Lets get on with more of the business: Things Not To Say To The Boss THINGS NOT TO SAY TO THE BOSS Never give me work in the morning. Always wait until five o'clock and
then bring it to me. The challenge of a deadline is always refreshing.
If it's really a "rush job," run in and interrupt me every ten
minutes to inquire how it's going. That greatly aids my efficiency. Always leave without telling anyone where you're going. It gives me a
chance to be creative when someone asks where you are. If my arms are full of papers, boxes, books or supplies, don't open the
door for me. I might need to learn how to function as a paraplegic in
future and opening doors is good training. If you give me more than one job to do, don't tell me which is the
priority. Let me guess. Do your best to keep me late. I like the office and really have nowhere
to go or anything to do. If a job I do pleases you, keep it a secret. Leaks like that could get
me a promotion. If you don't like my work, tell everyone. I like my name to be popular
in conversations. If you have special instructions for a job, don't write them down. If
fact, save them until the job is almost done. Never introduce me to the people you're with. When you refer to them
later, my shrewd deductions will identify them. Be nice to me only when the job I'm doing for you could really change
your life. Tell me all your little problems. No one else has any and it's nice to
know someone is less fortunate. NEW ELEMENTS In a recent contest, The Washington Post asked readers to dream up new
elements for the Periodic Table. Among the best of the batch: Limbaughium - Lb : The heaviest known element. It possesses an ever-expanding mass. Very
white. Acidic. Emits heat but no light. Instantly polarizes all elements
that come in contact with it. Repels protons and electrons; attracts only
morons. Billclintium - Bc : With a slick appearance and slimy texture, this element undergoes a
series of interesting changes when in hot water. Canadium - Eh : Similar to Americium, but a little denser. Much more rigid. Often called
Boron. Innofensium - Pc : Precisely equal numbers of electrons, protons, neutrons, leptons,
quarks. Completely inert, utterly useless, but smells like a rose. Newtium - Nw : Extreme irritant. Carries a strong negative charge. Does not possess
magnetic properties. Can be purchased cheaply. Quaylium - Vp : Einsteinium it ain't. Budweisium - Ps : Has no taste or smell; is often indistinguishable from water. Cabmium - Cb : Found in abundance, except when needed. Exists in two states, in motion
and at rest. When in motion, it cannot be stopped, no matter what you do.
Cabmium has a charge associated with it. The charge is variable, and
scientists have not determined the formula for calculating it. Politicium - Po : Contains a great deal of gas. Similar to radon in that it can reach
lethal concentrations in the House. Congress - Cg : Atomic number 525. Can never be found in a solution. Snot - Sn : Bonds forever with corduroy.
New Elements