Lets get on with more jokes: THE OCTOPUS A man walks into a pub, with a large holdall, orders 2 pints & sits
down at a table, opens the holdall and out crawls an octopus. it drinks
one of the pints and then crawls back into the bag. "Bloody hell", says the barman, "Thats brilliant, can it
do anything else?" "Sure", says the man, "It can play any musical instrument
you care to mention". The barman was amazed as the man sat the octopus at the piano, and it
proceeded to play, classical, jazz, rock and all sorts of other music, by
this time the barmans eyes were nearly popping out of his head. The barman thought for a while and said "If you can bring it back
tomorrow, I bet I can find an instrument that it cant play". "OK",
said the man. The next day the man arrived with his holdall and the barman produced a
set of bagpipes. The octopus was all over the bagpipes, tentacles and
drones entwined. "See!" said the barman, "I said it couldnt
play them". "Wait", said the man, "It'll play them
once it finds that it cant f**k them!" JACK'S PROBLEM Jack goes to the doctor and says "Doc, I'm having trouble getting
my penis erect, can you help me?" After a complete examination the doctor tells Jack, "Well, the
problem with you is that the muscles around the base of your penis are
damaged. There's really nothing I can do for you, except if you're willing
to try an experimental treatment." Jack asks sadly, "What is the treatment?" "Well," the doctor explains, "what we would do is take
the muscles from the trunk of a baby elephant and implant them in your
penis." Jack thinks about this silently then says, "well, the thought of
going through life without ever having sex again is too much, let's go for
it." A few weeks after the operation Jack was given the green light to use
his improved equipment. He planned a romantic evening for his girlfriend
and took her to one to the nicest restaurants in the city. In the middle
of dinner, he felt a stirring between his legs which continued to the
point of being painful. To release the pressure Jack unzipped his fly. His
penis immediately sprung from his pants, went to the top of the table,
grabbed a roll and then returned to his pants. His girlfriend was stunned at first but then said with a sly smile, "That
was incredible! Can you do it again?" Jack replied with his eyes watering, "Well, I guess so, but I don't
think I can fit another roll up my arse."
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