Lets get on with more of the business: Marital Software Tips
MARITAL SOFTWARE TIPS Last year a friend of mine upgraded Girlfriend 1.0 to Wife 1.0 and found
that it's now a memory hog leaving very little system resources for other
applications. He is only now noticing that Wife 1.0 also is spawning Child-Processes
which are further consuming valuable resources. No mention of this
particular phenomena was included in the product brochure or the
documentation, though other users have informed him that this is to be
expected due to the nature of the application. Not only that, Wife 1.0 installs itself such that it is always launched
at system initialization where it can monitor all other system activity.
He's finding that some applications such as PokerNight 10.3, Beerbash 2.5,
and Pubnight 7.0 are no longer able to run in the system at all, crashing
the system when selected (even though they always worked fine before).
At installation, Wife 1.0 provides no option as to the installation of
undesired plugins such as MotherInLaw 55.8 and BrotherInLaw Beta release.
Also, system performance seems to diminish with each passing day. Some features he'd like to see in the upcoming Wife 2.0 - A "Don't remind me again" button. - A Minimize button. - An install shield feature that allows Wife 2.0 to be installed with
the option to uninstall at any time without the loss of cache and other
system resources. - An option to run the network driver in promiscuous mode which would
allow the systems hardware probe feature to be much more useful. I myself decided to avoid all of the headaches associated with Wife 1.0
by sticking with Girlfriend 2.0. Even here, however, I found many
problems. Apparently you cannot install Girlfriend 2.0 on top of
Girlfriend 1.0. You must uninstall Girlfriend 1.0 first. Other users say
this is a long standing bug which I should have been aware of. Apparently
the versions of Girlfriend have conflicts over shared use of the I/O port.
You'd think they would have fixed that stupid bug by now. To make
matters worse, the uninstall program for Girlfriend 1.0 doesn't work very
well leaving undesirable traces of the application in the system. Another thing that sucks - all versions of Girlfriend continually popup
little annoying messages about the advantages of upgrading to Wife 1.0.
******* BUG WARNING ******* Wife 1.0 has an undocumented bug. If you try to install Mistress 1.1
before uninstalling Wife 1.0, Wife 1.0 will delete MSMoney files before
doing the uninstall itself. Then Mistress 1.1 will refuse to install,
claiming insufficient system resources. ******* BUG WORKAROUNDS ******** To avoid the above bug, try installing Mistress 1.1 on a different
system and never run any file transfer applications such as Laplink 6.0.
Also, beware of similar shareware applications that have been known to
carry viruses that may affect Wife 1.0. Another solution would be to run
Mistress 1.0 via a Usenet provider under an anonymous name. Here again,
beware of the viruses which can accidentally be downloaded from the
Usenet. LETTERS TO THE COUNCIL These are genuine extracts from letters sent to the council I wish to complain that my father hurt his ankle very badly when he put
his foot in the hole in his back passage. The lavatory is blocked. This is caused by the boys next door throwing
their balls on the roof. This is to let you know that there is a smell coming from the man next
door. The toilet seat is cracked. Where do I stand? I am writing on behalf of my sink, which is running away from the wall.
I am still having trouble with smoke in my built-in drawers. I request your permission to remove my drawers in the kitchen. Our lavatory seat is broken in half, and is now in three pieces. Can you please tell me when our repairs are going to be done as my wife
is about to become an expectant mother. I want some repairs doing to my cooker, as it has backfired and burnt my
knob off. The toilet is blocked and we cannot bath the children until it is
cleared. The person next door has a large erection in his back garden, which is
unsightly and dangerous. Will you please send someone to mend our broken path. Yesterday my wife
tripped on it, and is now pregnant. Our kitchen floor is very damp, we have two children and would like a
third, so will you please send someone to do something about it. Would you please repair our toilet. My son pulled the chain and the box fell on his head. Will you please send a man to look at my water, it is a funny colour and
not fit to drink. Would you please send a man to repair my spout. I am an old age
pensioner and need it straight away. I awoke this morning and found my water boiling. This is to let you know that our lavatory seat is broken and we cannot
get BBC2. Could you please send someone to fix our bath tap. My wife got her toe
stuck in it and it was very uncomfortable for us. When I applied for a rebate you said that you would have to take
something off. Now that you have taken it off, I have been told that you
should have put some on. So will you please take off what you took off and
put on what you should have put on when you took it off. When the workmen were here they put their tools in my wifes drawers and
made a mess. Please send men with clean tools to finish the job and keep
my wife happy. I want to complain about the farmer across the road. Every morning at
5:30 his cock wakes me up, and it is getting too much.
Letters To The Council