Lets play some more:

Des Lynam
Tiger Woods

DES LYNAM

Des Lynam, Alan Hansen, and Andy Gray are standing before God at the throne of Heaven. God looks at them, and says,

"Before granting you a place at my side, I must first ask you what you believe in."

Addressing Mr Hansen first, he asks "What do you believe?"

Big Al looks God in the eye, and states passionately, "I believe football to be the food of life. Nothing else brings such unbridled joy to so many people, from the slums of Sao Paolo, to the mansions of Chelsea. I have devoted my life to bring such joy to those people who stood on the terraces at Anfield."

God looks up, and offers Alan the seat to his left.

He then turns to Andy Gray. "And you, Mr Gray. What do you believe?"

Andy stands tall and proud. "I believe courage, honour, and passion are the fundamentals to life, and I've spent my whole playing career providing a living embodiment of these traits"

God, moved by the passion of the speech offers Andy the seat to his right.

Finally, he turns to Des Lynam. "And you, Mr Lynam. What do you believe"

"I believe", says Des smoothly, "You are in my seat"

TIGER WOODS

A couple was on their honeymoon, lying in bed, about ready to consummate their marriage, when the new bride says to the husband, "I have a confession to make, I'm not a virgin."

The husband replies, "That's no big thing in this day and age."

The wife continues, "Yeah, I've been with one guy."

"Oh yeah? Who was the guy?"

"Tiger Woods."

"Tiger Woods the golfer?"

"Yeah."

"Well he's rich, famous and handsome. I can see why you went to bed with him."

The husband and wife then make passionate love. When they get done, the husband gets up and walks to the telephone.

"What are you doing?" asks the wife.

The husband says, "I'm hungry, I was going to call room service and get some food."

"Tiger wouldn't do that. "

"Oh yeah? What would Tiger do?"

"He'd come back to bed and do it a second time."

The husband puts down the phone and goes back to bed to make love with his wife a second time. When they finish, he gets up and goes over tom the phone.

"What are you doing?" She asks.

The husband says, "I'm still hungry so I was going to get room service to get some food."

"Tiger wouldn't do that."

"Oh yeah? What would Tiger do?"

"He'd come back to bed and it a third time."

The guy slams down the phone and goes back to bed and makes love to his wife a third time. When they finish he's tired and beat. He drags himself over to the phone and starts to dial.

The wife asks, "Are you calling room service?"

"No! I'm calling Tiger Woods to find out what's par for this damn hole..."