Lets get on with more jokes:

A Sexist Joke
Three Worst Chinese Tortures
How Was Your Weekend
Potentially And Reality

A SEXIST JOKE

There was a man and woman in an elevator on the 99th floor, when all of a sudden the cable snapped and the elevator started to plummet at an incredible rate.

They looked at each other, both pale as ghosts. The woman gulped and said as she ripped off her shirt, "make me feel like a woman for the last time."

With that he ripped off his shirt and said, "Here, iron this bitch!"

THREE WORST CHINESE TORTURES

A man is out in the Chinese wilderness and he's hopelessly lost. It's been nearly three weeks since he's eaten anything besides what he could forage and he's been reduced to sleeping in caves and under trees.

One afternoon he comes upon an old mansion in the woods. It has vines covering most of it and the man can't see any other buildings in the area. However, he sees smoke coming out of the chimney implying someone is home.

He knocks on the door and an old man with a beard almost down to the ground opens it. The old man squints his eyes and says "What you want (bad Chinese accent)?"

The man says "I've been lost for the past three weeks and haven't had a decent meal or a good sleep since that time. I would be most appreciative if you could provide me with a meal and a bed to sleep in, within your home for tonight"

The old Chinese man thinks on the request for a while, then says "I let you stay one condition. You leave glandaughter alone (poor poor pidgin Chinese)!"

The man, both exhausted and hungry readily agrees, saying "I promise I won't cause you any trouble. I'll be on my way tommorrow morning"

The old Chinese man counters "Ok, but I catch you, then you suffer three worst known Chinese tortures."

"Ok, Ok" the man said as he entered the mansion. Besides, he thought to himself, what kind of woman would live out in the wilderness all her life?

Well, that night, when the man came down to eat (after showering), he saw how beautiful the grandaughter was. She was an absolute pearl, and while he had only been lost three weeks, it had been many,many months without companionship. And the girl had only seen the occasional monk besides her grandfather and well, they both couldn't keep their eyes off each other throughout the meal.

That night, the man snuck into the girls' bedroom and they had quite a time, but had kept the noise down to a minimum. The man crept back to his room later that night thinking to himself, "Any three tortures would be worth it, after that experience."

Well, the next morning the man awoke to a heavy weight on his chest. He opened his eyes and there was this huge rock on his chest. On the rock was a sign saying "1st Chinese torture: 100 lb rock on your chest".

"What a lame torture" the man thought to himself as he got up and walked over to the window. He opened the shutter and threw the rock out. He then noticed that on the underside of the rock was another sign saying "2nd Chinese torture: Rock tied to right testicle".

The man, seeing the rock was too far out the window to be grabbed, jumps out the window after the rock. It which point he notices that on the outside of the window is a third sign saying "3rd Chinese torture: Left testicle tied to bedpost".

HOW WAS YOUR WEEKEND

A keen country lad applied for a salesman's job at a city department store. In fact it was the biggest store in the city - you could get anything there. The boss asked him, "Have you ever been a salesman before?

"Yes", I was a salesman in the country", said the lad.

The boss liked the cut of him and said, "You can start tomorrow and I'll come and see you when we close up".

The day was long and arduous for the young man, but finally 5 o'clock came around. The boss duly fronted up and asked, "How many sales did you make today?".

"One" said the young salesman.

"Only one" blurted the boss, "Most of my staff make 20 or 30 sales a day. How much was the sale worth??.

"Three hundred thousand, three hundred and thirty four dollars" said the young man.

"How did you manage that?" asked the flabbergasted boss.

"Well", said the salesman "This man came in and I sold him a small fish hook, then a medium hook and finally a really large hook. Then I sold him a small fishing line, a medium one and a huge big one. I asked him where he was going fishing and he said down the coast. I said he would probably need a boat, so I took him down to the boat department and sold him that twenty foot schooner with the twin engines. Then he said his Volkswagon probably wouldn't be able to pull it, so I took him to the car department and sold him the new Deluxe Land Cruiser"

The boss took two steps back and asked in astonishment, "You sold all that to a guy who came in for a fish hook?"

"No" answered the salesman. He came in to buy a box of Tampons for his wife and I said to him, "Sounds like the weekend's a loss, you may as well go fishing".

POTENTIALLY AND REALITY

The father agrees to help and tells his son to "Ask his mother whether or not she would sleep with Robert Redford for a million pounds, then ask his sister if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million pounds".

The boy goes off to see his mother and says " Mum would you sleep with Robert Redford for a million pounds" .. "Oh yes" she replied.

He then asks his sister and she also repiled yes, after which he went back to see his father.

"Dad they both said yes, but what does that prove" said the boy, to which the father replied " Well there you are son, potentially we are sitting on two million pounds, but in reality were living with a couple of slags.."