rushing down the ramp with great force was reduced to a
trickle suddenly.  There was a couple of feet of water covering the
'Gate room floor, which lapped around Jack and Daniel as they just
sat there, slightly surprised to have arrived in one piece.

After a moment, Jack glanced at Daniel.  He considered the
bedraggled appearance of the anthropologist for a moment, seemingly
considering whether to throw him back.  Then, when he could no longer
manage to hold it back, Jack began to grin.

"What are you smiling at?" Daniel growled.

As he spoke he was pushing back his wet hair from his face with one
hand, as the other removed his glasses.  He looked around, wondering
what he could get to dry them off and blinking slightly at their
surroundings, which seemed so light after the darkness of the planet
they had left behind.

"You, I guess."

"You're no oil painting either, Jack," Daniel commented, his eyes
resting for a moment on Jack's hair, which seemed to be trying to
spike in every direction possible.

"So, should we go get a shower?" Jack asked as he got up, trying to
sound nonchalant, as if this kind of thing happened to them everyday.

"Good idea," Daniel replied, struggling up from his sitting position
by pushing one hand against the now-wet concrete wall and following
the colonel out of the 'Gate room.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Daniel's steps grew slower and slower as he followed Jack down the
corridor towards the locker room.  What had seemed like an innocent
suggestion when they were in the 'Gate room was beginning to assume
monumental proportions in his mind the closer they came to the showers.

The two of them had met General Hammond in the corridor, the first
person they had laid eyes on since returning to the SGC in such a
spectacular fashion who was not at least damp.

Somehow, without a word being exchanged on the subject, they both
*knew* that he must have scurried from the 'Gate room when the first
gout of water had appeared through the event horizon. There was no
other way that Hammond could have managed to stay so dry, considering
that he normally waited at the bottom of the ramp to greet the
returning SG teams.

"Daniel?"

Jack had turned and was watching the anthropologist's slow progress
along the corridor, his head cocked slightly to one side in unspoken
enquiry.

"Coming, Jack," Daniel said, feeling his face flame up at the
unintentional double entendre.

He was relieved to see that Jack either had not noticed what he had
said, or had chosen to ignore it, merely turning back in the
direction of the locker room as he reached his side.

"This is awkward," Jack said, as he held open the locker room door
for Daniel to follow him in.

"Uh huh," Daniel agreed, his eyes quickly scanning the locker room
for other occupants before he spoke again.  He even crossed to the
shower area and glanced inside.  "I mean, it's not the first time
we've showered together, but..."

"It's the first time since we know what's going on between us," Jack
supplied.  "Right?"
 
Daniel nodded, glad that the job of explaining the strangeness he
was feeling had been equally shouldered by the two of them.

"And I haven't made things any easier, have I?" Jack continued.

"I'm not blaming you," Daniel said.  "We've both done our share of
upping the ante between us."

"Then let's just get this over as quickly as possible," Jack said. 
"We shower, we get changed, we do the debriefing session and *then*
we go home..."

"Okay."

"Okay."

There was silence for a moment, both men just looking at each other.

"So?"

"What do you mean 'so'?" Daniel asked, frowning.

"I mean, are you going to get undresssed?" Jack replied, starting
to undo his vest.

"Uh.. yeah... I guess," Daniel said, turning to his locker and
taking off his glasses to stow them safely away.

When he turned back to where Jack was standing, the other man was
almost naked, just wearing a wet pair of boxer shorts, which he was
in the process of removing.  They clung to him, leaving absolutely
nothing to the imagination.  His thumbs under the waistband of his
shorts, Jack glanced across at Daniel with a grin, seeing instantly
where the other man's eyes were fixed.

"That's one of the things about the military," he said, with a grin.
"You learn how to dress and undress *really* quickly..."

"I can see that," Daniel replied, mentally kicking himself even as
the words emerged from his mouth.

Shaking his head, Jack turned to his locker and extracted a towel
from it.  He then headed as casually as he could manage for the
shower area, still wearing the wet boxer shorts.  Daniel could feel
his mouth growing drier by the moment as he contemplated the view of
Jack's butt with which the clinging material provided him.

As he passed into the shower area, Jack hung the towel on a nearby
hook, before removing the boxer shorts and throwing them back into
the main area of the locker room, where they landed with a resounding
splat.

"Maybe..." Daniel cleared his throat and tried again, dismayed at
the way that his voice had changed partway through the word.  "Maybe
I'll wait till you've finished, Jack."

"What?"  Jack's voice echoed from the shower area, loud in order to
carry over the pounding noise of water hitting tile.

"I said, I'll wait till you're done."

"Daniel, don't be an idiot.  You'll catch pneumonia or something. 
Get in here."

"I'm fine," he said.

As he started to remove his clothing, far more slowly than Jack had
done, Daniel threw the various items so that they joined the soggy
heap of clothes that Jack had created.  Some hitherto unknown
instinct for tidiness made him cross to where Jack's discarded boxer
shorts lay. 

As he stooped to pick them up, his eyes seemed to travel of their
own accord into the shower area, straight to the man who had been
wearing those shorts just a few short moments before.  The instant
they did so, Daniel *knew* that there was no way he was going to be
able to strip off and go into the showers while Jack was there.

