Lets get on with more jokes:

The Battle Of Hastings
Dogs Of Munich

THE BATTLE OF HASTINGS

King Harold was inspecting his troops on the eve of the Battle of Hastings, chatting with them a bit, trying to raise their morale, that sort of thing.

He went to the swordsmen first, choosing a soldier at random from amongst the ranks. "Do you feel ready for the battle tomorrow?" he asked.

"Oh yes, sire," the swordsman responded eagerly.

"Handy with that thing are you?" Harold asked, indicating the man's sword.

"Reasonably so, sire," the man replied. "Watch." He bent down, picked up a handful of grass, flung it in the air, and waved his sword about. When the grass fell down again, it had been cut into a neat line of soldier figures.

"Good work, man," said Harold, impressed, "and good luck in the battle."

"Thank you, sire," said the soldier.

King Harold proceeded to inspect the pikemen. "Are you looking forward to the battle?" he asked one of their number.

"Yes, sire," the man replied.

"Good with your pike, are you?" the King asked.

"Not bad," the pikeman said. "See that flock of birds?" Harold nodded, and the pike flashed in the soldiers hand. It went sailing through the air, right through the centre of the flock, and when it came down five birds were skewered on it.

"Well done," said Harold, "and good luck in the battle tomorrow."

He then went to the archers, who stood proudly with their longbows, looking intimidating even to someone on their side. "Are you ready for tomorrow's battle?" King Harold asked one bowman.

The man squinted at him a bit, then said, "Good Lord, it's the King! Um, yes I'm ready."

"What can you do with that bow, then?" Harold asked him.

"What? Oh, this thing? I dunno. Someone gave me it yesterday and told me to stay with these people here."

"Well... do you see that barn over there, about twenty yards away?"

The archer peered in the direction of Harold's pointing finger. "Oh yes, I see it," he said at last.

"Do you think you could hit that?"

"I think so." He lined himself up with the barn, grunting with the effort of drawing the bow, and loosed the arrow. It sailed past the barn, five feet too high and ten feet to the left.

"Did I hit it?" he asked.

"Er, yes," said Harold. "Well done, and good luck."

Then the King turned to the captain of archery and said in an undertone, "Watch out for that man tomorrow, will you? He'll have somebody's eye out with that thing."

DOGS OF MUNICH

A long time ago, in the city of Munich (or München, as the natives call it), the inhabitants were having a big problem. There was a massive increase in the number of dogs residing in the city. Not only were thousands of dogs, but they were BIG dogs.... real hounds to be exact. Anyway, the people of Munich bunched together and decided they would solve the problem by driving all the dogs out of the city and into the hills. So one day, they all grouped together and forced all the hounds out of the city and into the hills, thereby solving their problem.

However, this action proved disastrous for the neighbouring town of Lieden . Lieden was a leader in the manufacturing of paper and the big paper mills provided work for many. As the hounds in the hills began to get hungry, they descended upon the small town of Lieden and were soon running a riot! All the shops were broken into as the dogs searched for food. As Lieden was much smaller than Munich, they didn't have the manpower to force the hounds out of the town and all the inhabitants decided to go to Munich and complain.

As they were leaving their homes, suddenly a tremendous noise came from up on the hill, where the paper-mill was located. As all the residents were in the process of evacuating, they were puzzled as to who was running the mills. Suddenly, an old man spoke up, claiming he knew the answer. He took a deep breath and said.... "The mills are alive with the hounds of Munich!"