Northerners Visiting The Southern States
The World Of Art

NORTHERNERS VISITING THE SOUTHERN STATES

If you are from the northern states and planning on visiting or moving to the south, there are a few things you should know that will help you adapt to the difference in life styles:

If you run your car into a ditch, don't panic. Four men in a four-wheel-drive pickup truck with a twelve pack of beer and a towchain will be along shortly. Don't try to help them, just stay out of their way. This is what they live for.

Don't be surprised to find movie rentals and bait in the same store. Do not buy food at this store.

Get used to hearing "You ain't from around here, are ya?"

Remember: "Y'all" is singular, "All y'all" is plural, and "All y'alls'" is plural possessive.

You may hear a Southerner say "Oughta!" to a dog or child. This is short for "Y'all oughta not do that!" and is the equivalent of saying "No!"

Don't be worried about not understanding what people are saying; they can't understand you, either.

The first Southern expression to creep into a transplanted Northerner's vocabulary is the adjective "big ol'," as in "big ol' truck " or "big ol' boy." Most Northerners begin their new Southern-influenced dialect this way. All of them are in denial about it.

The proper pronunciation you learned in school is no longer proper.

Be advised that "He needed killin'" is a valid defense here.

If you hear a Southerner exclaim "Hey, y'all, watch this," stay out of the way. These are likely to be the last words he'll ever say.

When you come upon a person driving fifteen mph down the middle of the road, remember that most folks here learn to drive on a John Deere, and that this is the proper speed and position for that vehicle.

If there is the prediction of the slightest chance of even the smallest accumulation of snow, your presence is required at the local grocery store. It doesn't matter whether you need anything or not. You just have to go there.

THE WORLD OF ART

Even the most ardent art aficionados might not know that Vincent Van Gogh [pronounced Vin-sent Van Go] had a really large family. Some of his lesser known relatives were:

His grandfather who moved to Yugoslavia - U. Gogh

His great-great grandniece who wore a miniskirt and liked to dance - Go Gogh

His real obnoxious brother - Please Gogh

His uncle who worked at a convenience store - Stop N. Gogh

His dizzy sister - Verti Gogh

His brother who ate prunes - Gotta Gogh

His cousin who moved to Illinois - Chica Gogh

His uncle, the magician - Wherediddy Gogh

His cousin who lived in Mexico - Amee Gogh

His nephew who drove a stage coach - Wells Far Gogh

His aunt who loved ballroom dancing - Tan Gogh

His uncle, the ornithologist - Flamin Gogh

His cousin, the astrologer - Vir Gogh

His nephew, the Freudian psychoanalyst - E. Gogh