| Yuppie Shit: |
It's my shit! All mine! Isn't it beautiful? |
| An Employer: |
Shit happens, and rolls down hill. |
| An Employee: |
I've done my shit, so can I take the day off?
This shit's not part of my contract. |
| Environmentalism: |
Shit is biodegradable. |
| Heisenbergism: |
Shit happened, we just don't know where. |
| Quantum Shittydynamics: |
Shit happens only in well-defined quantities. |
| Einsteinism: |
Shit is Relative. |
| Reaction to Seeing your Mother-in-law:
|
Relatives are Shit. |
| Washington: |
I cannot tell a lie--shit happened. |
| Lincoln: |
Four score and seven shits ago... |
| Nixon: |
Shit didn't happen, and if it did I din't know anything about it. |
| Reagan: |
Well, I do believe that shit happened. I was just taking a nap.
|
| Quayle: |
Whye doe peopl treate mee lik shite? |
| Clinton: |
I didn't inhale this shit.
I tried this shit before and I didn't like it so.... |
| Bush: |
Read my lips: no more shit!
Wouldn't be prudent to shit at this juncture.
This looks like foreign shit.
Let Baker handle it. |
| Perot: |
I'm sorry if I dropped you guys in this piece of shit. |
| McCarthyism: |
Are you now, or have you ever been, shit? |
| Martin Luther King: |
Black shit and white shit CAN coexist... |
| Julius Caesar: |
I came, I saw, I shitted. (Veni, Vidi, Shitty) |
| John Paul Jones: |
I have not yet begun to shit. |
| James Tiberius Kirk: |
... to boldly shit where no one has shit before! |
| Computer Science: |
There's a bug somewhere in this shitttttttttttttttttttttttttt |
| Macintosh: |
(Enough said) |
| UNIX/C: |
A core dump... Shit! |
| IBM/DOS: |
It's shit, but at least it's compatible. |
| Communism: |
It's everybody's shit. |
| Marxism: |
The rich shit exploits the poor shit, but deep down all shit is
alike.
Dictatorship of the shit. |
| Capitalism: |
Shit happens, and it'll cost you!
Shit happens, and it'll cost you! If you're gonna sell that shit,
at least make a profit.If you're gonna sell that shit, at least make a
profit. |
| Cannibalism: |
Don't eat the shit. |
| Vegetarianism: |
If it happens to shit, don't eat it. |
| Hedonism: |
There's nothing quite like a good shit. |
| Stoicism: |
This shit is good for me. |
| Existentialism: |
Shit doesn't happen; shit is.
Shit happening is absurd. |
| Realism: |
I think I need to take a shit. |
| Denialism: |
What shit? |
| Purism: |
If shit has to happen, let ONLY shit happen. |
| Procrastinationism: |
I'll take care of this shit ... tomorrow. |
| Avoidanceism: |
With all this happening, I think I'll go shit. |
| Repressionism: |
I'll hold this shit in forever. |
| Fatalism: |
Oh shit, it's going to happen! |
| Surrealism: |
Fish! |
| Moilanenism: |
Smells like shit of finnish fish. |
| Nihilism: |
Let's blow this shit up! |
| Fetishism: |
I love when shit happens. |
| Masochism: |
Do shit to me! |
| Sadism: |
I will shit on you! |
| Freudianism: |
Shit is a phallic symbol. |
| Thales: |
Earth, Air, Fire, and Shit |
| Epicurus: |
If shit happens, enjoy it. |
| Socrates: |
What is shit? Why is shit? |
| Aristotle: |
The essence of shittyness... |
| Descartes: |
I think, so why am I in this shit?
I shit, therefore I am. |
| Leibniz (as interpreted by Voltaire):
|
The best of all possible shit in this world made for shit. |
| Thoreau: |
I wanted to live deliberately ... to suck all the shit out of life. |
| Sartre: |
Shit is meaningless!
What is shit, anyway? |
| Mathematician: |
Shit happening is just a special case... |
| Statistician: |
There is an 83.7% chance that shit will happen. Maybe. |
| Physicist: |
To within experimental error, this is shit. |
| Engineer: |
I hope this shit holds together. |
| Chemist: |
I hope this shit doesn't blow up.
Gee, what'll happen if I mix this and ... SHIT!!!! |
| Biologist: |
Is this shit alive? |
| Economist: |
I hope no one figures out that I don't really understand this shit. |
| Beaurocrat: |
I'm sorry, but we can't do this shit until you fill out form
XJ-314159 to make an appointment with our Assistant Sub-Deputy Manager
to obtain form ZN-271828... |
| CEO: |
(1980's) I've got all the shit I want.
(1990's) Oooh, SHIT! |
| Lawyer: |
For a sufficient fee, I can get you out of ANY shit. |
| Doctor: |
Take two shits and call me in the morning.
Yes, it's definitely a case of shit. $99.95, please...
Shit, where's this organ supposed to go? |
| Psychologist: |
Shit is in your mind.
Everything that happens is shit; some of it is just repressing its
subconscious shittiness. |
| Programmer: |
It's shit, but at least it compiles. |
| Social Scientist: |
Let's pretend that shit doesn't happen... |
| Politician: |
It's shit, but it'll get me elected.
If you elect me, there will never again be shit.
Shit is bad for the economy. |
| Waitress: |
You want fries with that shit? |
| Musician: |
This shit is out of tune. |
| Dean: |
Let's see how much shit the faculty'll take. |
| Accountant: |
Why doesn't this shit add up? |
| Linguist: |
What I'm doing is a bunch of feces tauri. (For non-Latin-speakers:
feces tauri=the excrement of a bull) |
| Quality Control Inspector: |
This shit ain't good enough. |
| Tax Inspector: |
I'll make 'em squirm for putting this shit on their tax forms. |
| Farmer: |
I get subsidies for my shit. |
| Union leader: |
Give us more shit or we'll strike. |
| Mafia boss: |
Rub the shit out. |
| New York Cab Driver: |
Damn, looks like I hit that shit... |
