Bathing Like A Man
The Lads Prayer
If Men Swapped Genitals With Women

BATHING LIKE A MAN

Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile on the floor.

Walk to bathroom wearing a towel. If you see your girlfriend/wife along the way, flash her.

Look at your manly physique in the mirror and suck in your gut to see if you have pecs. (no)

Turn on the water.

Check for pecs again. (still no)

Get in the shower.

Don't bother to look for a washcloth. (You don't use one).

Wash your face.

Wash your armpits.

Wash your privates and surrounding area.

Wash your butt.

Shampoo your hair. (Do not use conditioner)

Make a shampoo Mohawk.

Draw a smilie face on fogged up shower door.

Open the door and look at yourself in the mirror.

Pee.

Rinse off and get out of the shower.

Return to the bedroom wearing a towel. If you pass your girlfriend/wife, flash her.

Phardon.

THE LADS PRAYER

Our beer which art in barrels

Hallowed by thy drink

I will be drunk, thy will be drunk

At home as it is in the local

Forgive us this day our daily spillages

As we forgive those who spillest against us

And lead us not into the practice of poncey winetasting

And deliver us from alco-pops

For mine is the bitter, the ale and the lager

Forever and ever

IF MEN SWAPPED GENITALS WITH WOMEN

The things men would do if they woke up and had a vagina for a day:

Immediately go shopping for zucchini and cucumbers.

Squat over a hand-held mirror for an hour and a half.

See if they could finally do splits.

See if it's truly possible to launch a ping pong ball twenty feet.

Cross their legs without rearranging.

Get picked up in a bar in less than ten minutes before closing time.

Have consecutive multiple orgasms and still be ready for more without sleeping first.

Go to the gynecologist for a pelvic exam and ask to have it recorded on video.

Sit on the edge of the bed and pray for breasts too.

Finally find that damned G-spot.