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Why Christmas Trees Are Better Than Men
The Perfect Day According To Him

WHY CHRISTMAS TREES ARE BETTER THAN MEN

A Christmas tree is always erect. Even small ones give satisfaction.

A Christmas tree stays up for twelve days and nights.

A Christmas tree always looks good - even with the lights on.

A Christmas tree is always happy with its size.

A Christmas tree has cute balls.

A Christmas tree doesn't get mad if you break one of its balls.

You can throw a Christmas tree out when it's past its 'sell by' date.

You don't have to put up with a Christmas tree all year.

THE PERFECT DAY ACCORDING TO HIM

6:45 Alarm

7:00 Shower and massage

7:30 Blowjob

7:45 Massive dump while reading USA Today sports section

8:15 Limo arrives - Stoli Bloody Marys

8:30 Butler Aviation O'Hare Field - Leer Jet to Augusta, Georgia

9:30 Front nine holes at Augusta National Golf Club

11:30 Lunch - Two dozen oysters and three Heinekens

12:30 Blowjob

12:45 Back nine holes at Augusta National Golf Club

2:30 Limo to Augusta Airport - Bombay Sapphire Martini

3:30 Nassau, Bahamas Afternoon - Fishing with all female(nude) Catch 1249 lb. Blue Marlin.

5:30 Grilled tuna steamed lobster appetizers, six Heinekens, nap

6:15 Blowjob

6:30 Leer Jet return flight - Total body massage in the nude

7:30 Shit, shower, shave

8:30 Dinner at Ritz Carlton - Oysters Casino, 20oz. Filet rare), Gorgonzola salad, Fettuccini Alfredo, Chateau Lafite Rothschild 1963 (magnum) creme brulet, Louis XIV , Cohiba Lancero

10:30 Sex with three women (minimum of two with mixed racial origin)

11:30 Whirlpool, steam, and massage

12:00 Women quietly get dressed, hail cab and leave

12:01 Sleep