Lets get on with more of the business: The Poo List
- A Connoisseurs Guide THE POO LIST - A CONNOISSEURS GUIDE GHOST POO: You know you've pooed. There's poo on the toilet paper but not in the
toilet. Where is it? TEFLON POO: So slick and easy you don't even feel it. No Trace of poo on the toilet
paper. You have to look in the toilet to be sure you did it. GOO POO: This has the consistency of hot tar. You wipe 12 times and you still don't
come clean. You end up putting toilet paper in your underwear so you don't soil
it. Permanent skid marks are left in the bowl. SECOND THOUGHTS POO: You're all done wiping and about to stand up when you realise there's more
to come. POP A VEIN IN YOUR FOREHEAD POO: This is the kind of poo that killed Elvis. It doesn't want to come out
until you are all sweaty, trembling and purple from straining so hard. WEIGHT WATCHERS POO: You poo so much that you lose several kilograms. RIGHT NOW POO: You'd better be within 30 seconds of a toilet. You burn rubber getting
there and it usually gets it's head out before you can get your pants down. KING KONG POO: This one's so big you don't think it will go down the toilet unless you
break it into smaller chunks. A wire coathanger usually does the job. This kind
of poo usually happens in someone else's house. CORK POO: Also known as 'floaters'; even after the third flush it's still there,
floating in the bowl. My God! How do I get rid of it? WET CHEEKS POO: This poo hits the water sideways and makes a bigger splash than the
launching of the QEII soaking your starfish. WISH POO: You sit there all cramped up and fart a few times, but no poo. CEMENT BLOCK POO: You wish you had got an epidural injection before you pooed. SNAKE POO: This poo is fairly soft, about as thick as your thumb and at least 3 foot
long. THE MORNING AFTER POO: Happens the morning after the night before. Normally your poo doesn't smell
that bad, but THIS ONE ... usually you're at someone else's house (often a girl
you're trying to impress) and they're waiting outside the bathroom. MEXICAN FOOD POO: Also called 'screamers' or 'ring stingers'; you know it's safe to eat again
when your arse stops burning. TNT POO: This one explodes and deposits poo all round the bowl. Works best if you
have been eating either sweetcorn or peanuts as it produces a nice pebble
dashed effect. DRIVING SCHOOL EXAM The following are a sampling of REAL answers received on exams given by
driving schools. Q: Do you yield when a blind pedestrian is crossing the road? Q: Who has the right of way when four cars approach a four-way stop at the
same time? Q: What are the important safety tips to remember when backing your car? Q: When driving through fog, what should you use? Q: How can you reduce the possibility of having an accident? Q: What problems would you face if you were arrested for drunk driving? Q: What changes would occur in your lifestyle if you could no longer drive
lawfully? Q: What are some points to remember when passing or being passed? Q: What is the difference between a flashing red traffic light and a
flashing yellow traffic light? Q: How do you deal with heavy traffic? Q: What can you do to help ease a heavy traffic problem? THINGS THAT SOUND DIRTY IN LAW BUT AREN'T Have you looked through her briefs? He is one hard judge! Counsellor, let's do it in chambers. His attorney withdrew at the last minute. Is it a penal offence? Better leave the handcuffs on. For £200 an hour, she better be good! Can you get him to drop his suit? The judge gave her the stiffest one he could. Think you can get me off? THINGS THAT SOUND DIRTY IN THE OFFICE BUT AREN'T I need to whip it out by 5. Mind if I use your laptop? Just stick it in my box. If I have to lick one more, I'll gag! I want it on my desk, NOW!!! HMMMMMMMM....I think it's out of fluid! My equipment is so old, it takes forever to finish. It's an entry-level position. When do you think you'll be getting off today? It's not fair...I do all the work while he just sits there!
Driving School
Exam
Things That
Sound Dirty In Law But Aren't
Things That
Sound Dirty In The Office But Aren't
A: What
for? He can't see my license plate.
A: The pick up truck with the gun rack and the bumper sticker
saying, "Guns don't kill people. I do."
A: Always wear a condom.
A: Your car.
A: Be too
shit faced to find your keys.
A: I'd probably lose my buzz a lot faster.
A: I would be forced to drive unlawfully.
A:
Make eye contact and wave "hello" if he/she is cute.
A: The color.
A: Heavy psychedelics.
A: Carry
loaded weapons.