Politically Correct Alphabet
Nairobi News

POLITICALLY CORRECT ALPHABET

A is an activist itching to fight.

B is a beast with its animal rights.

C was a cripple (now differently abled).

D is a Drunk who is "liquor-enabled."

E is an Ecologist who saves spotted owls.

F was a Forrester, now staffing McDonald's.

G is a Glutton who says he's "food-centered."

H is a Hermaphrodite skirting problems of gender.

I is an "Ism" (you'd better believe it).

J is a Jingoist - love it or leave it!

K is a Kettle the pot can't call black.

L is a Lifestyle not bound to the pack.

M is a Mindset with bias galore.

N was a Negro, but not anymore.

O is an Oppressor, devoid of self-love.

P is the Patriarchy (see "O" above).

Q is a Quip that costs someone a job.

R is the Reasoning done by a mob.

S is a Sexist, that slobbering menace.

T is a Teapot that's brewing a tempest.

U is for Umbrage at the slightest transgression.

V is a Valentine, tool of oppression.

W is for "Woman," however it's spelled.

X is a chromosome we share in our cells.

Y is a Yogi for the easily led.

Z is a Zombie, the differently dead.

NAIROBI NEWS

A Nairobi Newspaper reported the following:

"They were the most polite robbers I have ever met," Njaje Makanga, manager of the Mashreq Bank in Nairobi, told reporters. "The six men smiled when they came in, and their leader said, 'Please excuse us, we have come here to do a normal day's work, just like you, so let us both conduct business as normal and co-operate with each other.'

Then they produced a gun, held it to my head, and asked if I would mind being tied up. "I showed them where the keys to the safe were, and they asked me if I could possibly lie on top of my colleagues, who they had already tied up before I arrived.

Everyone who came through the door received a personal apology as they were being taken hostage, and after an hour they had tied up twenty people, and we were all lying in a big heap together. Then they began counting their bullets, and told us 'if things go wrong, I'm afraid we'll only be able to kill ten of you, at the most, sorry about that' and suggested that we should all sing hymns. Their leader began by singing 'Abide With Me.'

He had a good voice, and it was very moving. "It took them three hours to empty out all the safes, and before they left they took all our jewellery too. But they kept apologising as they took off our rings and watches, and promised to post all items of sentimental value back to us. One of their number was tearful as he said his goodbyes.

Before leaving, they invited us all to a party at a nearby bar on Friday night, where they said they were going to celebrate their new-found wealth, and left. It was more like Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid than a proper robbery, but we were still quite scared."