Lets get on with more jokes:

The Sparrow
Life After Death
Three Squaws

THE SPARROW

One bitterly cold winter a sparrow who had spent two nights in a scant shelter of a tree decided he could not survive another night there. So he flew to search for better shelter. As he flew he got colder and colder, until finally his little wings froze solid and he plummeted helplessly to the ground.

As he lay freezing he realised the end of his life was nigh and prayed for death to come quickly. Suddenly, in his semi-conscious state, he had the feeling of being enveloped in a warm covering. As he regained consciousness he discovered that a passing cow had made him a luxurious deposit all over him.

His new lease of life and the comfortable warmth made him so happy that he started to sing. A passing pussycat heard the chirping, carefully removed the excrement to reveal the happy little sparrow and promptly ate it.

There are three morals to this tale. Firstly if someone shits on you they are not necessarily your enemy. Secondly, if someone gets you out of the shit they are not necessarily your friend. Thirdly, if you are in the shit, keep your mouth shut.

LIFE AFTER DEATH

Two lovers interested in spiritualism and reincarnation vowed that if either died, the other one remaining would try to contact the partner in the other world exactly thirty days after their dying. As luck would have it, a few weeks later the young man died in a car wreck. True to her word, his sweetheart tried to contact him in the spirit world exactly thirty days later.

At the seance, she called out, "John, dear John, this is Martha. Do you hear me?"

A ghostly voice answered her, "Yes Martha, this is John. I can hear you."

Martha tearfully asked, "Oh John, what is it like where you are?"

"It's beautiful. There are azure skies, a soft breeze, sunshine most of the time."

"Well what do you do all day," asked Martha.

"Well Martha, we get up before sunrise, eat some good breakfast, and there's nothing but sex until noon. After lunch, we nap until two and then have more sex until about five. After dinner, we go at it again until we fall asleep about eleven pm."

Martha was somewhat taken aback. "Is that what heaven really is like?"

"Heaven? I'm not in heaven Martha." "Well then where are you?" "I'm a jack rabbit in Arizona."

THREE SQUAWS

Three squaws were each preparing for the birth of their first child. The first squaw placed a large bear hide by a river, the second squaw placed an elk hide by a tree by a river, and the third squaw placed a hippopotamus hide by a path, near the river and the tree so that the three formed a triangle.

It just so happens that all three women gave birth on the same day. The first squaw on the bear hide had a 5-lb son, the second squaw on the elk hide had a 6-lb son, and the third squaw on the hippopotamus hide had an 11-lb son.

To this day, mathematicians credit these three women with the first proof of the Pythagorean Theorem:

"The son of the squaw of the hippopotamus is equal to the sons of the squaws of the two adjacent hides."