David Beckham
Stanley Matthews

DAVID BECKHAM

A True Story about David Beckham.

David employs a very ritzy firm of accountants to manage his considerable packet. Being a pukka pro firm they have laid down a few rules for the young stud, the main one being that Becks has two accounts; a business one and a personal one. Time and again they have tried to drum into him that when he writes a cheque, that he should draw it off the right account. You know, keep business and pleasure separate.

Well, one day they ring him up and tell him that he should write a cheque for three and a half grand out to the customs and excise on the business account.

The cheque arrives at the accountants, they open it up and it's groans all around. A girl in the office asks if he's written the cheque on the wrong account again. The cheque is thrust into her hands. And there is a cheque, actually written to the right account, for three and a half grand, made out to 'costumes and exercise.' When they phoned him up he said he thought it was something to do 'with Victoria's gym.'

If his IQ was any lower he'd photosynthesise in sunlight...

STANLEY MATTHEWS

Tributes have been pouring in over the sad news of the death of Sir Stanley Matthews last Wednesday:

Kevin Keegan said he was "a legend"

George Best described his talent as "sublime"

Bobby Charlton called him "a Brazilian in an England shirt"

Gary Lineker was quoted as saying "he was the last great gentleman of the game"

David Beckham said "Its a real shame. Posh and I loved his Turkey Drummers. They're bootiful"