Lets get on with more of the business: THE HISTORY OF SANTA CLAUS 1689: A Spanish-German explorer, Santa Klaus, discovers the North Pole,
and establishes a small base camp. 1691: Because of harsh and meager living conditions, Klaus' crew
abandons him. 1692: Klaus is rescued by the Viking ship Hvorfor. He returns to Europe,
bringing some items with him from the North Pole. He finds he's able to
sell them quite easily, making a small profit. 1703: Klaus saves up enough money to buy a small ship and crew, and
returns to the North Pole. Upon arriving, he finds his base camp,
half-buried but still intact. 1704: Klaus returns to Europe with a shipload of North Pole artifacts,
and is successful in selling them. He makes enough profit to increase his
crew, and buys building materials to expand his polar base. 1705: Klaus returns again to the North Pole, and builds quarters for him
and his crew, and sets up the Polar Exports Company. 1716: After six shiploads of exports, the European market is flooded
with polar artifacts, including the phony ones making charlatans rich.
Seeing this decline, Klaus decides to invest his money by starting a toy
company in his native Germany. 1720: Klaus Toys becomes the largest toy company in Germany, but only
because of Klaus' underhanded business dealings. (It was also rumored that
Klaus was dealing with enemy countries as well) Competitors urged
government officials to begin an investigation. 1721: Enough proof is found, and charges are drawn up against the Klaus
Toys Company. Klaus himself refuses to release his records. 1722: The German Supreme Court finds Klaus guilty of tax evasion and of
treason. When news of this breaks, Klaus' employees all turn against him
and his company. 1723: Klaus is exiled to Sicily, and shortly before leaving, he absconds
with all the company's funds. Klaus spends much of this year changing his
identity to evade authorities; to further mask his questionable past, he
changes his name now to 'Claus'. 1724: A search party is sent to the Mediterranean to recover the funds;
however, Claus hears of this ahead of time and he and his Sicilian wife
flee for their lives. (Some say he went into Northern Africa, but it's
generally assumed that this was only a ruse to lure the searchers off
course. He's believed to have returned to his North Pole base) 1725: Claus II is born en route to the North Pole. 1725-1734: The Claus' lay low at the North Pole. Claus teaches his son
the arts of toymaking and business dealings. 1735: Rumor has it that Claus has hired Scandinavian builders to build a
castle for him at the North Pole, making use of almost half of the company
funds. 1739: The castle is finished, and is one of the largest in the world.
Claus II reaches his fifteenth birthday, and in the same year, Claus' wife
dies, accidentally falling from a balcony in one of the castle's great
halls. 1740: Claus, mourning his wife, becomes increasingly ill. 1745: Santa Claus II becomes of age, and begins taking care of the
castle and of his sick father. 1747: Using the remaining company funds, Claus II builds a small city
around the castle to attract workers and craftsmen. 1748: Word of the North Pole settlement reaches Europe. The Elves of
Eastern Europe, quickly becoming political outcasts and striving for a
better life, begin immigrating in waves to the North Pole. 1753: All the elves have left Eastern Europe and have become firmly
established at the North Pole. Claus II begins his father's toy company
once again, with an estimated 30,000 elves employed. Claus I dies, at age
89. 1755: The North Pole officially becomes a nation, and Claus II and his
wife take the throne. The toy business continues to flourish, and the
elves enjoy prosperity. Claus III is born. 1757: The great stables are built, and scientists are secretly hired by
Claus II to begin an ambitious project, that of breeding and training
reindeer to fly. 1773: The flying reindeer are achieved and become Claus II and III's
major form of transportation. 1774: A mutant reindeer, named Rudolf, is born whose nose emits light.
He becomes an outcast of the reindeer society, and is taken in by the
Claus government. Claus II celebrates his 50th birthday, inviting several
other world leaders for a stay at his castle. To impress them, he displays
a lavish show of wealth, all at the elves' expense. He gives the other
leaders the impression of a dictatorship under the guise of royalty. The
elves sense this, and the seeds of rebellion are planted. 1777: As conditions become increasingly strict, the elves begin to
search for a leader to lead their revolt. Rudolf, still in favor of the
Claus government, sees their plight and begins thinking of ways to use it
to his advantage. 1784: On his 60th birthday, Claus II takes a sleigh ride down main
street during the Christmas day parade, and is assassinated by a radical
faction of elves. Claus III, now 29, takes over immediately and puts
martial law into effect for the whole North Pole. Civil war breaks out as
Rudolf leads the Elves in rebellion. 1785-1792: The Seven-year Strike happens. The elves refuse to make toys,
and the Claus Toy Company nearly goes bankrupt, as the North Pole hits an
economic low. Claus III, fearing for his life, becomes a prisoner of his
own castle. Rudolf rises to the peak of his power, and sets himself as
leader of the elven community. 1796: Rudolf and his army unsuccessfully try to invade Norway. Over
10,000 elves are killed. 1800: Inside the castle, unbeknownst to the elves, Claus IV is born.
