Valerie Wilkins comes to play, she is always the leader
She always gets her own way, the rotten selfish bleeder!
And the reason she, bosses me:
I'm 3 ft 7. She's 4 ft 3.
And besides, she's 3 months older than me, so I do what I'm told,
Cos she is six and a quarter and I'm just six years old.

CHORUS:
Who's that knocking at my door?
Big Valerie Wilkins and she lives next door.
Curses, curses! She wants to play at nurses
And I want to play at war.

When she's in a good mood, she lets me play at cowboys,
But she's got her nurse's apron on, so I'll have to play at hospitals now, boys,
And there's no fun for me in store.
She makes me lie in bed for an hour or more,
Pretends I've got pneumonia when I've only got a cold,
But she is six and a quarter and I'm just six years old.

Then one day at teatime, I said I want to play with me rifle.
Valerie threw a tantrum. She spat right in me trifle,
And then she, screamed at me.
She pulled my hair, then kicked me on the knee,
Causing me to spill my tea all on my sausage roll,
Cos she is six and a quarter and I'm just six years old.

Then one day it occurred to me, I was six and a quarter.
I'd caught up with Valerie, could hardly hold me water.
I was happy as can be,
And then me ma explained to me,
I could never be as old as Valerie, and then began to laugh,
Cos I am six and a quarter, but she is six and a half.