Essex Girls

Part Three



Q: What's the difference between an Essex girl and a telephone?

A: It costs 10p to use a telephone.


Q: What's the difference between an Essex girl and an Essex boy?

A: The Essex girl has the higher sperm count.


Q: Why is a washing machine better than an Essex girl?

A: Because you can dump your load in a washing machine, and it won't follow you around for a week.


Q: What do Essex girls and cow-pats have in common ?

A: They both get easier to pick-up with age.


Q: What does a screen door and an Essex girl have in common?

A: The more you bang it the looser it gets.


Q: What does an Essex girl and a beer bottle have in common?

A: They're both empty from the neck up.


Q: What do Essex girls and spagetthi have in common?

A: They both wriggle when you eat them.


Q: What do peroxide Essex girls and black men have in common?

A: They both have black roots.


Q: What do you call an Essex girl with a bag of sugar on her head ?

A: Sweet Fuck All...


Q: Why did the deaf Essex girl sit on a newspaper?

A: So she could lip read.


Q: How do you drown an Essex girl?

A1: Put a mirror at the bottom of the swimming pool.


Q: How do you drown an Essex girl?

A: Don't tell her to swallow.


Q: Why did the Essex girl drown ?

A: Someone left a scratch and sniff at the bottom of the swimming pool.


Q: Why do Essex girls have square boobs?

A: Because they forgot to take the tissues out of the box.


Q: How many Essex girls does it take to make chocolate-chip cookies?

A1: 10. One to mix the dough and nine to peel the smarties.

A2: Three...one to mix the batter and two to squeeze the rabbit.


Q: What job function does an Essex girl have in an M&M factory?

A: Proofreading.


Q: Do you know why the Essex girl got fired from the M&M factory?

A: For throwing out the W's.


Q: How do you tell if an Essex girl did your landscaping?

A: The bushes are darker than the rest of the yard.


Q: What did the Essex girl's mum say to her before the Essex girl's date.

A: If you're not in bed by 12, come home.


Q: What's the Essex girl's sing when she's drunk?

A: "I'm an Essex girl, I'm an Essex girl, I'm an E.S.S....ah, oh well...I'm an Essex girl, I'm an Essex girl..."


Q: Why does an Essex girl only change her baby's nappy every month?

A: Because it says right on it "good for up to 20 pounds."


Q: How did the Essex girl try to kill the bird?

A: She threw it off a cliff.


Q: Why did the Essex girl get so excited after she finished her jigsaw puzzle in only 6 months?

A: Because on the box it said From 2-4 years.


Q: What do you say to an Essex girl with no arms and no legs?

A: "Nice tits!"


Q: How does an Essex girl high-5?

A: She smacks herself in the forehead.


Q: Why aren't there many Essex girl gymnasts?

A: Because when they do the splits, they stick to the floor.


Q: Why do Essex girls have legs?

A1: So they don't get stuck to the ground.

A2: Have you seen the mess slugs make?


Q: Why did the Essex girl go half way to Norway and then turn around and come home?

A: It took her that long to discover that a 14 inch Viking was a television.


Q: What is the irritating part around an Essex girl's vagina?

A: The Essex girl!

A2: The other guys waiting their turn.


Q: How do you describe an Essex girl, surrounded by drooling idiots?

A: Flattered.


Q: Why do Essex girls always die before help arrives?

A: They always forget the 9 in 9-9-9.


Q: What did the Essex girl say when asked if she'd ever been picked up by 'the fuzz'?

A: 'No. But I've been swung around by the tits.'


Q: What do you call a swimming pool full of Essex girls?

A: Frosted Flakes.


Q: What do you call 20 Essex girls in a freezer?

A: Frosted Flakes.


Q: How does an Essex girl interpret 6.9?

A: A 69 interrupted by a period.


Q: What did the Essex girl say when she looked into a box of Cheerios?

A: "Oh look! Donut seeds!"


Q: Why do Essex girls have two more brain cells than a cow ?

A: So they don't shit everywhere when you pull their tits.


Q: Why don't Essex girls breast feed?

A: Because they always burn their niples.


Q: Why do Essex girls put their hair in ponytails?

A: To cover up the valve stem.


Q: What did the Essex girl name her pet zebra?

A: Spot.



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