1802: After a string of political blunders, Rudolf senses that he's
quickly losing favor with the elves. Frosty the Snowman is built, brought
to life, and used as a political scapegoat. 1804: Frosty the Snowman is melted at a public execution, and the elves
are calmed of their unrest, for the moment. 1819-1826: After a long period of unrest, Rudolf is finally ousted, and
Claus III, aged 71, rightfully regains the throne. Prince Claus IV is
introduced to the elves publicly for the first time. 1827-1841: The Renormalization years. Claus III brings the near-bankrupt
Claus Toys Company out of dormancy and appoints his son as president. In
order to clear their bad name and make up for their out-of-the-way
location, they decide to start the hugest advertising campaign ever. Each
Christmas, Claus IV will ride throughout the world, distributing free toys
to children everywhere. The ad campaign becomes a hit, but remains very
costly. 1847: Claus III dies. 1851: As the annual ad campaign continues, deficits pile up, and the
elves are asked to work harder, longer hours and still take a pay cut.
They start to complain, but Claus assures them he'll do all he can to help
them. As a sign of goodwill, Claus IV marries an Elven wife, strengthening
the bonds between the Claus family and the Elves. 1856: Claus V is born. In order to celebrate, Claus IV decides to stay
at home, and so he suggests that department stores use costumed employees
to represent him. They do, and it works out so well that he decides to do
it every year. 1857-1867: Claus V grows up, spending most of his time visiting with his
elf relatives and friends. Claus IV, who spends most of his time building
up the company, doesn't seem to mind; in fact, he feels that it's good
publicity. 1871: Working conditions continue to worsen for the elves, and they try
to convince Claus V to overthrow his father and give the government back
to the elves. 1872: Claus V usurps his father's throne, sending him to live the
remainder of his life under guard in the castle's west wing. 1875: After reading the works of Karl Marx, Claus V chooses communism as
the new form of government for the North Pole. Some elves protest this,
but they are successfully quieted. (It's also because of communism that
Santa Claus' suit later changes from beige to red.) 1881: Claus IV dies in captivity, just as the new Government gets
underway. His funeral isn't a large one. 1887: In order to keep up with growing populations, Claus Toys becomes
industrialized. The elves learn the ways of mass production on the
assembly line. 1893: Another mutant reindeer is born, and is named Rudolf II in honor
of the first one, whom the communist government now honors for "giving
the government back to the elves." 1900: Sigmund Freud's "The Interpretation of Dreams" is
published. 1902: After he had been presumed dead for years, Frosty the Snowman is
claimed to have been sighted on several occasions. Throughout the kingdom,
children claim that they all heard him say he'd be back again some day.
1906: Claus VI is born. The Claus family celebrates, but the elves
aren't the least bit excited. 1909-1922: The toys distributed yearly begin to show signs of propaganda
influence. Frosty the Snowman continues to appear occasionally, and Claus
V begins to grow uneasy, fearing some sort of hidden sabotage. 1925: Claus V dies, under mysterious circumstances. He's found buried in
the snow in the castle garden, frozen solid. Many think it is the work of
Frosty, but no one can prove it. 1926: Claus VI takes over, and immediately tightens up security. He
rules with an iron hand, but a fair one. Electric lights are installed in
the streets, and the castle and the town gets electricity. The factories
are expanded, and the toys continue to be used as propaganda for the
world. 1929: Angered by Claus' commercialization of Christmas, the Grinch
attempts to remove the material goods to show the true meaning of
Christmas. He fails, and later Claus commissions a cartoon, which warps
the story so that the Grinch is made out to be the villain. 1949: Claus VII is born. 1979: Claus VI dies of natural causes. 1933-1990: The North Pole remains stable, with everything running
smoothly. Across the Western world, a pattern starts to emerge and become
noticed. Children receive Claus' toys each Christmas, but as they grow
older, their parents throw them away. Then, as the children grow into
adults and have children of their own, the toys start to surface again.
And so the cycle goes on. 1991: First sightings of Anti-Claus. 1993: Anti-Claus is observed closely with telescopes, and photographed.
His suit is like that of Santa Claus, but with the reds and whites
reversed. He carries a 3-ply Hefty bag full of gifts no one wants or
needs. And instead of using reindeer and a sleigh, he rides in a bathtub
pulled by eight flying cows. 1997: Anti-Claus is tracked by radar and found to live in an underground
hideout run by dwarves at the South Pole. 2002: Communism fails utterly at the North Pole resulting from the
nature of the elves. Claus VII, flying clockwise around the earth making
the Christmas rounds, collides with Anti-Claus, who was flying
counterclockwise. A huge explosion and blinding flash of light occurs,
leading scientists to believe that they annihilated each other. 2007: The North Pole becomes a democracy, run wholly by the elves.
Christmas is no longer commercialized or exploited. Happiness is finally
achieved throughout the kingdom. 2011: It's discovered that Claus VII didn't die in the explosion, but
merely made it appear so. From there, he went to live in the Bahamas. He's
later found, dead of a heart attack, in a jacuzzi with two and a half
dozen nymphets.