Lets get on with more jokes:

The Seven Dwarfs Go For A Walk
Bill Gates Meets Hugh Grant
The Medal Ceremony

THE SEVEN DWARFS GO FOR A WALK

Then there was the time when the seven dwarfs were walking down the street and found a magic lamp. They became very excited, with visions of all their wishes being fulfilled, and rushed to rub the lamp.

When they told the genie what they expected, he explained, "No, you don't understand -- I'm not that kind of genie. I can't grant your wishes, but I can answer three questions for you. If you ask the right questions, you might be able to use the answers to obtain what you want."

First, Grumpy stepped forward and asked, "Oh great genie, are there any dwarf nuns in this state?" The genie seemed rather surprised at this question, but proceeded to answer it -- "No, there aren't."

Grumpy stepped back, and Sleepy came forward. He asked the genie, "Are there any dwarf nuns in the entire country?" Once again, the genie was surprised by the question, but again he answered, "No, there aren't."

Then Happy asked, "Are there any dwarf nuns in the entire world?" Again the genie answered "No." At this response, first Happy, and then all the other dwarfs started laughing. The genie could no longer control his curiosity, and begged them to tell him what was so funny about this. In unison, six of the dwarfs shouted, "Dopey slept with a penguin!!!"

BILL GATES MEETS HUGH GRANT

Bill Gates meets Hugh Grant at a Hollywood party. They are talking and Bill says, "I've seen some great pictures of Divine Brown lately, I sure would like to get together with her!"

Hugh replies, "Well Bill, you know ever since our incident, her price has skyrocketed, she's charging a small fortune."

Bill (with a chuckle), "Hugh, money's no object to me. What's her number?"

So Hugh gives Bill her number and Bill sets up a date. They meet & after they finish, Bill is lying there in ecstasy, mumbling "Divine... Divine... Divine... oh God... now I know why you chose the name Divine."

To which she replies, "Thank you Bill. And now I know how you chose the name Microsoft."

THE MEDAL CEREMONY

A British General had sent some of his men off to fight for their country in the Falkland Island Crisis.

Upon returning to England from the South American island, three soldiers that had distinguished themselves in battle were summoned to the General's office.

"Since we weren't actually at war," the General began, "I can't give out any medals. We did, however, want to let each of you know your efforts were appreciated.

What we've decided to do is to let each of you choose two points on your body. You will be given 2 pounds sterling for each inch of distance between those parts. We'll start on the left, boys, so what'll it be?"

Soldier 1: "The tip of me head to me toes, sahr!"

General: "Very good son, that's 70 inches which comes to 140 pounds"

Soldier 2: "The tip of the finger on one outstretched hand to the tip of the other, sir!"

General: "Even better son, that's 72 inches which comes to 144 pounds"

Soldier 3: "The tip of me dick to me balls, sahr!"

General: "That's a strange request, but drop your trousers, son! As the general begins the measurement: "My god, son, where are your balls?"

Soldier 3: "Falkland Island, sahr!"