Although, like he had said earlier, the two men had showered
together innumerable times before, this time things were different
between them.  All Daniel could think about as he watched Jack's
hands scrub their way through his hair, his eyes closed to the water
as it cascaded down onto his face from the shower outlet, was wanting
to wrap himself around this man and never let go.

Daniel could feel the unmistakeable stirring in his groin that told
him that it was not just his mind that was appreciating this sight. 
Even the cold clamminess of his own clothes was not enough to bank
down the fire he could feel starting to rise within him.  Daniel
swallowed a little nervously, his hands tightening on Jack's boxer
shorts, wringing the fabric.

Jack had turned now, obliviously presenting his profile to Daniel as
he crouched there - Daniel's eyes followed the water as it streamed
it's way down Jack's body.

Daniel felt his face redden, fearing any moment that Jack would open
his eyes, turn towards him, see that he was being observed.  Even
though he knew that it was unlikely that the older man would be
embarrassed, Daniel was feeling embarrassed and guilty on his behalf.
Though he knew that Jack would probably not object, had in fact
practically ordered him to join him in the shower, he felt like
nothing more than a voyeur.

He began to back away, the boxer shorts almost forgotten in his
hands until he backed into the pile of wet clothing.  th a nervous
start, Daniel half-turned and added the garment to the pile, crossing
shakily to sit on a nearby bench.

When Jack emerged from the shower a couple of minutes later, the
towel wrapped round his waist, he was a little dismayed to see Daniel
just sitting there, still wearing his trousers and t-shirt.

"You meant it, didn't you?"  Daniel looked up at Jack as he spoke.
"About waiting till I was done?"

Jack shook his head at the idea, crossing over to his locker again
to retrieve another towel.  As he began rubbing his head, his voice
emerged muffled from the towel's depths.

"You know you've got nothing I haven't seen before."

Daniel stripped hastily, making the most of the few moments when
Jack was otherwise occupied to grab a towel and rush off to the shower.

He had to admit, after wearing that cold and wet clothing for so
long, the heat of the showers felt really good.  He could almost feel
the warmth creeping through him, tendrils of heat inching their way
through tense muscles.

Daniel stood for a moment, allowing the water to hammer onto his
shoulders, his eyes closed almost in meditation as he felt the warm
streams trickle down his back and legs.

Then he opened his eyes, feeling that he was the subject of
scrutiny, that strange sensation of being watched.  His eyes met
Jack's.  Somehow, Daniel forced himself not to cringe, not to try and
cover up what Jack had already seen, if not now then countless times
before.  He could not, however, control the flush of embarrassment
that crossed his face.

"Hey," Jack said, with a grin.  "It's only fair I get to look too..."

"Get lost, Jack," Daniel replied, turning his back on the other man.

After a few moments, when he was confident that he was no longer
being observed, Daniel chanced a glance over his shoulder - he was
correct, the place where Jack had been standing was now empty.

Daniel's taste for showers had deserted him, so he crossed over to
where he had hung up his towel. Emerging from the shower area, he was
surprised to find the locker room deserted - Jack's locker door was
closed, the pile of wet clothes had been kicked into a corner for
collection by the cleaning crew, and the colonel was nowhere to be
seen.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

'What the hell did you think you were playing at, O'Neill?' Jack
thought angrily, as he headed out of the locker room.  'You could see
Daniel was embarrassed, but could you cut him some slack?  No, you
just had to keep on going, didn't you...'

Inside, Jack knew that the look Daniel had given him when he had
caught him staring should have been enough of a warning for him to
realise how much he was upsetting the other man.  But instead, he had
chosen to ignore the little voice inside him that said he was going
too far.

Having spent a good chunk of his life in the military, Jack had been
forced to become accustomed to communal showers - as a result,
sometimes it was far too easy to forget that not everyone was that
comfortable with the concept of stripping off in front of other
people....

Still, he had known somehow that Daniel was watching him, even
though his eyes had been closed and he had done as good a job as he
could at disguising the way that such scrutiny made him feel.
Focussing on images of icebergs and recalling just how close he had
come to being zapped by the wormhole forming on their last trip
through the 'Gate had kept his blood supply circulating where it
should. 

There was something about being watched, particularly by Daniel,
that sent a guilty frisson of desire straight to Jack's groin.  Even
now, as he was heading to the briefing room, all he could think about
was the opportunities that might present themselves later on that day.

And those thoughts led to a completely new set of feelings for the
normally self-confident colonel. This was a whole new territory he
was entering, one where nothing was familiar.  Jack had never
considered himself to be much of a ladies' man - he had been too
focussed on his career to date much until he met Sara.

Even though he trusted Daniel more than anyone else on the planet,
let alone a number of other planets, there was something about the
physical acts he was considering that scared Jack a little. Sure, he
understood the mechanics - what he had not heard gossiped about one
time or another was neither here nor there - but to actually consider
being involved in such actions....

Could he really let another man, even one he trusted, even one he
*loved* as much as Daniel, touch him like that?

'Oh boy,' Jack thought, swallowing a little nervously as he headed
into the briefing room.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

'Damn him,' Daniel thought, towelling his wet hair furiously.

His face was still a little flushed from the embarrassment he had
been feeling when he discovered that Jack was watching him.  It had
been just as bad as he expected it would be - he had never been
someone who was completely comfortable with his body, always
comparing himself to others, finding fault where there was nothing he
could do about it.

