Lets get on with more of the business: TQM CHRISTMAS The Total Quality Management Corporate Christmas Party. The TQM Corporate Christmas Party is carefully designed to give you and
your employees a safe, efficient gathering, optimizing cheer and good
tidings. The first step is to gather an appropriate number of executives
to stage this wondrous event. A good guideline is to draft the aid of all
executives making over £40,000 per year including bonuses. These
executives should be divided up into the Greeting Team, the Serving Team,
the Walking Team, and the Ceremonial Team. The Teams should be further
broken into two or more teams performing the same function, thus ensuring
increased Quality through Redundancy and Intra-Team Competition. Divide your entire personnel into three equal groups. This Top-Down
methodology breaks the task into manageable portions. Issue each employee
a ticket with coupons for each aspect of the party, the Christmas Party
Ticket. Printed on the ticket is the time which the employee should arrive
for the Christmas Party. In order to further relieve congestion, each of
the three seatings should be further broken into three "arrival
groups". Thus, for the 12:00 seating you have employees arriving at
12:00, 12:05 and 12:10. Allow no more than five minutes for any one
employee to be late. Now you can show how well you are organized. Your Employee travels to
the specified cafeteria entrance at the proper time, as specified on the
Christmas Party Ticket. He is warmly greeted at the entrance door by a
member of the Greeting Team, and directed to the queue at the entrance. At
the head of the queue, there are two more Greeting Team Members. Here the
Employee surrenders the bottom portion of his Christmas Party Ticket to a
Greeting Team Member, who then places it in the Door Prize Drawing Bin and
directs the Employee to one of two identical Christmas Party Meal Serving
Lines. At the start of the Meal Serving Line the Employee surrenders the next
portion of the Christmas Party Ticket to one of the final members of the
Greeting Team, who then allows the Employee to proceed with his tasty
Christmas Party Meal. The Employee picks up his Tray and Utensils. He
notices two things. First, the Utensils are neatly sorted and prepackaged
for his convenience. Second, the usual rectangular tray is replaced by the
much more efficient Truncated Tray. The Truncated Tray has its two far
corners cut at precisely 45 degrees, allowing more efficient packing at
the square Christmas Party Table. Now the Employee is ready to receive his tasty Christmas Party Meal.
Four members of the Serving Team are ready to dish out his Meal. The first
Serving Team Member takes out an efficiently pre-warmed Plate and adds
Turkey and Stuffing. Here is another example of efficient pre-packaging,
bringing your Employee an assortment of tastes, yet in a compact form for
safe, easy serving. A generous Ball of Stuffing (1.75" diameter) is
carefully pre-wrapped with a Slice of Dark Meat and a Slice of Light Meat,
thus satisfying all tastes. Next, the remaining members of the Serving
Team at this Station add Potatoes, Beans and Gravy, and delivers the
Product to the Employee. Next, two more Serving Team Members offer an impressive array of
Cranberry Juice and Orange Juice, plus a choice of eggnog both With and
Without Brandy, labelled as "Leaded" and "Unleaded"
(our little joke). Since we want to deliver Consistent Value, the "Unleaded"
EggNog serving contains twice as much EggNog as the "Leaded"
variety. Notice that the Christmas Party Serving Lines are implemented with Dual
Redundancy. This is important, since it not only provides more Efficient
Service to meet Demand, but it also, should one line become disrupted,
provides a fallback so as to not severely impact the Schedule. After the Employee receives his Christmas Party Meal, he is directed by
several members of the Walking Team to his table. Employees are seated
solely based on their order in line, both to provide Good Companionship
and to eliminate confusion imminent in Employees seeking out other
particular Employees. The Walking Team is perhaps the most diverse Team in its duties. After
the Employee is seated the Walking Team is responsible for ensuring that
Everything is All Right. This includes, when an Employee is finished with
his Christmas Party Meal, the removal of Trays and Utensils, and the
distribution of the standard Christmas Gift. This action is carried out
with the Just-In-Time philosophy. When the Employee's meal is finished and
his EggNog is nearing emptiness, the Walking Team springs into action. One
Walking Team Member removes the Tray and Utensils, one collects the final
Christmas Party Ticket coupon, a third Walking Team Member distributes the
standard Christmas Gift, and a fourth verifies the Employee's Satisfaction
with the Christmas Party Meal. While your Employee is enjoying his Christmas Party Meal, several other
Activities are ongoing. First, a Special member of the Christmas Party
Committee is traveling about the Tables in the guise of Santa Claus. Since
time is limited, you ensure that the delivery of the Santa Claus Service
is properly received by all Employees by use of a Wireless Microphone.
Second, the Christmas Season Atmosphere is provided by your local High
School Choir. This not only provides soothing, cheerful music for your
Employees but also strengthens the Sense of Community with the Town
outside the Company. The third Activity is the Door Prize Drawing. Since no Employee is more
than five minutes late, you can be sure that all Employees assigned to
this Seating have arrived and been Greeted within fifteen minutes after
the Opening of the Seating. Then the Door Prize Drawing Bin can be
sprinted up to the head of the Cafeteria, where the Corporate Executive
Officer, with Santa Claus as his Helper, draws names from the Door Prize
Drawing Bin and distributes the Door Prizes. The Door Prizes are a series
of increasingly valuable Prizes, ranging from a Free Employee Recreational
Association Membership to a Telephone Answering Machine to a Twenty-Five
Inch Zenith Colour Television, and the Grand Prize, a Sony Handycam
Camcorder. Once the Door Prize Drawing is completed, the Employees should have had
sufficient time to Eat, Relax, and Indulge in the Fellowship of his
Neighboring Employee. Therefore the Corporate Christmas Party is
concluded, and all Employees present can rise Together and resume their
normal tasks, filled with Happiness, Good Cheer, Good Food and a Renewed
Sense of Companionship. In conclusion, the Total Quality Management Corporate Christmas Party is
a fun, safe way to celebrate, while simultaneously demonstrating the
effectiveness of the Principles of Total Quality Management. It also,
incidentally, pays for itself. The Effectiveness and Precision with which
the Corporate Christmas Party is Planned and Carried Out results in your
Employees being able to enjoy the Party to its fullness, and still be
finished early enough to return to the office after not the usual 45
minutes allocated, but an outstanding Thirty Minutes!