Lets get on with more jokes:

The Australian
Castaways

THE AUSTRALIAN

A bloke walks up to the bar with a big ostrich behind him, and as he sits, a small cat jumps up on the stool beside him. The barman comes over, regarding the trio with some curiosity, and says, "What'll it be?"

The man says," I'll have a pint", and turns to the ostrich, "What's yours?"

"I'll have a pint as well" says the ostrich. Bloke looks at the cat, and says "I suppose you want a drink, too." "The cat replies, "I'll have a half, but I ain't payin'!"

So the barman pulls two and a half pints, and says, "That'll be three pounds forty, please." The man reaches into his pocket, feels around, and, to the barman's surprise, pulls out exactly the three-forty in change.

A while later, the same thing happens, and the man pulls the exact amount out of the same pocket.

The next day, the man, the ostrich, and the cat return to the same bar. "I'll have a pint," says the man. "Same for me," says the ostrich. The cat orders up a half and says, "But I ain't payin'!"

Repeat of yesterday. The bloke pays each time with the exact amount from his pocket.

This becomes almost a regular routine until, late one evening, the trio enter again.

"The same?" asks the barman. "Well", says the man, "it's close to last orders. I'll have a large scotch." He turns to the ostrich enquiringly. The bird says, "I'll have a large scotch as well." The cat says, "I'll have a small scotch... but I ain't payin'!"

The barman rings up the drinks and turns, with a sly grin, "That'll be seven pounds twenty, please." To his amazement, the man pulls the exact seven and twenty out of his pocket.

As the trio are finishing their drinks, the barman can't contain his curiosity any longer. "Excuse me, sir, but before you leave there's something I must know... how do you manage to always come up with the exact change out of your pocket...every time?"

"Well", says the man, "it's a long story. But basically, several years ago I took care of an old lady well into her nineties, and when she died, she left me her old house.

Nothing special, but as I was cleaning out the attic, I found an old lamp, and when I rubbed it, this genie appeared and offered me two wishes."

"That's fantastic", says the barkeep, "What did you wish for?"

"Well, if I ever need to pay for anything, I just put my hand in my pocket and the right money will always be there."

"That's brilliant," says the barman, "most people would wish for a million pounds or something, but you'll always be as rich as you want for as long as you live."

"That's right, whether its a quart of milk or even a Rolls Royce, the exact money is always there. The best thing I ever did!"

As he turns to go, the barman calls him back and says, "One last thing, sir... err, your friends there... we don't get many cats or ostriches drinkin' in 'ere...?"

The man looks glum. "Yes, I know. That's probably the worst thing I ever did, but I'm stuck with 'em. You see, for my second wish from the genie, I asked for a chick with long legs and a tight pussy."

CASTAWAYS

We have.....

• Two Greek men and one Greek woman
• Two English men and one English woman
• Two Bulgarian men and one Bulgarian woman
• Two Swedish men and one Swedish woman
• Two Australian men and one Australian woman
• Two Kiwi men and one Kiwi woman
• Two Irish men and one Irish woman

One month later on this beautiful deserted island in the middle of nowhere....

The one Italian man killed the other for the Italian woman

The two French men and the French woman are living happily together in a "menage a trois"

The three German men have a strict weekly schedule of when they alternate with the German woman

The two Greek men are sleeping with each other and the Greek woman is cleaning and cooking for them

The two English men are waiting for someone to introduce them to the English woman

The Bulgarian men took one look at the endless ocean, one look at the woman and started swimming.

The two Swedish men are contemplating the virtues of suicide while the woman keeps on bitching about her body being her own and the true nature of feminism. But at least it's not snowing and the taxes are low.

The Australians are all wankers, so who cares?

The two Kiwi men start searching the island for sheep while the woman gets friendly with a big banana she's found.

The Irish began by dividing their island Northside-Southside and setting up a distillery. They don't remember if sex is in the picture, cause it gets sort of foggy after the first few litres of coconut-whiskey, but happily, at least they know the English aren't getting any....