The Bachelor Diet
Things Not To Say In A Lingerie Shop

THE BACHELOR DIET

MONDAY

Breakfast - Who can eat breakfast on a Monday? Swallow some toothpaste while brushing your teeth

Lunch - Send your secretary out for six "gutbombers". Those little hamburgers that used to cost a dime, but now cost sixty five cents. Also order French fries, a bowl of chili, a soft drink and have her stop on the way back for a family size bottle of maalox.

Afternoon Snack - Drink the maalox

Dinner - Six pack of beer and Kentucky fried chicken three-piece dinner. Don't eat the coleslaw.

TUESDAY

Breakfast - Eat the coleslaw

Lunch - Go to the office vending machine and put ninety five cents in and close your eyes, push a button and eat whatever comes out swallowing it whole to prevent nausea.

Dinner - Four tacos and a pitcher of Sangria at El Flasho's.

WEDNESDAY

Breakfast - Jaws couldn't eat breakfast after a night at El Flasho's

Lunch - Rolaids and a coke

Dinner - Drop in at a married friend's house and beg for scraps

THURSDAY

Breakfast - Order out for pizza

Lunch - Your secretary is out sick. Check Mondays gutbomber sack for leftovers.

Dinner - Go to a bar and drink yourself silly. When you get hungry ask the bartender for olives.

FRIDAY

Breakfast - Eggs, sausage, and an English muffin at McDonalds. Eat the styrofoam plate and leave the food. It tastes better and it's better for you.

Lunch - Skip Lunch, Fridays are murder

Dinner - Well-done steak, baked potato and asparagus. Don't eat the asparagus. Nobody really likes asparagus.

SATURDAY

Breakfast - Sleep through it.

Lunch - Ditto

Dinner - Well done steak, baked potato, and brussel sprouts. Don't eat the Brussel Sprouts. Take them home and plant them in a hanging basket.

SUNDAY

Breakfast - Three Bloody Marys and half a Twinkie.

Lunch - Eat Lunch? Waste a good buzz? Don't eat Lunch.

Dinner - Chicken noodle soup - Call your mom and ask her about renting your old room.

THINGS NOT TO SAY IN A LINGERIE SHOP

Does this come in children's sizes?

No thanks. Just Sniffing.

I'll be in the changing room going blind.

Mum will love this.

Oh the size won't matter. She's inflatable.

No need to wrap it up. I'll eat it here.

Will you model this for me?

The Miracle What? This is better than world peace!!

Forty Five quid? You're just gonna end up naked anyway!

Love, you'll never squeeze your fat arse into that.