My dad bought me this for passing my O-levels... No, I didn't fail them. Crashed: Thorpe park access road in Egham, minimal damage. I Looked a right twat though.

When: November 1985

First bike I had after passing my test. The second time. Crashed: On a roundabout in Egham, I leant it over until my head hit the ground. I Looked a right twat. Again.

When: September 1986...

This thing was truly mad (back then it was anyway). Crashed: I manged to cartwheel it down a hill. Bits everywhere. Some bloke was walking his dog and saw me rolling on down the hill past him. I'd hit a brick with the front wheel. Allegedly.

When: April 1988

Crashed: Oh yes indeed. My previous attempts at smashing bikes up paled into insignificance with this one. Head on with a car, I went over the bonnet and my girlfriend ( yes I have been known to have them) went over the roof. Best one of the lot I thought, very underrated bike let down by a frame with the tensile strength of cheddar.

When: August 1989

After a brief episode of colour blindness and I bought this one. Crashed: No! I had truly mastered riding upright.. well for a bit anyway.

When: July 1991

What a mistake, put me off sports bikes forever. I sold it six months after I bought it due to the fact that I am not the monkey that the riding position was designed for. Crashed: No way, have you seen how much spares are for these things?

When: Sept 1992

After a few years of staying upright the ground beckoned once again. Crashed: ...and then some. Up the back of a Mercedes on a wet newly surfaced M40. As I was standing next to the wreckage waiting to be picked up, a road engineer told me that it was the most advanced road surface in Britain. He asked me what I thought of it. I told him.

When: February 1993

Crashed: Who can tell... This bike is evil.

When: October 1994

Crashed: No not all, well Ok a little bit. Tried to out brake a Land Rover in Rickmansworth. Failed. Only Minor damage though. What can I say? Another CBR

When: March 1995

Crashed: Not yet.. The night is young though. Everything you've been told about Ducatis is true.. unreliable, tempremental, designed on Friday afternoon. It's just too damn gorgeous to get shot of...

When: May 1997 and still going, when its not cold or wet that is...

Crashed: No... The most irritatingly perfect bike I've had

When: May 2001