Lets get on with more of the business: Questions In Court QUESTIONS IN COURT These are questions that lawyers have put to people on the stand: A: He told me, he says, "I have to kill you because you can
identify me." Q: Did he kill you? A: That's me. Q: Were you present when that picture was taken? A: By death. Q: And by whose death was it terminated? A: I'll be three months on Nov. 8. Q: Apparently, then the date of conception was Aug. 8? A: Yes. Q: What were you doing at that time? A: I used to be. A: Yes. Q: How many were boys? A: None. Q: Were there girls? A: Yes. Q: And these stairs, did they go up also? A: Not yet. A: "All my autopsies are performed on dead people." A: "Oral." A: "The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.." Q: "And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?" A: "No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an
autopsy." A: "No, I was shot midway between the fracas and the navel." A: "I have been since early childhood?" THE WORST THINGS TO SAY TO A POLICEMAN And that hooker I met at the AIDS clinic said you were a nice guy. Hey, you must've been doin' about 125 mph to keep up with me! Good job!
That uniform makes your butt look really big. Excuse me. Is "stick up" hyphenated? I thought you had to be in relatively good physical condition to be a
Police Officer. I was going to be a cop, but I decided to finish high school instead.
Bad Cop! No Donut! Your not gonna check the trunk, are you? Gee, that gut sure doesn't inspire confidence. Didn't I see you get your ass kicked on Cops? I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer. Wow, You look just like the guy in the picture on my girlfriend's night
stand... When you smack the crap outta me, make sure you smile pretty for the
camcorder. I bet I could grab that gun before you finish writing my ticket. Is it true that people become cops because they are too dumb to work at
McDonald's? I pay your salary! Those sirens are hurting my ears, turn them off or I'm not speaking to
you. Gee, thanks officer! That's terrific. The last officer only gave me a
warning, too! Aren't you the guy from the Village People? Do you know why you pulled me over? Okay, just so one of us does. I was trying to keep up with traffic. Yes, I know there is no other car
around, that's how far they are ahead of me. So, are you still crabby because your mamma didn't let you play with
your gun when you were little? Sorry I can't hear you over the radio. No I am not turning it down; I
love this song. Either speak up or just leave me alone. Well, when I reached down to pick up my bag of crack, my gun fell off
my lap and got lodged between the brake pedal and gas pedal, forcing me to
speed out of control. Hey, can you give me another one of those full cavity searches????
The Worse Things To Say To A Policeman
Q: Was that the same nose you broke as a child?
Q: Now, doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, in
most cases he just passes quietly away and doesn't know anything about it
until the next morning?
Q: What happened then?
Q: Was it you or your brother that was killed in the war?
Q: The youngest son, the 20 year old, how old is he?
Q: Were you alone or by yourself?
Q: How long have you been a French Canadian?
Q: Do you have any children or anything of that kind?
Q: I show you exhibit 3 and ask you if you recognize that picture.
Q: Were you present in court this morning when you were sworn in?
Q: Now, Mrs. Johnson, how was your first marriage terminated?
Q: Do you know how far pregnant you are now?
Q: Mrs. Jones, do you believe you are emotionally stable?
Q: How many times have you committed suicide?
Q: So you were gone until you returned?
Q: She had three children, right?
Q: You don't know what it was, and you didn't know what it looked like,
but can you describe it?
Q: You say that the stairs went down to the basement?
Q: Have you lived in this town all your life?
Q: "Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
Q: "All your responses must be oral, OK? What school did you go to?"
Q: "Do you recall the time that you examined the body?"
Q: "You were not shot in the fracas?"
Q: "Are you qualified to give a urine sample?"