When he had returned from Abydos the first time, Daniel knew that
the year of hard manual labour had paid off - he had developed
muscles in places that he had formerly never considered, even though
he had been pale as a result of covering his easily-burnt skin from
the Abydos suns.  But all thoughts of having a reasonable physique
had disappeared the moment he had stepped into the locker room with
Teal'c.

He had seen the looks that a large number of the female population
of the SGC, not to mention a number of envious males, gave the Jaffa
every time he walked down the hallway.  It was also true that the
clothing they wore served to heighten the differences between them -
nothing short of a large sack could disguise the physical condition
that Teal'c was in.

'Good thing we're not in competition,' Daniel thought, smiling to
himself.

His rebellious mind sent him back to the moments earlier on, when he
had watched Jack in the shower.  Daniel's mouth grew dry as he
recalled the way that the water had trailed down Jack's body,
highlighting every curve, every muscle in a way that his hands just
itched to follow.

'Damn...'

There was something about considering Jack that way that made Daniel
feel a little guilty, even though Jack had made it clear that he
found such scrutiny something of a turn on.

It had taken all Daniel's self-control not to join Jack under the
pulsing streams of water - only his fear of discovery, of the
consequences of being found out within the SGC had been stronger than
his desire.

'And when we get back to my place?' Daniel thought, with a guilty
start.  'What then?'

His mind, inventive as it normally was, balked at even beginning to
consider what it might be like to sleep with Jack O'Neill.

He had no doubt that Jack would be fierce and passionate, yet their
earlier encounter had also shown a self-controlled side that Daniel
had not suspected.

And the thought of the responsibility he bore towards the colonel as
a result made Daniel shudder slightly - Jack had practically
confessed that he had no idea what to do, when they were together.

'Damn...' Daniel thought again.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"That was quite a spectacular entrance, sir," Carter said, taking a
seat at the briefing room table.

"Thank you, Carter," Jack replied with a grin.  "I look forward to
watching our performance on video some time. So... marks out of ten
for style?"

"From where I was standing in the control room," Carter said, with
an answering smile, "it looked like you were trying for speed rather
than grace.  Shame that the tumble turn at the wall didn't work out,
though..."

"Hey! I'm graceful," Jack said, mock-pouting slightly at the affront.

"Of course you are, sir," Carter replied, her tone more serious than
the glint in her eyes suggested.

"Of course Jack is... what...?" Daniel asked, coming into the
briefing room at exactly that moment.

"Hi, Daniel," Carter said, with a smile.  "The colonel was just
insisting he's graceful."

"Come on Daniel," Jack urged, "you've seen me in action.  I'm
expecting you to leap to my defence, here..."

As he spoke the words, a look passed between the two men.  Daniel
felt it hit him, like a wave of heat.

"Why, Jack?" he joked weakly, knowing that was just the response
everyone expected of him. "Haven't you managed to dig yourself a deep
enough hole on your own?"

Inside, Daniel was thinking something different - he had indeed seen
Jack in action and knew *exactly* what he wanted to say.  Of course,
what he wanted to say and what he could say were two different
things, as different as day from night, and Daniel knew that too.

So did Jack.

Daniel could tell that by the look the colonel had just given him.

It was a look full of promise - not over-confident, an edge of worry
lurking there in the depths, but one which suggested a desire to
learn and experience.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

As he sat in the conference room, Daniel tried to calculate how much
time he'd spent sitting at that very table over the past couple of
years.  All in all, that room had seen just about every emotion known
to mankind and various aliens, seen all of SG1 at their best and
their worst, but had also played host to some of the longest hours of
his life.

Like this one.

It was sheer torture, to be sitting there so close to Jack, yet
Daniel found himself unable to even dare to *look* in Jack's
direction.  He was so sure that even a glance would be enough to send
him spiralling into the depths of emotions he wanted to experience in
quite another place altogether.  A place that involved a bed, for
starters.

From where he was sitting, studiously avoiding looking at the
colonel, Daniel could hear Jack's voice, which flowed over him like
warm honey.  There was such a confidence in it, such drawling good
humour that Daniel was almost convinced by it that Jack did not have
a care in the world.

Anyone who had not devoted the amount of time and study that Daniel
had over the time that he had known Jack might have been fooled. 
They might have thought that Jack's world had not been turned upside
down recently, that he too was contemplating what might happen later
on.

Still, Daniel's auto-pilot seemed to be working fine.  He was able
to respond without too much prompting to the questions that the
general asked, even though his mind was otherwise engaged.

When Jack looked at him, even though he avoided meeting the
colonel's eyes, Daniel could feel the weight of that gaze as it
rested on him.  It burnt straight through any defenses that Daniel
might have erected, given enough time, telling him that Jack knew
*exactly* what he was thinking about, what he had been fantasising
about all these past months.

Suddenly, the room seemed too small, the air too close about him and
Daniel almost panicked.  It took a large measure of self-control to
remain in his seat, rather than running out of the room, fleeing by
the stairs that spiralled down in one corner.

And when, finally, the meeting ended, Daniel was left convulsively
clutching the edge of the table, like a drowning man clutching at
what he hoped might save him.  He could see the way that the skin
over his knuckles was turning white by the strength of his grip,
watching the colour change with a strange detachment, as if the hands
belonged to someone else.

