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Life Of A Prawn
Captured By The Red Indians

LIFE OF A PRAWN

Once upon a time there was a prawn called Bob. He lived on the seabed with Christian the starfish and lots of other cute little marine fauna, and they played happily together all day long.

But after a while, their games no longer satisfied Bob. He realized that in the grand scheme of things, he was inconsequential. Nobody looked up to him, nobody respected him; if he were to die tomorrow, the only people who would notice were his small-minded, unambitious friends.

Instead of brooding on his existential angst like any normal teenager, Bob determined to do something about it. He went off to see the genie who lived in a nearby coral reef. The reef was some distance away, and it was a hard journey for a little prawn, but eventually Bob made it.

"I am the genie of the reef," said the genie of the reef. "Make a wish and it will be granted."

"I'm tired of being insignificant!" cried Bob. "I want to be a shark!"

"It is done," said the genie. For sure enough, it was. Bob the prawn had become Bob the shark. He swished his powerful tail and went surging through the water, twisting and rolling and feeling important. Nobody could ignore him now.

"This is what I was born to be," said Bob. "Oh thank you, genie!" And he swam off back to the area of the seabed where he lived, snapping his teeth at terrified fish as he went.

But as he approached Christian and his other friends, they all scuttled into the little cavelets they hid in when sharks appeared. Bob was horrified.

"Come out," he said. "It's me, Bob. I'm not going to eat you!"

"You're a shark now," said Christian. "It's only natural for you to eat smaller fish than yourself. You may not mean to, but eventually you'll absent-mindedly snap one of us up. You'll have to go and play with the other sharks now."

But Bob didn't want to play with sharks. They still frightened him a bit. And his little friends had been good friends; he wanted to play with Christian again. Suddenly he realized how cold and empty power is. Being important is no substitute for having friends. So Bob swam back to the genie.

"I am the genie of the reef," said the genie of the reef. "Make a wish and it will be granted."

"I have seen the error of my ways," said Bob. "Turn me back into a prawn!"

"It is done," said the genie. And Bob was once more a prawn! Insignificant, yes, but intimidating to no one. He was a little older, a little wiser perhaps, and a good deal more humble. But other than that he was the same old Bob.

So he toiled all the way back across the seabed to give his friends the good news. To his great joy, they didn't scatter when they saw him coming. In fact, they didn't even notice him, and instead of making him feel small like it would have done before, it gave Bob a thrill. He rushed towards them and announced excitedly, "I'm a prawn again Christian!"

CAPTURED BY THE RED INDIANS

Once upon a time a Scotsman, an Englishman and an Irishman were captured by the Red Indians on a prospecting trip in North America. They been tied up against their respective totem poles for a day when the Chief walked up to the Englishman, pinched the skin of his upper arm and said, "Hmmm, heap good skin, nice and thick. Will make heap good canoe. You have a last request?"

"That case of gin I had when your boys caught me. I'd like that, and a final night in the arms of a beautiful woman.", says the Englishman. He's duly provided with his gin and a beautiful squaw, and taken off to a teepee for his final night. The Englishman makes love to the squaw three times and drinks two bottles of gin.

In the morning the Indians dispatch him, skin him and make him into a canoe. The canoe lasts a couple of days when it tears on a rock. Next day the Chief walks up to the Scotsman, pinches the skin at the top of his arm and says, "Hmmm, heap, heap good skin, very, very thick. Will make heap, heap good canoe. You have a last request?

"Ah'll huv ma whisky back, an' gies a dirty woman for the night.", says the Scotsman. He's duly provided with his whisky and a very sexy squaw, and taken off to a teepee for his final night. The Scotsman makes love to the squaw four times and drinks three bottles of whisky. He's already dead when the Indians come to collect him the next morning. They skin him and make him into a canoe. The canoe lasts a week before it tears on a rock. Next day the Chief walks up to the Irishman, pinches the skin at the top of his arm and says, "Hmmm, heap, heap, heap, heap good skin, very, very, very, very thick. Will make heap, heap, heap, heap good canoe. You have a last request?

"I'd loike a fork.", says the Irishman.

The Chief gives him a funny look but gives him the fork. The Irishman takes the fork, stabs himself repeatedly shouting, "Yer no makin' any bloody canoe outta me!!