Lets get on with more of the business: Ways To be Offensive At A Wedding WAYS TO BE OFFENSIVE AT A WEDDING Show up with a baby and claim he belongs to the newlyweds. Cover yourself with glue to improve your chances of catching the
bouquet. Offer to show people pictures of the bride having sex with a dog. Tell people that you knew the bride before the sex change operation.
Tell the bride that the only reason you can look at her is that you used
to be a proctologist. Instead of a standard gift, give the newlyweds a gift certificate for a
drug rehab. clinic. As you move down the receiving line, spit on each person. Ask the bride's mother to give you a hand job. Give the bride some Bianca, and tell her it kills the taste of sperm.
Propose a toast to the bride's nose job. Steal the cards from the wedding gifts so no one can tell who they came
from. Walk up to various guests and demand to see their invitations. After the bride throws her garter, start people chanting, "Throw
your bra, throw your bra..." Tell everyone that the groom had to be given Quaaludes to keep him from
backing out. Tell the rabbi that there's no money to pay him, and ask if he'll settle
for stupping the bride. Assure the bride's mother that the groom is "hung like a horse."
Return a bra which the bride left in your car. If there's a hunchback at a Jewish wedding tell hin that he has to wear
one yarmukle on his head and another on his hump. When the bride is coming down the aisle, push the organist out of the
way and start playing, "The Lady is a Tramp." PIPE SPECIFICATION All pipe is to be made of a long hole surrounded by metal or plastic
centered around the hole. All pipe is to be hollow throughout the entire length; do not use holes
of different length to the pipe. The ID (Inside Diameter) of all pipe must not exceed the OD (Outside
Diameter). Otherwise, the hole will be on the outside. All pipe is to be supplied with nothing in the hole so that water,
steam, or other stuff can be put inside at a later date. All pipe is to be of the very best quality, perfectly tubular or
pipular. All acid-proof pipe is to be made from acid-proof material. All pipe should be supplied without rust; this can be more readily
applied at the job site. Note: Some vendors are now able to supply
pre-rusted pipes. If available in your area, this product is recommended,
as it will save a great deal of time at the job site. All pipe is to be cleaned free of any covering such as mud, tar,
barnacles, or any form of manure before putting up. Otherwise, it will
make lumps under the paint. All pipe over 500ft (150m) in length should have the words "Long
Pipe" clearly painted on each side and end, so that the contractor
fitter knows it's a long pipe. Pipe over 2 miles (3.2km) in length must also have the words "Long
Pipe" painted in the middle, so the contractor will not have to walk
the entire length of the pipe to determine whether or not it is a long
pipe or a short pipe. All pipe over 6ft (1.83m) in diameter must have the words "Large
Pipe" painted on it, so the contractor will not mistake it for small
pipe. All pipe closers are to be open on one end. All pipe fittings are to be made of the same stuff as the pipe. No fittings are to be put on the pipe unless specified. If you do,
straight pipe becomes crooked pipe. Fittings come in all sorts of sizes and shapes. Be sure to specify the
direction you are going when ordering. Fittings come bolted, welded or screwed; always use screwed. They are
best. Flanges must be used on all pipe. Flanges must have holes for bolts,
quite separate from the big hole in the middle. If the flanges are to be blank or blind, the big hole in the middle must
be filled with stuff. When ordering 90 or 30 degree elbows, be sure to specify left-hand or
right- hand, otherwise you will end up going the wrong way. Be sure to specify to your vendor whether you want level, uphill or
downhill pipe. If you use downhill pipes for going uphill, the water will
flow the wrong way. All couplings should have either right-hand or left-hand threads, but do
not mix the threads; otherwise, as the coupling is being screwed on one
pipe, it is being unscrewed fron the other. All pipes shorter than 1/8in (3mm) are very uneconomical in use,
requiring many joints. They are generally known as washers. Joints in pipes for piping water must be water-tight. Those in pipes for
compressed air, however, need only be air-tight. Lengths of pipes may be welded or soldered together. This method is not
recommended for concrete or earthenware pipes. Other commodities are often confused with pipes. These include: conduit,
tube, tunnel and drain. Use only genuine pipes. Scottish Regiments in the Army use Army pipes in unusual ways. These are
not approved of in engineering circles.
Pipe Specification