"Let's go home, Daniel," a voice said, shattering the stillness that
Daniel was not sure existed anywhere outside of his head.

Turning his head slowly, towards the man who had spoken, Daniel and
Jack's eyes met.  There was an understanding there, a recognition of
the step that they were about to make, the irrevocable nature of it
all.

Suddenly, seeing that understanding in Jack's eyes, Daniel felt so
much better about it all.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Jack had paid a little more attention to Hammond and the
conversation in general.  After all, he had a reputation to keep up
and it was not one of being easily distracted, like the one that
Daniel had. He knew that unless he made his usual wisecracks, people
would start to suspect that something had happened, was happening,
and the last thing that Jack wanted was for anyone to suspect a
change in the status quo.

But he could not stop himself from sneaking surreptitious glances in
Daniel's direction, noting that the anthropologist was even more
outside of what was going on than usual.  Sure, Daniel had managed to
contribute appropriately to the discussion, but there was a look of
being elsewhere on his face.

If he had been more of a betting man, Jack would have happily laid
money on the source of this particular distraction.  After all, being
personally involved in whatever scenario Daniel was doubtless running
through in his mind gave Jack a special understanding of the
scientist's dilemma.

When the briefing ended, everyone else had left, Carter casting
knowing and sympathetic glances towards both Jack and Daniel, to
Jack's annoyance.  It was difficult enough to contemplate such an
overwhelming change in everything he had thought he knew about
himself, without Carter's unspoken commentary on it all.

Jack stood, crossing round to the head of the table, his hands
resting on the back of the chair where Hammond had been sitting.

From there, he could see where Daniel was still sitting, in
particular noting the death grip the younger man appeared to have on
the edge of the table.  He was staring down at his own hands, as if
he could not believe what he was doing, those bright blue eyes
focussed intently.

When Jack spoke, and Daniel looked at him, it was as though the
universe suddenly shrank, contracting until the only people it
contained were the two of them.  There was a nervousness in Daniel's
expression that struck at Jack's heart, bringing out all his
protective instincts where the anthropologist was concerned.

"Your place or mine?" Jack continued, with a wry grin.

Jack saw the way that Daniel's eyes widened slightly as he took in
the implications of those words and that the younger man seemed to be
giving the matter some thought before he spoke.

"Yours." Daniel's voice was low and quiet, making Jack lean forward
slightly to catch the words.  "I have neighbours."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

They made it to the surface in record time.  There was nothing
unusual about the two men leaving the base together, it had happened
a thousand times before, but Daniel still felt as though they were
making some kind of escape bid.

There was a strange fluttering sensation going on in his stomach, so
unsettling that he was sure that anyone who took a proper look at him
would instantly know what he and Jack were planning to do.

"Daniel," Jack began, after they had travelled in silence for a
couple of miles.  "I... uh..."

Those slightly stammered words were all that Daniel needed for
reassurance.  Not only did Jack understand what he was experiencing,
he was also feeling it himself.

"It's going to be fine," Daniel replied, reassuring himself as much
as Jack with the words.

At first, when he said them, he was almost surprised at how calm
they sounded - after a moment's reflection, the anthropologist
realised that this was due to the fact that he really believed that
this would be the case.

They travelled the rest of the way in silence - not the awkward
silence that hangs heavy, but a companionable quiet, heavy laden with
anticipation.

Daniel followed Jack up the steps into the house, his stomach
churning more and more with each step.

"Now what?" Jack asked, shutting the door behind them.

"This isn't a spectator sport, Jack," Daniel said.  "How about we go
sit down and then see what happens?"

"That sounds like a plan," Jack agreed.

Taking his jacket off, Jack headed into the lounge, without looking
back to see if Daniel was following him.  He could hear Daniel
hanging up his coat, as he took a seat on the couch, leaning forward
to undo his shoes before pushing them off his feet by catching them
on the edge of the coffee table.  The second shoe hit the floor with
an audible thump just as Daniel appeared in the doorway.

Leaning back into the embrace of the couch, Jack watched the warm
flush that rose on Daniel's face as the younger man's eyes raked
across him as he sprawled there.

"Didn't you say something about this not being a spectator sport?"
Jack asked, stretching until a number of joints popped.  "Get over
here, Daniel," he continued, after a moment, as Daniel was still just
standing there.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Taking a deep breath to steady his nerves, Daniel crossed over to
the couch where Jack was waiting.  He felt the soft surface dip
beneath his weight as he sat, watching the way that Jack smiled at
him as he did so, mesmerised by the expression he saw in the
colonel's eyes.

"What now?" Jack asked, his eyes still locked with Daniel's.

"I can think of all sorts of things," Daniel replied.

"I bet you made a list, didn't you?" Jack said, his smile growing. 
"Methodical scientist that you are..."

"Had to make sure I don't miss anything."  Daniel inched closer as
he was speaking, until his leg was pressed against Jack's thigh, heat
searing through the layers of material that separated them.  "After
all, if I missed something out, I'd just have to go back to the start
and begin again..."

"And that would be a shame, wouldn't it?" Jack asked quietly, his
hand coming up to trail gently across Daniel's cheek, his fingers
stroking their way across his skin.  "All that data wasted, just
because you forgot something."

