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Fart Identification
Who Farted


FART IDENTIFICATION


The SBD "Silent But Deadly" - Can be defined only by the strange and sudden odour appearing without a sound.

Sonic Boom - The name says it all. This is the loudest of them all. Though it often has little smell.

The HSS "Hot, Steamy and Smelly" - This is one of the worst. It's the smelliest of them all. The quieter it is...the worse the smell.

Sudden Death - Those which can not be predicted nor held for a later time. They are sudden and sometimes smell like you have just shit yourself.

Ghost Faced Killer - This one, that kills all life, including plants. This is a mysterious stench. It seems to come from nowhere when no one is around.

The Ripple Effect - It is caused by one fart, which in turn causes a whole reaction of smaller more rapid ones.

Dear God - An unexplainable noise followed by a bad odour.

Holy Shit - When one expects a fart and gets a load of shit. If this should happen to you, do not move, repeat do not move or you will suffer severe drippage.

The Mexican Specialty (aka The Montezuma)- this usually follows a meal where Mexican food is present. WARNING AVOID THE WATER AT ALL COST!

The Higher Level - This occurs only at great altitudes like at the top of a mountain, or in a plane for example. Rather refined and elegant, as farts go.


WHO FARTED


The Vain Person: - One who loves the smell of his own farts.

The Amiable Person: - One who loves the smell of other peoples farts.

The Proud Person: - One who thinks his farts are exceptionally fine.

The Shy Person: - One who releases silent farts and then blushes.

The Impudent Person: - One who farts loudly and then laughs.

The Scientific Person: - One who farts regularly but is truly concerned about air pollution.

The Unfortunate Person: - One who tries awfully hard to fart but shits instead.

The Nervous Person: - One who stops in the middle of a fart.

The Honest Person: - One who admits he farted but offers a medical reason for it.

The Dishonest Person: - One who farts and then blames the dog.

The Foolish Person: - One who suppresses a fart for hours and hours.

The Thrifty Person: - One who always has several farts in reserve.

The Antisocial Person: - One who excuses himself and farts in complete privacy.

The Strategic Person: - One who conceals his farts with loud laughter.

The Sadistic Person: - One who farts in bed and then fluffs the bed covers over his bed mates head.

The Intellectual Person: - One who determines from the smell of his neighbor's fart precisely the latest food item he consumed.

The Athletic Person: - One who farts at the slightest exertion.

The Miserable Person: - One who would truly love to but can't fart at all.

The Sensitive Person: - One who farts and then bursts into tears.

The Bruiser: - One who farts so hard and loud that he bruises his butt checks.



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