Lets get on with more jokes:

Married In Heaven
Pirates
The Bicycle

MARRIED IN HEAVEN

There was a young couple, very much in love, who the night before they were to be married, were both tragically killed in an automobile accident. They found themselves at the pearly gates of heaven being escorted in by St.Peter. After a couple of weeks in heaven, the prospective groom took St. Peter aside and said, "St. Peter, my fiancee and I are very happy to be in heaven, but we miss very much the opportunity to have celebrated our wedding vows.

Is it possible for people in heaven to get married?" St. Peter looked at him and said, "I'm sorry. I've never heard of anyone in heaven wanting to get married. I'm afraid you'll have to talk to the Lord Almighty about that. I can get you an appointment for two weeks from Wednesday."

Come the appointed day, the couple were escorted by the guardian angels into the presence of the Lord Almighty, where they repeat their request.

The Lord looked at them solemnly and said, "I'll tell you what, wait five years and if you still want to get married, come back and we will talk about it again." Well, five years went by, and the couple still very much wanting to get married, came back. Again, the Lord God Almighty said, "please you must wait another five years and then I will consider your request."

Finally, they come before the Lord God Almighty the third time, ten years after their first request, and ask the Lord again. This time the Lord answered, "Yes, you may marry. This Saturday at 2:00 p.m., we will have a beautiful ceremony in the main chapel. The reception will be on me!" The wedding went beautifully, all the guests thought the bride was beautiful. Moses brought some flowers from the Nile River Delta and Ghandi came wearinghis finest hand-woven sari.

But then ... after the couple were married a few short months had passed, then suddenly realized what a terrible mistake they had committed, and just couldn't stay married to one another.

So they made another appointment to see the Lord Almighty, this time to ask if they could get a divorce in heaven. When the Lord heard their request, he looked at them, and said, "Look, it took us ten years to find a priest up here in heaven; Do you have any idea how long it'll take to find a lawyer?"

PIRATES

Long ago, when sailing ships ruled the waves, a captain and his crew were in danger of being boarded by a pirate ship. As the crew became frantic, the captain bellowed to his First Mate, "Bring me my red shirt!" The First Mate quickly retrieved the captain's red shirt, which the captain put on and lead the crew to battle the pirate boarding party. Although some casualties occurred among the crew, the pirates were repelled.

The men sat around on deck that night recounting the day's events when an ensign looked to the Captain and asked, "Sir, why did you call for your red shirt before the battle?" The Captain, giving the ensign a look that only a captain can give, exhorted, "If I am wounded in battle, the red shirt does not show the blood, and thus you men will continue to fight unafraid." The men sat in silence, marveling at the courage of such a man.

The next morning, the lookout screamed that there were two pirate vessels sending boarding parties. The crew cowered in fear, but the captain, calm as ever, bellowed, "Bring me my red shirt!" Once again, the battle was on, and the Captain and his crew repelled both boarding parties, though this time more casualties occurred. Later that day, however, the lookout screamed that there were pirate ships, 10 of them, all with boarding parties on their way. The men became silent and looked to the Captain, their leader, for his usual command. The Captain, calm as ever, bellowed, "Bring me my brown pants!"

THE BICYCLE

Two ministers would meet each Sunday morning, riding their bicycles to their respective churches. Then one Sunday one of the ministers was walking.

"My what happened to your bike?" asked the other.

"Can you believe that someone in my congregation stole it?

"No!" said his fellow minister, then an idea struck him: "You want to know how to get your bike back? Next Sunday, give a fire and brimstone sermon on the Ten Commandments and when you get to the part about "Thou shall not steal", just look out into the congregation and see who looks guilty."

The following Sunday evening the two ministers met and they both had their bikes. "Hey, I see my suggestion worked after all."

"Well sort of, I was going along real good on the Ten Commandments and when I got to the part about Adultery I remembered where I left the bike!"