Lets get on with more of the business:
Pearls Of Wisdom
PEARLS OF WISDOM
- You know it's going to be a bad day when ...
- your pet rock snaps at you.
- your twin forgets your birthday.
- your answering machine tells you it's none of your business.
- you try start your car and are ejected through the roof of your garage.
- you get struck by lightening on a sunny day.
- Entry in Weekly Schedule, New Zealand Symphony Orchestra:
- Another Month Ends
All Targets Met
All Systems Working
All Customers Satisfied
All Staff Eager and Enthusiastic
All Pigs Fed and Ready to fly
- International relations:
- The Scots pray on their knees on Sunday and on their neighbours the rest of
the week.
- The Welsh keep the sabbath and anything else they can get their hands on.
- The Irish don't know what they believe in but will fight to the death for
it.
- The English claim to be self made men which relieves the Almighty of a
horrid responsibility.
- Murphy's Laws for Engineers (also applicable to Physicists, we think!):
- The more innocuous a design change appears, the further will its influence
extend.
- Any error that can creep in, will. It will be in the direction that will do
most damage to the calculation.
- A transister protected by a fast-acting fuse will protect the fuse by
blowing first.
- All constants are variables.
- Death is nature's way of telling you to slow down
- Brooke's Law:
- Whenever a system becomes completely defined, some damn fool discovers
something which either abolishes the system or expands it beyond recognition.
- In theory, theory and practice are the same.
- In practice, they're not.
- The sum intelligence in the world is a constant.
- The population is growing.
- Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
- What if there were no hypothetical questions?
- Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.
- "As a matter of fact" is an expression that precedes many an
expression that isn't.
- Usenet is the delusion that all subjects can be classified in a neat
hierarchy.
- Common sense and conscience are like a muscle. If you don't use a muscle it
gets weaker and weaker.
- If the human brain was simple enough for us to understand, we would still
be so stupid that we couldn't understand it.
- There is absolutely no substitute for a genuine lack of preparation.
- The amount of sleep required by the average person is about five minutes
more.
- Romance is like a game of chess - one false move and you're mated.
- If you have tried your hand at something and failed, the next best thing is
to try your head.
- As you slide down the bannister of life, may the splinters never point your
way.
- A racehorse is an animal that can take several thousand people for a ride
at the same time.
- A good way to get your name in the newspaper is to cross the street reading
one.
- They tell us courtesy is contagious. So why not start an epidemic.
- Good judgement comes from experience, experience comes from bad judgement!
- Children disgrace us in public by behaving just like we do at home.
- Often the same thing that makes one person bitter makes another better.
- Love looks through a telescope; envy looks through a microscope.
- If pro is the opposite of con, is progress the opposite of congress?
- It's always easy to see both sides of an issue we are not particularly
concerned about.
- A real friend is a person who, when you've made a fool of yourself, lets
you forget it.
- The cost of living hasn't affected its popularity.
- He who laughs last thinks slowest!
- A modern murderer is supposed to be innocent until he/she is proven insane.
- Science has found that insanity is hereditary...parents get it from their
children.
- Mathematicians are a species of Frenchman: if you say something to them,
they translate it into their own language and presto! it is something
completely different.
- Lecturing has been described as the passing of information from the
lecturer's notes to the students' notes without passing through the brain of
either.
- Human beings, who are almost unique in having the ability to learn from the
experience of others, are also remarkable for their apparent disinclination to
do so.
- Scientists animated by the purpose of proving that they are purposeless are
an interesting object of study.
- The worst thing about accidents in the kitchen is that you usually have to
eat them.
- Don't be a carbon copy of something. Make your own impressions.
- To really know a man, observe his behaviour with a woman, a flat tyre, and
a child.
- No matter what you do, someone always knew you would.
- Have you noticed that an optimist is always able to see the bright side of
other people's troubles?
- Just why do men lie about each other when the plain truth would be bad
enough?
- Ideas are like children: no matter how much you like other people's, you
can't help thinking your own are the best.
- Intimacy has been defined as 'what you can scratch, in front of whom, and
whose it is'.
- Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home.
- Programming is like sex; one mistake and you support it for a lifetime.
- It's easy to make a friend. What's hard is to make a stranger.
- Human history is a drama in which the stories stay the same, the scripts of
those stories change slowly with evolving cultures, and the stage settings
change all the time.
- A jury is a group of twelve men and women of average ignorance.
- A psychologist says kissing is where two people get so close together they
can't see anything wrong with each other.
- Foreign dictators are difficult to understand. You can never tell whether
they are smart men bluffing, or imbeciles who meant it.
- Summer has set in with its usual severity.
- Judge each day, not by the harvest, but by the seeds you plant.
- The trouble with getting to work on time is that it makes the day so long.
- If you have an unpleasant neighbour, the odds are that he does too.
- Hospitality meets its greatest test when a new idea drops by uninvited.
- Many a man's expenditure of speech exceeds his income of ideas.
- Envy provides the mud that failure throws at success.
- It's a well known fact that the older a man gets, the faster he could run
as a boy.
- A man who goes out to meet trouble will have a short walk.
- Nothing depreciates a car faster than a neighbour buying a new one.
- The road to failure is greased with the slime of indifference.
- If it's true the world's getting smaller, why do they keep increasing the
price of postage?
- Modesty is the art of enhancing your charm by pretending not to be aware of
it.
- A New Year's resolution is something that goes in one year and out the
other.
- Why is it that when you transport something by car, it's called a shipment,
but when you transport something by ship, it's called cargo?
- Why is it when two planes almost hit each other it is called a "near
miss"? Shouldn't it be called a "near hit"?
- For every minute you're angry, you lose sixty seconds of happiness.
- 'Anger' is just one letter short of danger.
- An angry man is seldom reasonable; a reasonable man is seldom angry.
- Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever
regret.
- Psychiatrists say that one of four people is mentally ill. Check three
friends. If they're okay, you're it.
- The human brain is a wonderous instrument. It starts working the moment you
wake up and doesn't stop until you get to the office.
- It takes very little to make a woman happy, and more than is contained in
Heaven and Earth to keep her that way.
- Pessimists are the world's happiest people. Ninety percent of the time they
are right, and the other ten percent they are pleasantly surprised.
- Is it bad luck for a black cat to walk behind you? That depends on whether
you are a man or a mouse.
- A nurse is a girl who holds your hand and expects your temperature to go
down.
- I think every girl should hold on to her youth, except when he's driving.
- If the doctor cures, the sun sees it; but if he kills, the earth hides it.
- Charity begins at home and generally dies from lack of out-of-door
exercise; sympathy travels abroad extensively.
- A man is as old as he feels, but never as important.
- Enthusiasm breakfasts on obstacles, lunches on objections, and dines on
competition.
- Life not only begins at forty - it begins to show.
- The best way to get rid of a hothead is to give him the cold shoulder.
- The liar's punishment is not in the least that he is not believed, but that
he cannot believe anyone else.
- Many a man creates his own lack of opportunity.
- If you don't enjoy what you have, how could you be happier with more?
- Compromise is always wrong when it means sacrificing a principle.
- A successful politician is one who can stay in the public eye without
irritating it.
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