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Sandra: "Mayday! Mayday! Maaaydaaaay!"

Fake Killer: "Young man, that woman's acting would be atrocious in a porn movie."
Graham: "He's right. I've seen her in a couple of them... she's terrible."

Reese: "I know a good story."
Amy: "Oh yeah?"

Amy: "That was just... awful."
Trevor: "How could Travis make such a shitty movie?"

Reese: "Everyone out of the creepy-ass graveyard!" [sees Trevor] "That includes the undead!"

Reese: "That's my sister, baby. She's a whole lotta woman."

Amy: "Don't they say; those who can't do, teach."

Solomon: "F**k teaching!"

Dirk: "Yeah?... well f**k George Lucas!"
Stan: "What? You're going to hell man!"

Vanessa: If you were a girl, I'd definitely f**k you.

Stan: I don't want to be the count. The count sucks man! [Dirk and Stan laugh]