Potpourri

Lets get on with more of the business:

What The Doctor Really Means
Code Of Ethical Behaviour For Patients

WHAT THE DOCTOR REALLY MEANS

What the Doctor says : What the Doctor REALLY means :

"This should be taken care of right away." "I'd planned a trip to Kenya next month but this is so easy and profitable that I want to fix it before it cures itself."

"We'll see." "First I have to check my malpractice insurance."

"Let me check your medical history." "I want to see if you've paid your last bill before spending any more time with you."

"Why don't we make another appointment later in the week." "I'm playing golf this afternoon, and this is a waste of time."

"I really can't recommend seeing a chiropractor." "I hate those guys mooching in on our fees."

"Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm." "I haven't the faintest idea of what to do, but I'm trying to appear thoughtful while hoping the nurse will interrupt."

"We have some good news and some bad news." "The good news is that I'm going to buy that new BMW, and the bad news is that you're going to pay for it."

"Let me schedule you for some tests." "I have a 40% interest in the lab."

"I'd like to have my associate look at you." "He's going through a messy divorce and owes me a small fortune."

"I'd like to prescribe a new drug." "I'm writing a paper and would like to use you as a guinea pig."

"If it doesn't clear up in a week, give me a call." "I don't know what the hell it is. Maybe it will go away by itself."

"That's quite a nasty looking wound." "I think I'm going to throw up."

"This may hurt a little." "Last week two patients bit through their tongues."

"Well, we're not feeling so well today, are we?" "I can't remember your name, nor why you're here."

"Everything seems to be normal." "I guess I can't buy that new beach condo after all."

"I'd like to run some more tests." "I can't figure out what's wrong. Maybe the kid in the lab can solve this one."

"Do you suppose all of this stress could be affecting your nerves?" "I think you are crazy and I hope to find a psychiatrist who will split fees."

"There is a lot of that going around." "My God, that's the third one this week. I'd better learn something about this."

CODE OF ETHICAL BEHAVIOUR FOR PATIENTS

DO NOT EXPECT YOUR DOCTOR TO SHARE YOUR DISCOMFORT. Involvement with the patient's suffering might cause him to lose valuable scientific objectivity.

BE CHEERFUL AT ALL TIMES. Your doctor leads a busy and trying life and requires all the gentleness and reassurance he can get.

TRY TO SUFFER FROM THE DISEASE FOR WHICH YOU ARE BEING TREATED. Remember that your doctor has a professional reputation to uphold.

DO NOT COMPLAIN IF THE TREATMENT FAILS TO BRING RELIEF. You must believe that your doctor has achieved a deep insight into the true nature of your illness, which transcends any mere permanent disability you may have experienced.

NEVER ASK YOUR DOCTOR TO EXPLAIN WHAT HE IS DOING OR WHY HE IS DOING IT. It is presumptuous to assume that such profound matters could be explained in terms that you would understand.

SUBMIT TO NOVEL EXPERIMENTAL TREATMENT READILY. Though the surgery may not benefit you directly, the resulting research paper will surely be of widespread interest.

PAY YOUR MEDICAL BILLS PROMPTLY AND WILLINGLY. You should consider it a privilege to contribute, however modestly, to the well-being of physicians and other humanitarians.

DO NOT SUFFER FROM AILMENTS THAT YOU CANNOT AFFORD. It is sheer arrogance to contract illnesses that are beyond your means.

NEVER REVEAL ANY OF THE SHORTCOMINGS THAT HAVE COME TO LIGHT IN THE COURSE OF TREATMENT BY YOUR DOCTOR. The patient-doctor relationship is a privileged one, and you have a sacred duty to protect him from exposure.

NEVER DIE WHILE IN YOUR DOCTOR'S PRESENCE OR UNDER HIS DIRECT CARE. This will only cause him needless inconvenience and embarrassment.

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What the Doctor says :	What the Doctor REALLY means :
"This should be taken care of right away."	"I'd planned a trip to Kenya next month but this is so easy and profitable that I want to fix it before it cures itself."
"We'll see."	"First I have to check my malpractice insurance."
"Let me check your medical history."	"I want to see if you've paid your last bill before spending any more time with you."
"Why don't we make another appointment later in the week."	"I'm playing golf this afternoon, and this is a waste of time."
"I really can't recommend seeing a chiropractor."	"I hate those guys mooching in on our fees."
"Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm."	"I haven't the faintest idea of what to do, but I'm trying to appear thoughtful while hoping the nurse will interrupt."
"We have some good news and some bad news."	"The good news is that I'm going to buy that new BMW, and the bad news is that you're going to pay for it."
"Let me schedule you for some tests."	"I have a 40% interest in the lab."
"I'd like to have my associate look at you."	"He's going through a messy divorce and owes me a small fortune."
"I'd like to prescribe a new drug."	"I'm writing a paper and would like to use you as a guinea pig."
"If it doesn't clear up in a week, give me a call."	"I don't know what the hell it is. Maybe it will go away by itself."
"That's quite a nasty looking wound."	"I think I'm going to throw up."
"This may hurt a little."	"Last week two patients bit through their tongues."
"Well, we're not feeling so well today, are we?"	"I can't remember your name, nor why you're here."
"Everything seems to be normal."	"I guess I can't buy that new beach condo after all."
"I'd like to run some more tests."	"I can't figure out what's wrong. Maybe the kid in the lab can solve this one."
"Do you suppose all of this stress could be affecting your nerves?"	"I think you are crazy and I hope to find a psychiatrist who will split fees."
"There is a lot of that going around."	"My God, that's the third one this week. I'd better learn something about this."