Lets get on with more of the business: Corporate Zodiac CORPORATE ZODIAC Astrology tells us about you and your future simply by your birthday.
The Chinese Zodiac uses the year of your birth. Demographics tell us what
you like, dislike, whom you vote for, what you buy, and what you watch on
television. Well, the Corporate Zodiac goes a step further: simply by your job
title, people will have you all figured out. CONSULTANT/CONTRACTOR: Independent-minded, and unique of wit. You are a
loser. Goddamn mercenaries like you who can't hold a steady job shouldn't
be allowed to roam the earth. Everyone laughs at you behind your back.
MARKETING: You are ambitious yet stupid. You chose a marketing degree to
avoid having to study in college, concentrating instead on drinking and
socializing - which is pretty much what your job responsibilities are now.
Least compatible with Sales. SALES: Laziest of all signs, often referred to as "marketing
without a degree," you are also self-centered and paranoid. Unless
someone calls you and begs you to take their money, you like to avoid
contact with customers so you can "concentrate on the big picture."
You seek admiration for your golf game throughout your life. TECHNOLOGY: Unable to control anything in your personal life, you are
instead content to completely control everything that happens at your work
place. Often even YOU don't understand what you are saying, but who the
heck can tell?! It is written that the Geeks shall inherit the Earth. ENGINEERING: One of only two signs that actually studied in school, it
is said that ninety percent of all Personal Ads are placed by engineers.
You can be happy with yourself: your office is typically full of all the
latest "ergo dynamic" gadgets. However, we all know what is
really causing your "carpal tunnel..." ACCOUNTING: The only other sign that studied in school, you are mostly
immune from office politics. You are the most feared person in the
organization. Combined with your extreme organizational traits, the
majority of rumors concerning you say that you are completely insane. HUMAN RESOURCES: Ironically, given your access to confidential
information, you tend to be the biggest gossip within the organization.
Possibly the only other person that does less work than marketing, you are
unable to return any calls today because you have to get a haircut, have
lunch, AND mail a letter! MIDDLE MANAGEMENT/DEPARTMENT MANAGEMENT/"TEAM LEADS": Catty,
cutthroat, yet completely spineless, you are destined to remain at your
current job for the rest of your life. Unable to make a single decision,
you tend to measure your worth by the number of meetings you can schedule
for yourself. Best suited to marry other "Middle Managers," as
everyone in your social circle is a "Middle Manager." SENIOR MANAGEMENT: Catty, cutthroat, yet completely spineless, you are
destined to remain at your current job for the rest of your life. Unable
to make a single decision, you tend to measure your worth by the number of
meetings you can schedule for yourself. Best suited to marry other "Senior
Managers," as everyone in your social circle is a "Senior
Manager." CUSTOMER SERVICE: Bright, cheery, positive, you are a fifty-cent cab
ride from taking your own life. As a child, very few of you asked your
parents for a little cubicle for your room and a headset so you could
pretend to play "Customer Service." Continually passed over for
promotions, your best bet is to sleep with your manager. LETTERS TO WELFARE These are genuine extracts from letters sent to welfare I am forwarding my marriage certificate and 6 children. I had seven but
one died which was baptised on a half sheet of paper. I am writing the welfare department to say that my baby was born two
years old. When do I get my money? Mrs. Jones has not had any clothes for two years and has been visited
regularly by the clergy. I cannot get sick pay. I have six children can you tell me why? I am glad to report that my husband who is missing is dead. This is my eighth child. What are you going to do about it. Please find for certain if my husband is dead. The man I am now living
with can't do anything until he knows. I am very much annoyed to find out that you have branded my son
illiterate. This is a dirty lie as I was married a week before he was
born. In answer to your letter, I have given birth to a son weighing 10 lbs. I
hope this is satisfactory. I am forwarding my marriage certificate and my 3 children one of which
is a mistake as you can see. My husband got his project cut off about two weeks ago and I haven't had
any relief since. Unless I get my husband's money pretty soon, I will be forced to lead an
immortal life. You have my changed little boy to a girl, will this make any difference?
I have no children yet, as my husband is a truck driver and works night
and day. I want money as quick as I can get it. I have been in bed with the
doctor for two weeks and he doesn't do me any good. If things don't
improve, I will have to send for another doctor. In accordance with your instructions, I have given birth to twins in the
enclosed envelope.
Letters To Welfare