Lets go on our travels:

Southern United States English
Signs In The USA
More International Marketing

SOUTHERN UNITED STATES ENGLISH

BARD - verb. Past tense of the infinitive "to borrow."
Usage: "My brother bard my pickup truck."

JAWJUH - noun. A highly flammable state just north of Florida.
Usage: "My brother from Jawjah bard my pickup truck."

MUNTS - noun. A calendar division.
Usage: "My brother from Jawjuh bard my pickup truck, and I aint herd from him in munts."

IGNERT - adjective. Not smart. See "Auburn Alumni."
Usage: "Them N-C-TWO-A boys sure are ignert!"

RANCH - noun. A tool.
Usage: "I think I left my ranch in the back of that pickup truck my brother from Jawjuh bard a few munts ago."

ALL - noun. A petroleum-based lubricant.
Usage: "I sure hope my brother from Jawjuh puts all in my pickup truck."

FAR - noun. A conflagration.
Usage: "If my brother from Jawjuh doesn't change the all in my pickup truck, that things gonna catch far."

BAHS - noun. A supervisor.
Usage: "If you don't stop reading these Southern words and git back to work, your bahs is gonna far you!"

TAR - noun. A rubber wheel.
Usage: "Gee, I hope that brother of mine from Jawjuh doesn't git a flat tar in my pickup truck."

TIRE - noun. A tall monument.
Usage: "Lord willing and the creeks don't rise, I sure do hope to see that Eiffel Tire in Paris sometime."

HOT - noun. A blood-pumping organ.
HOD - adverb. Not easy. Usage: "A broken hot is hod to fix."

RETARD - Verb. To stop working.
Usage: "My granpaw retard at age 65."

TARRED - adverb. Exhausted.
Usage: "I just flew in from Hot-lanta, and boy my arms are tarred."

RATS - noun. Entitled power or privilege.
Usage: "We Southerners are willing to fight for out rats."

LOT - adjective. Luminescent.
Usage: "I dream of Jeanie in the lot-brown hair."

FARN - adjective. Not local.
Usage: "I cudnt unnerstand a wurd he sed ... must be from some farn country."

DID - adjective. Not alive.
Usage: "He's did, Jim."

EAR - noun. A colorless, odorless gas (unless you are in LA).
Usage: "He can't breathe ... give 'em some ear!"

BOB WAR - noun. A sharp, twisted cable.
Usage: "Boy, stay away from that bob war fence."

JU-HERE - a question.
Usage: "Juhere that former Dallas Cowboys' coach Jimmy Johnson recently toured the University of Alabama?"

HAZE - a contraction.
Usage: "Is Bubba smart?" "Nah ... haze ignert."

SEED - verb, past tense.
VIEW - contraction: verb and pronoun.
Usage: "I ain't never seed New York City ... view?"

HEAVY DEW - phrase. A request for action.
Usage: "Kin I heavy dew me a favor?"

GUMMIT - Noun. An often-closed bureaucratic institution.
Usage: "Great ... ANOTHER gummit shutdown!"

SIGNS IN THE USA

On a construction office in New England :
We Specialize in Quick Erections

In the window of an Atlanta clothing store :
Sid's Pants is Open

On a Califormia freeway :
Fine for Littering

On the wall of a Florida cleaning service :
Able to Do the Worst Possible Job

In a New York jewelry store :
Genuine Fauz Pearls

In a Kansas City oculist's office :
Broken lenses duplicated here

In a Boston fast-food parking lot :
Parking for Drive-Through Customers Only

Billboard on Florida highway :
If You Can't Read, We Can Help

In a Grand Rapids restaurant :
Half baked chicken

On the Triborough Bridge in New York :
In Event of Air Attack Drive Off Bridge

On a Lockhart, Texas, gas station and minimart :
We're out of Rolaids, but we've got gas.