As he spoke, Jack's fingers curled slightly under Daniel's jaw,
pulling him forwards and sideways, so that the anthropologist's head
came to rest on the back of the couch, mere inches from Jack's face.

"Uh huh," Daniel agreed.  Closing his eyes, he lent into the touch
of Jack's hand, feeling his fingers exploring each curve.  "Waste. 
Need to be thorough."

"We'll have to see what we can manage, Daniel," Jack muttered,
fascinated by having the anthropologist so close.

As they rested there, mere inches separating them, he studied
Daniel's face, marvelling at the innocence of it despite all the
terrible experiences of the past few years.

For a moment, there was silence between them, and Jack began to
wonder whether Daniel had fallen asleep.  The other man was still,
quiet, his breathing even and measured, his eyes closed as Jack's
fingers danced lightly across his skin.

Then Daniel's eyes opened, a sudden movement.  Leaning forward to
cross the inches between them, Jack's hand falling to his shoulder as
he did so, Daniel captured the colonel's mouth with his own, his hand
coming up swiftly to trap Jack's head in place as he plundered it.

After the initial surprise, that brief moment of consideration, when
Jack wondered whether this was *really* what he wanted to happen, all
his doubts were swept away. In their place were thoughts of what he
would like to happen next, sensations rushing through him too fast to
categorise, a rising tide of desire that threatened to sweep him away
altogether.

His hand still resting on Daniel's shoulder, Jack could feel the
warmth of the other man's skin leaching through to him, his pulse a
steady counterpoint to the pounding of Jack's own heart.

How could he have had any doubts about the rightness of this?  Even
though he felt as though he was plunging into uncharted waters, Jack
was drawn along by the cord of his desire.

Daniel had moved now, his mouth tracking warmly across Jack's neck,
trailing tiny kisses and nips down to the colonel's collarbone, even
as the hand which had been wrapped in Jack's hair slid down his side.

Jack felt his neck arch, beyond his control, twisting himself to
allow Daniel access.  He could feel Daniel's fingers busy themselves
at his waistband, pulling up the material that gathered there to slip
beneath.  His touch was like a brand, each finger feeling like a
tongue of flame, licking its way across Jack's already sensitised skin.

He could hear someone moaning, the sound coming from what seemed
like far away, and it took a moment for Jack to realise that he was
the source.  Daniel's hand had slipped round to his chest, long agile
fingers stroking their way across his abdomen, tracing the curve of
rib and muscle.

Even this touch was enough to make what remaining sense Jack had
flee screaming from his head - with another moan, louder this time,
he moved his hand round to the nape of Daniel's neck, pulling gently
at the other man's head and guiding that roaming mouth back to his.

'My turn,' he thought, as he nipped his way along Daniel's jaw.

Pulling back slightly, for a moment, Jack paused to marvel at the
expression of bliss that had appeared on the anthropologist's face. 
Daniel's face reminded Jack of nothing more than the cat that had
eaten the canary in so many cartoons - he almost expected to see
small yellow feathers sticking out of the side of Daniel's mouth, he
looked so satisfied.

He could feel Daniel's fingers, ever mobile, playing with his belt
now, pulling at the leather as it passed through the buckle.  Even
with his eyes closed, Daniel's fingers were dextrous, agile, freeing
the way to Jack's fly with a speed that the colonel marvelled at.

"Jack?" Daniel muttered, his eyes opening slightly.  From his
position, so close to Daniel's face, Jack could see the arousal that
Daniel was experiencing - his pupils so dilated that their normal
shining blueness was almost swamped by black.

Just as he was about to speak again, Jack realised that Daniel's
fingers had made short work of his buttons, and were now working
their way into his boxers.  Sighing, Jack pulled Daniel forward into
a crushing kiss, feeling the younger man moan slightly against his
mouth as his fingers hit Jack's heated erection.

Jack summoned up every ounce of self-control he had as he felt
Daniel's long fingers wrap themselves around his shaft, the calloused
pads of his fingertips gently caressing the sensitive skin.  He could
feel the heat increase as the blood pounded into that organ, a
stirring in his groin that he had not experienced for a while, at
least not when with another person. 

Even when he had kissed the other Sam, the one to whom he had been
married in an alternate reality, there had been nothing like this, no
similar surge of desire, no corresponding passion. 

Idly, with the few brain cells that still seemed able to function,
despite the loss of blood to lower parts of his body, Jack wondered
if it had always been like this between him and Daniel.  Had he just
been too blind to see it? 

Daniel's mouth had returned to it's former position, the younger man
licking and nipping gently at the sensitive skin of Jack's collarbone
as his hand brought Jack nearer and nearer the edge.

Jack was leaning back now, writhing under the stimulation of
Daniel's mouth and fingers, feeling Daniel move with him as he
returned to sprawl against the back of the couch.  He could feel the
arousal building inside him, a roaring tide that threatened to
overwhelm his senses.

It had been such a long, long time since he had felt this way....

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

As he lay against the back of the couch, spent and exhausted, Jack
could still feel the sensation of Daniel's talented fingers hot on
his flesh, his nerves still firing as a result.

The man himself was lying wrapped slightly around him, the hand
which had ennervated him so recently having risen to Jack's stomach,
fingers flexing gently against his heated skin.

