Lets get on with more of the business: On Top Of The Christmas Tree
ON TOP OF THE CHRISTMAS TREE There had been no snow during the entire month of December. The elves in
the bicycle department had been on strike since October, and now there was
the possibility that the elves in the doll department might join them.
Daily life at the North Pole was not pleasant, and Santa Claus was in a
pretty foul mood. Mrs. Claus was suffering from arthritis and was very mad
over the fact that her red velvet cake had fallen in the oven. Santa had
tried to round up some extra helpers, but with no snow, they weren't able
to make it by sleigh to the workshop. Rudolph had a bad cold, and his nose wouldn't light up. Comet and
Prancer were fighting over Vixen, who had just come into heat. Blitzen's
right foreleg was still in a cast, and the vet said that they would have
to wait until 24 December to decide if Blitzen would be able to pull the
sleigh. The electricity went off, and all the power tools came to a stop. There
was nothing going right in Santa's workshops. The helpers were
about three weeks behind in their work, and it didn't look that all the
toys would be ready by Christmas Eve. Santa's foul mood was exacerbated by
a bad case of hemorrhoids, and he wasn't too happy about the possibility
of having to ride so far on Christmas Eve. Seeing the terrible state of affairs at the North Pole chez Santa, the
angels took up an offering to buy a gift for the unhappy workers and the
Clauses - something that would brighten their Christmas. They chose a
Christmas tree, and they sent it down by an angel. The angel burst into the workshop room and asked,
LETTER FROM SANTA Dear ________ I have been watching you very closely to see if you have been good this
year, and since you have, I will be telling my elves to make some goodies
for me to leave under your tree at Christmas. I was going to bring you all
the gifts from the "Twelve Days of Christmas", but we had a
little problem up here. The twelve fiddlers fiddling, have all come down with V.D from fiddling
with the ten ladies dancing. The eleven lords a leaping have knocked up
the eight maids a milking, and the nine pipers playing, have been arrested
for doing weird things to the seven swans a swimming. The six geese a
laying, four calling birds, three french hens, two turtle doves, and a
partridge in a pear tree, have me up to my ass in bird shit. On top of all this, Mrs. Clause is going through menopause, eight of my
reindeer are in heat, the elves have joined Gay Liberation, and those dumb
ass Newfoundlanders have scheduled Christmas for the 5th Of February. Yours Sincerely, Santa 2 Cold Street, North Pole, H0H 0H0
Letter From Santa
"HEY, WHERE DO YOU WANT ME TO PUT THIS TREE?"