On a library in Marlboro, New Hampshire, honoring Robert Frost :
Frost Free Library

At the basketball court in a Gastonton, North Carolina, YMCA :
Anyone caught hanging from the rim will be suspended

On a Rapid City store :
Give That Bride a Good Case of Worms of Other Fine Bait

On the door of an Ellsworth, Maine, restaurant :
The Indian Trading Post will be closed for Yom Kippur

On a Jacksonwille, Florida, bookstore :
Rare, out-of-print, and nonexistent books

In a Dayton barbershop :
During vacation of owner, a competent hair stylist will be here

In front of a New Hampshire restaurant :
Now serving live lobsters

On the menu of a restaurant :
Blackened bluefish

In a Maine restaurant :
Open seven days a week and weekends

On the walls of a Baltimore estate :
Trespassers will be prosecuted to the full extent of the law --- Sisters of Mercy

On a long established New Mexico dry cleaning store :
Thirty-eight years on the same spot

In a New York drugstore :
We dispense with accuracy

In a New York medical building :
Mental Health Prevention Center

On a New York convalescent home :
For the sick and tired of the Episcopal church

In a funeral parlor :
Ask about our layaway plan

In a clothing store :
Wonderful bargains for men with 16 and 17 necks

Outside a country shop :
We buy junk and sell antiques

In a Tacoma, Washington men's clothing store :
15 men's wool suits - $100 - They won't last an hour

In a Massachusetts parking area reserved for birdwatchers :
Parking for birds only

In a laundry room :
Do not put wet clothes in dryers, as this can cause irreparable damage

In the vestry of a New England church :
Will the last person to leave please see that the perpetual light is extinguished

In a New Hampshire jewelry store :
Ears pierced while you wait

In a New York restaurant :
Customers who find our waitresses rude ought to see the manager

A sign seen on a restroom dryer at O'Hare Field in Chicago :
Do not activate with wet hands

A sign in an Asian seafood store in Madison, Wisconsin :
Crap - .79/lb

In a Florida maternity ward :
No children allowed

In the offices of a loan company :
Ask about our plans for owning your home

At a number of US military bases :
Restricted to unauthorized personnel

On a display of 'You are my one and only' valentine cards :
Now available in multi-packs

In the window of an Oregon general store :
Why go elsewhere to be cheated, when you can come here

On the grounds of a private school :
No trespassing without permission

In a library :
Blotter paper will no longer be available until the public stops taking it away

In a Pennsylvania cemetary :
Persons are prohibited from picking flowers from any but their own graves

In front of a New Hampshire car wash :
If you can't read this, it's time you wash your car

On a poster on a telephone pole in Oregon :
Are you an adult that cannot read? If so, we can help

On a Tennessee highway :
Take notice: when this sign is under water, this road is impassable

From the safety information card in America West Airline seat pocket :
If you are sitting in an exit row and can not read this card, please tell a crew member

A sign on top of a San Fransico drug store located across the street from the Transbay bus terminal :
Terminal Drugs

On a roller caoster :
Watch your head

On a delicatessen wall :
Our best is none too good

A sign on a front yard in York, Maine :
Inexpensive, Quality Daycare - Openings Day and Night

In downtown Boston :
Callahan Tunnel / No end

On a Maine shop :
Our motto is to give our customers the lowest possible prices and workmanship

MORE INTERNATIONAL MARKETING

When Braniff translated a slogan touting its upholstery, "Fly in Leather," it came out in Spanish as "Fly Naked."

Coors put its slogan, "Turn It Loose," into Spanish, where it was read as "Suffer From Diarrhea."

When Vicks first introduce its cough drops on the German market, they were chagrined to learn that the German pronunciation of "v" is f - which in German is the guttural equivalent of "sexual penetration."

Not to be outdone, Puffs tissues tried later to introduce its product, only to learn that "Puff" in German is a colloquial term for a whorehouse.

A hair products company, Clairol, introduced the "Mist Stick", a curling iron, into Germany only to find out that mist is slang for manure. Not too many people had use for the manure stick.

When Gerber first started selling baby food in Africa, they used the same packaging as here in the USA - with the cute baby on the label. Later they found out that in Africa, companies routinely put pictures on the label of what actually is inside the container since most people can not read.

Bacardi concocted a fruity drink with the name "Pavian" to suggest French chic...but "pavian" means "baboon" in German.

Jolly Green Giant translated into Arabic means "Intimidating Green Ogre."