Copyright Ian Pearson, BT Futurologist

 

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The future of flirting

 

Ian Pearson, Jan 2005

 

Flirting has certainly moved on in the last decade. People today can flirt with each other in chat rooms, in on-line games, via email and text messaging (flirting actually accounts for most text messaging). A few people use Bluetooth to send anonymous messages to other peoples’ phones. None of these were in significant use 15 years ago and even by 1995, only a fraction of the population had email or mobile phones. Now, most people have had some experience of electronically mediated flirting. People often say things in a text that they wouldn’t dare say face to face. They can squeeze in a little smiley or an LOL at the end of a message to test the water without any serious risk. Did the LOL really mean ‘lots of love’ or was it the ‘lots of laughs’? If the person plays along, they can safely proceed to the next level, sneaking in a little x at the end of the text. But the ambiguity gives a welcome path of retreat without loss of face in case of rejection. Many other ambiguity tricks are used every second. Some more confident people don’t bother with this gentle slope of course, and just dive straight in, but for many people, electronic media have opened up a whole new world of low risk flirting.

 

Some web sites have already been blamed for causing damage to relationships. Obviously, there are porn sites and chat rooms, where people can go and flirt or cheat as much as they like. These undoubtedly damage existing relationships by reducing the dependence on (and often commitment to) the partner. Having sex with someone else on-line (i.e. one handed typing) might be fun, but it nearly as much cheating as doing it in real life. People might call it flirting, but it often goes well past that. Other web sites, such as Friends Re-united (which was one if the two types of web site that we didn’t anticipate in a study in1991, the other being lastminute.com) have a mixed effect. Many of us have renewed contact with old friends, who we hadn’t forgotten, but just had no means of tracking down. But of course some people renewed contact with old flames, or people they wanted at school, but who were otherwise attached at the time. Now, years later, circumstances changed, some people give it another go, even though some of them might now be in other relationships, which then get damaged. The electronic medium isn’t fully to blame, all it does is provide a means to indulge a latent desire.

 

Mobile device technology is improving rapidly. Messaging technology is becoming multimedia, so video clips, photos, cartoons and games can now all be used to flirt via a mobile phone. Soon, we will be able to send directional messages, so that provided you have reasonable aim, you could send a compliment to someone you fancy across the room, even without knowing who they are. Various forms of ego badges will communicate automatically with ones other people are wearing, electronically exchanging details of our personality, sexual preferences, availability, willingness, and maybe desperation level. Software would work out compatibility level, and if appropriate, would alert both people that they should chat, maybe by beeping, vibrating, flashing lights, romantic music, perfume, whatever. With virtual air concepts developing, we might even be able to leave virtual pheromone trails as we wander around, so that people can track each other down. I’ve often heard people remark that a difficult pursuit is half the fun, even if that’s not my personal experience. Well, it can be made as difficult as they like. A person could make themselves the prize at the end of a really tough treasure hunt, or detective game, where only potential suitors are even allowed to play at all.

 

Games environments and chat room often use avatars, computer representations of the person inside the virtual world. People may use real pictures of themselves, or represent themselves as an elf, kitten or any other image that they like. In on-line flirtation, image can be quite important, but of course it doesn’t have to have any resemblance to the real thing. People can appear much younger, slimmer, or more pretty than in real life. Or less, if that’s what they want. As communications also moves towards a more visual experience, avatars will often be used in emails or even in video calls. People might spend considerable effort tweaking their image for the digital domain so that they project the desired effect. And they might tweak their expressions and mannerisms too, since the computer will have to simulate these in emails.

 

Artificial intelligence will also play a part in flirting in the future. If you have a number of flirty relationships, you might not have time to invest properly in each one, so AI will be essential to stand in for you when you can’t interact personally. You may be able to convey much of your personality to an AI, and it could then pass of as you sometimes. So you could get a lot more fun, with little extra personal effort. But I wonder how often we will then see AIs just flirting with each other. If neither of the people are available, or both have lost interest but just didn’t want to hurt the other person, their AIs could be flirting away madly in the background, with no-one watching. And finally, I expect that one day AI will actually overtake humans, both intellectually and emotionally (we are already looking at how to design conscious, emotional computers). Conscious machines will have their own relationships. They will probably flirt with each other for their own purposes. And some will be designed to do jobs like marketing and sales, so will become proficient at flirting with humans too. I have absolutely no doubt at all that it is only a matter of time before people start falling in love with computers. That’s hard to believe, writing this on Microsoft Word on a rubbish PC, but that’s the nature of technology progress. Ten years ago, you weren’t even sending flirty text messages to people.