Somehow, Daniel's leg had come to rest slightly across his and Jack
could feel the unmistakeable hardness against his hip that signalled
that the anthropologist was still waiting.  Jack shifted slightly
under the burden of a relaxed Daniel his weight going to one side as
he turned to look at the other man, as much as he could.

Daniel as lying against him, his head still resting on the back of
the couch, eyes closed.  His face was relaxed, the warmth of the room
and what they had just experienced together dampening his hair as it
lay against his forehead, turning the ends dark with moisture.  His
arm lay loosely across Jack's body, the hand that lay on the
colonel's stomach making movements that reminded Jack of a cat's
kneading at a lap.

Jack's own hand, which had seemed to have a death grip on Daniel's
shoulder as he came, had slipped down to rest lightly on Daniel's
hip, feeling the curve of bone beneath.

This was the moment he had been thinking about for so long -
thinking back, Jack was more than a little stunned at the confidence
that Daniel had shown, the selfless attention to Jack's needs in
preference to his own.

Another thought showed him the stupidity of that surprise.  Wasn't
Daniel always thinking of other people first?

Jack smiled to himself at this thought, recalling the countless
small kindnesses that Daniel had shown him over the time that they
had been friends. Even though he had managed effortlessly to project
a persona of complete independence, Jack knew that Daniel was always
there for him, even when Jack didn't want him to be.

He had seen the way that Daniel had accepted Teal'c, who should
probably have been the last person he could even stand the sight of. 
Even though he was suffering from the loss of Sha're, and Teal'c's
complicity within that loss, Daniel had not been able to hold that
against the Jaffa.  Jack was not sure he could have been so
forgiving, had he been in that position.

And Daniel had also found a kindred spirit in Sam Carter, someone
else who didn't *quite* fit into the scheme of things - the two
scientists had become close, so close at times that Jack had been on
the brink of envy, except for the fact that he knew that he held the
central position in Daniel's circle of friendship.

That had been true even before he knew that Daniel wanted to be more
than friends, before Jack had discovered that he wanted it too....

No matter how much Jack considered that question, he could not find
a conclusive answer - he had felt as though his life had stopped with
an awful shudder when he had been forced to leave Daniel behind on
Apophis' ship.  Before that, when Daniel had been 'killed' on Nem's
planet, the anguish he felt had come close to tearing him apart.

Both times, he had put on a stoic face, forced himself to move on
even though inside his heart had shattered like a piece of glass,
infinite numbers of tiny splinters shredding what peace he had found
since rejoining the SGC. 

Since he had been re-united with Daniel.

And then Jack's own fears, his own worries about making himself
vulnerable to *anyone* had nearly destroyed that friendship, let
alone any chance of the two men being together.

He had never told Daniel why he had done what he did, never
explained the terror that had gripped him at those few stammered
words.  And Daniel had never pushed for an explanation.

"Daniel..." Jack said, quietly, before his nerve was lost.

"Hmmm?" Daniel asked, a little incoherently, without opening his
eyes.

"We... uh... we need to talk."  Jack's own uncertainty made him
stammer slightly, cursing himself for the lapse as he did so.

"Do we?" Daniel asked, opening his eyes.  A frown began to form on
the anthropologist's forehead.  "Why do I think I'm not going to like
this, Jack?"

"I need to tell you something," Jack continued, feeling the
intensity of Daniel's gaze, even though he found himself unable to
meet the other man's eyes.

There was silence for a moment.  Jack risked a glance across at
Daniel, only to be a little startled by the coldness of those blue
eyes.

Even though Daniel did not speak, there was communication between
them at that moment - having come to know Daniel so well, Jack could
see the hurt that was lurking at the back of the stoic expression he
saw before him, and mentally kicked himself.

"I need to tell you," Jack said, "that I'm an idiot..."

After a moment, as if he had been considering the statement, Daniel
spoke.

"I thought..."  He stopped, swallowing slightly at the dryness of
his throat.  "I thought you were going to surprise me with something,
Jack..."

"You might have thought it before, Daniel," Jack said, "as I've
proved it often enough, but I thought I'd make sure you knew."

"I knew."

"That day..."  Jack paused, seeing in Daniel's eyes that he knew
*exactly* the day to which the colonel was referring.  "I freaked
out.  I thought it was for the best, running out on you, I mean.  But
like I said..."

"You're an idiot," Daniel supplied.  "I should never have blurted
everything out like that, what *was* I thinking?" His face had grown
more solemn at that thought, his eyes slightly troubled.

"You've had some whacked out theories over the time we've known each
other, Daniel," Jack said. "But there's been one constant - you tend
to be right about stuff.  I should have remembered that, if nothing
else..."

"But still..." Daniel persisted, sounding unconvinced. 

"But nothing, Daniel," Jack said.  "You were right and I was stupid.
Can we leave it at that and concentrate on something else?" 

"Something else?" Daniel echoed.

As he spoke, Jack slipped his hand around from where it had been
resting on Daniel's hip, his thumb brushing gently across the
stiffness that had been pressed against him.  Daniel shuddered
slightly as he did so, his breath catching despite the layers of
material that separated him from the colonel's hand. 

"Something else..." Jack repeated, with a grin.

His other hand had come up to Daniel's shoulder, gently cupping the
top of the anthropologist's arm - with a slight push, Jack began to
lower Daniel onto the couch, watching with fascination as the other
man succumbed to the movement.  Jack was soon kneeling between
Daniel's prone body and the back of the couch, the hand which had
been stroking Daniel's erection now working at the younger man's
zipper.

