Lets get on with more of the business: TV VIEWING GUIDES
What they say
What they mean
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Live
We recorded in front of an audience, but
couldn't be bothered editing out the boring bits
Live and exclusive
We spent a lot of money on the rights
Exclusive
Nobody else wanted to buy it
World premiere
Nobody in the world wanted to buy it
Premiere
It's already been shown at the cinema,
satellite and on video
Explosive
Violent
All action
Gratuitously violent
Spine-tingling
Surprisingly violent
Thriller
Mysteriously violent
Will grip you right to the very end
Violent right until the final credits
Classic
Old repeat
Classic favourite
Being shown for the tenth time
By popular demand
The ratings on the last one were great
With special guest
They appear in one cameo scene
Nominated for an award
It lost
Internationally acclaimed
The American critics liked it
First showing
All the other channels have already shown
it
A very special story
Sob story
Heartbreaking
Sob story
Heartwarming
Sob story with happy ending
No parent should miss it
It's got kids in it
Provocative
Shit stirring
Controversial
Shit stirring
Thought provoking
Scary and shit stirring
Outrageous comedy
It's got tits in it
Steamy
It's got shower scenes
Raunchy
It's got sex scenes
Erotic
It's got even more sex scenes
Uncut
Somehow it got past the censor
At the special time
Sport pre-empted it
At the special adult time
We're not allowed to show it earlier
Special presentation
It pre-empted something else
Movie length presentation
We stuck all the episodes together