with individuals and with couples
 

I aim to provide a safe space to explore and resolve whatever it is that's troubling you, to ease distress and restore a sense of balance and well-being
 
 

Working with individuals - as a therapeutic counsellor I draw on many theoretical models. My approach will be shaped by your own particular needs. Central to my work is nurturing a sense of trust and safety. This is what enables the process - of carefully exploring, discovering and understanding more of yourself, of opening up possibilities, of increasing a sense of aliveness and feeling more in charge of how you express your self.

You may be in acute distress. You may be concerned about a long-term underlying issue. You may be unsure what the matter is. What brings you to counselling may be concerning one of the following:

 relationship difficulties - with partner, parent/s, children, colleagues, friends

sexual matters

low self-esteem, self doubt

stress, depression, disconnection

your relationship to food, to money

your relationship to your body

addictive behaviour patterns

self harm

overwhelming feelings: anxiety - grief - rage - jealousy - guilt - shame - emptiness
 

Working with couples - I aim to facilitate constructive communication to enable both resolution of a current crisis and exploration of any long-term issue that needs attention. Impartial and non-judgemental, I support both parties in the discovery of different parts of themselves, and in realising how each one operates in the relationship to get needs met.
 

WHAT NEXT
Please ring 01392 427040 (my answerphone is confidential) to arrange an introductory appointment. This is an opportunity for you to tell me what brings you to counselling, to voice concerns and ask questions; and for me to outline the structure of how I work, so you can make an informed decision. My fee is currently £45 per weekly session, payable in advance.
 

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SOME MORE ABOUT THERAPEUTIC COUNSELLING

Essentially, the work grows from your initial awareness that some part of your life needs attention (often experienced as desire for change) - knowing how you feel, what you need and want, and expressing yourself appropriately is life-enhancing. As more of you emerges, and becomes familiar, the startling moments of 'acting out' - when rage erupts seemingly from nowhere, when an impulsive decision backfires - diminish. To know is to be prepared, and better able to take charge. This in turn leads to increased confidence and ability to negotiate and set boundaries. The process of self-discovery does, inevitably, include uncomfortable and sometimes extremely painful moments. My approach is to ease up when the going gets rough, not blunder on to 'get it over with;' to give attention to positive areas of your life to maintain balance; to ensure you can resource and comfort yourself by means we explore and nurture. Care is always my highest priority, so you might feel safe enough to be curious.

Clearer knowledge of yourself (feelings and needs) makes rewarding relationships with others possible. As you take better care of your own neediness - that can sabotage and ulitmately destroy a relationship - you stop expecting others to do the job for you, and punishing when they don't/can't. Being able to tolerate disappointment, being able to say 'no' - these are more than skills; these are fuelled by having a fuller sense of who you are that comes out of this in-depth work.
 

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TRAUMA THERAPY

I have also trained in Trauma Therapy and work with clients to resolve and integrate past traumatic experiences that continue to interfere in the present.

A traumatic event is one in which someone experiences threat to his/her own life, and/or witnesses threat to the life of another. It is an extreme experience we are born with the means to surivive, which includes a period of recovery. (Consider a creature startled at a watering-hole; notice after the threat has passed how it shakes as part of its return to relaxed watchfulness. If the creature flees to safety, or fights to survive, it will find a quiet spot afterwards to pant, groom/soothe, lower heart rate etc.) If the process of return to balance doesn't happen (maybe due to further threats or due to lack of time/space/care/understanding the need to do so,) the state of stress continues, the system becomes strained, and over time a host of symptoms may develop. Hence the term Post-Traumatic Stress. (The term PTSD ie 'disorder' may apply if the symptoms that develop from extreme, long-term strain (of maintaining the Fight-or-Flight position) affect one's life to the point of taking over.) It is never too late after the original event to benefit from this recovery process.

My work with clients continuing to suffer in the aftermath of trauma is based on teaching by Babatte Rothschild and Peter Levine. Both have studied animal behaviour as a basis for understanding the Fight/Flight response, and the third survival response of Freeze that can be re-experienced later as physical and/or emotional paralysis. Both have also developed ways of working to lower heightened anxiety, and then carefully enabling release of both emotional and bodily responses that may have been held in the system for years.

Any situation can be experienced as traumatic in the true meaning of the word, bearing in mind the term has become devalued by inappropriate overuse. Being left screaming as a baby can be traumatic (experienced as life-threatening;) being bullied; being abused; being abandoned, being in or witnessing a road-traffic collision - the common factor is terror and powerlessness; the after-effects are often guilt, shame, distrust, continued anxiety, all of which can turn the experience into a secret hard to share. Meanwhile, ways of coping with these feelings, while intended to soothe can actually severely restrict being able to live creatively. What's needced? Respectful (uninvasive) interest, care, a safe place to risk coming off-guard, more safe places to retreat to.
 

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COMMUNICATION SKILLS, MEDIATION, CONFLICT-RESOLUTION

I also provide a space specifically for the resolution of disputes, whether domestic or business. My aim is to facilitate clearer communication so that both, or all, parties have their say and feel heard. The process can make all the difference to whatever outcome is acheived. When emotions are involved, it is often difficult to keep any part separate enough to hold a safe space - which is where I come in as impartial facilitator with no investment in the outcome. I set clear boundaries and place emphasis on respect and skills that enable both listening and speaking ie constructive communication.

 
Some personal background - I trained in Therapeutic Counselling in Dartington, Devon, gaining my Diploma in 1999, aged 44. Since then, I have been practising in central Exeter at the Gandy Centre, a quiet space in the heart of the city. I also have articles published in Self & Society, a Forum for Contemporary Psychology, based on my experiences as client. To check any of these out, go to their website: www.ahpb.org.uk
I am currently becoming involved in Boarding Concern, that offers support to ex-pupils of boarding schools as well as information to parents and current pupils: www.boardingconcern.org.uk
 

As a member of the British Association of Counselling and Psychotherapy, I adhere to its Ethical Framework for Good Practice, including regular use of supervision and commitment to ongoing training and personal development.
 

01392 427040
janebarclay@mfdl.org.uk

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