Leaning forward, Jack slipped his free hand behind Daniel's head,
turning the other man's face slightly so he could nip gently at
Daniel's jaw, smiling to himself as he began to writhe under the
attention of Jack's hand and mouth. 

Daniel's eyes were closed now, screwed tightly shut as if to keep in
the sensations he was experiencing as Jack's fingers slipped into his
trousers in search of what they knew lurked there.  Freeing that
source of heat from its cloth prison was the work of a moment -
Jack's fingers stroked gently across the heated skin, causing Daniel
to moan and arch his back at the contact. 

"Jack?" Daniel muttered, his eyes opening, when Jack's mouth left
it's exploration of the skin along his jawline. 

Jack was still half-crouched over him, smiling down at him as his
hand moved from Daniel's shoulder to allow the fingers to travel
gently across Daniel's mouth, tracing its curve. 

The next moan that erupted from Daniel allowed the ends of Jack's
fingers to slip into that wet warmth, the resulting sensation sending
a shock that seemed to reverberate all the way to Jack's groin. 
Glancing down at Daniel's face, Jack saw that he was now the object
of scrutiny, Daniel's eyes, half-lidded, gazing up at him as that
beautiful mouth gently sucked and bit at his fingers.

It was Jack's breath that caught this time, taking all the colonel's
self-control to concentrate on what he was meant to be doing, rather
than the promise of future experiences that he saw there in Daniel's
eyes.

Taking a shaky breath, Jack looked away from Daniel's face,
concentrating now on the younger man's groin, watching his own
fingers as they stroked at the sensitive tip of Daniel's shaft.  His
efforts were rewarded almost instantaneously - Daniel let out a moan
that echoed it's way through Jack's hand, while at the same time, the
anthropologist bit down gently on his fingers.

Jack bit his lip, stifling a moan of his own.

'Concentrate,' he thought.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Relying heavily on what had felt good for him, along with a certain
amount of imagination that some people might not have thought he
possessed, Jack had soon brought Daniel to a shuddering and gasping
climax.

As he stared down at the flushed face of the man towards whom he had
come to feel so strongly, Jack was overtaken by a sense of peace that
had long eluded him.  Rather than questioning who he was, Jack now
found himself certain that what made him fundamentally himself had
not changed
at all but had merely stretched somehow to include making love to
Daniel.

Not that there were not aspects of the whole idea that did not worry
him slightly - all those years of making jokes about gay men, or at
least listening to others making them without objecting to their
content, had left Jack with a particular idea of what he might be
letting himself in for.

What he had not expected was to fall for Daniel so heavily that even
some of the things that he had formerly considered a little odd, to
say the least, were now imbued with a certain amount of fascination. 
Jack wondered idly what it would be like to trust someone so much
that you could allow them such intimacy, all the time knowing that
Daniel was the only likely candidate for that particular vacancy.

They were wrapped together now, entwined about each other as they
lay on Jack's couch, making it difficult to see where one man
finished and the other began.

"Daniel?" Jack prompted, after there had been silence for a little
while.  If he concentrated, Jack almost thought he could hear the
last fading echoes of Daniel's ecstatic cries as they travelled
around the room.

"Hmm?" Daniel said, after a moment, without opening his eyes.

"How about we make ourselves more comfortable somewhere else?" Jack
asked.  "Not that this isn't fun, but I really don't want to fall
asleep here..."

"Sure..." Daniel murmured.

"Today?" Jack pressed, after Daniel did not move.

In response to this, as well as Jack's gentle efforts to disentangle
himself, Daniel muttered something unintelligible, before raising one
still-shaking hand to brush back his fringe from his forehead.  Even
now, Jack found himself wishing that Daniel had not had his hair cut
- that had been one of the things he had loved most about the man,
even when the sheer unmilitary floppiness had annoyed him at times.

"Okay, okay..." Daniel said, as Jack moved away from him slightly,
before getting up from the couch altogether.

From where he was still sprawled there, Jack could see Daniel shiver
slightly as the loss of body contact kicked in - even if the room was
warm, they had been so snug before.  That slight shiver made every
protective instinct Jack possessed kick in, to the colonel's surprise.

"Bed?" he asked, getting up from the couch himself.

As he led the way towards the stairs, Jack almost did not dare look
around.  If he saw even momentary hesitation in Daniel's eyes, that
would be enough to shatter the moment of serenity within which he was
currently a resident.
 
In the end it was the silence that convinced Jack that it was safe
to look.  Whenever Daniel was unsettled about something, silence was
the last thing anyone in his vicinity experienced.

Looking back over his shoulder, Jack smiled as he saw Daniel
trudging along behind him, their eyes meeting then as Daniel looked
up to see why Jack had stopped.  Daniel smiled, still looking a
little sleepy and more than a little rumpled from their time together
on the couch.

"What?" he asked, stopping on the stairs himself.

"Nothing," Jack said.  "I just..."  He paused, searching for the
words.  "You're really here..."

Daniel nodded at this seemingly obvious statement, immediately
discerning the feelings behind the simple words.

"I can hardly believe it either," he admitted.  "After everything
that's happened..."  Daniel shook his head, a slightly wondering
expression on his face.

