Lets get on with more of the business: Procrastinator's Creed PROCRASTINATOR'S CREED I believe that if anything is worth doing, it would have been done
already. I shall never move quickly, except to avoid more work or find excuses.
I will never rush into a job without a lifetime of consideration. I shall meet all of my deadlines directly in proportion to the amount of
bodily injury I could expect to receive from missing them. I firmly believe that tomorrow holds the possibility for new
technologies, astounding discoveries, and a reprieve from my obligations.
I truly believe that all deadlines are unreasonable regardless of the
amount of time given. I shall never forget that the probability of a miracle, though
infinitesmally small, is not exactly zero. If at first I don't succeed, there is always next year. I shall always decide not to decide, unless of course I decide to change
my mind. I shall always begin, start, initiate, take the first step, and/or write
the first word, when I get around to it. I obey the law of inverse excuses which demands that the greater the
task to be done, the more insignificant the work that must be done prior
to beginning the greater task. I know that the work cycle is not plan-start-finish, but is
wait-plan-plan. I will never put off until tomorrow, what I can forget about forever.
I will become a member of the ancient Order of Two-Headed Turtles (the
Procrastinator's Society) if they ever get it organized. NEW COMPUTER VIRUSES Ellen Degeneres virus............. Your IBM suddenly claims it's a MAC Monica Lewinsky virus.............. Sucks all the memory out of your
computer Titanic virus...................... Makes your whole computer go down
Disney virus...................... Everything in the computer goes Goofy Mike Tyson virus................ Quits after one byte Prozac virus....................... Screws up your RAM but your
processor doesn't care Sharon Stone virus................. Makes a huge initial impact, then
you forget it's there. Lorena Bobbit virus.................. Turns your hard disk into a 3.5
inch floppy Tim Allen virus......................... Appears helpful, only to
destroy your hard drive upon contact Woody Allen virus................. Bypasses the motherboard and turns on
a daughter card Saddam Hussein virus.............. Won't let you into any of your
programs Tonya Harding virus............... Turns your .BAT files into lethal
weapons George Michaels virus.............. Runs its course, occasionally
releasing excess data buildup Joey Buttafuoco virus.............. Only attacks minor files X-files virus.............................. All your Icons start shape
shifting Spice Girl virus......................... Has no real function, but
makes a pretty desktop Ronald Reagan virus................ Saves your data, but forgets where
it is stored Martha Stewart virus............... Takes all your files, sorts them by
category and folds them into cute little doilies to be displayed on your
desktop
New Computer Viruses