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Helen's 30th
A True Account by an
Anonymous Survivor
Everything was being run
to military precision and if you ever see Justin in his Jackboots you would know
that this is something that Helen usually demands on a quiet evening. We all had
to wait with baited breath before heading off to the secret location, hand
picked by Helen and Justin, after months of visiting local pubs in their area,
poor things!!
The question on everyone's
lips was would the wait be worthwhile, the wait for Jo to return from the
hairdressers that is, and the answer was a resounding…. definitely!! However
little did we know that over 60 hair grips were not only keeping Jo's flowing
locks in one piece but also causing her head to defy the laws of gravity for her
neck.
| A fifteen-minute car
journey with cars loaded with balloons, food and various assorted memorabilia
from Helen's 30 years in this world saw us at our secret location. Helen took
immediate control of the rebellious troops who had been drafted in to help. A
firm hand was needed with some of the slightly immature helpers in the group and
the children were soon left to do all the work. |
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And then
we glimpsed it. The CAKE!!
Lovingly crafted by
Helen's friend Fiona with minutes of perspiration and toil being poured into
every ounce of the cake. Well that’s what we put
the slightly salty taste down to anyway. A few lucky onlookers almost witnessed
a swallow dive performed by Jo from the top step within the hall resulting in
the cake being flattened. Fortunately or unfortunately as the case may be, Jo
managed to steady herself before calamity struck, must have been something to do
with all those hair grips. |
| A quick pep talk from the
landlady who welcomed us with all the charisma of a rotweiller chewing a wasp
disintegrated into childish remarks and gestures made behind teachers' back
whilst she wasn't looking. The phrase soon to be mimicked at every given
opportunity 'When you leave the village late tonight if you could keep the noise
down so that the locals aren't disturbed' soon proved to be like a red rag to a
bull and an open invitation to all! |
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Helen & Fiona
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It was not long before the
venue was ready and we all headed back to Helen's house to prepare for the big
event. A queue soon formed behind Fiona who had managed to grab the bathroom
first. After an hour Fiona emerged looking none too
different as to when she first went in. The five minutes shared between the five
remaining people proved to be too little too late, well that’s our excuse
anyway.
We headed off to the venue
seriously doubting whether anyone would find the pub where the function room was
located. Jason (web-master) offered to drive and three screaming girls raced to
get to his car first. The screams were for real a little later when Jason
explained to the girls that he had just split his trousers and did anyone fancy
a look!! Nice try Jason but how low do you think these girls stoop. Ashen faced
the girls climbed out the car all looking pale and in need of a stiff drink!!
Heavens only knows what they may have spotted down there. Jason disappeared
after we persuaded him that it was probably for the best that he went home to
change his trousers. He was convinced that it was a matter of time before one of
the three girls approached him and his trousers would enable easy access. Now
that’s what I call forward planning.
| t wasn't long before
people actually found the place and started to arrive. The latest
DJs on the Northampton scene Smashy and Nicey rolled up with their
extensive record collection. Kids of few words they may have been but
they played some fine tunes and catered for all tastes, apart for the
old ones who thought that it was just a tad too loud. With their Mum
waiting patiently in the bar we feared that they would have to go home
at 10p.m because they had been naughty during the day!
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(Can
I have your attention please!)
Would The
Real Slim Jo Please Stand Up! |
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IWith all the food laid out
it was time for Jason, who had just returned from his trouser change, to pull up
a chair and dive in. He had bravely driven three ravenous
beauties to their destination. To this day no one explained what
happened on that fateful night or why his trousers got ripped! |
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Smashey & Nicey (Not 'Arf!) |
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| The DJs announced that the
food was now served and the feeding frenzy that occurred was a sight to behold
and Jason was soon joined by another hunting pack that was on the prowl. There
was ample food to go around and even those who didn't have the reactions of an
Olympic sprinter still stood a good chance of getting a second plate of food if
required. |
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The Lovely Fiona
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And now came the piece de
resistance, the cutting of the cake!! Helen pulled out the biggest knife you
have ever seen and Justin, her loyal hubby. Immediately screamed and ran for
cover. A short speech preceded the cutting of the cake and Helen thanked all the
folks for turning out and celebrating her party with her. I considered it to be
well planned because it only clashed with an episode of Casualty and Help I'm a
Celebrity!!
| The time for the
festivities to cease soon came and when the landlady turned the lights off we
knew we had outstayed our welcome. Heading off into the dark, ensuring that we
tooted our horns just loud enough to wake the locals, we looked back on a good
night had by all. New friends made and old friends revisited.
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Only another 10 years before
we all meet up again for Helen's 40th!!!
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