Reasons Why You Think You May Have A Drinking Problem

1. You lose arguments with inanimate objects.
2. You have to hold onto the lawn to keep from falling off the earth.
3. Lectures start interfering with your drinking.
4. Your doctor finds traces of blood in your alcohol stream.
5. The back of your head keeps getting hit by the toilet seat.
6. You sincerely believe alcohol to be the elusive 5th food group.
7. That damned pink elephant followed you home again.
8. You believe "Two hands and just one mouth... That's a drinking problem."
9. You can focus better with one eye closed.
10. The car park seems to have moved while you were in the pub.
11. Every woman you see has an exact twin.
12. Beer, Beer, Beer... is all you can say after the 12th one.
13. If you keep asking your wife, "Where are the kids?", but you don't really have a wife. She's actually your sofa.
14. You fall off the floor.
15. You discover in the morning that your liquid cleaning supplies have mysteriously disappeared.
16. Your twin sons are named Barley and Hops.
17. 5 beers has just as many calories as a burger, so you skip dinner.
18. Beer - It's not just for breakfast anymore.
19. The glass keeps missing your mouth.
20. When you go to donate blood they ask what proof it is.
21. You believe your only drinking problem is not having a drink right now.
22. Your idea of cutting back is less Aspirin.
23. Your having a hard time staying on the pavement because you walk in the pattern : left, right, stumble, fall.
24. You wake up in the bedroom, but your underwear is in the bathroom and you fell asleep clothed.
25. When you tell people, "I'm not under the affluence of incohol."
26. You wake up with a traffic cone between your legs.
27. When you tell people, "I'm not drunk... You're just sober."
28. When the landlord actually carved your name onto your own barstool.
29. You don't recognise wife unless seen through bottom of glass.

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