Sadly it's all too easy to go wrong when writing an Einstein was wrong email. Happily though, this page acts as a step-by-step guide to get you off to a flying start.

There are two main methods when writing emails stating that Einstein was wrong. If you are going to write to someone, or, let’s face it, everyone, with your own version, please use one of them to save time, as listed here:

Method 1: The Brutal Dagger:
Shout, rant, dribble and rave. Don’t forget to use upper case and also to include as many spelling and grammatical errors as possible. Adding huge amounts of exclamation marks is a good idea, but to be really taken seriously add LOL and smiley faces at well chosen and strange places.

Method 2: The Sneaky Smarm:
Ask a seemingly polite and innocent question, then stand back and wait for the recipient to spend time replying. Now write back to say what you really wanted to say in the first place, i.e. that relativity is wrong, you personally have worked this out all by yourself, and (gosh, without even realising it!) you are a misunderstood genius.

 
Physicists checking emails for smarm and rant quotients

Reasons for no reply:
So you’ve done your best to trick them into a pointless discussion, but still the dim-witted physicists haven’t replied with much stuff. Fear not! Here are the top 4.3 (4.3 is only a theory) reasons why these so-called scientists said they hadn't replied, in a survey that was recently made up:

1. I’m devastated, and it’s not easy to think straight when the bottom has fallen out of your world.

2. I am currently checking your stunning repudiation of Special Relativity with Einstein via a medium.

4.3. I have so many things I’d rather do than spend my time on your email, such as learning to chew angry wasps.

 
The Physics Department contacts Einstein

What to include in your mail:
You have thought about things and are about to email to a physicist, or pretty much anyone that you can find, desperately hoping for their support while trying to overthrow them, but

Whoa!!   BE CAREFUeL!!1!

Remember that physicists do not, repeat not, have open minds. They are simple people and don't understand real science and stuff like what you do. Use this checklist to make sure you have included vital points in your email that they could just possibly understand, if they only stopped to think about it:

• Insults always go down well and gain support. Try to start with one that hints at incompetence. ü
   

• A comparison, however tenuous, between yourself and the persecuted Galileo. He was right and so you must be right. It's logical. ü
   

• The good old “closed mind” statement. This convinces everyone (of something. Believe me, it does). ü
   

• A hint at a conspiracy (“suspicious” is a good word to use here). ü
   

• The words “fact”, "truth" and “proof”. Try to use these words a lot and, preferably, in upper case. ü
   

• An inherent demand that the recipient stop doing his or her job/talking to friends and family/generally enjoying life, and give his or her full attention to amazing delusions discovery. ü
   

• A statement to the effect that physicists should just “admit it”. ü
   

• A strong hint, actually a very strong hint, that you can save science if only people would listen! ü

 
A scientist, amazed at your mail, turns green with envy

Finally, and this is vital, under no account mention atomic accelerators, chemotherapy, nuclear power stations or nuclear weapons, MRI scanners, the GPS system, or, indeed, the experimental evidence that physicists, geologists, palaeontologists, pathologists, chemists, or many other scientists routinely encounter every day of the week. Such nonsense is best ignored, and besides, they haven't seen your email yet!