Lets go back to school:

Ways To Get Thrown Out Of The Chemistry Lab
Reasons Why Studying Is Better Than Sex
Philosophy Class

WAYS TO GET THROWN OUT OF THE CHEMISTRY LAB

Pretend an electron got stuck in your ear, and insist on describing the sound to others.

Give a cup of liquid nitrogen to a classmate and ask, "Does this taste funny to you?"

Consistently write three atoms of potassium as "KKK".

Mutter repeatedly, "Not again....not again....not again."

When it's very quiet, suddenly cry out, "My eyes!"

Deny the existence of chemicals.

Begin pronouncing everything your immigrant lab instructor says exactly the way he/she says it.

Casually walk to the front of the room and urinate in a beaker.

Pop a paper bag at the crucial moment when the professor is about the pour the sulfuric acid.

Show up with a 55-gallon drum of fertilizer and express an interest in federal buildings.

REASONS WHY STUDYING IS BETTER THAN SEX

You can usually find someone to do it with.

If you get tired, you can stop, save your place and pick up where you left off.

You can finish early without feelings of guilt or shame.

When you open a book, you don't have to worry about who else has opened it.

A little coffee and you can do it all night.

If you don't finish a chapter you won't gain a reputation as a "book teaser."

You can do it, eat and watch T.V. all at the same time.

You don't get embarrassed if your parents interrupt you in the middle.

You don't have to put your beer down to do it.

If you aren't sure what you're doing, you can always ask your roommate for help.

PHILOSOPHY CLASS

A college student was in a philosophy class which had a discussion about God's existence. The professor presented the following logic:

"Has anyone in this class heard God?" Nobody spoke.

"Has anyone in this class touched God?" Again, nobody spoke.

"Has anyone in this class seen God?" When nobody spoke for the third time, he simply stated, "Then there is no God."

The student thought for a second, and then asked for permission to reply. Curious to hear this bold student's response, the professor granted it, and the student stood up and asked the following questions of his classmates:

"Has anyone in this class heard our professor's brain?" Silence.

"Has anyone in this class touched our professor's brain?" Silence.

"Has anyone in this class seen our professor's brain?" When nobody in the class dared to speak, the student concluded, "Then, according to our professor's logic, it must be true that our professor has no brain!"