Lets get on with more of the business:

New Year Resolutions Made By Pets
Attainable New Year Resolutions

NEW YEAR RESOLUTIONS MADE BY PETS

Have a torrid one-night stand with a street mutt.

Try to understand that the cat is from Venus and I am from Mars.

I will no longer be beholden to the sound of the can opener.

Circulate petition that Leg Humping be a juried competition in major dog shows.

Take time from busy schedule to stop and smell the behinds.

Hamster: Don't let them figure out I'm just a rat on 'roids, or they'll flush my ass.

Always scoot before licking.

Grow opposable thumb; break into pantry; decide for myslelf how much food is *too* much.

Get out of the castle more, maybe swim counter-clockwise this year.

January 1st: Kill the sock! Must kill the sock! January 2nd - December 31: Re-live victory over the sock.

I will not chase the damned stick unless I see it leave his hand.

ATTAINABLE NEW YEAR RESOLUTIONS

I want to gain weight. Put on at least thirty pounds.

Stop exercising. Waste of time.

Read less.

Watch more tv. I've been missing some good stuff.

Procrastinate more.

Drink. Drink some more.

Take up a new habit: smoking.

Spend at least £300 a month on hookers.

Spend more time at work.

Take a vacation to someplace important: like to see the largest ball of twine.

Stop bringing lunch from home: I should eat out more.

Quit giving money and time to charity.

Personal goal: bring back disco.

Start being superstitious.

Have my car lowered and invest in a really loud stereo system. Get the windows tinted. Buy some fur for the dash.

Speak in a monotone voice and only use monosyllabic words.

Only wear jeans that are two sizes too small and use a chain or rope for a belt.

Only wear white T-shirts with those fashionable yellow stains under the arms.