WWRR Feature

We are told that cleaning LPs is a professional job and should not be tackled without some serious kit. Also that tap water can damage your precious discs. To have your collection cleaned by a specialist would cost thousands of pounds.

I do not offer the following as being risk-free. If records sound good then there is no need to fix them. If you suspect that noisy surfaces may be curable, you may obtain a significant improvement by these methods, without spending more than the record cost. Any method new to you should be tried out experimentally with a single unloved disc, before setting up a production-line. Dire warnings about tap water's effects have typically come from sellers of expensive alternatives and, unless your local supply is especially full of grit or peat, it is unlikely to do much harm. Limescale is sometimes mentioned as a further deterrent, but unless your records are as hot as a kettle and kept in water daily, it isn't going to be seen or, more important, heard. Chlorine is also cited as an unwanted ingredient that could do untold damage. You will gather that we are to live in fear. There is a possibility that if your chosen stylus tracks very low in the groove, you may increase noise by washing contaminants to the bottom.

Let us admit that tap water is far from being ideal and any very precious records will be better dealt with professionally, supposing the idea is to play them at all. Elaborate machines can still be bought, which use distilled water, alcohol and suction to treat the playing surfaces. Labels are carefully protected during this process. Did I mention the fear of dyes running and clogging the grooves? And long-term unpredictable things that might happen due to unrinsed detergents, if you dared to use them . . . I have to say that the only truly awful thing to contaminate my records was an antistatic spray that gave some fifty of my records noisy surfaces and horrible dandruff when played. This was a tragedy for a then teenager with only a few hundred discs to his name and taught me a hard lesson about over-enthusiastic interventions. In the face of such horrible potions, tap-water seems benign.

For years I have treated dirty records like dirty dishes, commandeering a bathroom and a bedroom for the purpose. The wash-basin is carefully cleaned - God knows what effect traces of toothpaste could have on a record. To a basin full of warm water I add a small squeeze of washing-up liquid and disperse it well. Using a new J-cloth, previously well rinsed of any traces of starch that may have been added at the factory for presentational purposes, I go around the grooves with the mild suds solution.

Protecting the label is next to impossible and the good news is that it doesn't matter. I would, however, urge caution in the case of gold leaf. Typically gloss labels do not run, those with a rougher papery texture might. Saga Records, both blue and black labels nearly always run in the wash. Earlier Philips discs, especially red label, are also known offenders. I have seldom known a label look any the worse for its dip. The exception being a blue Telefunken of the seventies, which went pale and white without losing any information. Depending on the amount of dirt, up to a dozen discs can be washed in one basin full of water before pale tide marks around the run-out grooves begin to show the water needs changing. If a colour has run, it is also best to refill the basin and start afresh.

Use cold running water from the shower or bath to thoroughly rinse both sides of the disc and label. Shake off as much of the liquid as possible and use a clean paper tissue to dry most of the rest. Finally, place the records on a clean sheet of paper to dry. I use a big roll of gift-wrapping paper printed-side down on the bed. Turn the records after fifteen minutes. When the labels look and feel dry, they can be repackaged and put away.

It is rare for any really grubby disc to look mint after treatment and some fingermarks seem to etch themselves onto the surface. However the sticky combination of fingermarks and dust will be removed. Some discs - Deccas seem especially prone - have a mottled or rippled look which may be due to them being bagged in polythene while still warm from the presses. Sometimes this will clean off in water. In other cases it has responded to methylated spirits. The rustling it causes is more evident on some pickups than others. Another fault - heat-flash - appears as a milky cast on some record surfaces and is due to differential heating during manufacture. Sometimes harmless, it more often causes irritating swishes on every revolution. It cannot be rectified. The good news is that it is probably specific to that copy and a replacement should be free of the fault. Other scurf noises may be cutting faults and common to all discs from one master. Popular recordings will have been recut several times but in some cases the noises will be found on all copies. One other cause of swish can be a certain kind of stiff, milky inner liner, introduced in the late seventies and much used by EMI. This demon plastic appears to shed a dust which contaminates the record surfaces in a way which looks like heat-flash but isn't. Usually, the affected records will clean up well and then need to be repackaged in clean polythene inners.

It is of course ridiculous to put any cleaned disc back in a filthy liner. Suspect liners should be discarded and replaced. If purpose-made poly-lined paper sleeves are not available, then food-grade polythene bags can be bought at supermarkets. Beware of nominal 12" sizes and equivalents - they may be too small. As supermarkets regularly change suppliers, do not stock up with bags unless you are certain they will do the job.

Record sleeves which are laminated can usually be transformed with the help of methylated spirits. Test first. Paper sleeves should not be wetted, of course, though areas of heavy soiling can be tackled with an eraser. Sticky labels may respond to lighter-fuel, if methylated sprits fail. Again test first. Unstuck edges are easily restored with a glue-stick. Torn sleeves and peeling laminates should never be treated with sticky tape. If a record is very collectable, it is best simply to protect the cover with an outer sleeve of stiff plastic. Ordinary disc-sleeves can be mended with the soft adhesive film used for book-protection, though this is typically hard to control over a 12" square surface without rucking.

All of the above may seem to make the business of collecting vinyl a troublesome one but it is surprising how many discs bought for mere pence need little or no cleaning to play well. Inspection on site can guard against the worst offenders, though the temptation is often to buy a rough copy of a wanted disc in the hope that a better one will surface later. If a disc looks as if it will give only grief and if another copy would have to be bought later, then its rarity alone is the issue. Only the very rarest of records is worth acquiring in poor condition.

Collectors will not need telling that some damage is much worse to see than to hear and that superficial scars may be entirely inaudible. There are many discs on my shelves that were nearly thrown back in the slush-pile but which turned out to play well. It is nearly always the small deep scratch that annoys most, as it is inevitably at the key moments. Finding deep scratches on one or two discs from one source may well indicate a careless owner and the heart duly sinks. Often the condition of sleeves is a quick guide to the likely condition of the contents though surprises can occur both ways. I am always suspicious of LPs without inner liners, or where the liner opening coincides with the outer sleeve opening. It bodes ill. Probably the most difficult thing to judge in unfamiliar lighting is the degree of wear. If the inner grooves especially show white scarring, it may be a sign that the disc has been played to death. An essay could be written on the subject of which records clumsy people have most played over the years. Though common, I have never seen a clean Albert Schweitzer record. Kathleen Ferrier was also loved to bits rather than treated with respect. I suspect some thread here of sentimentalists being unsteady at lowering the arm and unfussy about handling. These artists seem to have penetrated to a public wider than serious classical collectors. These you have Loved are I am afraid the records that get left in the box today.

One last tip: if possible examine discs under a parabolic spot with crown-silvered bulb for visible signs of wear. Daylight seems to conceal many blemishes. If this test is impossible in the store, it will be useful at home to ascertain which discs may respond to cleaning and which are worn. Do not however write off a rotten-looking disc without giving it a try: the wear on some grooves may be such that your own stylus rides above or below it.

© James Beswick Whitehead, 1999 rev. 2001