Essex Girls

Part Four

Q: What do you call a fly buzzing inside an Essex girl's head?

A: A Space Invader.

Q: What's an Essex girls' favourite rock group?

A: Air Supply.

Q: What do you see when you look into an Essex girl's eyes?

A: The back of her head.

Q: Why do Essex girls drive VW's

A: Because they can't spell PORSCHE!!

Q: How do you make an Essex girl laugh on Monday mornings ?

A: Tell them a joke on Friday night !

Q: Why did God create Essex girls?

A: Because sheep can't cook.

Q: What do you call an Essex girl in a tree with a brief case?

A: Branch Manager.

Q: Why do Essex girls have see-through lunch box lids?

A: So they know if it is morning or afternoon.

Q: Whats black and fuzzy and hangs from the ceiling ?

A: A Essex girl electrician

Q: Why are dumb Essex girl jokes so short?

A1: So Geordie girls can remember them.

A2: Because Essex girls are so SHALLOW a long joke wouldn't fit.

Q: Why wasn't the Virgin Mary an Essex girl ????

A: She wouldn't have been old enough to bear children!

Q: What do you call a smart Essex girl?

A1: A labrador.

A2: An indicator of a really bad hangover.

Q: What's the difference between an Essex girl and a Walrus?

A1: One's fat, ugly and smells of fish and the other is a walrus.

A2: One's got a moustache and smells of fish and the other one's a walrus.

Q: Why are Essex girls hurt by peoples words?

A: Because people keep hitting them with dictionaries.

Q: Why did the Essex girl fail at being a prostitute?

A: Because she gave blow-jobs literally.

Q: What did the Essex girl do when she got her period?

A: Looked around for the bastard that must have shot her?

Q: What did the Essex girl say to the physicis teacher?

A: "I just _love_ nuclear fission! What do you use for bait?"

Q: Why are Essex girls like cornflakes ?

A: Because they're simple, easy and they taste good.

Q: How do you know when an Essex girl has been making chocolate chip cookies?

A: You find M&M shells all over the kitchen floor.

Q: Did you here about the Essex girl that stayed up all night to see where the sun went ?

A: It finally dawned on her.

An Essex girl was driving down the motorway to London when she saw a sign that said "LONDON LEFT". After thinking for a minute, she said to herself "oh well !" and turned around an drove home.

Q: What do you call a hundred Essex girls standing in a line?

A: A wind tunnel.

A Geordie girl and an Essex girl are walking along in a park. The Geordie girl says suddenly, "Awww, look at the wee dead birdie". The Essex girl stops, looks up, and says, "Where?"

A policeman pulled an Essex girl over after she'd been driving the wrong way on a one-way street.

Policeman: Do you know where you were going?

Essex girl: No, but wherever it is, it must be bad 'cause all the people were leaving.

145.
A cop stops an Essex girl who was driving down a motorway.

"Miss, may I see your driver's licence please?"

"Driver's licence? What's that?..."

"It's a little green card with your name and address on it."

"Oh, duh! Here it is..."

"May I have your car insurance?"

"What's that?..."

"It's a document that says you are allowed to drive the car."

"Oh this? Duh! Here you go..."

The cop then takes his dick out of his pants, while the Essex girl exclaims:"Oh no, not another breathalyzer test!"

Hubby: As a start I think you should learn to "iron", then we could do without the ironing lady.

Essex girl Wife: Well if you would learn to Fuck me properly we could do without the gardener.

A Essex girl and a Geordie girl were discussing their boyfriends:

Geordie girl: Last night I had *three* orgasms in a row!

Essex girl: That's nothing; last night I had over a hundred.

Geordie girl: My god! I had no idea he was that good.

Essex girl: ( looking shocked ) Oh, you mean with one guy.

Three Essex girls are attempting to change a light bulb. One of them decides to call 999:

Essex girl: We need help. We're three Essex girls changing a light bulb.

Operator: Hmmmmm. You put in a fresh bulb?

Essex girl: Yes.

Operator: The power in the house in on?

Essex girl: Of course.

Operator: And the switch is on?

Essex girl: Yes, yes.

Operator: And the bulb still won't light up?

Essex girl: No, it's working fine.

Operator: Then what's the problem?

Essex girl: We got dizzy spinning the ladder around and we all fell and hurt ourselves.

What about the Essex boy whose wife gave birth to twins?

He wanted to know who the other man was...

There were three people stranded on an island, a London girl, a Geordie girl, and an Essex girl. The London girl looked over the water to the mainland and estimated about 20 miles to shore. So she announced, "I'm going to try to swim to shore." So she swam out five miles, and got really tired. She swam out ten miles from the island, and she was too tired to go on, so she drowned.

The second one, the Geordie girl, said to herself, "I wonder if she made it. I guess it's better to try to get to the mainland than stay here and starve." So she attempts to swim out. The Geordie had a lot more endurance than the London girl, as she swam out 10 miles before she even got tired. After 15 miles, she was too tired to go on, so she drowned.

So the Essex girl thought to herself, "I wonder if they made it! I think I'd better try to make it, too." So she swam out 5 miles, ten miles, 15 miles, NINETEEN miles from the island. The shore was just in sight, but she said, "I'm too tired to go on!" So she swam back.

This Essex girl and her boyfriend were sitting in a hot tub when the Essex girl said to her boyfriend, "Is it true that if you pull your finger out, I'll sink?"

Two Essex girls were walking through the woods when one looked down and said "Oh, look at the deer tracks." The other Essex girl looks and says "Those aren't deer tracks, those are fox tracks." "No. Those are deer tracks." They keep arguing, and arguing, and half an hour later they were both killed by a train.

The Essex girl came running downstairs, crying. Her mother asked what was wrong and the Essex girl said her boyfriend had just dumped her. Her mother (an Essex girl) nodded wisely and proceeded to tell her about the birds and the bees and the Essex girl said: "No mum. I can fuck and suck with the best of them. But he says I can't cook"

Q: What's the difference between an Essex girl and the Panama Canal?

A: The Panama Canal is a Busy Ditch.

Q: Why did the Essex girl tattoo her zip code on her stomach?

A: So her male would get delivered to the right box.

Q: How do you get rid of an Essex girl?

A: Tell her your car's being repaired.

Q: How did the Essex girl break her leg raking leaves?

A: She fell out of the tree.

Two Essex girls were driving along a road by a wheat field when they saw an Essex girl in the middle of the field rowing a row boat. The driver Essex girl turned to her friend and said "You know - it's Essex girls like that that give us a bad name!" To this the other Essex girl replied "I know it, and if I knew how to swim I'd go out there and drown her."

Then there was the Essex girl who started the restaurant with the slogan "Billions Served - just today"

Q: Why does NASA hire Essex girls?

A: They're doing research on black holes.