The thought that Daniel could still trust him, still have enough
faith in him to not want to throw Jack's earlier actions scornfully
back in his face still pulled at Jack's conscience.  Of the two of
them, he felt
certain that he had behaved the most unforgiveably, yet Daniel had
forgiven him, even when he struggled to forgive himself.

Jack had reached the top of the stairs now, crossing to the doorway
into his bedroom, before reaching in to put on the light.  Then he
waited, uncertain for a moment, until Daniel joined him there.

"Jack?"

"I have to know, Daniel," Jack said, reaching out tentatively to
brush his fingers against Daniel's face, featherlight touches tracing
his jawline.  "I have to know that you forgive me and that you
understand."

"Do you think I'd be here now if I didn't?" Daniel replied, his
eyes closing at Jack's touch.  "Let's go to bed, Jack."

"Well, if you put it that way..."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Jack was dozing lightly on Daniel's couch when the phone rang
shortly after they had eaten lunch. Who would have guessed that
Daniel could actually cook?  If it weren't for the evidence of
whatever-it-was that he had just eaten, not to mention enjoyed, Jack
knew that he would never
have believed it either.

Not bothering to open his eyes, Jack heard Daniel cross the room to
the phone.

"Hello?"

There was a pause.

"No," Daniel replied.  "This isn't a good time to come over.  In
fact, David, there will *never* be a good time."

Jack was unsure whether it was the tone of Daniel's voice, the
coldness that he had so recently heard directed towards himself, or
the name itself that had made him take notice.  Still with his eyes
closed, he focussed on the one end of the conversation that he
*could* hear, his mind managing to supply the other side of it.

"I told you last time I saw you that I was still dealing with
something, that someone I was close to had done something that
surprised me, that hurt..."

Jack could feel Daniel's eyes flick over him as he spoke those
words, making it something of a struggle for him to remain silent, to
try and look as though he was asleep, not to respond to the pain he
heard in Daniel's voice when he recalled how things had been between
them.

"I never said I'd call you, David," Daniel continued.

Daniel was silent then, obviously listening to the other end of the
conversation.  Jack chanced a glance across at the other man, seeing
the tension in his shoulders, with even the way Daniel was standing
radiating his unease at this conversation.

"I'm sorry I gave you that impression," he said, suddenly.  "Because
that's not the case..."

Silence again, stretching through into minutes. Jack thought he
heard the rising tone of David's voice, coming clearly across the
room, even though the words themselves were unintelligible.

"No."

Jack shifted uneasily on the couch.

Part of him wanted to go to Daniel, to take the phone from him and
yell at the other man to leave Daniel alone, to somehow protect what
it had taken him so long to get.  The more sensible part realised
instantly the reaction that would get from Daniel, making him stay
where he was.

There was no way he could persuade himself that he was merely trying
to protect Daniel, knowing that there was more than a smidgeon of
jealousy in there too.

"No," Daniel repeated.  "There's nothing you could give me that I
want, David."

As he spoke, Daniel glanced over his shoulder back at where Jack was
seated.  Their eyes met, Jack's support and understanding crossing
with Daniel's annoyance and unease.

"You want to know why?"  Daniel's voice was turning amused now, a
small smile crossing his lips at the obvious slowness of the man he
was talking to, high-priced lawyer or not.  "I'll tell you why, shall
I?"

Not bothering to give David time to respond, his eyes still on Jack,
Daniel began to speak, his voice gathering intensity as he did so.

"Because I have everything I want now, David, everything I've wanted
for a long time.  And there's nothing you could give me that would
make me anything like as content as I am right now, no relationship I
could have with you that would give me all the things I've been lucky
enough not to
destroy along the way."

Jack could feel a lump forming in his throat as he listened to
Daniel's words, knowing that they were as much for his benefit as for
David's.  What could he possibly say in response, even were he as
articulate as Daniel?

"Yes, he does."  Daniel's voice was so certain, so sure.  "I'm sure
he will, David.  Goodbye."

With that, Daniel hung up.  Jack struggled not to smile as he
imagined the man he had seen with Daniel, a man who looked as though
he was not used to being disappointed.

His eyes were intent on Daniel as he crossed over to the couch,
settling himself down next to Jack and nestling in beside him. 
Jack's arm wrapped itself around Daniel's shoulders as naturally as

if it had performed that action a thousand times.

"So," Jack began, after a moment of silence, feeling the warmth of
Daniel's body pressed up against his side.  "That was David..."

"Don't say it, Jack," Daniel said, twisting round slightly to be
able to see Jack's face.

"Say what?" Jack asked, trying desperately to look as innocent as
he could manage.

"If you say 'I told you so' I won't be responsible for my actions,"
Daniel threatened, trying to scowl.

"Looks like you don't know me as well as you think, Danny," Jack
replied with a grin.  "Those words had never crossed my mind."

Daniel muttered something to himself, something that sounded
strangely like 'oh, sure'.

"I was going to ask if everything was okay," Jack continued.  "You
going to be getting any more phone calls from that guy?"

"I don't think so," Daniel said, with a smile, settling down into
his former position and relaxing into where Jack's arm wrapped around
him.  "I think he got the message."

'He's not the only one, Daniel,' Jack thought, smiling to himself. 
'He's not the only one.'

~fin~