Golfing Widow
David Beckham

GOLFING WIDOW

Tired of being a golf widow, a woman took up the game and wound up playing with her husband on a country course one day. He hit his drive way off into the rough, behind a barn. She came over to take a look, surveyed the situation, and suggested that if he opened both barn doors he could hit his ball straight through the barn to the green. He saw this as an excellent idea, complimented her for her suggestion, then opened the doors and stepped up to the ball. He made a swing and great contact. Unfortunately, the ball was off line, careened off the door frame, hit the wife in the head and killed her.

Years went by, the man finally remarried, and this time found himself a golfer for a wife. Incredibly, the same situation occurs. The man is in the rough behind the same barn. His new wife took a look at his ball and suggested that he could make the green if he opened both barn doors and hit through the barn.

"No way," he says. "I can't do that."

"Why not?" she asks.

"The last time I did that something terrible happened."

"What?" she asked.

"I got a double bogey."

DAVID BECKHAM

David Beckham walks into a beauty salon with headphones on to get a hair cut . The hairdresser asks him to take them off for the haircut and he replies "I can't, I'll die." She proceeds to cut his hair and it looks awful. Six weeks later he comes in for another haircut. The hairdresser pleads with him "Please take your headphones off - I can't make your hair look stylish". Once again Becks replies "I can't, I'll die".

So he receives another awful haircut. Six weeks later Davey-boy turns up at the salon and once again the hairdresser says "Please take your headphones off - I can make your hair beautiful if you would just take off the headphones". "I can't, I'll die" says the overpaid pillock. The hairstylist proceeds to cut his hair.

While doing so the Becks falls asleep. The hairstylist quickly thinks to herself: I will remove the headphones and replace them before he wakes up, I'll make his hair look wonderful. Seconds after doing this he falls off the chair. The hairdresser checks and he isn't breathing. Dying to know what was keeping him alive with the headphones on, she places them on her head. She hears.....

"Breathe in, breathe out, breathe in, breathe out".